The New M.E. Generation











I then decided to reply to him and see where this conversation would lead.

‘Hey, are you also a firefighter?’ asked I.

‘No, just a paramedic’, answered he.

‘So you work every other day.’

‘Yes and at my job right now.’

‘So if there’s no calls you sit by the computer.’

‘Yes, how do you know?’

‘I was once friend’s with a firefighter and had the opportunity to visit the station where he worked. His colleagues were studying, watching TV, or surfing the net. It was a nice experience.’

‘The guy or the station?’

‘Both.’

‘So what happened that you two are not together?’

‘It just didn’t work out. Listen, I had a long day, so maybe we’ll chat some more tomorrow’, concluded I.

It was true that I had a stressful day, but wasn’t in the mood in getting into details about an experience that happened a long time ago (see ‘You Can Be My Hero’).

That particular guy was like the second I met right out of what I’ve always referred to as ‘my past life’. Right now I don’t need to dwell on the reasons of why we stopped even having a conversation.

There was a time when I was upset about the whole incident, but now it just feels like a blur, or perhaps something lived out of a movie or something.

I have no regrets about it or feel any more anger towards him or the moment. In simple words, it wasn’t meant to be and wouldn’t have worked out in the present either.

If I take a humorous approach to it, all I can say is, ‘what was I thinking?’ That maybe something extraordinary could happen, that I was meant to be rescued by someone I barely knew, when in fact I started rescuing everything that I represented and the new life I had barely started to live.

I sometimes think about Bryan and how we met, and the brief moments we shared. He wasn’t really a bad person. He was just someone who was different from me in so many ways in personality, life experiences, upbringing, and else that I’m certain now it never stood a chance of becoming anything.

And then there’s me. I always strive for in having achieving something as minimal as a friendship. That’s the semi-romantic side of me that wants to say, ‘something positive came out of this’.

If I look at that, then I can say that this guy came into my life because he was the type of person I needed to meet when I had just re-started this whole dating craziness.

He came, he gave, and then he left when the alarm went off and was time to go, that’s all. I have no regrets and that’s the way it should be.

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“I’m fine,” said Johann. “How long has it been since we last spoke?”

“My last memory was you telling me in your card that you were getting married and couldn’t write to me any more,” said I.

“Actually, it was my wife who told me to do that. I was upset about it, but what could I do? I’ve always regretted it.”

“Well, if it gives you any comfort, I got rid of most of your letters when I got married. I regretted it too, especially after he left me. But, you and I did what we thought we had to do for the sake of our relationships.”

“I’m sorry that happened to you. You know, I was really into you. I wanted to finish my education and fly out to see you again. I would have had a relationship with you, even taken it to the next level, have I been given the chance.”

“What, for real? We were so young! How did you know I was the one for you when we weren’t even living in the same country?”

“That’s how much I had feelings for you.”

“Well, I will say this: life sure has a way of taking care of things.”

Wow! I did have lots of feelings for him, but I think part of them were of being ‘enamored’ with the long distance aspect and he being a foreigner in the navy.

But it was now that I learned how serious he had been about me. What he said was a very powerful statement.

Johann didn’t have a lot of time to talk so we wrapped it up. It may have been brief, but so much was said (and felt).

I couldn’t get off my mind the fact that had there been the opportunity we could have ended up together.

It’s ironic to think that my ‘x’ said to me that he knew he would marry me after our first date. I questioned him about it and he kept saying, ‘I just knew’. It sounded romantic at the time, but after all I went through, it later felt he really didn’t put much analysis into this, if that.

What about me? What relates to men, I thought I had it all figured out when I got involved with him. I knew being married wasn’t going to be easy, but felt confident I could make it work.

Still, how much guarantee do we have of anything working out, no matter at what age? Answer is, none.

But, like I told Johann, life took care of things because it protected us from a situation it wasn’t meant to be.

If I am right about this, why didn’t it take care of that other guy?

What have you got to say now ‘life’?



When we got to the topic of love, we had to accept that there was sparks between us, probably more than we had before. Although I don’t remember it, the feeling was stronger this time around.

I found myself thinking about him all the time, waiting to receive a call, text or email from him. It was as if I was having a long distance relationship.

He became my friend again and I went as far as to trust him with my most personal secrets, something which I have not done with any other guy, or even with my closest friends.

I felt I finally found ‘the guy’, that someone who should had come into my life in the first place and stayed for good. But, why didn’t it happen previously?

“The last time we saw each other was before I graduated and left school,” said he. “I know we exchanged telephones and else, and spoke a few times afterwards, but at some point we lost complete contact with each other.

At that time I didn’t know what I was doing with my life, and I just wanted to get out of there. I stayed briefly around the area and then moved overseas for many years before coming back to the US. I basically disconnected from pretty much everything and everyone that related to school.”

“Even from me?” asked I. There was a brief pause on the call.

“Like I said, I just wanted to leave. And I don’t recall you showing interest in keeping in touch with me.”

“Because you probably told me of your plans beforehand and, who was I to stop you? I mean, I still had another year to go, and neither had an idea about the future.

Most likely I felt that the best thing for both of us was to let you go. And I did in such a way that I completely erased you from my memory.

That’s why I feel so sad inside and don’t remember because I blocked it so it wouldn’t hurt any more than it did.

I knew it was not meant for us to be together, and now you’re back, and I’m feeling all that I felt before, and still can’t have you either.

I don’t understand why life is doing this to me. You’re the only descent guy that has come to my life since my divorce, and it can’t happen yet again.”

Why can’t things be different for me? Why did he have to come back?



I did take a break of speaking with Alex for a while, and so did he. I had no idea of his whereabouts, and his lack of communication made me feel he was still pretty upset with me.

I kept telling myself that the best thing to do was not making any effort in contacting him in any way. But Thanksgiving was coming up and the sentiment behind this holiday was making me reconsider this situation.

For me it was a time to put aside all those bad feelings and come together for the blessings received during the year. This included having meeting him and his friendship.

Maybe the timing is perfect to clear out all that happened before and start (or end) in a much favorable way.

But I was wrong, yet again. He didn’t answer my call nor returned it, leaving me with a bittersweet aftertaste. It made me feel he was still totally upset with me. Even more, he couldn’t put aside how he felt and appreciate my ‘peace treaty’ attempt.

I can accept he doesn’t want anything with me, but not even having the courtesy to thank me and wish me well? Ouch! That’s such a killer.

So, in the end, I ‘ended’ where it all started; alone and without a friend, guy or anything. He made his choice and there’s nothing else for me to do.

I tried to come to terms with it and can only conclude that it was not meant to be. Blame it on timing, our insecurities, our past, the change of weather, whatever.

Was it worth it? Don’t know and I’m not going to dwell on it.

All I can say is, ‘it happened.’ That’s it.



et cetera