The New M.E. Generation











{August 15, 2016}   The Ex-Friend 48 – Thank God!

My vacation continued without a hitch, that is until my bestie, a former high school classmate of mine (that’s friend of my friend and also lives there), and I received a weird friend request through social media.

The woman in the picture looked underage, with short shorts and shirt in a pose that made her look like those photos prostitutes use to post their ads on Craigslist. The city listed was our hometown.

Bitch, really??? How more obvious can you be? All three of us get the same fake profile, at the exact same time, and you’re so stupid to include the city that my bestie and I are from? You know this information because this guy told you. And, once again, you reaffirmed that you have nothing better to do than spying on our lives 24/7.

You may have said that my bestie doesn’t leave this guy alone, but you clearly are doing the same with us. If you were really sure of ‘your man’ and whatever thing you think you two have, why all this drama? Why are you so obsessed about knowing anything and everything about us?

Why are all those couple photos in your profile? Why do you need to continuously post them (especially old ones) where you are embracing this guy like an octopus does when it has captured its prey (as in ‘this is mine, mine, mine’) to try to make everyone believe that you’ve got the biggest catch of the sea?

Because not everything that glitters its gold. Because when you’re constantly an attention whore and need to get validation from others, there’s a crack somewhere that’s slowly chipping away the surface and revealing the true nature of what’s happening: your relationship (or lack of thereof) is not picture perfect.

My bestie quickly took a screen shot and forwarded it to this guy with a lengthy message that conveyed this bitch has no business sticking her nose on our affairs, that our friendship is our problem, that she has no right insulting us, that he’s been an ass for allowing her to do whatever she wants and not doing anything about it, etc.

As usual, ‘se lo pasó por donde el sol no le brilla’ (he let it pass by where the sun doesn’t shine on him). But my bestie, being the ultra smart woman that she is, documents and saves everything, so if indeed one day this guy decides to show his sorry fat ass and tries to build a whole case against her (and most probably to me as well), my bestie will shut him down even before he starts his opening arguments.

“I will tell you this again: that bitch will never let go of that guy. If you and I hadn’t been part of his life, this story would have probably ended by now. In her mind she won and posts all that garbage on her profile to get back at us. It’s her way of reminding everyone that in the end she’s the one who got the man, that she’s supposedly better than us for achieving that,” said I to my bestie.

“She may say that she forgave him, but she doesn’t trust him,” continued I. “He dumped her once and was playing both of us at the same time (even her), and can do it again. That is, the part of leaving her. And she knows it.

If she dumps him, it means she lost to you and me. It’s open season from there on for either one of us, or both, to get back into the game again. Except I’m not interested.

And her displaying him like a trophy, that’s typical mentality of people like her who are low-class. They think they hit the lottery jackpot by ‘winning’ a guy who is more than her: educated, with a better upbringing, better job. Because she basically grew up with nothing and has nothing else going on for her (and is not making the effort to change that), or ‘owns’ anything, than this guy, they take their ‘property’ very seriously. It’s normal for them to ‘defend’ what’s ‘theirs’ in every way possible.

She thinks she improved her social status, that she’s a success because she made it better than her friends and family. Unfortunately, what has happened here is that when you get involved with someone whose social class is below yours, you end up becoming the same trailer park trash as they are,” continued I.

“Had he stayed with me, none of this would have happened,” said my bestie. “But, that’s what he chose. And everything he has done will end up biting him back.”

“Mark my words, he’s going to die alone,” said I. “Better yet, let that bitch stay with him through his golden years when he can’t work any more, becomes an ever crazier fanatical guy, when his mom is gone, when he gets sick, when all the things that he thought were important are no longer there.

She will be next to him still doing the same show, controlling him, and spying on us on social media like a psycho. She will never stop hating or letting us go. I’m fine with that. She will end up as deranged as him.

That you and I remain friends? Only time will tell. But we’ll definitely have a life way better than theirs. God took this guy away from us because we deserve good, and he knew this person would hold us back to reaching our happiness. That, my friend, is a blessing and we should always be grateful for that,” concluded I.

Thank you!

 

 

 

 

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{August 10, 2015}   Looking Back 46 – Taking note

Life can be contradictory. On one hand, you’re told that no matter what, things will always change, because that’s how the universe works.

But on the other hand, certain changes do happen because other people, circumstances or forces make it happen. It may be so this way, but the ultimate person to complete the process is oneself. And if you don’t, it will always linger like a bad cold you’re trying to shake off.

Case in point, the beach guy reappeared again as he always does in the most awkward moment or inconvenient time for me.

It was a Thursday afternoon and I was having lunch downstairs, outside the office which I don’t do often. I was eating a sandwich at a Deli looking at the news on a TV monitor when he text me.

‘What are you doing?’ asked he. Note: no greeting was first mentioned.

It was one of those busy days at work that doesn’t seem to end and was not in the mood at that moment for anything, other than taking my break and eating. ‘Lunch’ is all I replied.

‘I’m here at –‘ said he. He was located at a city at least one county away.

‘Really? What for?’ replied I. Note: he was coming down my way, but didn’t bother to tell me in advanced.

‘Work. How far am I from you?’

‘Don’t know; a little over an hour depending on traffic?’ He asked me for my address to check the distance, to which he replied after researching, ’50 minutes’.

I knew why he was asking me that. He was probably contemplating if there would be an opportunity to meet. But honestly, with the day I was having, at that instant I wasn’t interested in that at all.

‘How long are you here for?’ asked I.

‘Probably tomorrow night.’

I don’t recall what I replied next, but I completely ignored his hints. I just thought that if he had wanted to see me he should make it happen. I definitely wasn’t in the mood for anything, even less the effort of going to him.

Here’s the thing: I had recently text him if he was coming to my area any time soon and he just said, ‘I don’t know.’ Or if I text him asking him what plans he had for the weekend, he always replied that he was busy, or had his kids, or some other excuse that translated to ‘I’m not interested’.

This has been a situation that has repeated many times over, so why should I react to his local area visit? Spoiler alert: I’m treating you the way you treat me, i.e., I’m not interested.

We stopped the text because he was on a meeting and my break was done.

I could have continued, but I still had my second part of the work day and knew it wasn’t going to be smooth.

I sat back at my desk and kept on working. But his presence gave me a bad aftertaste. It took me back to high school when he was always busy studying and barely dedicated any time to me.

I was always the one looking for him and he would have that look that he had more important things to take care of.

I tried really hard not to think much about his behavior, but after a while it felt like huge rejections that became painful.

I didn’t deserve it, but back then I didn’t know when it was time to step back and walk away, to know when to read the signs that this wasn’t healthy for me, that as much effort and chances one gives to people or situations, some of them will just simply never be.

And that is one hard pill to swallow.



‘Hey, doing anything for Valentine’s since you’re so good at all you do? texted I to the beach guy.

‘Nothing romantic,’ answered he. ‘Have my kids that weekend. You?’

‘No plans; no one to spend it with. At least I have Monday off.’

‘That’s good; I have to work.’

‘You should do something special for your mom and daughters. After all, they’re the real women in you life.’

‘True, but I show my love for them all the time.’

‘I know you do. Guess I was curious to see what you would do. On another note, expect to hear weird medical stories with the 50 thing going on.’

‘Like STD’s?’

‘More like people attempting kinky things and getting hurt. The news were reporting that hardware stores are expecting unusual sales on tape, chains, rope, etc.’

‘Ha! I avoid the news; they’re depressing.’

‘I don’t like reading them either, but this story made me laugh. Why should some people attempt weird things you’ve never done before?’

‘What? You’ve never done anything really outside the box?’

‘Hmm, I guess, yes, but I think I don’t think I need to go too far to feel something I’ve never felt before.’

‘Not interested in hearing some of my experiences?’

‘Nooo! I’m sure they’re plenty and amusing. Maybe you can share another time on the phone or if we see each other again. Now I have to get back to work.’

That conversation happened on a Friday. The next morning, very early, like at almost 3 a.m., I was awakened when my phone vibrated after receiving a text message.

In my half awake, half asleep mode, I thought to myself that either something bad happened or this guy had really taken it seriously about sharing his ‘close encounters of another kind’.

‘So, it’s late. I’ve been thinking about you,’ read the text.

I felt delighted by his comment, but then got nervous. What if he was to unearth a story that had to do with something I didn’t remember? Since it was so early for me (dude, don’t you sleep? Guess not.), I knew it was best to wait until waking up and reply with a clear head. So I did.

‘What about?’ asked I.

‘Just about how nice you are.’

Well, that was nice from him, again. And what a relief that it had to do with me, but in a good way. He didn’t write anything else, so I left it as was.

Throughout the day I kept wondering what if he had mentioned a story related to us that showcased a different shade of me? Would have I liked to hear it? After all, part of my process of getting back to the ‘now’ was putting the pieces together from the ‘then’. Why am I so worried about it? Besides, it’s in the past.

Maybe because all I needed to hear, or perhaps wanted to hear, from him has already been said. Maybe there’s a story about me that’s still bouncing around the outer limits of my mind, waiting to manifest itself again.

Now what, another dream?



It sucks being at work and then getting an email like this one later in the day when you’re ‘brain drained’ and just want your workday to be over and go home.

Knowing how I have evolved throughout the years, not that I needed to think over what I would say or would respond to it; I just didn’t want to use certain words that I don’t normally use.

If I already have decided to end for good whatever was happening because both of us, there was no need to communicate your thoughts in a way it’s not you.

I wanted to convey that I am confident in my position and feelings, not that his behavior has brought the ugly side of me. And that’s not what I want to be remembered for.

Unfortunately that’s how humans are; we remember the bad as small as it may be. We may do good for the longest time, and then we stumble and everyone takes notice. It doesn’t matter if the good outweighs the other; you’re recognized for how deep you fell.

‘Regarding you unfriending me, it came as no surprise. Truth is me being an old girlfriend is not the problem here regarding your relationship.

It has to do with the wife and her insecurities that I’m going to tear the two of you apart. I’m a threat to her and she needs to erase anything that’s considered to be that.

It happened to me when I was married. My a-hole ex made it clear that he didn’t want me having nothing to do with my male friends even when they were just that, friends.

It made me so miserable and isolated, but he didn’t care. It wasn’t about what was the right thing for the marriage; it was all about him and he alone.

I was lucky that my friends forgave and supported me because they love me as the true person I have always been to them.

I’ll tell you this, when the years go by and your daughter grows up and moves away, and you find yourself all alone with or without your spouse, then you will realize what a mistake it was to have let go of all the people that truly loved you. By that time I will have forgotten about you and not really interested in listening to what you have to say.

Let me ask you, would you have done the same if I were in a relationship? You and I know the answer very well.

And regarding this friendship proposal you always present to me, fact is, I’ve been the one who have been writing and reaching out to you.

This means that once I discontinue doing so, because I know you won’t, that’s it; it’s over. You’re not just unfriending me for a while, it’s for good.

Like with other guys I’ve met, if I’m not the one making the effort here, nothing happens.

So, good luck with your life because you will need it.’



‘So I guess you wouldn’t be interested in meeting me? Seems that your previous experiences weren’t good’, read his message.

For being written at such an early morning time, the depth of the content surprised me. I think any other guy would have already suspended communication.

But, above all, it was what he questioned that hit me. I know he meant the younger men, but has there been someone really worth remembering?

My mind went blank right away thinking on this.

Yes, that’s how bad these relationships have been. There may have been positives on them, but it’s not really something that I would share with others, not even for gossip or as a learning lesson.

I also know each person deserves a break and be treated differently, without using other people as comparison to decipher them.

And he approached me, which is totally different from me chasing others in the past.

But, again, is this worth engaging at, even via emails?

‘It is not if I want to meet you or not, but whether it’s worth doing it. I guess we will never know until we go out’, replied I.

I sent the message and sometime later I regretted what I said. I checked my message and he hadn’t responded to it.

‘Disregard what I said before. It sounds as if I was imposing on you. Seeing each other depends if we both feel comfortable in doing so. I’m totally fine if it doesn’t happen’.

I hate to admit that I have a curiosity to meet him, but it’s probably more for the ‘thrill of the adventure’, which in my world has always led to crash and burn.

So, am I taking the jump or not?



I think I got a reply 2 days later, at around 2:57 am.

What? Dude, do you get to sleep at all? I know you’re in graduate school with hopes to go into medicine, but this is not exactly healthy.

Personally, I can’t recall when I was ever up until those hours when I was in college, undergrad or post-grad. As much as I had projects or tests, it got to a point tiredness would take over.

The last time I was awake or went to bed at those hours was for New Year’s.

‘So you’ve done this before?’ read his reply. ‘I’m not looking for anything other than just to get know you better. But maybe you’re not interested.’

This sounds so generic and thoughts that were drafted of whatever brain activity remained when you were up or about to crash on your bed, whoever’s that may have been.

And this part that you’re not looking for anything, it’s not true, since it was you who contacted me first. With that schedule of yours, I doubt you are willing to put time aside to ‘just get to know me’.

Now what? Should I continue the conversation or just ignore it?

Won’t hurt to reply. Besides, we don’t know who each other is in regards to anything personal, so I’m safe.

‘It doesn’t have to do with wherever I’m interested in this or not. I’ve lived that and don’t regret it. My goal is to find someone more of my age for a long-term relationship. If you want to get to know me, maybe I can do that’.

Talking about being unclear, my response surely was worse than his. Am I really going for this again although I want something else? Was is it about this guy that’s shifting me in the other direction?

Getting attention, being told that I’m pretty by a very young guy, the thrill of adventure, doing what I’m not supposed to be doing when I should have learned already, because like so many others like me, we need a dose of drama that fuels our lives.

Side effects to follow.



After this incident, I continued using the dating site, but learned not to get excited about anything that might occur in it.

I continued getting messages from guys in their 20’s, 40’s and 50’s. Don’t know why those in the 30’s weren’t happening.

So, again, either they were too young, or those within my age range looked like their shelf life had happened a long time ago.

Still, it didn’t hurt to open the messages and read what was written. I figured out that, if at least I could laugh about it, it could be worth my time.

Take for instance the profile photo of a 21 year old. It was a selfie of him standing sideways without a shirt and the phone covering part of his face. He also had a tattoo on the arm he used to take the shot.

So, you are showing all of your naked torso, but not your whole face? And what do you really want me to look at, the tattoo or your fitted body? Please…

His message read, ‘Wow, hello beautiful. Would love to meet you.’ For what, so you can show me the rest of you (including other art that you may have)? Besides, he lives way out of my area. Not even worth using my gas on that either.

I know I don’t have to reply, but let’s see what happens when I try to scare him away.

‘Thank you for your message, but what is it you are looking to get out of this when I’m old enough to be your mom?’

Lucky me (or not) he was online and didn’t took long to reply. ‘C’mon it could be fun. We could meet for a movie, drinks, or something.’

Yes, fun for you, not so much for me.

I’ll leave it at that. Not going to reply with a ‘no’ when not doing so equals ‘not interested’. I’ll delete the message later.

All right, what’s next? Is there a message from a 30-something?

Let’s check it out then.



I think I managed to get to the 50 questions that last day I was on the site. I sat down to work on the remaining questions a few days later.

When I logged in, I noticed I already had visitors to my profile and even a few messages.

I started with the visitors and they were pretty bad. The men were within the age range I am considering, but they physically looked much older than what they actually are.

Even more, if they were physically fit (as in a good weight and working out), their bodies looked somewhat worn out. As much as they’re making the effort to take care of themselves, it seems their lives have taken the best of them.

Then I moved to the messages. Again, some of them were from the visitors I just looked at. But, there were others from guys in their early 20’s.

The other thing that struck me was what written in the messages. The older ones would write a few lines with a polite approach: ‘Hello. I came across your profile. I was very impressed by your beauty. You probably get that comment all the time. Hope you reply.’

The younger ones, though, were short and to the point: ‘Damn girl, you’re a hottie! Want to meet for a drink?’

Shoot! This experience has not started well at all!

The guys my age are not what I’m looking for and the young ones are that, too young. The second may have the youth, maybe the goods, a career, and the best things happening for them. But it’s not what I’m interested in.

Besides, I already dealt with that before (please see ‘The Accidental Cougar’ and ‘Another Cougar Moment’ stories).

So, now what? Either way is not good options.

Why does everything that I try to do have to be so difficult?



Alex gave me his phone number and let it up to me to make the first call whenever I felt I was ready to, which I preferred. In the past I have been the one who gave out the number, and the guys would either call me right away, or never called at all.

Either way, it was irritating to me, but probably the second one is worst. With the first you know they’re interesting (in whatever level that may be), but calling right away might also make them look desperate (or extremely horny). Not making the call makes them look like total jackasses. If you are not interested, why ask for the number? I mean, couldn’t you figure that out beforehand?

So, when am I making the call? Hmm, now I’m freaking out. Don’t know why, all is going the way I’ve wanted to. Is it ‘the voice thing’ or maybe the fact that I finally met a guy who has a lot of potential?

All I can say is that I’m very nervous. I haven’t had a relationship with a guy since my separation. I don’t know how it feels to have a relationship any more, to have a man I can call my own. And I still haven’t learned what I am supposed to do if that ever happened again.

I am afraid to make the call because I feel I will handle it all wrong. I am scared to give myself the chance to open my heart to someone else and experience something I used to know how good it felt.



et cetera