The New M.E. Generation











So what happens when a friendship goes wrong?

And I’m not talking about any guy previously mentioned that I’ve tried to do things right.

Believe it or not, I’m referring to my high school friend. Of all people, he’s the one that I felt has betrayed me the most.

So how did it all happened is unclear to me, but will try to figure it out.

Our friendship started during our early teens. My earliest recollection was that he started hanging out with my brother at home. Of all the guys that would come around, he was the only one took an interest in me.

I wasn’t into him in anything at first. With only 13 years, my parents were divorced, my mom went back to work, and I was responsible for many chores at home.

Like all Hispanic cultures, my brother was doing whatever he wanted, including giving attention to his buddies instead of me. Top that with being a freshman trying to navigate school and life in general with no one to lead the way.

My memories included him talking to me every time he would be home, mostly about how I was doing. He seemed genuinely interested in getting to know me and that I were fine. I felt at ease with him and that he wouldn’t do anything to hurt me.

As I later learned, his father had a pharmacy in my neighborhood and that he worked there after school, and the mom had a beauty salon at the building where my dad had his office.

When I had nothing to do, I would walk to the pharmacy with the excuse of having to buy something. I would chat with him for a few and then headed back home. He never got upset with me while there and would always find the time to talk to me. I would later get my hair done with the mom and became a client for several years.

Curiously I never had an emotional interest with him. I never once felt like kissing or hugging him, or display any affection towards him.

After some time of friendship, he conveyed to me very politely that he had some interest in me. I felt very flattered, but never pursued him in any way any more than what we were sharing already.

He respected my way of being, including my feelings towards him, and became the only person I allowed to enter my world as a whole.

He had everything going on for him and I chose not to pursue him romantically. Sounds familiar? Yep, my love/hate relationship with men has run deeper that I thought. And sadly, being then or now, it sure feels the same.

Advertisements


I was still analyzing his question and couldn’t think for an answer. Why is that? Is it because I’m angry with him or it’s just that I’ve had it with questioning myself over this?

“Hmm,” said I, “I want to be with somebody. I’m not asking for much.”

“I don’t think you’re ready for that,” said he.

Say what? Oh no, here we go again with him telling me what I’m apparently feeling when he doesn’t have the full scope of my life then and now.

I was upset with him like before, but didn’t want to loose control of myself and say or do something I would later regret.

“Sorry, but I don’t agree with you. I’ve been alone for quite a while and even have spent some time on my own on purpose to review my whole life in general. I feel I am ready to give a new relationship a try.”

I didn’t want to concentrate all the conversation on me, so I switched to his last relationship. He had told me over the phone it lasted over a year, but ended because she wanted to have a child and he didn’t want any more of his own.

“What about you?” asked I, “You said your relationship ended because of the baby situation.”

“Yes,” said he, “but we loved each other.”

“But she wasn’t really into you in the long run. You were a means to an end, more of a sperm donor if you asked me. Have you stayed with her or not, or she ends up with another guy, once she gets what she wants, she doesn’t need that person any more and will leave him. That’s not love. That’s being selfish.”

I don’t remember how the conversation ‘calmed down’ afterwards, but another element came into play.

Is that rain?



et cetera