The New M.E. Generation

Oh, no, the bar is the one that I’ve come across one of those past guys that resurfaced ages later when I thought I would never cross path with ever again. I don’t know why I felt somewhat nervous about going there because when I saw that guy I’m referring to, I was talking to another guy and I completely ignored him.

The other guy even waved at me and I did to him with a ‘blah’ face of ‘oh, it’s you,’ and kept talking to the guy I was with. On top of that, I was nicely dressed (which the guy let me know), and I think I handled it pretty well.

So what’s the big deal? It’s to my advantage that someone from my past sees me next to another guy. But I know I will still be somewhat nervous. I don’t want to pretend being someone I’m not or start acting as if Alex is my current significant other. I’m having a good time tonight and I just want it to continue that way.

We got to the bar and (thank goodness), there was no one there I knew (guys I mean). This made me feel at ease. We ordered drinks and toasted to a great evening (so far).

I was curious to know how I was fairing out tonight, but I was not going to make that mistake; getting somewhat lost was enough. So, instead, I asked him if he could expand on his other dating experiences.

“You wouldn’t believe the other women,” said he. “One was completely shallow. Halfway through the date I just wanted to end it. She even asked me if we could meet again and I gave her a sarcastic face of ‘yeah, I will call you.’

The worst one was this woman who was in my car. She was so wasted she opened the car window, started screaming while flashing her boobs. She didn’t lift the bra at least. But I was driving, totally freaking out, while pulling her back into the seat.

What about you? Any crazy stories?”

I couldn’t answer anything right away. Instead, I had to think really hard because all I could remember were mostly sad ones.

Crazy? Well, maybe the infamous 2:00am call from Erik (please see ‘The Swedish Massage’), or the time I drove to the fire station to find Bryan or when he came to pick me up to go the beach and had just saved his head (‘You Can Be My Hero’), or perhaps the ‘Pirate’ incident at the resort (‘A Spring Break in the Fall’).

Yeah, they were crazy in my own understanding, but not as bad as what this guy had gone through.

Some time later, the bar was getting ready to close, so we had to wrap up for the night. We looked at each other with a puzzled face of ‘are we seeing each other again?’ and ‘who is supposed to ask that question?’

Alex took the first step. “I had a great time and was wondering if you would like to meet again?”

“Yes, I would.” Finally, a second date! I don’t recall this happening before. Hopefully this will lead to something good. “Do you mind walking me to my car?” In other words, you are nice and I trust you enough to let you do that.

I got into my car and drove to the restaurant with plenty of time. My idea was to drive slowly, park calmly and walk to the restaurant with poise and grace, projecting I’m all under control.

But the closer I got to the location, the more I started getting nervous. I started breathing in and out to release my anxiety, which helped. I parked my car and walked to the restaurant, which was about two blocks down from the garage my vehicle was.

I was sure I knew where the restaurant was, but I was wrong. To top it off, I don’t walk that gracefully (according to myself), and my new shoes had not been broken in, so my feet were hurting right away.

Oh, no, I can’t believe this is happening to me! How could I make such a mistake? I know that the location is on this street, but exactly where? Ok, Emma, think clearly… Now I remember, its way back on the first block, meaning I walked right by it after exiting the garage.

I then started walking back fast, as fast as I could, with my feet aching even more. Damn it! I don’t want to be late!

As I got closer and saw the restaurant sign, I slowed down my pace. Great! I’m sweating and my feet are killing me. And, even worse, is that Alex sitting at the only window table?

All right, I need to take a deep breath, walk in as if nothing has happened, and just enjoy this night.

Whatever Jeffrey and I shared, it kept going for a few months (on and off, of course).

I wasn’t thinking about what to expect or even hope for it. I took it as it came because other situations had taken priority.

The divorce was about to be finalized and one of the agreements was that I would move out of the residence. That meant I would loose the home I worked so hard to build, and downsize my existence into a smaller place.

On top of that, the lease on my vehicle was about to expire and my job was on the line.

The time was coming close for me to face the world on my own, and I was utterly scared.

And, like it happens in life, may it be good or bad things, when they come, they do in multiples.

I was working on the computer when Jeffrey sent me a text message: ‘I can’t keep doing this any longer. It’s not fair for anyone.’  I felt as if someone had just stabbed me on my heart.

The thing I had dreaded the most happened. He was walking out of my life. And the thing I shouldn’t have done, also happened. I had fallen for him.

I knew his departure would eventually happen, but did it have to be now?

All I thought I could do was to call him. He had mentioned he was going home for a couple of weeks, so at least I wanted to give closure to this.

“So I guess she found out about it, right?” asked I.

“Yes, which have made matters worse.”

“Is she going with you?”

“No way! I need to take care of some family matters and need to be alone to figure things out.”

I took a quick pause before continuing. “I never expected anything from you, you know that.”

“I know,” said he. His tone of voice lowered and I could tell he was looking for a way to end the conversation. “Hmm, I’m leaving tomorrow and need to get everything ready.”

“I understand… I know you get uncomfortable when I’ve said that I care about you and wish only the best for you. Please take care of yourself, and don’t do anything I wouldn’t do.”

I believe Jeff got emotional when he said good-bye. I surely did. I sat there with my face sunk between my hands crying miserably.

I was crying, alone, with no one to give me comfort. I had lost so much already, and now this?

What’s next in line for me?

Here’s what happened. What I meant by ‘hooking up’ is that I let Ricky into my life right from the start. Meaning he started hanging out in my apartment all the time because I allowed that to happen.

Don’t get me wrong. It was great, at the beginning, when everything feels good, before you start discovering the things that make you different from the other person. Or putted in better words, before the things that irritate you start coming out.

On top of that, I made the biggest mistake of them all: I developed feelings for him before I got to know him as a person, to at least figure out if it was worth keeping him as a friend, or figure out if he was good enough material to possibly go beyond that.

In other words, I should have not gotten emotionally involved with Ricky in any way.

I spent so much time with him that I even helped him move out into a new place and offered to ‘take care’ of an artwork he was going to put away temporarily. (Between you and me, I think it looks better in my place.)

But although Ricky and I were ‘together’ he didn’t see it that we were actually ‘together.’ How so? Not even once did he invite me to meet his family or visit his home. He referred me to his mom as just ‘a friend.’

Sounds confusing? It was, sort of. But that’s what happens when your emotions take over your head and don’t allow you to see clearly.

And the reality was right there, loud and clear, which was that it was over before it even started, if that.

It was around 8pm on a weekend when my mobile rang. I was caught up on something else, so by the time I reached my phone, the call transferred to my voicemail.

I read the missed call number and it somewhat ‘rang a bell,’ but couldn’t pinpoint whom it belonged to. The caller left a message and I’m very curious to know whom it is.

“Emma, it’s me! Ricky!!”

‘Whaaat??’ I said to myself. This guy goes back, way back. More or less during the time that ‘The Swedish Massage’ guy first appeared.

I had taken him out of my life for good. But now I’m wondering what the hell does he want now?? Well, for starters, I have to keep listening…

“I was on the area and was calling you because…” (The message got caught off.) For goodness sake, don’t you know how to use your mobile applications correctly?

Yes, I admit it. I’m in shock. This one I was not expecting, at all! On top of that, he sounded extremely happy when I remember him being too serious for my taste.

So, what’s going on with him? All these memories related to him slowly, but surely start coming back, which is not good at all.

I honestly don’t want to talk to him. But, at the same time, I need to confront my bad memories and, like I’ve been accomplishing so far with the other guys, put them to rest.

But, before I do that, I need to get some ammo.

I’m calling Madelyn.

et cetera