The New M.E. Generation











The next day we exchanged texts again about other random things. Don’t recall what we were chatting about when he says: “I’m sure you’re still as beautiful as ever”.

I was one of those ‘ahhh’ moments that shook me to my core. One of those when you had completely forgotten how good it feels like when reading such a thought like that. And, how are you supposed to respond to such a message?

Honestly, my mind went blank about what to say other than thanking him. Since I’ve never been able to ‘go below the surface’ and find out what he’s really made of, I felt me opening about my feelings now was not the right thing to do.

Another few days later, again talking nonsense, I finally braved up to say: “I was meaning to ask you. Are you seeing anyone?”

He: “Nah.”

Me: “No nurses?” (Recap: he once got involved with another, probably one of many. When I saw on social media that he sent roses to her for Valentine’s and she posted the photo of the arrangement along with all this romantic text thanking him, I unfriended him immediately. I learned later on that when he tried to break-up with her, she threatened to kill herself. This may sound like a General Hospital episode, but no surprise here.

One word: Karma. It’s not the first time that guys say they’re not interested in me, to then hook up with some chick that later turned out to be a psycho bitch, to then reappear as if nothing has happened.’)

Him: “No nurses. Had a GF nurse. Broke up about 4-5 weeks ago.”

(So that’s why he came back… I told you so that there was something more here!)

Him: “I don’t do liars or cheaters.”

Me: “She cheated on you?”

Him: “Yup.”

Me: “Ouch! How did you find out?” (Karma. Again. And I didn’t say I was sorry for what happened to him because I’m not.)

Him: “I went to leave a love note in her wallet and there was someone else’s love note in there.” (Dude, you can’t go into other people’s things! Did you check her phone too while you were at it?)

And, what? He revealed his feelings? He expressed them on paper? Whoa!

But, Karma, again, of course. You never really wanted me and now life is getting back at you. Hurts doesn’t it? Wouldn’t be surprised it was that extremely bleached blond from your photo in the boat.

I don’t remember him being romantic with me, ever. I, on the other hand, was the one who once did write a note to him.

When my school held the annual Farewell Assembly for his graduating class, the custom was that you could send, and had delivered, cards and else from other students.

I decided to send him a card; I debated first whether it was worth doing it or not. After deciding to do so, I then had difficulty deciding what to say beyond the expected congratulations and well wishes.

I probably wrote something to the extent that ‘I will never forget you’, ‘Will miss you’, or ‘You’ll always have a friend here’. Thoughts that we tell others, but not always follow through later on.

Thoughts that in the heat of the moment touch our hearts greatly, to later maybe get forgotten once the day is over and the cards are put away, and we walk out the door towards the next chapter of our life.

I remember the event being held in the auditorium with people from the 7-11 grades. His class was sitting on the stage in about 4 rows of chairs. He happened to be on the first row towards stage left. He was wearing like a light brown suit with the darkest of tans.

My class was also sitting to that side, so I had a good view of him. When someone stood in front of him to give him the envelopes, he first had a look of ‘oh, for me?’. He held his hand open to accept them. 1-2-3-4. By the third one, his eyes opened wide and the face changed to a surprised one.

He read one by one. At one point he looked my way with teary eyes (yes I’m sure!), but don’t know if they were intended for me.

As the activity came to an end, many students jumped on stage to dance to “Come Sail Away“, the chosen theme song. I, of course, took the opportunity to be next to him. He did break out in some dance (yes he did!), and I shed some tears to which he didn’t react to much.

As the years go by, no matter what I do, I always go back to that day when I hear that song.

“I look to the sea; reflections in the waves spark my memory. / Some happy, some sad. / I think of childhood friends and the dreams we had.”

Yep, if only life could be as easy as a day at the beach.

 

 

 

 

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About 2 weeks later, I came across LZ1 again while en route to work. I was surprised how fast it happened from the last one.

I was driving in the center lane, as usual. He quickly appeared to my right and, for a few seconds, we were almost side by side before he speeded up to change lanes, looking for open road to drive faster.

He didn’t notice me because I was in my new car, a dark blue 4-door different from the previous gray 2-door, which made me stand out in a whole other way in all the years I had the other one. Plus I was wearing my hair in a ponytail, which made me less recognizable at first sight.

Me: “Morning”. My car chase began, but he really stepped on it that day, so much it made it hard for me to catch up with him.

Incredibly, I managed to get right behind him when he switched to my lane and the car behind his moved aside.

I hit another red light. I couldn’t see if he was looking around for me like the day of the ‘I’m a ghost’ episode.

I even went as far as taking many photos of the back of his car and making gestures to see if he noticed the presence of someone behind him.

A few more lights later, he then moved to the left, and I was able to get right next to him.

He was completely oblivious to his surroundings, pretty much like everyone else. I had to wave my hand a little more than needed to wake him up from his limbo.

When he finally sees me, he waves back enthusiastically, with a face of surprise like those of ‘hey, how are you?!’. I then changed my hand gesture to one of ‘I’ll be seeing you’ and kept going.

Him (about 5 minutes later): “I see. New car. Nice one. Morning.”

Me: “Time changes everything. Was behind you for long.” I then forwarded a photo of the back of his car with the infamous “Led Zep1” plate.

Him: “I see that now. Had no idea.

Me (with a quote from the movie Ferris Bueller’s Day Off): “Life moves pretty fast. If you don’t stop and look around once in a while, you could miss it.”

Him: “Yep.”

Me: “Well, it was nice seeing you again.”

Him: “Same here.”

Me: “Still dealing with your grand problem?”

(Recap: when he sent me the text that he couldn’t see me any more, he made a mention about a big problem he has regarding work that hasn’t been resolved, plus another one that has come up which made matters worse. So much, according to him, that they would make it very difficult for him to be with me.

He also said, ‘don’t want to talk about it’, so I will never know if such situation is true, or just a mere story he came up with to look legit and let go of me without looking like an ass. I’ll settle for the second.)

Him: “Somewhat, but things have settled down quite a bit.”

Me: “Good.”

I waited for him to continue the conversation as he has done before (as in maybe him opening up somewhat about what is really happening in his life), or just say any random thing. But no; that was it.

By this time I was already at work, so I knew that the best thing to do was just end the chat in a ‘good note’ and keep on with my day.

So the question is, once more, what will I do if I come across him again, if that? Not sure. All I know is that everything has a start and finish (like a car race).

This happens because we either take action on it, or the universe does it for us when it decides that now is the time for that.

If it understands that there’s still something pending, being today or in the next millennium, it will make us ‘race’ for it and ‘cross the finish line’ until it gets resolved.

Start your engines!

 

 



et cetera