The New M.E. Generation











“Why are we having this conversation again?” asked I. “Why is this such a concern to you?” I gave this guy a very serious look. He gave me a blank stare back and didn’t respond immediately to my inquiry.

It was somewhat upsetting that he was sort of ‘laying the law’ when first, he barely knew me and, second, was trying to convince me that he was really knowledgeable about the topic.

And, besides, if there’s nothing to happen here, why the concern, or is it that? What is it that he’s really trying to tell me? Perhaps warn me?

Is it that maybe he doesn’t want me to have a distraction away from him or it has to do with my age, as in, ‘don’t put your time on something when you don’t have that’, meaning you’re not getting any younger?

“Just saying,” said he. “Don’t you think it would be much easier to find someone locally?”

“Like I told you before, I’ve tried that already and it hasn’t worked out the way I hoped for. I’m not going to stop trying and if going outside the box is a possibility, I will try that too.”

I don’t recall what else went down in the conversation. After dinner he helped me clean up and even sat down to watch TV in my living room in spite of previous his criticism regarding its size.

It wasn’t that late when he told me he had to go, as he had lots of homework for the next day. This sounded like the Cinderella story; what would he turn to when the clock strikes midnight? I wouldn’t be surprised he has other plans, like meeting up with another woman, but I was glad he was gone. The night has evolved as far as it should.

I finished the clean up and went to bed not really reviewing the night. But when I woke up, I felt a huge sense of emptiness and sadness.

I stayed in my bed, laying back, staring at the ceiling, considering the nature of my emotions. I was fine last night and now this.

I know nothing will happen here with this guy, that I need to experience life more, so why these emotions?

Simple, at the end of the day, I’m back where I started with this guy thing, without one.

I guess I already know what will happen next: we might see each other one last time, maybe text or talk a few more until all vanishes into oblivion by itself. I will stop communicating and so will he, and that will be it.

Been there, done that. What am I doing about it? Nothing. Next…!



My vacation was going very well. The days were beautiful and my school friend and I were doing more things that we had planned for.

It was on our second day of the trip that we traveled to his college town. I had visited him during those years and we drove around the beach and other places he had taken me to before. It sure was a trip down ‘memory lane’.

We took photos and everything, and I was glad to be at a location I thought I would never get to visit again. My friend decided to go for a swim, but I opted to sit and enjoy the view.

While he was swimming, I became very nostalgic. The last time I was here was 20+ years ago and, as it has been pretty much my entire life, I questioned my whole existence.

It has been a difficult year and I had no sense of direction of what was to happen next or how I was going to get to the next level.

My friend knew I have been unhappy with anything related to me for the longest time. I was trying to show my best face possible, like in the past, but it wasn’t all working.

I am now older, perhaps wiser, but still pretty much lost. I am at a stage in my life that all I wish for is quite simple: find a man, have a home together, and maybe a family.

I know life is not picture perfect as others have told me (including him) and that the grass is not always greener on the other side.

So, how do I take things from here while sitting at the beach? Don’t have a clue. Hopefully the ocean water will wash all my sadness away.



et cetera