The New M.E. Generation











“Hey, there’s a possibility of a job opening back in the state I swore I would never go back to,” said he in a call I received out of the blue.

“What? Are you serious?” asked I, more concerned about him going back to that place than the job actually happening.

“I contacted a guy I’ve worked with before that helped me get the position there the last time, as it seems he might be able to do it again. I filled out all the paperwork and waiting to get it all approved, etc.,” continued he. “I’ve been praying over this for many days and if this is where God wants me to go, then that it will be. Don’t know the reason why, but sooner or later I will.”

“Listen to me well; if you go back to there and get involved with that woman, I don’t want to hear it,” said I in an upsetting tone. In spite of all his complaints and bad remarks regarding his ex-girlfriend, to which I have listening to for about 2 years, I’ve seen before how people go back to toxic relationships, and with his behavior shifting so abruptly, combined with the denial that his time with the bitch was a total disaster, plus his religious fanaticism that had him in a delusional state that made him believe he could fix anything broken by just faith, making it a sure bet it would all repeat again.

It took a few months for all to get completed and off he went. He was again in a one-year contract, so considering the location and bad association with it, plus the failure in his one-month stint in the Pacific, I was holding my breath that at least he would find a way to stay there for the duration of the job.

His argument again was religious, which was still making me puke. I was sick of hearing about the endless hours praying at church, or that ‘someone else’ had made the decision for him or told him what to do. Oh, and he was strapping for money, of course.

Because he was financially bad, he went to live in a room at a buddy’s house of his to save some money until he could get a place of his own (“the Lord is good with me; everything is falling into place). Barf bag, please.

I sort of distanced from him shortly after he started working, not because I wanted him to concentrate all his efforts in what he was doing, but because I couldn’t stand any more how a ‘higher power’ was granting him all that he wanted and making all that he did seem so smooth and effortless; that he had achieved everything because of his faith and non-stop praying.

All that I wanted from him was to just shut up, work, and take a break from worrying again what the next step would be when the job ended.

Bonus if he comes back to visit his mom, invites me, and he is back to his old self.

Will ‘the power above’ work on my favor? Well, like he always said, “I’ll leave it in his hands.”

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One day to the next he was back to the U.S. Everything was so confusing and happened so quickly, that it didn’t give me time to process his move and abrupt return. I was still as confused about everything as when he announced that he was leaving.

Because he had no place to live, he opted to go stay with his mom. This way, he could save money while he found another job. Plus, he could spend some time with her, which was important to him due to her health.

He had also mentioned to me that going back to the state where he lived with the classless girlfriend wasn’t an option.

He simply hated how expensive it was to live there, a responsibility he took on himself entirely because she never worked due to language or residency issues.

On top of that, her son didn’t worked either, so he ‘paid for everything and these two were totally ungrateful to me. They never appreciated anything I did for them.’

He hated that location so much and everything it represented, that ‘when I passed the state line while moving, I felt like ripping the license plate off my car and throwing it away as far as I could.’

I clearly remember when he told me on the phone. His tone was one of being highly disgusted, of not having anything good to say about his years there. I could even imagine his face all boiled up and angry.

Looking back it’s scary to realize now how diabolic he sounded, like someone who wanted to take revenge on his ex and had started taking the first steps into that by leaving.

It’s diabolic in the sense that he was conjuring up a plan to inflict some pain on her for what she had done to him.

Once again, I didn’t think much of him then. I never saw him as one who would let his anger take over him and make him do what you never expected he would.

Once he settled in his mom’s house, he remained sort of quiet with me. I had recently started a new job and he didn’t want to invite me over yet so ‘I could concentrate on what I was doing.’ According to him, he ‘wanted me settle down on the job first and foremost.’

He was himself going through the change of being back and else. Curiously he wasn’t saying much about himself, which was kind of odd. It was a feeling that, for now, it was all about me and new stage in my life.

I knew he was unhappy with his life, but being with his mom sort of calmed him down and seemed he was slowly getting back to being his old self, at least that’s what I was perceiving.

Truth is, even when having people close to you, there’s always an internal distance that separates you from them. There are always storms within us that sometimes get too big to control, and you never see them coming until they hit you.

And when they do, they break you apart in such a way that even the best reconstruction efforts will always leave dents within your foundation. You may fix things, but they’ll never be the same, ever.



The days went by and no sign of Ivan. To be honest, I was caught up with finishing the work year and looking forward to the vacation days that I forgot about him. It had been hectic at work and really needed some ‘me’ time. I just wanted to enjoy the holidays and end the year in a good note.

It wasn’t until New Year’s Eve that he resurfaced just as he said he would.

“Hey, I’m back in town and my sibling is visiting. What are you doing tonight?” text he.

I was surprised he actually contacted me, but even more that he invited me to celebrate this day with a family member.

“I actually have plans for tonight. But would love to meet up with you and your sibling some other time, perhaps tomorrow?” answered I.

He didn’t reply to my text. I was getting ready for the night, but also nervous that perhaps I was missing on an opportunity to see him, so I text him again.

“Maybe we could meet later after midnight?” text I.

Why not? I am the one complaining that nothing happens with guys and that my social life needs to improve. So then let’s do something really out of the norm for me. These moments happen rarely and this day only once a year.

No reply. Guess he was expecting another answer? Now what? Switch to ‘desperate mode’ and call him.

But, he went back to his old self: no answer. I left a voice message summarizing what I wrote, that would love to get together with him and other person, either tonight, tomorrow or whenever convenient for him, and to please call me back.

Of course, that didn’t happen. I got somewhat upset, but quickly put it aside. This end of the year, I wasn’t allowing any guy to make me feel guilty about anything.

It has really been many difficult years, but slowly and surely, I’ve grown personally and spiritually to levels it has taken me plenty of effort to achieve. And I just wanted the next year to be better than before.

That I’ve hadn’t had a guy next to me at midnight ever since being single? True, but I know it won’t be forever.

Some people have come and gone and I have lived through the best and worst. May still not have a clue about the future and how I will get there.

But I am here still and at peace with myself, and tonight this is all that matters to me.



et cetera