The New M.E. Generation











{August 14, 2017}   Looking Back 58 – The options

About a week went by when I get this text: “Hope you are well. In an effort to streamline my life, I deactivated the previous number a few weeks ago. Hope you are well. This is my active number now. Frank.” Now I know why he didn’t make any remarks to my last text.

And definitely needs to ease his life. By the repeat of the “hope” line it’s clear he has no time to do something as simple as double-checking what he wrote.

And, no, won’t forward my last message again. Better that it happened that way. Instead, I focused on finding out what happened during the long weekend.

Me: “So what did you finally do for the holiday?”

Him: “Which one? The 4th?”

Me: “Yes. Went to the Bahamas?”

Him: “No. I stayed local. My daughter’s birthday was on the 2nd.”

Me: “Good for you.”

Him: “One can only take the Bahamas so much. LOL.”

Me: “What are you saying? You love the beach.”

Him: “It’s the Bahamas. Not the beach.”

Me: “The Bahamas are synonymous with that.” (In other words, don’t dissect what I say so much. You love the beach. The Bahamas is a beach paradise. Thus you like it there. Or so I thought.)

The texting ended there yet again, with a feeling that this maybe would be the last one for a while. But like I said before, I’m fine with that.

About a week later on a Thursday at exactly 12pm, I get a new text.

Him: “Well…” (with an image of the side view of an executive jet). “I’ll be your way in 25 minutes.”

I thought to myself, ‘he’s back!!!’ And I’ll give him credit that he announced his arrival at a very descent time, although it was done basically when he was already here. So at least he paid attention when I said to please let me know early and not when I’m about to leave work.

Me: “Wow! The lifestyle of the rich and famous. And I of a commoner. How long will you be here for?”

Him: “The weekend. Will be in Bal Harbour.” (Now that’s nice!)

Me: “Good for you. The famous cardio patient?”

Him: “Yes ma’am. What are you up to?”

Me: “Working. Reviewing a radio spot for a fast-food client.”

Him: “Fun. Just landed.”

Me: “Cool. It actually makes me hungry.” (laughing emoji)

Him: “Hungry? The commercial?”

Me: “Yes.”

I then took a break from texting; I had to finish what I was doing, but I did mostly to buy time and decide how I would go about him.

Since I had expressed before that I needed to disconnect from everything us related, I had the feeling he was waiting for me to make that decision.

It’s not that complicated, I either go to him (if I choose to do that) or he comes to me (which shouldn’t be a problem).

Or, put in another way, I’ll analyze it like the combo meal described in the copy I’m reviewing: “Choose between a double bacon cheeseburger or chicken BLT, plus nuggets, fries, and a drink for just $4.”

So, what’s the deal? Hmmm. How about lunch (not this one; my own) and then decide? Yeah, I can chew on that.

 

 

 

 

 

 

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After my last attempts to meet guys online (please see The Swipe), I did take a break from my search. As much as I know that ‘mejor sola que mal acompañada’ (better alone than in bad company), it’s still bothersome after all these years not having experienced a serious relationship.

Yes, it hit me hard, and got me down for many days. Even having conversations with my bff’s only helped temporarily. Bottom line is, I envisioned my present in a much different way.

For that I’ve tried to keep myself busy so I don’t think about it. And started doing something new to approach what I was feeling.

It was the start of a work week and the traffic was somewhat congested. Every time I hit a red light, I looked around people in their vehicles to check out what they were doing.

There’s always some woman putting her makeup on, another was still wearing her curlers, and a guy was using an electric shaver for at least 3 lights long.

Others were obviously looking at the phone talking or texting, all totally unaware of their surroundings. I did a small experiment of making funny faces, even doing my version of carpool karaoke, and nobody noticed. It was so bad the disconnect they had with the world, I bet you had I done something politically incorrect through the window, still no one would have paid attention.

All I could was laugh, which was good, and congratulate myself for not being co-dependant on a device of any kind.

As my drive continued, I looked around at the sky, train, stores, and other things we all take for granted, and actually appreciated them.

I then said to myself, “I will give thanks for all the good I have: my job, family, home, health, those people who give me so much. Even the ones who were present for the time that they had to, I’m also grateful. Last, but not least, whoever falls under my ‘persona non grata’ list, I release you.”

Yes, I do believe that when some people (can be male friends, besties, love interests, etc.) are no longer with you in whatever capacity, is because they were meant to be when you needed the most. Sometimes they go into another direction for reasons that have nothing to do with you; sometimes what you had together has run its course and there’s not much in common any more; sometimes it’s us who realize that as much as we may appreciate the other person, it’s best that we step away for own good, and hopefully for the other one as well.

Those in ‘the list’ range from anyone who have used or hurt me, to those that is better not even thinking about them at all.

You can say my thoughts were a ‘waiting to exhale’ moment, but they did wonders to my commute that morning.

If I’m not laughing at people, I then look at license plates with a coded message and try to decipher them. If I like it, I take a photo and share it on my profile. Some are pretty straight forward; others not even my social media friends can figure out.

It was on a Tuesday morning when I did the above-mentioned exercise again; it gave me some relief, but was still feeling down. I then looked up and thought, ‘would it be too much to ask for a little divine intervention on this matter?’

About 10 minutes went by, when I was driving on the middle lane and notice a familiar plate: LED ZEP1. ‘OMG, there it is!’, I thought to myself.

This was like the third time I’ve seen it. On the first one, the car was to my left, and every time I tried to take a photo, the light turned green.

When I was almost side by side with the vehicle, I notice a man with white hair inside smiling at me. He was probably laughing at my attempts to take a photo at such a limited visual angle. I kept trying, but wasn’t working.

The guy kept looking at me. He seemed way older than me, so I thought maybe he was one of the band members? I mean, it’s a known fact that there’s many celebrities living in my city.

In spite of getting a semi-descent shot, I gave the guy a smile back and said ‘thank you’.

Second time I was again in the center lane and LZ1 got right in front of me. ‘Yes! Got the shot!’

And now, I wanted to say hi to the guy and hopefully even strike a conversation. Who knows, maybe I’ve been riding next to a music legend and didn’t even know it. Hit it!

 

 

 



Just when I thought that things with this guy seemed to be leveling down, I get a phone call from him in the middle of the day, about 2 months after his arrival to the place ‘he hated so much, he felt like tearing the license plate off the car once he crossed the state’s city limits”, just like he did one month after being in the Pacific, to inform me of the following: “I’m just calling you quickly to let you know that I’m getting out of here!!!”

‘Say what??’ I thought to myself. It was like Groundhog Day, when the same incident and words from a few months back had repeated again. “Getting out of where??” asked I.

“The place that I’m living,” said he very angry. “Today is my last day here. This guy told me I couldn’t be here any more, so I made a few calls to people I know, and thank God who never fails me, I was able to find a place to move in right away. I will call you at another time when I’m settled down.”

I didn’t really pay attention to the details of what caused him to go; when I heard the religious part I got nauseated and lost focus on the conversation. Plus, here was again another situation of him having a disagreement with other people, either personal or work related, that ended in a nasty dispute. See the pattern here? His bitchy ex-girlfriend, sister, father, friends, co-workers. And, of course, it was the other person’s fault, not his.

In this case, from what I understood, my then friend was living at a room at the residence of a friend and/or former colleague, who was letting him live in the space for free until he had enough money to find a place of his own.

According to his version, the ‘landlord’ asked him to pay or got upset with this guy for something, and told him he had to go by the end of the month. This guy got so upset at his treatment that he told him, “don’t worry about me leaving this month; as a matter of fact, I’m leaving today, right now!!”

I think this happened sometime in the middle of the work week, so the conversation ended rather quickly and me not having much of a chance to say or ask anything else. He didn’t have much possessions with him, so I don’t think he sacrificed much work time to complete his move.

If we did have a chance to speak about this again, I’m sure he would have been still very angry for the fact that ‘he thought this person was his friend, but proved him wrong’, that ‘he was clearly stabbed on the back’, and that ‘for some reason God wanted me out of there, so that’s why this happened’.

After all this was over, I was again sort of distant from him as I living too many familiar emotions: his behavior change, angry outbursts, being unreachable, secrecy, religious fanaticism. The excuse of ‘been busy with my new job’ was the best into keeping a distance.

I think a few months went by when he informed me that he was again going to visit his mom over the weekend (to pick up one of his cars he had left at her house, or something like that), and that I was invited to go there from Saturday to Sunday, if possible.

He told me ‘very last minute’ and I wasn’t all sure about it, but decided to go ahead. With so much happening from him, I was feeling that there wouldn’t be that many chances in the future of getting together.

In other words, it was a ‘now or never’ situation. I didn’t see it then, but reality was that the end of an era was slowly approaching and it would happen with a ‘bang’ in the worst of ways possible.

 



The communication kept coming, but basically it remained via email, which started to bother me. I made a few attempts to call him, but it would go to voicemail and then he wouldn’t return my call.

It was that situation again where I felt I was making all the efforts to make anything happen. One early Saturday morning, though, there was a breakthrough. I was still sleeping when he called.

“You’re still in bed? I’ve been up since 8am. I gave breakfast to my kids, dropped them off at their mom’s, jogged for a while, and now I’m headed to the beach for a while. Have something pending to do with my daughter this afternoon.”

I haven’t said much myself and felt I was wasting my morning (and life) all together. “Sounds like an interesting day.” (Is this all I can really say?)

We kept doing the ‘small talk’ and, out of nowhere, I decided to give an explanation of what I felt about him way back then. I don’t know why I did it. I’ll blame it on being half awake or half asleep.

“I think my attraction to you was more that I wished I had what you had. The closeness to your family and intelligence were things I envied. By being with you I hoped those things would become part of my life.”

I had no recollection of how he responded or know if he actually internalized what I expressed. Our conversation had to end abruptly when he received a call from the hospital he works at.

I felt stupid after hanging up. What’s wrong with me? Why do I have to explain myself to him? Sounds like I wanted forgiveness for something I never did.

After all, he was the one who didn’t pay much attention to me at school, continued any contact with me after he graduated, or even after we saw each other years later. And now he’s pretty much behaving in the same way.

I’m giving this situation way too much thought when his actions are giving me the answers.

I was having my coffee when he sent me a photo. He took a selfie from inside his car in which he posed with a wacky face. The message read, ‘my dog took it.’ Guess this is his version of the sense of humor I was wondering about or didn’t knew existed.

The texts continued. ‘Saw this giant stingray while paddling.’ ‘Beautiful day.’ Now this is the beach guy I used to know.

I sort of felt happy for the conversation because I finally got it off my chest. But I didn’t get his side of the whole matter, so this is not yet concluded.

Question is: will that opportunity ever happen?



et cetera