The New M.E. Generation

Just when I thought all connections had been made with guys I used to know or had remembered me for an assortment of reasons back in college, I get, not one, but two emails through two separate social sites from a another guy from school.

I opened them both and one had a picture from years past and the other was more current. I stared at the older one and the person’s name with quite attention. What I felt was a weird, contradictory feeling of knowing and recognizing him, but having not much recollection of events that occurred that related to both of us.

I remembered that we knew each other, we dated or were friends (either or both) and that was it. I believe it was a brief thing, whatever it was, but there was also a feeling of sadness and loss, which origin I had no memory of.

I was truly happy to have been contacted by another former alumni and, once again, became curious to get an update of his current life. But, most important, I wanted to know why he decided to contact me and what were the circumstances that made him do that. And, of course, what the heck I am remembered for.

Sounds like the first connection is getting repeated all over again.

After my virtual conversation with ‘reconnect,’ I realized I should try to do the same with other people from school. There is particularly one guy that got interested on my on my junior year of college.

We were seeing each other and I liked him. But my recollection is that I messed it up. I think I let my insecurities get in the way or couldn’t appreciate him fully for what he was for some reason.

Yeah, I surely messed it up. What the hell was wrong with me back then? Why did I push him away, or, did I? I don’t remember what exactly happened that we stopped seeing each other, but this experience has never been forgotten.

It’s one of those that I feel I need to apologize for and give closure for some unknown reason I can’t quite understand.

Don’t know why, but I feel there’s a part of me that maybe is still like that Emma back then. Damn, I feel really bad and don’t like myself much right now.

The more I think about it, the more of giving closure to this situation sounds very good. Maybe it will help, even more my current healing. So, how do I go about in doing this?


I decided to take the situation further by going ‘live’ with ‘reconnect.’ He suggested talking via the computer, so I thought it was a great idea, even more talking to a fellow alumnus.

We didn’t know what to say to each other once we saw our faces on the screen. Oh, no, this face I surely don’t remember, but he surely did mine (sad…).

“Hey, you look great. In fact, pretty much as I remember you,” said he.

“Thanks, I appreciate it. I try to keep it up.” I told him about my ‘past life,’ but talking to him made me remember myself during those college days. I liked putting myself together as much as possible, something that I’ve continued even more when I became single.

More than making a fashion statement, I know I do it as a respect to myself; that I care about me and to show the world that I didn’t break down.

But I’m still trying to understand his recollection of me.

“I can’t really tell you what it was, but Raad was the envy of other guys for having you. Besides being cute, something about your personality made you attractive to men. Hey, if it wasn’t that I was in a relationship with someone else, I would have probably approached you the minute I learned that you and him were no longer together.”

Wow, those are revealing words to me. I don’t know what to call myself. It’s not cute or pretty (but certainly not ugly), and I wasn’t doing any chasing or considered myself drop-dead gorgeous.

I think what I have inside of me is certainly beautiful, which I hope has translated to the outside. Hmm, maybe that’s what it is. Maybe my inner beauty is the answer to my question, or not?

As I finished my conversation, I started remembering other moments when my so-called beauty came to play. Perhaps I will find some more clues on them?

Let the analyzing begin.

Wait, I think I’m starting to remember. After some more emails, I finally put the pieces together. My ‘reconnection’ and his friend lived off-campus on the same apartment building, and on the same floor. ‘Reconnect’ was also dating a girl I knew.

But there was still a missing link. My relationship with Raad was basically a friendship and was involved with him very briefly. And, ‘reconnect’ said they knew each other from school, but weren’t buddies.

So, what was the deal that made ‘reconnect’ remember me, including my name, after some pretty long years?

“You had all the guys’ heads spinning when they saw you with Raad,” said ‘reconnect’. What? You’re saying that I was cute, or nice looking? “You certainly made an impression on them. People would take notice on you.”

Me? What the heck they saw in me? I know I always tried to look my best with the limited spending money I had. But some of the fashion I sported back then at times served me no justice.

So, again, what was it about me that apparently separated me from the rest?

No freaking idea. Still trying to figure it out.


It’s been a few years since I became single. I can finally say that I have reached the peace and tranquility I greatly yearned and needed.

All the past experiences I lived with all those guys has been a great lesson for everything related to my life.

I thought I had dealt with all my personal and emotional issues when one in particular came to surface in a recent reconnection: my looks.

I received an email from someone from my college that wanted to connect with me in a professional network site. He has sent me about two previous invitations, which I quickly deleted.

On the third one, though, I kept the invitation on my profile for a while until I thought to myself, ‘why not?’ Maybe I’ll get some benefit from this, like a job connection perhaps?

So I accepted the invitation and decided to send an email to this college alumnus to once and for all (hopefully) have a recollection of who this guy is.

“I’m sorry,” said I, “but I don’t remember you. Could you refresh my memory of how we know each other?”

“You were dating my friend Raad.”

‘Who?’ I thought to myself. Oh, no, what have I gotten myself into? I think this is going to take quite a few emails and deep thought for me to remember, if that happens.


et cetera