The New M.E. Generation











I was still trying to get over the cancelled event and annoying ‘no-phone’ situation, so I made a move I thought would probably backfire at me: I called him.

I did it because I wanted to see how he would react and determine if this was another guy I just needed to shelf away sooner than later.

I called, went to voicemail. Don’t recall if I left a message or not. Incredibly, he called back. It was a quick conversation; he sounded rushed and not into exchanging much conversation. Can’t recall the content of it, but I did mention that ‘if I call you is because it’s something important’.

I know I’ve respected his position, but this was totally unnecessary for me to say. I should be able to call and speak to anyone I want. He’s the one with the problem.

If he understands that because of my age (he thinks I’m no older than 35 [a.k.a., a millennial]; which I’m not on both) and a woman that engages in mindless conversation representative of my supposed generation and gender, then he’s really someone who needs to get updated, as the person acting like one is him.

I put the incident aside and continued limiting my morning commute texting. As Friday was winding out, I got his message about meeting for lunch the next day. I accepted again.

Next morning I followed up. He reconfirmed, mentioned he had been working out, and if I would mind him wearing a shirt and bermudas. “That would be fine with me,” said I. I’ll give him credit that at least he asked.

The location is inside a mall in their restaurant floor, so when I entered the area from the opposite side of the door to the eatery, I could see LZ1 outside waiting for me.

When we finally came face to face and heard him say, “so glad we finally meet!” with a laugh (or a live lol), I said to myself, ‘what’s with his tone of voice? sounds squeaky’. It was one of those ‘now I know why’ moments (remember the ‘no phone calls’ thing?).

But after we sat down and the nervousness went away, the conversation flowed quite well. So much that I wondered why this wouldn’t carry over the phone.

From my side, he was courteous, well-behaved and mannered, and didn’t say anything that was concerning to me just yet. Like those comments that makes you realize that there’s nothing in common, or having a particular way of being so different from yours it will always be an issue (like smoking, being a veggie, for example).

We both stayed away from getting into details about our personal life, including marital status, children, and dating experiences.

Overall I was happy with the outcome of the day. I know it will take a lot more to get a better overview, but so far it was a good start.

LZ1 walked me to my car. Before I took off, I stood in front of him, smiled, and thanked him for such a nice time. I then let him do the talking.

He sort of got nervous again and asked ‘if I would be interested in seeing him again, maybe spent time together during the summer’, to which I said ‘yes’ in a cordial way. He then gave me a quick kiss on my lips and left. That was it.

His car was parked in another lot; I know I could have suggested taking him to it, to finally see it up close and personal, but I’ve learned my lesson: if a guy is interested, he will let you know.

Coincidentally, that night I also met up with my BFF (the one that scolded me about the gas station incident). I wore the same thing I did for the lunch, to which she complemented me.

When I shared that I had lunch with this guy a few hours earlier, she showed some surprise and interest. I spoke about it in a neutral tone of ‘let’s see what happens’. She still wasn’t that much impressed and reiterated again that she hoped all ended favorably.

As the day finally came to an end and went to sleep, my mind was again spinning a million thoughts like the first time I encountered LZ1. Instead of being happy and excited, I was staring at the ceiling. And that’s a scary place to be at, because when it does, it can only mean one thing: here’s comes those bad feelings again.

 

 

 

 

 



{September 26, 2016}   The Swipe – Left or right

I met with Dina for Sunday brunch. It has been a while since we’ve gotten together. She invited some other girlfriends of her to join us as well.

I personally don’t mind that because it’s always good to meet new people and just have plain conversations about anything. Of course, the topic always turns to men.

I don’t know how it came up, but one of the other women started talking about these new mobile dating apps that are super easy to use. I’ve heard about those that you see a photo of the person with some basic info like first name, location, work title (if provided), and deciding if you like the person or not, you simply swipe right for yes, left for no.

The next step is that, hopefully, the person that you liked had done the same for you previously and a connection is established. It’s then up to you to try to continue with such connection, as you only have about 24 hours to communicate with the other person before it’s lost for good. Sound simple, but it pushes you to take quick action.

The woman opened her profile to show me the app. I noticed the age range and it was in the mid to late 30’s. There were many nice looking guys for her to consider.

I kept looking at what the app provided and also at her. She had a friendly personality, nicely dressed, has a good job, and is in the same situation as me. We have qualities that any guy would wish for (I think) and we can’t find someone. How crazy is that?

I downloaded the app while still there, but didn’t open it, as I felt it would be disrespectful from my part. I may try to be digitally up-to-date, but will not act like the current generation that its glued to their device every waking moment. This you handle in privacy when you get home. And I did.

I opened the app once I settled down, created the profile, added photos, etc., and off I went. The results were a bit of everything: some men looked good enough to consider; others looked way older than me; others were definitely a no right from the first photo appearing; others had photos at different ages; others had photos other than themselves (kids, dog, beach, stupid GIFs or memes). You name it, I saw it.

But before you do the swipe, you have to read the location of where each one lives and any information they might have provided that sheds some light as to what they want.

There were some that were just too far away for me, meaning it will always be difficult when having to see each other. Doing the ‘meet you in the middle’ will not work in the long run.

Other closer locations I consider ‘manageable’; they’re easy to get to or are ones that I could consider moving to in the future if anything became serious. I know I’m jumping ahead of myself, but you have to consider any scenario from the start, not later, and avoid the ‘it’s complicated’ dilemma.

Others, after reading the info, including their profession, you just realize you have nothing in common, or they’re out of your (and their) league. I am trying to be as open as possible to anything out of my comfort zone. But there’s some people that you just know by the way they’re behaving in the photos, what they’re wearing, or other physical aspects, that it will never happen, not even if the planets aligned or the world is about to end. Not only do you know, you feel it.

And the ‘out of league’, those guys that spend every available time in the beach, gym, or similar activities, want someone like them. Period. End of story.

Ladies, take it from me: they’re not going to stop pumping irons with their buddies or change their schedule for you, unless you do so for them or are into the same thing. The ‘trophy woman’ will not work unless you’re into bodybuilding or have a jacked-up body.

Other ‘outs’ (as mentioned above), include those that claim that travel constantly (pleasure or work), or have photos attending some fabulous event. This may look very chic and glamorous, but unless you’re in those inner circles, have the money to be a globetrotter, or afford to be at the level of those activities, chances are you will not be the woman for him.

It also applies to guys who are CEO’s or entrepreneurs. I’m not saying to sell yourself short, but these guys who are very successful, want women who are accomplished in a similar business/corporate measure.

You may be happy with your job and feel fulfilled with what you do, but if you’re not even close to where he is professionally, you will always look second place next to him, maybe a bimbo, or someone who’s with this guy for some personal agenda you have.

Don’t get me wrong; you may have your self-esteem and confidence in the right place and will not feel intimidated, but it will become an issue somewhere in the long run.

Also, stay away from guys who say they’re in town for a week. You’re not an escort (and have no idea what they left behind back home). Believe me when I say he won’t remember you once he’s gone. All they want is that their ‘layover’ turns into ‘getting laid over and over’ again.

Unfortunately, life is not fair, on anything. It’a jungle out there, even for finding a guy. So if you’re ready for this technology, then get your finger ready and start swiping.



{October 12, 2015}   The Ex-Friend 5 – Making a move

My time abroad was short lived. Six months into being there, things changed on the project my then husband was working, so it was best to leave, but this time we were to go to the U.S., to the state he was born and raised.

It was a move I always wanted to do, but the transition wasn’t easy. We didn’t have a job, were living with family and me adjusting wasn’t easy.

I didn’t have anything in common with family and friends; had no credit to show for myself, so getting even a store card wasn’t happening. My job experience was in another country and was even questioned if my studies were done at an accredited school.

We were starting from zero when other couples were already settled down. There was a lot going on that would eventually burst the bubble years later.

Eventually all would level down, including moving into a home and reconnecting with my friend. I have no recollection how I learned he had also moved to the states to work with the same company, or how I got his personal and work phone numbers.

I would communicate with him the same way as before, leaving a message and waiting for him to call back. When we spoke, the topics were always the usual and discussed in the same order: how we were, how was work, family, and any news that was important to share.

But this time I was doing the calls from a home office when my ‘x’ wasn’t around. He had expressed to me that he didn’t liked me speaking with my male friends, even though he knew nothing ever happened between us. I resented my ‘x’ deeply for this, but tried to manage it the best way possible.

As time progressed, my then friend switched jobs about 3 times. I think he lost the job with the airline, went back home, then worked with a cargo company, and came back to the states yet again.

One occasion he was here in town for work and all 3 of us had dinner together. It was great seeing him. My ‘x’ didn’t spoke a word the whole night.

There was a second time my friend was in town, but it was during the first period that my ‘x’ left home. I was so confused and scared, I declined having dinner with him, fearing it would make matters worth with my situation. That’s how overwhelmed I was. This was probably the first time I said ‘no’ to my friend.

I don’t recall how much I told him about what was happening or if he commented anything about it, but I would imagine he made himself available for anything he could do for me.

Maybe he didn’t say much because of how delicate the situation was. One thing’s for sure and that was that he would always be on my side, no matter how bad things turned out for me.

He was my friend, period, in the good and bad, for better or worse, in sickness and health, until another kind of ‘death’ did us part.



The rude woman didn’t waste time showing up. I don’t even think it was nighttime when I met her with the roommate. And was I about to get a whiplash.

She was way older than him (like old enough to be his mom) and not that pretty. He wasn’t handsome either. His physical demeanor was one of ‘I don’t give a crap if you don’t like what I do’.

When he opened the room door I got a ‘rude awakening’. There was a nasty smell coming from it and barely any furniture. There was a mattress with no frame on the floor and the sheets were undone. Plus, the whole space looked like it hadn’t been cleaned in ages.

I couldn’t understand many things. For starters, how could you live in an apartment with someone who’s character was the total opposite of you, like in cleanliness and organization? Someone you have nothing in common with except sharing the same college major?

I’ve heard of ‘opposite poles attract’, but this made no sense. My roommates and I have had opposites that distinguished each person individually, but there were at least some denominators that could join us.

Second, what is this relationship, especially with the age difference? I didn’t know what a cougar was at the time, but I didn’t sense anything lovable between these two.

Although I wasn’t romantically involved with my friend, there was still a true love and respect for one another. It was hard for me to comprehend that these two were together for other reasons beyond affection.

In other words, do you have to go to such extremes to get what you want or need? What is it that people your own age are not giving you?

Then it got me thinking, what were the real motives behind the past relationship with my ex-boyfriend? Analyzing it now, yes, there was a true intention from him. But I was seeing someone else when I met him and this guy went after me in such a way I eventually fell for him.

Why? Because I was getting the emotional attention (way too much of it) that I so much needed at the time.

But as with everything, time is not always on your side. As I grew and felt I matured way beyond his years, I felt I needed other things from life that he could no longer provide. That’s why I eventually ended up with someone else who did give me what I needed.

So going back to these two, why are they here? What were they getting from each other?

And what about this guy and me? I know we’re good friends, but is it all he feels only reserved for friends? Do I feel the same? Did I make this trip just for me?

As far as I remembered, yes, my feelings for him were those reserved for great friends. And, yes, I’m here for me, but treating him the way he treats me, and most of all, I guarantee you I won’t leave any leftover messes behind.



The bar was quite a nice place to sit down and enjoy the night, as it allowed to being more relaxed and less formal from sitting at a table. There was even music playing. I was feeling surer of myself already.

“Do you want to have a drink first and then move to a table?” asked he.

“I’m fine staying and eating here. The ambience is quite nice.”

When it was time to order the drink, I made the mistake of asking for a mixed one, which I normally don’t.  I thought because I had munched at home I would be fine.

But when I tasted it, damn, the effects really hit me hard inside, like in my stomach, and how it felt was not good. It was like a bomb. Then the second one touched ground.

“So,” asked he, “tell me about yourself.” (Small talk here it comes.)

“Well, I’ve been single for a couple of years now…”

“Shit happens.” (That’s not nice! I was very disappointed by his comment, but I wasn’t going to show it.)

“Yes, it does,” said I. I said it just to keep the conversation going.

He then asked me what I did for a living, fun and else. I answered that my life was not that different from others. I work, get home, exercise, make dinner, clean up, go to sleep, etc., and take care of things during the weekend.

Regarding fun, I would usually meet with my girlfriends for a drink and maybe share an appetizer or two, either at a bar or someone’s home. There were all inexpensive and simple, allowing us to chat and share an update of our lives.

On the other hand, this guy had nothing in common with me, other than he didn’t have children. He’s never been married, works hard and equally plays so, which I already knew. Whatever conversation followed did not have much substance, so the best effort was made to keep the night as enjoyable as possible.

I kept drinking so I wouldn’t have to talk much and cover my angry face, but eventually it caught up with me. My stomach was getting upset too.

How can this date be saved from sinking? Food?



The email exchange continued for another week or so when Alex finally asked me the question I was afraid the most to hear. No, it wasn’t ‘do you want to meet?’ but rather, ‘do you want to talk on the phone?’

Aaah, I guess so… Hey, can’t be that bad (or can it?) It’s still ‘safe’ over the phone (well, depends how ‘deep’ the conversation gets). There’s no direct physical contact of any kind, and you still have a chance to back down afterwards if you feel the connection ‘gets lost.’

Unfortunately, there are times when you realize you don’t have anything in common with another person right after you start talking to them. I’ve had a lot of that with Alex so far, but we might come to the realization that we are actually living in two different worlds.

In a certain manner, your voice is one of the determinants of finding your match including those of your upbringing and the way you’re dressed.

Yes, I think it’s time for us to speak. It’s time to take this a step further, just as it was agreed.

So, it is a ‘yes.’



et cetera