The New M.E. Generation











“Why are we having this conversation again?” asked I. “Why is this such a concern to you?” I gave this guy a very serious look. He gave me a blank stare back and didn’t respond immediately to my inquiry.

It was somewhat upsetting that he was sort of ‘laying the law’ when first, he barely knew me and, second, was trying to convince me that he was really knowledgeable about the topic.

And, besides, if there’s nothing to happen here, why the concern, or is it that? What is it that he’s really trying to tell me? Perhaps warn me?

Is it that maybe he doesn’t want me to have a distraction away from him or it has to do with my age, as in, ‘don’t put your time on something when you don’t have that’, meaning you’re not getting any younger?

“Just saying,” said he. “Don’t you think it would be much easier to find someone locally?”

“Like I told you before, I’ve tried that already and it hasn’t worked out the way I hoped for. I’m not going to stop trying and if going outside the box is a possibility, I will try that too.”

I don’t recall what else went down in the conversation. After dinner he helped me clean up and even sat down to watch TV in my living room in spite of previous his criticism regarding its size.

It wasn’t that late when he told me he had to go, as he had lots of homework for the next day. This sounded like the Cinderella story; what would he turn to when the clock strikes midnight? I wouldn’t be surprised he has other plans, like meeting up with another woman, but I was glad he was gone. The night has evolved as far as it should.

I finished the clean up and went to bed not really reviewing the night. But when I woke up, I felt a huge sense of emptiness and sadness.

I stayed in my bed, laying back, staring at the ceiling, considering the nature of my emotions. I was fine last night and now this.

I know nothing will happen here with this guy, that I need to experience life more, so why these emotions?

Simple, at the end of the day, I’m back where I started with this guy thing, without one.

I guess I already know what will happen next: we might see each other one last time, maybe text or talk a few more until all vanishes into oblivion by itself. I will stop communicating and so will he, and that will be it.

Been there, done that. What am I doing about it? Nothing. Next…!

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I’ve pretty much managed to archive all these guys that I gave closure to. But it’s inevitable that something triggers thinking about them from time to time.

Take for example, Erik. Every time I come across something related to Sweden, he comes to mind. It got to a point that I really questioned myself, whatever happened to him after I last saw him?

I decided to give him a ‘second rest’ and try to communicate with him one last time. I wasn’t looking to get anything out of it, just to say ‘hello’ and wish him well.

I did a search and found him on a networking site and luckily was able to send him a message, which read something like, ‘hey, how are you? I saw something on TV about your home country, so I thought about you. I’m doing fine and I’m sure you’re too. If you ever want to talk, let me know and will get in touch.’

All right, done. I’m sure this is definitely the last time so I’m glad I did this.

But…he did answer back, about three weeks later. Now that’s a turnaround of events!

He opened his email pretty much like mine, but he was relocating to Asia at the end of the month. He also gave me his number and said to call him whenever I wanted.

Wow, moving and quite far (for me)! Well, he’s European and made it all the way over here so he should be fine.

I was glad he answered, but deeply envied him. There are days when I wished exactly that, getting out of here and go somewhere really far. I almost felt like saying, ‘can you take me with you?’

Unfortunately, I’m stuck here for now and all I can do is wish and work for something better.

So, then, am I going to call him? The question is, do I want or really need to even though I was the one suggesting it? No, not really. I’ll just reply.

“I’m very happy for you. I wish you all the best and I know you will excel. Let’s try to keep in touch from time to time. Regards.”

That felt really good.

Now, what’s next?



et cetera