The New M.E. Generation











{February 23, 2015}   Looking Back 41 – Emotional trip

The long Valentine’s weekend came and I had no romantic plans for it. I know the whole thing is a cliché when you’re supposed to show your love and appreciation to your loved ones at all times.

Still, there were some instances where I had the thoughts that I’ve been single for quite a while, and only a few guys from past and present are worth rekindling on.

The weather had also turned quite cold, which felt like a correlation of how I saw my love life to be. But as in everything, it changes and one must adapt to it or succumb.

What I decided to do was to dedicate the weekend to myself, even if it meant doing totally unrelated ‘me time’ things like laundry. I wanted to rest as well, and even take advantage of store sales. The goal was doing things that made me feel good.

So I planned out my weekend: Saturday was for laundry and ironing; Sunday, supermarket, church, taking care of anything else; Monday, relax and hairdresser.

Saturday evolved as planned. Didn’t left my apartment the whole day, so I tried my best to enjoy it as best as I could in spite of not having an invite. I didn’t even mind the ironing when a good movie was on TV.

I made myself some dinner, showered and watched more TV in bed. My clean sheets felt great and nothing else mattered to me.

I was falling asleep closed to midnight when… I get a text from the beach guy.

‘Hey, happy valentine’s day. Hope you had a good day,’ wrote he.

‘Same to you. Stayed home doing laundry and I’m having a date with my bed.’

‘I was home all day as well. Spent the evening with my daughter who’s BF is out of town.’

‘At least you have company.’

‘You want me to visit you?’

‘That would be nice, but the distance is brutal.’

‘It is; what’s your address?’

‘What? You should have it stored in your GPS.’

‘Just trying to figure out the drive time silly. I have a new phone, new car, even new underwear.’

Whoa, whoa; hold your horses! This is just too much and I’m not talking about him trying to drive over here, and arriving at what time exactly?

And what about the new car and underwear? A new toy on top of all those you already have? Why? This sounds to me like you have a huge emotional void that just doesn’t get resolved.

If such is the case, then I should feel happy for myself. I think I have the material possessions that I need at the moment, and take care a lot of them until it’s time to part from them.

Honestly, I’m not liking the comment the more I think about it. The word ‘arrogance’ keeps circling my mind and it’s gaining momentum.

Then there’s the thing with the underwear. If we were back in high school, for sure I would be interested in looking at them with that great body you used to sport.

But now, no thank you. I think I can find more interesting ones to look at on the Internet, for free!

This all translates that if he comes here, I know I will get upset when I see the car. Fine, I know my insecurities will surface, so might as well put a stop to this ego trip before I get really upset.

What will I do about it? Nothing; I’ll just sleep over it.

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The next day at work on a Friday I started thinking about how the situation had unfolded the day before.

I know I did the right thing by turning him down, but I also realized this was probably the last chance of ever seeing him again face to face.

Reality is, the only way to ever finalize the past and present was to confront him and all my emotions.

So, if getting to where he will be is not an option, how about telling him to make a first stop on my end, and then later he continues to his final destination?

‘Hey, I was thinking, how about if you came over first, maybe have some dinner, and then you go?’ text I.

It didn’t take long for him to reply. ‘I thought I needed to resolve my issues with my girlfriend,’ replied he.

‘I know, but this will probably be the last chance we have of seeing each other,’ said I.

‘Yeah, I could do that,’ said he. ‘What time do you get out of work?’

‘No later than 6:30 p.m. What time would you get here?’

‘Around 8:30-9 p.m. Text me your address so I can set it on my GPS.’

It was only about 12 p.m., so it meant he was to leave around 4 p.m. if he wanted to avoid Friday’s traffic jam, especially coming into my city.

I asked him to text me once he was on the road and subsequent locations as his trip advanced.

I kept on working as usual until around 4 p.m. when the local weather decided to work against me when it delivered massive amounts of rain.

It got so dark it looked like it was late at night. Damn, now this means traffic is really going to get bad for me and (hopefully not) for him.

I hurried to finish my work on time and rushed out the door at my usual leave time. The rain had stopped and everyone driving were doing the ‘are we there yet?’.

My plan was to get home, shower and wear something appropriate for the occasion or, better yet, something that really represented who I was and not what he probably still has stuck on his mind about me.

So, what’s is it going to be? How about high school sweetheart turned prom queen diva? Yeah, it’s personal and I’ve got the clothes and shoes to make it happen.



et cetera