The New M.E. Generation











{June 13, 2016}   The Ex-Friend 39 – I say so

As the months progressed, I kept in touch with my then friend’s former high school GF. The more we shared and compared stories, the more upset and insulted I became of all the lies that this guy said to me and I kept believing for the longest time.

It was a feeling of having been living in the dark, to then have the biggest revelation ever, and seeing everything in its true light. It’s not a ‘I did not see that coming’ situation, but rather one that was finally laying out the reality that I so needed to know.

It’s not an easy process; it’s like someone dear to you passes away unexpectedly and you’re trying to figure out the why’s of everything, to eventually having to ‘bury them’ for your own good in an emotional place that you won’t remember later it’s there.

Even though I wasn’t following him on social media, I was curious to know about his whereabouts from time to time, hoping one day his toxic relationship would abruptly end like the first time. I know it’s not right to wish bad things to others, but with him, I think my hatred was as close as the one I had with my ‘x’.

Still, I kept his mom out of all this and would contact her every so often just to know how she was doing. At one point I called her and we chatted without either one mentioning him.

After that I think I called back around Mother’s Day, but this time the conversation took a turn.

“Emma, are you upset with my son or something?” asked she.

I paused and thought it over before giving her an answer. “Well, yes, I am. I had told him that if he went back with that woman that I wanted no business with him. When I saw them together again in social media and questioned him about that, he told me they weren’t together, which is not true,” answered I (restraining myself from saying ‘he lied to me’).

“She has changed 360 degrees,” continued she referring to that low class bitch. “And they’re planning to get married in October.” I felt my heart getting hit with a fist and chocking.

“I don’t know about that, but he wanted to have a relationship with me as a couple, to which he proposed to me several times,” said I. She didn’t comment on that. “He had also told me that, no matter what, he was to spend new year’s with you and I was invited to join you both.”

“He was unable to make it because he’s working so much.” (Lady, please, stop defending him.)

“The guy I knew would have been honest about anything that related to us both. And if he couldn’t make it for the end of the year celebration or anything else, after trying exhaustively to make it happen, he would have told me and apologized in advance, not leave me in limbo like he did.” I felt like saying ‘waiting like an idiot for him to tell me’.

The mom gave a response that I don’t quite recall, but somewhere along the lines of trying to justify her son’s actions again, to which I then said, “I am treating him the same he taught me I should treat men.”

There was another ‘5-second delay’ or more from her. I can’t recall either what she said next, but she abruptly ended the conversation, probably realizing that anything she said about this guy that related to me I would discredit immediately or, better just, step on it like a bad insect you want to get rid of.

‘Sorry, but you’re not winning this one’ was basically my attitude in this talk. Sad to think that this guy was a carbon copy of his mom; they both thought they knew everything or had all the answers to it all, that others were to blame for their circumstances (‘we’re fine and you’re not), except that the mom didn’t fight back when confronted with the truth like he has been doing.

I used to feel sorry for the mom, but not any more after this call. I know she’s old and dealing with a medical condition. But after all the while she has known me, she didn’t make any effort of siding with me at least once?

“¡Eso no sirve!” (that’s not worth it!) is what he always told me. True that. Lesson learned.

 

 

 

 

 



Now I was the one who dropped the bomb.

“What do you mean?” said Alex very surprised. The roles were reversed, as he didn’t see this one coming.

“It’s simple. If I no longer go out with you, I’ll proof to you that I’m not with you because I don’t want to be alone or that I need anything from you.”

Alex didn’t know what to say (role reversal again). “You don’t have to take such a drastic measure.”

“Well, it’s the only way that I know. And I’m in no position in trying to proof you wrong when I don’t think anything will work while I’m still seeing you. My feeling is nothing that I do will be good enough.”

“So what happens now?”

“If you still want to see me, I will continue as your friend. But if I have to modify my behavior or act in a way to prove your point, forget it. I have been true to you and myself throughout this time, and I’m not going to change.

I did that far too long when I was married; having to proof, what, when I hadn’t done anything wrong.”

“Sounds to me you’re not facing this situation” said Alex.

“Sounds to me you’re not dealing with your insecurities and are throwing them at me. You think I’m the one with the problem. It’s always easier to place the blame on other things or people.

What you should do is ask yourself why you are with me and maybe you will find the conclusion to this whole situation.”

We kept our ‘conversation’ and I definitely was not going down ‘without a fight.’ Strange, though, I felt very empowered and confident on my position. I wasn’t questioning myself on anything I was saying or doing.

Why am I with him? Maybe because I needed to finally see how much I’ve grown; that I don’t need anyone to question me or make myself doubt of who I am; or that I need someone next to me to feel good about my whole existence or fill a space within me.

That I don’t want to be alone? True, who doesn’t? But, you know what? I’ve been getting along like that just fine.



Nope, I did not see this one coming, and it was a first for me when Alex told me the following over the phone. “I would like you to spend the night with me.”

Holy! What? Say again? Did I get that right? My internal ‘mute’ button quickly activated. My mouth was open and my eyes were circling around while my mind analyzed what I just heard.

“Aah…(pause) Do we have to have sex?” is all I could ask.

“Nothing will happen that you don’t want to.”

(What are you saying? I’m still trying to decipher the first part.) “OK?…”said I.

“Is that a yes?”

“OK as in I guess I understand what you are asking of me? You have caught me off guard again and I’m speechless.”

“I know I’ve really put you in a difficult spot. My intentions are true for you and will never hurt you. Think about it and whatever you decide I will be fine with it,” concluded he.

We agreed that I was going to do that and meet again to discuss. Why meet? We’ve been doing most of our conversations online or by phone and it was understood this type of matters needed to be addressed the old fashioned way: face to face.

I sat back on my sofa, the place I’ve done a lot of thinking and decision making in the past. Many of them have involved a lot of pain and crying, and now was one of those moments.

Alex’s proposition was a very serious one to me. He wanted a committed relationship and me, not yet. He obviously was not into this for just the fun of it and neither was I.

But he also said that ‘nothing would happen unless I wanted it to.’ OK? So, if I decide to get in bed with him just to sleep (and don’t want to have sex!), will he leave me alone the rest of the night?

Get real Emma! He’s a guy! He’ll say anything to get you to his bed and then some! Do you honestly think he won’t do anything when he has a girl next to him??

Hmm, I wonder that too. I mean, he hasn’t tried to kiss me or expressed any type of emotions physically like hugging or holding hands. So, there’s a possibility he might actually be telling the truth.

Now I’m really curious to find out. Maybe instead of being afraid about this, I should go for the non-sex approach and see what happens.

Talking about putting this guy to the test.



et cetera