The New M.E. Generation

Later on that day, I did get to rest a little by taking a nap. While my thoughts wandered into an unknown place in my mind, I started remembering certain moments from the past I had somewhat forgotten. Tears came down as I thought about them and tried to push them away.

I debated yet again if I should share them with him. A part of me felt I would look desperate if I did, while the other reminded me that, as he recently told me, “it doesn’t change anything.”

Me: “I don’t know why I’m remembering this, but there was a time when I was walking to school. You came down the street in your 2-door Fiat with the top off as always. You offered me a ride for the remainder of the trip. Was so nervous I didn’t say a word.” (And that I sat properly with my hands resting on my lap. Didn’t want the ride to end so quickly, but was more concerned about what other people would think when they saw us.)

“There was another occasion in the same car when you grabbed my hand and placed it in the shift stick. I took my hand away after some time. You then grabbed it again and placed it back. This time you held it with your hand so it would stay” (which means we were holding hands while taking a drive).

“I’m not sure if this last was the same day when you looked at me closely, made a hand gesture of moving your index finger towards you and saying ‘come here’ to me. I did with a face off ‘what?’ and then you gave me a big kiss.

The truth is that after all these years that I’ve had my own 2-door vehicle, have never been able to keep my hand off entirely when shifting gears and thinking of you when driving.

Who would have said that I would see you again. And that I would forget about you. And now you appeared again. And knowing that no matter what I feel, like you said correctly, nothing will change. Such is life.”

He made no comments to any of this. And I wasn’t expecting any, because that’s how he is. He’s one of those people that react to something by not reacting at all.

Hate to admit that the last day I saw him caused my inner-self to become unbalanced. And that’s because he’s always kept a distance much like a wall between us.

When at the apartment, when he kneeled in front of me and looked straight into my eyes, and I said that I was at peace with us (or that I’m over you), that wall came down upon him placing his hands on my knee.

He realized he was about to lose me and decided to enter my world for the first time. But that didn’t last long. When he said ‘I don’t know what to do with you’, he essentially regressed to his old self of distancing and leaving things in a limbo.

He had the chance of changing everything and didn’t take it. He made the choice of staying with the blonde.

As the weeks progressed, I kept some communication with him. I remembered out of the blue that his birth date was basically mine in reverse with a month difference.

The last time I contacted him was for the long summer weekend. Then the hurricane warnings and my birthday occurred. Nothing happened from his part considering we live on the same state.

As the storm battled my city and I survived many days without power, I took the time to allow the winds of change to set in and find my balance once more. And just like everything that got washed away, so did him and everything he represents.

He might have said things don’t change, but I did. With myself. And him. I took him out of my life with the same strength I did before. It’s the calm after the storm. It surely is.

Update: A week after the hurricane hit, on a Saturday, around 7:30 pm, I get the following text.

Him: “Hope you weathered the storm ok. Just got power and have been working on the property all day.”

I replied with a first text of summarizing that I was unable to celebrate my birthday because it was the day before the storm reached my area; that didn’t stay in my apartment during the event; that neither my home or car suffered damages; that my employer reopened the office mid-week, and I was presently getting up-to-date.

The second one read: “I’m glad you’re fine and hope your things get back to normal soon.”

Him: “Thanks. You too.”

So there it is. No surprise here, as usual.

He didn’t reach out when Maria hit, asking me how my mom was in the island, considering that because of me going to the beach with her, is how I met him, and it’s the place we both grew up and went to school together.

I know he’s not obliged to do anything. But it’s not right either. Simply said: he doesn’t care. And that’s the last memory I’ll have of him before I sign off from him for good.

“Although there’s pain in my chest, I still wish you the best, with a ‘forget you’.” – Cee Lo Green – Forget You


It was a weekend like any other when, out of the blue, I get a text message during my sleep. I literally jumped when I heard the phone buzz as I usually don’t get texts to start with.

I opened the text to read it (‘Hello Emma how are you?’), but my phone did not match the sender from any one of my contacts.

I couldn’t recognize the number either, but something else did get my attention; I received it at 3am.

Who is this person who included my name on the text?

I didn’t respond to it. I went back to sleep and later on during the day I checked the number against my contacts list in my computer. No match either.

I then did a search on the Internet and the number appeared for the city that Jesse told me he lived.

‘Well, look who resurfaced!’ I thought. Wow, it’s quite something to be remembered.

So, now what? Am I going to respond or not? Whatever, he is in another state and I’m here. So he’s just probably saying hello and wanting to know how I am. That’s it, nothing else.

Yes, I’ll answer…later. I have other things to do.

I really thought that after that last phone call it was definitely over between Ivan and me. I had completely taken him out of my existence when, out of the blue, he sent me a text message sometime past 10 pm, when I was already asleep. It read the basic ‘how are you?’

This is so weird. He has never, ever, initiated a call or text before. For this to happen it’s because something extraordinary happened, even really bad. I thought about the possibilities such as that he lost his job, his health is not well, or perhaps it had something to do with his family.

Since I knew he is not much of a talker, the ‘conversation’ was continued electronically, through which I learned that his girlfriend was traveling and he was out at a bar with some friends.

Hmm, so you’re texting me because: (a) you’re realizing not getting involved with me was a mistake; (b) I’m happy with my woman, but could use some company while she’s away; (c) things are not going well and have no one else to ‘text’ to; (d) all of the above.

The texting continued until he finally revealed that things were indeed not well from his end. Of course, he didn’t specifically say what that entitled; that’s the way he always dealt with things. He would just let you know enough, but not enough to reveal his emotions or true self.

He would always say, ‘everyone has problems’ in an attempt for others to see his situation as unimportant or lesser than their own. In a way he was reacting like me; he was protecting himself from feeling any more pain than what he already was.

The conversation continued and I offered him to come over the next evening and talk, if he wanted to (or was open to that). I knew he was going to say ‘no’, but I gave it a shot. And in a twist of events, he said ‘yes’.

Damn, it must be really bad, whatever his situation may be. I hope he does show up tomorrow. Still, he can reverse to his old ways and give me the excuse that he doesn’t like talking about his issues.

Hmm, sound to be this is all about option ‘b’.

Dina, Madelyn and I arrived at the event, which was an art exhibit in a warehouse space converted into an arts studio.

After walking around for a while, we all took a seat on a sofa located on an outdoor area. I started looking at the attendants and most strike me as having a bohemian, artist look, which was not really my style at that time. I still had that corporate image of my ‘x’ glued to my mind.

My eyes wandered around and they crossed paths with one guy, which I bet was one of those artists. He was wearing a t-shirt of some kind which imprint didn’t reflect to me that much coolness.

The lower back part of his jeans had gotten ripped and was now missing. It was the first time I saw jeans on this condition.

This guy looked at me once, smiled and looked away. He looked at me and smiled one more time, and again looked away.

I noticed him looking at me, but couldn’t think of anything or figure out what was up with him. To be honest with you, my mind was not analyzing anything. I turned my face away and kept talking to Dina and Madelyn.

We are still sitting on the sofa talking (don’t remember about what) when, out of the blue, the guy with the ripped jeans suddenly sat right next to me.

“Hi!” said he very enthusiastically. My reaction? I putted a face of total disbelief and my body read ‘eek’ as in when you watch a horror movie.

I have no any idea of what to do or say. All I could do was look at Dina and Madelyn and communicate to them that I was in a desperate need of getting rescued. (‘Heeelp!’)

Let’s get something clear. Fashion shopping I do like when I venture to do it. The one regarding food, I don’t.

For me, going to the supermarket is like going hunting. You have to fight yourself around people, carts and aisles to get to what you need. I’ll tell you, this isn’t easy. Even more, when I’m done, I feel tired.

So, I dragged myself to the place like I usually do, list at hand, with the goal, as I usually do, to get this over fast, pronto, like, now.

You know what I mean.

So far I’ve accomplished exactly that, going around quickly, pushing that cart with the same determination that I do when exercising.

I’m at the Produce section and I’m looking around searching for something when, out of the blue, I see a guy with a white long sleeve shirt, blue jeans and aviator sunglasses, walk by quickly in the opposite side of where I’m standing.

I see him but he doesn’t see me.

At first, my facial expression was one of puzzlement of ‘is that…??,’ to one that changed to of having a very big smile and laughing loudly deep within me.

‘That was Erik! Of course, of course, of course!’ I said to myself.

I’m still holding on to my cart, and laughing, but now thinking, ‘this can’t be happening!’

Hmm, should I chase him down (like in hunting) or just let it go?

I better make my move before the prey gets away, that’s for sure.

But the moment is so funny I can’t think straight.

Should I or shouldn’t it?

et cetera