The New M.E. Generation

The communication kept coming, but basically it remained via email, which started to bother me. I made a few attempts to call him, but it would go to voicemail and then he wouldn’t return my call.

It was that situation again where I felt I was making all the efforts to make anything happen. One early Saturday morning, though, there was a breakthrough. I was still sleeping when he called.

“You’re still in bed? I’ve been up since 8am. I gave breakfast to my kids, dropped them off at their mom’s, jogged for a while, and now I’m headed to the beach for a while. Have something pending to do with my daughter this afternoon.”

I haven’t said much myself and felt I was wasting my morning (and life) all together. “Sounds like an interesting day.” (Is this all I can really say?)

We kept doing the ‘small talk’ and, out of nowhere, I decided to give an explanation of what I felt about him way back then. I don’t know why I did it. I’ll blame it on being half awake or half asleep.

“I think my attraction to you was more that I wished I had what you had. The closeness to your family and intelligence were things I envied. By being with you I hoped those things would become part of my life.”

I had no recollection of how he responded or know if he actually internalized what I expressed. Our conversation had to end abruptly when he received a call from the hospital he works at.

I felt stupid after hanging up. What’s wrong with me? Why do I have to explain myself to him? Sounds like I wanted forgiveness for something I never did.

After all, he was the one who didn’t pay much attention to me at school, continued any contact with me after he graduated, or even after we saw each other years later. And now he’s pretty much behaving in the same way.

I’m giving this situation way too much thought when his actions are giving me the answers.

I was having my coffee when he sent me a photo. He took a selfie from inside his car in which he posed with a wacky face. The message read, ‘my dog took it.’ Guess this is his version of the sense of humor I was wondering about or didn’t knew existed.

The texts continued. ‘Saw this giant stingray while paddling.’ ‘Beautiful day.’ Now this is the beach guy I used to know.

I sort of felt happy for the conversation because I finally got it off my chest. But I didn’t get his side of the whole matter, so this is not yet concluded.

Question is: will that opportunity ever happen?

I didn’t exactly get my dream, but more of a wish, sort of.

One night, out of nowhere, this ‘unfriend’ guy emailed me. It was totally unexpected.

It was the same scenario as before; his wife and child were away and he took the opportunity to contact me.

I called him first and there was a rush when I heard his voice again. Then we connected online and saw him live for the first time in more than a year.

Oh, my! He looked tired and that he has aged, a lot. It was as if his life had hit him hard. In other words, he’s unhappy.

At least he was very happy to see me. His amazing blue eyes lighted up incredibly. I even got complemented on how I looked.

“Wow, look at you!” said he. “You look great! I can tell you have lost weight. You’re like fine wine, you get better with the years.”

I have lost weight, some, but I’m glad he commented on it. It was a great ego boost. But I wish I could say the same about him.

“Hey, are you ok?” I asked him. “Sorry to tell you, but, you don’t look that good.”

His eyes looked down and his demeanor a changed. He held his face on his hand. “Well, I’m tired. It’s been a long day. Was taking care of things around the house…”

I kept looking at him and I knew he wasn’t telling me all the truth. I may have lost weight, but he certainly hasn’t ‘lost’ those situations we spoke about last year.

I felt sorry for him and wished I could be there next to him. Maybe if he opened up to me again he might feel better.

“Seriously, what’s going on?”

Just when I thought all the possible reconnections with guys from the past had occurred, life threw me an unexpected situation.

I was searching something on the Internet related to my hometown and at the end of the article there were links for other related topics.

One of those was of public figures in a variety of fields like politics, the arts, entertainment, media and so on.

Then, out of nowhere, a guy came to mind, and a whole lot of memories.

I clicked on one of the links and, sure enough, there he was. It was not a very extent biography, but I did remember some of the things he had done that were mentioned on it.

Wow, couldn’t believe all he had accomplished, but at the same time, didn’t surprise me either.

I then went a little bit further and searched for him more. I got many hits and started scrolling down the page when a piece of news stopped me cold.

‘After more than 20 years of marriage, the couple got divorced.’

I just couldn’t believe what I was reading. How long ago did this happen? Has it been that many years since I first met him?

I kept reading and got even more surprised when I learned that he is living on the same city as I am and had a profile on the social network.

This feels so surreal! I have to contact him. But wait; will he remember me?

I mean, my lack of memory with the last guys who have contacted me has been embarrassing, and the same could happen here.

How is it possible that I do remember him and not others? Why is that?

Unfortunately, the reconnection was short lived.

Shortly after our last conversation, I noticed that he basically discontinued any sort of communication.

If he responded to any email, he would write that he was busy with work, or would give some other cheap excuse for his lack or delay to respond.

Even at times when I’ve had a tough day or needed a sympathetic ear to listen to me, the emails reflected a lack of support and understanding, which were very different from the ones I received when we first reconnected.

From one day to the next, I was not important to him any longer and had a feeling he had taken me out of his life, again. But not the way I thought it did.

One day, out of nowhere, all I got was a brief email stating that ‘my wife saw your pictures at the social site and asked me a lot of questions about you. It was a very intense conversation. I need some time to figure out things, but I hope that we keep being friends.’

I was shocked at what I read and all confused as to what it meant, until it quickly hit me.

I went online to the site and the blow was even worse; he deleted me as his friend. And, his profile was created in a way that it could not be located by others searching for it.

‘He deleted me, Why, why?’ is all that crossed my mind as I stared at the screen.

Sadness engulfed me pretty much the same way it did when I tried to remember the last time I saw him.

I don’t know how much time passed when I started to cry and did so for some more time until I couldn’t any more.

He’s gone, again. Life repeated itself, again. No closure on this situation, again. All I could do then was close the website and computer, and try to go to sleep.

After dinner, we all walked ‘next door’ to a bar that had a live band playing. Other friends of Dina soon arrived. We all got hold of a drink and stood where the band was playing, coming together with other people as well.

Everyone was enjoying the music as they danced and sang along each song, either you knew the person next to your or not, and having a blast.

During one of the intermissions, I noticed two guys, who were not part of the group, talking to Dina. I was not far away from her and I felt glad they were showing an interest in here.

But it wasn’t very long before Dina’s body language signaled to me that she wasn’t all that interested in them.

From where I was standing, them two seemed like descent, well dressed and mannered men. They physically looked like what Dina would go for, but there was a ‘minor’ problem. They looked younger than Dina, I mean, way younger.

I quickly sensed that she would soon ‘discharge’ them, so I stepped in. “Hey, they look like nice guys,” said I to her in her ear.

“They’re too young for me!” responded Dina quite quickly. It didn’t matter if there were no other strikes against them; she had already ‘stroke them out.’

(‘Oh, c’mon you,’ I thought to myself, ‘give them a break at least.’) “There’s nothing wrong in being a cougar, you know.” (Yeah, and this one standing next to you can give you plenty of insight on this matter.)

“No! They just got out of high school.”

“You probably heard wrong. They can’t be here if they’re under 21.”

I was trying to make some sense out of her when, out of nowhere, Dina grabs one of the guys by the arm and pushed him through the back towards me. “Here, why don’t you talk to my friend?”

And, just like that, I have a guy standing in front of me looking me up and down with a big smile on his face.

‘Why is this happening to me?? Damn you Dina, why did you had to ‘throw’ this situation at me?’

And, yes, he does look younger than her, but waaaay for me.

What is this? Is the universe playing game with me again?

It was an awkward feeling when Jeff arrived at my place. The first time I saw him was at the lounge. I was nicely dressed and put up together.

Now I was in jeans and no make-up; just how I normally hang around my place. He knew what I was wearing, but was still nervous to see him.

I offered to sit out in the patio in two lounge chairs. The night presented itself with a full moon and the weather was just right to do that.

The conversation started with the ‘how are you?’ line, moved to admitting that I was surprised that he had called me (or showed some interest in me), but was glad he was here.

After some time of small talk and the confidence opened up between the two of us, the normal thing was for the topics to get more personal.

I don’t know how it happened, but I started speaking about my current state of my divorce very candidly, up to a point that I really opened up about pretty much about my whole life.

I got sad and even shed some tears. But I felt very at ease saying what was on my mind.

And, out of nowhere, Jeff took my hand and held it. I believe he said something like, ‘don’t worry, things will be fine.’

I thanked him for his gesture. “I don’t know what you plan to do with your situation. But I hope that it gets resolved for the best as well.”

We sat there in the patio for a long time. I remained emotional most of the night, but at least got some temporary relief.

Jeffrey said he would keep in touch with me. I didn’t ask him to explain what he meant by this (and if he actually planned to do so). But, what the heck, can’t complaint.

Even if I never get to see him again, minimizing the pain I was feeling back then, and getting a dose of hopefulness for facing the future was all worth it.

Just think what two encounters with this guy have made for me.

Shoot! If only he wasn’t ‘that complicated.’

I asked ‘that guy’ if I could join him and he gladly complied. (Oh, oh, sounds like a re-run from when I met Brian. Please refer to chapter 3 of ‘You Can Be My Hero’ for details.)

The opening question was, what the heck we were both doing so early at breakfast?

The ‘guy,’ Hiio, a Canadian from Montreal (who I will nickname Monty or Canadian #1), had previously worked for this international resort and came for the week to share with the rest of other former colleagues in an EXGO reunion.

So that’s the ‘big event’ that Dina referred to when she made me the invitation to join her on the trip.

When Hiio said he lives in Montreal, it instantly reminded me of the road trip Mark, my ex-rommate and her former significant other, and I made there during college on a Thanksgiving weekend. (Please refer to ‘The Bostonian’ story.)

I returned there about eight years ago with my ‘x’ and still have very fond memories of both times, and it’s a city I would definitely like to return to again someday. (Hmm, am I already forecasting my next future trip?)

He shared with me that he has a morning show and is Program Director at Mohawk-Radio, a punk rock and roll station, among other things, and came down to Cancun with one of his daughters.

I did share somewhat about my personal life that related to that other chapter in my past existence, but emphasized more on Dina’s friendship and how happy I was for being at the resort.

And speaking of the devil… Just when I was engaged in a very insightful conversation with ‘Monty’ (my toast experience with Pirate), who else could appear out of nowhere, faster than the speed of light, but…Dina!

The location had a laid back atmosphere. The building looked like a warehouse and it had a pool table in one corner, the bar in the middle, and the stage on the other side. The music had already started when we arrived, and the dance space was packed.

There were no open spots in the bar, so we sat in some couches next to the pool table. I’m watching people dance when, out of nowhere, this nice looking guy asked me to dance.

“What’s your name?” I asked him.

“Oh, like the ‘Friends’ character,” I said.

He gave me this look that he gets that line all the time. He also had dark hair and blue eyes like the actor who played the role.

“Where are you from?” I then asked.
“Boston and I’m Irish,” said he.

OMG, Boston! All of a sudden this rush of emotions overwhelmed me. My last college roommate is from there. I knew a stack of people in school who were from Massachusetts. My grandfather, brother and an ex-boyfriend attended school there. My sister-in-law is Irish-American. I have a lot of connections with this city that I had forgotten about.

I kept looking at this guy and felt traveling back in time to my college years in Connecticut, and that I was dancing in one of those bars I used to hang out with my friends.

“Have you been back?” Ross asked me.
I landed back in ‘the city.’ “To where?”
“Boston,” answered Ross.
“No, but I’ve been wanting to for some time.”
“Then maybe you should,” he concluded.

Yeah, maybe I should. I’ve had this wish for many years now to meet up with my ex-roommate and make a trip to visit our alma mater.

I’ve also wanted to see my former college advisor.

Ross and I kept dancing until the band ended playing at 1am. We sat in the couch I originally was when he asked me to dance and we kept talking until around 3am when Madelyn asked me to go home. I could have stayed with him many more hours if had been given the opportunity.

This time, when asked for my phone number, I gladly complied in giving it, but I also asked for his. Ross gave me a look of being surprised at my request.

I left the lounge feeling good with myself and really happy to have met him. He revived a wish that I had dormant in the back of my mind which made me realize the time has come to make it happen.

Ross said he would call me tomorrow to go to the movies or something.

Hopefully he’ll hold his word on it.

et cetera