The New M.E. Generation

My vacation was going very well. The days were beautiful and my school friend and I were doing more things that we had planned for.

It was on our second day of the trip that we traveled to his college town. I had visited him during those years and we drove around the beach and other places he had taken me to before. It sure was a trip down ‘memory lane’.

We took photos and everything, and I was glad to be at a location I thought I would never get to visit again. My friend decided to go for a swim, but I opted to sit and enjoy the view.

While he was swimming, I became very nostalgic. The last time I was here was 20+ years ago and, as it has been pretty much my entire life, I questioned my whole existence.

It has been a difficult year and I had no sense of direction of what was to happen next or how I was going to get to the next level.

My friend knew I have been unhappy with anything related to me for the longest time. I was trying to show my best face possible, like in the past, but it wasn’t all working.

I am now older, perhaps wiser, but still pretty much lost. I am at a stage in my life that all I wish for is quite simple: find a man, have a home together, and maybe a family.

I know life is not picture perfect as others have told me (including him) and that the grass is not always greener on the other side.

So, how do I take things from here while sitting at the beach? Don’t have a clue. Hopefully the ocean water will wash all my sadness away.

The next memory of the day was taking a break for lunch.

We all left the bar to another location and I remember that I sat on a table somewhat far from him. I had a direct view of him and I kept staring at him at all times. It was as if I was looking at something larger than life.

I have no recollection if there had been any exchange of words yet. I didn’t even have the courage to approach him either.

There he was in his own world and me on the other side keeping a distance because I probably thought that was the right thing to do. I was not up to his level and that’s how it was to remain.

Besides, what did I have that could have impressed him? From where I was sitting, his life was just perfect. Mine was just a big question mark.

I kept looking wondering why I couldn’t be like him, someone who just knew what he wanted and how it was to be accomplished.

He embodied everything I wasn’t and I had no idea how to turn it around and make it happen for myself.

In other words, how am I making it to the other side if I’m stuck where I am right now?

et cetera