The New M.E. Generation











I hear from him again close to 10pm that night.

Him: “Crap. They released the cars while we were having dinner. Wished I knew. The family was done for the day using them, so they said they weren’t needed anymore until tomorrow. So I’m stuck here. Don’t know how you feel coming here though.”

Me: “I don’t like driving at night, especially because of the time and distance to there. My vision is not that great in the evening either, plus don’t want to drive on my own this late.” (And know I can uber, but not paying for it, unless you offer though.)

Him: “I understand.”

I reiterated again that he should just get here and go for a drink. Otherwise, the weekend was looking like seeing each other would not be.

It had been a long day and he was tired, so the texting ended with ‘let’s see what happens tomorrow’.

When I was sort of ready to go to bed myself later on, the last thing that could have happened, happened: he called me. I was so in shock of seeing his image in my phone’s screen, that I didn’t know initially what method he was using to contact me.

Me: “This is a first! ¿A qué se debe el honor?” (to what do I owe this honor?). Don’t recall what he replied to that.

Him: “So tell me something, how is it possible that such a beautiful, sexy woman like yourself doesn’t have a boyfriend?”

Me: “There’s many reasons for that. I haven’t been emotionally ready. And the majority of guys I’ve met are not worth it.

When my parents got divorced, there wasn’t a strong male figure in my life except my friend that I used to visit up north (see The Ex-Friend story). My dad was present, but he had his own emotional limitations as a parent. And my sibling didn’t became the older brother figure that I needed. So I didn’t have that guidance about men, which has cost me dearly in so many ways.

My relationships with the primary men in my life, or the lack of thereof, including my ex, have been rocky.

And I didn’t felt loved by those closest to me. I was always trying to fulfill their expectations about me, with the hope they would provide the affection and attention I needed.

But when you live life for others, you’re lost. You have no sense of identity, self-esteem, or idea what one should be. You’re just there, existing day by day, with no certain path.

So this situation of being on my own, figuring things out by myself, not having a man with me, has been the norm since an early age.

This sense of abandonment that I have hasn’t quite gone all the way. Adding insult to injury, my ex turned his back on me. He left me way before he walked out the door.

I could say that the closest to a relationship with a man was one that I had shortly after my divorce. (Note: I haven’t talked about this person before.) He has all the qualities I am looking for in a partner. But after trying to make this work many times, we realized that as much as we loved and respect one another, resolved all our personal issues, the planets aligned perfectly, we are different in ways (culture, upbringing, faith) that will never allow it to happen.

That’s the story of my life: I met the one, but he’s not the one for me.”



{September 26, 2016}   The Swipe – Left or right

I met with Dina for Sunday brunch. It has been a while since we’ve gotten together. She invited some other girlfriends of her to join us as well.

I personally don’t mind that because it’s always good to meet new people and just have plain conversations about anything. Of course, the topic always turns to men.

I don’t know how it came up, but one of the other women started talking about these new mobile dating apps that are super easy to use. I’ve heard about those that you see a photo of the person with some basic info like first name, location, work title (if provided), and deciding if you like the person or not, you simply swipe right for yes, left for no.

The next step is that, hopefully, the person that you liked had done the same for you previously and a connection is established. It’s then up to you to try to continue with such connection, as you only have about 24 hours to communicate with the other person before it’s lost for good. Sound simple, but it pushes you to take quick action.

The woman opened her profile to show me the app. I noticed the age range and it was in the mid to late 30’s. There were many nice looking guys for her to consider.

I kept looking at what the app provided and also at her. She had a friendly personality, nicely dressed, has a good job, and is in the same situation as me. We have qualities that any guy would wish for (I think) and we can’t find someone. How crazy is that?

I downloaded the app while still there, but didn’t open it, as I felt it would be disrespectful from my part. I may try to be digitally up-to-date, but will not act like the current generation that its glued to their device every waking moment. This you handle in privacy when you get home. And I did.

I opened the app once I settled down, created the profile, added photos, etc., and off I went. The results were a bit of everything: some men looked good enough to consider; others looked way older than me; others were definitely a no right from the first photo appearing; others had photos at different ages; others had photos other than themselves (kids, dog, beach, stupid GIFs or memes). You name it, I saw it.

But before you do the swipe, you have to read the location of where each one lives and any information they might have provided that sheds some light as to what they want.

There were some that were just too far away for me, meaning it will always be difficult when having to see each other. Doing the ‘meet you in the middle’ will not work in the long run.

Other closer locations I consider ‘manageable’; they’re easy to get to or are ones that I could consider moving to in the future if anything became serious. I know I’m jumping ahead of myself, but you have to consider any scenario from the start, not later, and avoid the ‘it’s complicated’ dilemma.

Others, after reading the info, including their profession, you just realize you have nothing in common, or they’re out of your (and their) league. I am trying to be as open as possible to anything out of my comfort zone. But there’s some people that you just know by the way they’re behaving in the photos, what they’re wearing, or other physical aspects, that it will never happen, not even if the planets aligned or the world is about to end. Not only do you know, you feel it.

And the ‘out of league’, those guys that spend every available time in the beach, gym, or similar activities, want someone like them. Period. End of story.

Ladies, take it from me: they’re not going to stop pumping irons with their buddies or change their schedule for you, unless you do so for them or are into the same thing. The ‘trophy woman’ will not work unless you’re into bodybuilding or have a jacked-up body.

Other ‘outs’ (as mentioned above), include those that claim that travel constantly (pleasure or work), or have photos attending some fabulous event. This may look very chic and glamorous, but unless you’re in those inner circles, have the money to be a globetrotter, or afford to be at the level of those activities, chances are you will not be the woman for him.

It also applies to guys who are CEO’s or entrepreneurs. I’m not saying to sell yourself short, but these guys who are very successful, want women who are accomplished in a similar business/corporate measure.

You may be happy with your job and feel fulfilled with what you do, but if you’re not even close to where he is professionally, you will always look second place next to him, maybe a bimbo, or someone who’s with this guy for some personal agenda you have.

Don’t get me wrong; you may have your self-esteem and confidence in the right place and will not feel intimidated, but it will become an issue somewhere in the long run.

Also, stay away from guys who say they’re in town for a week. You’re not an escort (and have no idea what they left behind back home). Believe me when I say he won’t remember you once he’s gone. All they want is that their ‘layover’ turns into ‘getting laid over and over’ again.

Unfortunately, life is not fair, on anything. It’a jungle out there, even for finding a guy. So if you’re ready for this technology, then get your finger ready and start swiping.



I didn’t visit the site again until about 2 days later. It was the weekend, so I thought it was the best time to engage in this with a more relaxed approach.

I login and notice I have some messages from a guy whose name was ‘greeneyes4u’.

I opened the emails and (damn!) he certainly had green eyes, is nice looking, and on my age range.

Thank you universe!!

But, wait; before I get too excited about the planets being aligned in my favor for the first time ever, let me check out his profile.

According to what he wrote, he had been married, children are grown-up, had his own business, enjoyed the beach very much, and engaged in water sports.

He looked well for his age and was physically fit, obviously as a result of the activities he engages at.

Assuming the photos were recent, they gave me a sense that he was tranquil with his life and that he does want to meet someone, but is not in a rush to do so.

Everything passed my inspection. I wasn’t seeing or reading anything that raised a red flag to me.

I was very glad that this was happening so quickly after joining the site. I felt that I was back in the game and it should finally work out this time around.

I have learned my lesson well and do intend to deal with it the right way. I will reply to his messages (about 3 of them) with no melodrama, no desperate mode, or no negative behavior.

No, no, no. I’m not getting into that any more. It’s been quite a few years since been single and the disappointments and hurt have been too much.

No, I’m not letting this happen again. I know better.

All right, let’s start. I will read all of them and then reply. No rush, no stress; just think of what to say carefully and go for it.

And just when I was about to do that, a window opens on the screen. It was the online chat. This meant he could see that I was online and had visited his profile.

Surprise to me! Darn it! So this is how this works? You pretty much know what another person is doing (if you really do your research) and the same goes for yourself.

I started getting nervous. How much does this ‘green eyed’ person has dug up about me?

I kept staring at the chat window. He wants to talk to me, now!

So, who said again is totally in control here?



It was a few days after my last attempted phone call that I get a message that read, ‘Going to meet my wife’s boyfriend. Weird.’

What? I thought this had already happened since it has been almost a year since the separation. I honestly think it’s not the best thing to do, especially after she has been behaving badly with him (well, according to his side of the story).

But knowing how much he cares about his children, he probably wants to have the best relationship possible with the spouse, even it means being in an uncomfortable situation.

My response was, ‘What for? Give her your blessing? Please…’

The ‘beach guy’ never replied to my message, so I don’t know if he disliked my comment or have lost all interest in me (probably the second).

Some days later I was reviewing my profile page and a saw a picture that got me upset.

In it, his wife had her arm around a guy, there was another couple in the middle, then this guy next to a woman holding a dog in her arms.

He had a wine glass in one hand, but couldn’t tell if the other was embracing the woman.

The location was on someone’s house and the mood of the photo was festive, like those you see in a party, and celebrating the holidays.

Wow, this was more than a meeting. This guy actually stayed, had a drink and more, and smiled at the camera like nothing has happened.

The photo caption read, ‘Redefining family and friends.’ It was tagged by his wife, which means they’re still ‘Internet’ connected.

So, what’s the deal here? I thought the meeting was ‘weird’ and that your wife hasn’t been that nice since the whole marriage went down the tube.

I know standing next to another woman holding a dog doesn’t mean anything, but the photo is making me question what kind of person this guy is and how much I thought I knew him.

Sounds to me this is another indicative the universe is throwing at me that I really need to ‘embrace’ the notion that nothing is to happen between us.

And now that the new year is fast approaching, more the reason to consider starting on a clean slate and making some greatly needed resolutions that will lead my life in the right direction.

Thanks universe for trying to have my own ‘planets’ aligned.



et cetera