The New M.E. Generation











I have a vague recollection of where the location of the palm reader was. The place was nothing to brag about. I felt totally awkward doing this, allowing a total stranger to talk to me about my apparent future.

My worries of the time were of any other person about to leave college: stay in the city you studied at, go home or try luck somewhere else?; what job should I go for?; will I make it?; how ill I manage to pay my loan?

Of course there was the concern about love. I hadn’t had that many relationships, other than that of my long distance one.

After turning 21 I was legally an adult and getting married was the natural progression in life.

But the thought of such a step scared me. I was a child of divorced parents, which greatly had an effect on me. My ex had also mentioned to me that he would have liked to marry me in the future, a proposal that I declined partly because my feelings has drastically changed and because I didn’t envision myself doing something of this magnitude in my early 20’s.

My friend talked to the female palm reader aside and asked her if he had a coupon I could use for my consultation of about $5 off, to which she replied, “she has the money.”

I went in by myself, placed my hand facing up on the table, and the reading started.

All that she said was very general and not that enlightening. At the same time my life was pretty bland, so what was there to see? Not much.

When it was time for ‘any questions?’, the only thing that came to mind was, “will I ever get married”, to which she replied, “yes”.

But that’s all she said, no physical description of the person, a year, or anything that could perhaps alert me if the moment had arrived.

“But if you pay me something extra I can tell give you his initials,” said she next. Oh boy!

I didn’t do it, of course, and left the meeting as blank as a book you can’t understand what you’re reading about.

I didn’t knew it then, but to get to a marriage, the commitment needs to start with myself, as in getting everything about me together, like two people would do, into a perfect one.

And that my friend, is one tough act to follow.

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During this trip I did pretty much the same as during Spring Break, except that soon I was about to go into the real world and was as lost as ever.

I liked being there with him; I felt protected in his environment and that anything would be possible. I kept looking at this guy and envied how well balanced he seemed and confident that things would turn out the right way.

I always admired that he would give thought to his plans, analyze the options that he had or were available, decide and stick to that until he achieved it. He would do it all calmly and stress free.

I was the opposite. I was anticipating all the obstacles before they hadn’t even occurred. I didn’t know what I was to do next and was already questioning myself how and if I would make it.

He saw how confused I was and suggested taking me to a palm reader that he had visited before.

I was shocked by his revelation as I always felt he didn’t need any outside influences to do anything. He was practically the only one I knew that would turn things around when they were not headed the way they should have.

The other matter to consider was that we attended a catholic school and were taught to follow or trust faith. Anything that didn’t fall under the established parameters weren’t considered correct.

I don’t know how he felt back then about his religious beliefs, but we were both careful on what we believed and trusted.

We shared that our parents had divorced at a young age, meaning we hit reality early on and that as much as you believed in a supreme being or not, there were things beyond your reach that you couldn’t control, because they didn’t had to do with you, but could scar you for life.

That’s probably why I’ve always considered myself spiritual than religious. Or maybe it was that after 12 years of daily classes it overwhelmed me instead of embracing it.

Life as I knew it was one where people would come together for the best reasons to later distance (or separate) for good. It was the effect of wanting to be close to others, but not too much, because you knew one day they could abruptly walk out of your existence with no explanation.

And this is how I’ve dealt with guys all along. I want to be with someone, but always put a wall in between, keeping the necessary proximity, so in case they go, it won’t hurt that much (or so I say).

The only one that had never done that was this guy and I was confident he would never do. It would be decades later to learn how wrong I was, because to keep up the faith, sometimes not even a little prayer works.



et cetera