The New M.E. Generation











{October 3, 2016}   The Swipe 2 – The Fish

I kept swiping left and right without any luck yet, until I see a photo of a guy (who I will name Fish) that really caught my attention.

‘OMG!’ I thought to myself. ‘This guy attended the same college I did during the time I was there. Wow. I don’t recall knowing him, but at least it’s to my advantage having something in common. It’s a perfect conversation starter. Hopefully he has swiped right for me. Yes, he did!’

I immediately sent him a message highlighting the school aspect and that we needed to talk about it. I wanted to say ‘meet’, but I didn’t want to come across as desperate.

I checked out his photos and liked that he appeared in different ones, like with family (dancing with a young woman at a party while wearing a nice suit), dressed in a Halloween costume (Fred Flintstone), him running in mud (probably participating in some extreme sport event).

Although the age had changed in these images, he still had a nice face and body for being in his late 40’s, which was good for me, as I like guys who take care of themselves.

His location was still far from mine (about a 2-hour drive), but I kept reminding myself that I needed to keep an open mind.

Through our conversation I learned that he was originally from the Northeast and relocated with his then wife and daughters (he has 2) after getting a job offer (he works in marketing) down here, which also allowed him to escape the nasty winters. He also likes to exercise by running and going to the gym.

I didn’t ask him how long he has been divorced for (I want to keep that topic out just yet) and is in the routine of sharing time with his children every other weekend.

I continued the chat for a bit longer until I thought it was time to ask the main question: should I get his number or should I give mine first? Email perhaps? I said to myself that if I was to do this, I was to do it right.

I decided to ask him for his info. That way I can see how he reacts. If he gives me the run around, or notice any ‘red flags’, then I know that he is lying to me.

‘So how do you want to do this? Exchange emails?’ asked I via text. He replied by giving me his number. OK, all seems fine so far.

The next step was to check his number online and it confirmed that it was indeed him. I also got his last name and social media profile.

The profile had additional photos besides the ones on the app and all seemed under control. He appeared with other photos with his daughters, which made me understand he is a devoted father. The girls looked like they have been raised well, so that was another bonus point for him.

I checked everything that I had access to. He was the real person indeed, but wanted to gather as much other information about him as I could.

I was excited that I just joined a dating app and got a result that seemed worthwhile. It made me believe that these type of sites could actually turn out good.

So, I got his number. What am I going to do now? Of course I will call him. Question now is when would be the right time. Tonight? During the week? Weekend? Heck, I don’t know. ‘There’s never a right time.’ ‘The time is now.’ ‘Just go for it.’ Which will I choose?

Technology may have been created to make our lives easier, but when it comes to love, reality is that you can’t reboot or update it. It will always be scary, confusing, and most often, heartbreaking.

Making ‘the right call’ will always be difficult to do.

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The ‘What do you think about dating younger men?’ sentence kept staring at me like the fate of the world depended on it.

If felt like those moments when you have to make an important decision or decipher a situation that you don’t want to tackle when you probably know the outcome beforehand.

Some examples include: Am I pregnant? Is this guy into me or not? ‘Should I do something new to my hair? Should I tell my girlfriend the real truth about her relationship when she asks ‘my opinion’ on the matter?

I know I’m not obliged to answer this question, but in a certain matter I did, not for him, but for myself. He’s just somebody who somehow found me on the site and presented me with a question.

I’m not new to this situation, but his inquiry kept spinning in my head as if I was analyzing it for the first time (see The Accidental Cougar and Another Cougar Moment).

On one hand I know there’s no future on it as it has been rightfully proven to me. But I’m also trying to keep an open mind and give myself the opportunity to live the things that are presented to me. If I don’t, I’ll probably never get to where I need to.

Then, what do I think about this today? Well, for starters, he’s cute, seems to have a nice body, has career goals that seem to be headed the right way, and obviously knows how to have fun.

Then there’s the issue of the tongue sticking out. I was having a dual feeling about it, meaning gross as in where and in what he’s been applying it; the other was a curiosity of his abilities of what he could do with it.

So, am I going to base my decision an infamous body part or what I actually think on the younger man/older woman issue?

‘Been there, done that,’ wrote I. ‘I think this is more of what you’re hoping to get out of it.’

I didn’t want to get into a long reply. Asking me this question is definitely not intended to opening the lines of communication. Besides, I’m sure what he really wants is to put his body part into work (well, it depends of what he thinks about me physically).

And getting too detailed or negative on my content will make me come across as something I’m not (like a bitch). If he gets in a mode I don’t like, I’ll just delete him and move on as if nothing has happened.

I exited the site right after I replied to the message and kept going with my night. I may have analyzed this issue again, but I already know what to do if this situation doesn’t stick.

NEXT!



I waited 2 days to try to chat with him again. I first checked his profile again and wasn’t really impressed by what I read.

It’s not that he didn’t have any merits worth appreciating as a person. But his information wasn’t anything that was striking a cord with me. He could well be a good candidate for someone else. But I simply wasn’t feeling anything.

As much as I try to approach this with an open mind, I guess I’ve reached a point where I just know when there’s possibility or not pretty early on. I may take a humorous approach, but I’m not investing too much time around. Why would I when there’s not even a spark felt?

The guy had emailed the day before and was online when I read his message, so I initiated the chat.

‘Hello, working I suppose?’

‘Yes, on duty again, and sitting on the computer. FYI, if I suddenly disappear is because I have to leave quickly, not because I don’t want to talk to you.’

‘So how many other girls have you contacted via the site?’

‘A few, but it’s hard to meet them with my schedule.’

‘You should make the effort. You shouldn’t wait for life to pass you by and then wonder what happened with it.’

‘What about you?’

‘Also trying, but have a similar situation like yours. Long hours at work and sometimes when I get home I’m super tired. Doesn’t make you want to do much except rest.’

‘If I was there, I would give you a massage.’

All right, that’s it with this one. It’s obvious that he just wants one thing from me and he’s not getting it. This time, a guy’s behavior is not upsetting me.

After all, I wasn’t feeling it, and I knew beforehand it wasn’t going anywhere. So I guess I just let the situation ran its course until it ended, but never thought this fast.

I quickly exited the site and didn’t think about it the rest of the night.

A couple of days after, I visited the site to continue my search of candidates. There was a message from him.

‘Hey, you haven’t responded to my email.’

‘I didn’t like your last comment at all!’

‘I was joking. You need to chill out.’

‘No, you were not joking and you blew it big time with me. This conversation is over.’

I logged out the page and went back to my usual activity for the night.

I didn’t go back to the site about a few more days later. His messages were still there and there were no new one from him after I basically told him off. So, the next best thing to do was to delete all of them.

I think he tried to send me another one some days later, but I didn’t read it. I just deleted it as well.

I didn’t have any questioning towards myself. I was actually proud of myself as to how I reacted to the whole thing.

Well, hey, I’ve made progress, huge indeed. So what’s next for me? Just try, try again.



I started looking at the photos of the guys and some caught my attention right away, and others got a quick ‘no’ when I saw them.

I promised myself that I would keep an open mind during this process. Meaning, to not only look for a date that seemed physically attractive to me, but also to look for guys who were out of my ‘comfort zone’ (those that mentally resembled what I only knew of before, a.k.a., my ‘x’), and go for those that had potential as well as substance.

My goal was to find someone who had the physical ‘goods’, but totally the opposite personality of ‘that guy’ in my past life. And this would be the deal breaker for sure.

Honestly, what good is a guy who could I consider cute, if he’s shallow, selfish, has an entitlement complex, narcissist, controlled by his mother, lacks empathy or is dysfunctional?

Yep, I just described that person who is no longer part of my life, and maybe I will be very selective in my choices (maybe too much). But I will definitely not allow myself to fall back into the same situation as when I was married. I think I have learned my lesson quite well.

This is where profiles come into play. Dating sites encourage presenting oneself to others the best way possible. Too little information can signal you’re hiding something. Too much can backfire at you.

You run the risk of people not reading it (who has time to read anything anyways nowadays?), or it’s seen as giving out too much into the world that is not necessary at this time.

There’s no element of surprise or interest that can develop in meeting you. You already presented your entire life for everyone else to read.

For me, it became interesting reading some of the profiles. You could tell if people dedicated time to it or maybe just had too much time on their hands.

So, after basically looking at endless of them, some guys really caught my attention, and decided to join the site I was visiting. This entitles me having to create a profile as well.

Now that’s going to be a challenge. Question is, how much am I willing to ‘expose’? Also, what if I don’t get the results I want? I mean, what if any of the guys I try to contact turn out to have no interest in me?

Yes, there is the possibility that, once again, I’ll end up in the same place I am right now; alone.

No, I’m not going there. Something good has to come out of this. It has to.



et cetera