The New M.E. Generation











After learning that he’s single, again, I started wondering how interested this guy really is about seeing me. I know his ‘last minute’ appearances will never work for me, so, can anything happen whenever he’s not complicated, if there is such a time like that?

Me: “I was thinking that you don’t have to wait for one of your work trips to come this way.”

Him: “No. I don’t. Right now I can’t leave because I have a super sick patient and have to be available for him. I haven’t had time for myself.”

(Recap: In the past, whenever I invited him, he always had an excuse, mostly that he was busy with his kids. Honestly, don’t know how he has managed to be with anyone, period.)

Me: “Just a thought.”

Him: “Good thought.” (At least he didn’t say no to it.)

A few days later, while driving home from work, I hear “Come Sail Away” on the radio. I texted him about the song and his high school Farewell Assembly later in the evening.

Me: “You were sitting in the front row. Wore like a light brown suit. You got like 4 cards. One was mine. You got surprised and later got sort of teary eyed when you read them. If I recall correctly.”

I skipped mentioning the end part of the activity when I got up on stage, shed a few tears myself, and he sort of broke into a dance while the song was being played.

Him: “That was me.” (As in ‘that’s who I was then’ or ‘that is indeed the person you’re referring to’?)

As other memories crossed my mind, the interest of me seeing him slightly grew. Problem is, according to him he’s too busy to come here, and he has never invited me to go his way.

So as I have done since always, I debated whether or not to say that I could go visit him. I know it’s been about 2 years since I last heard of him, that I shouldn’t base things on the past, and the chances of this happening are zero to none, but…

Me: “Perhaps I could go your way sometime in the future?”

Him: “Perhaps. You can drive your new car although that’s a lot of miles to put on a lease.” (So that means ‘no’?)

He forwards me a map of his location and the shortest route is basically 4 hours away. That is, if you don’t make any stops.

Me: “I’m not talking about doing it all the time. At least once.”

I do appreciate his concern about my lease. But I got the vehicle almost 3 months ago and I’m only driving it short distances, so there’s plenty of miles to go before even getting close to my yearly limit.

And using my transportation situation as the reason for me not visiting him raises a huge red flag. It makes me believe that he’s hiding something and is not as single as he claims to be. I didn’t get a good feeling about it, so I left it at that for now.

With all honesty, I wish I could make this trip, not because of him, but for myself. You see, the beach is where it all began. It’s where I met him, shared the nice moments, and even got to see him for who he really was.

I too learned about a side of myself that I didn’t know I had, which would be nice for me to rediscover. I know I can’t bring back the past, but I believe me there together will finally allow me to say what needs to be said and move on.

All I’m asking from the universe is just this one time, because “if you do it right, once is enough.”

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 



{January 9, 2017}   The Swipe 16 – Sink or swim

The Saturday that I was supposed to go on Bob’s boat finally arrived. After all the times he has been on my side of the world, it was time for me to go to his. Besides, I also wanted to see what it looked like, as it is another important detail to consider when being with someone in any capacity.

He was kind enough to come my way for me to follow him home. I’m glad it happened that way because it was far from where I live and, knowing how I am, I would have most probably gotten lost. And I’m not a happy camper when that happens.

I also wondered how traffic is like during the weekdays, and how he deals with driving to work back and forth all the time. I was surprised the commute hasn’t taken a toll on him.

He lives in a controlled-access neighborhood and his house was the first one you found upon entering the property. The residence is also right next to the pool area.

Bob gave me a tour of his home; the garage was all decked out with two motorcycles all nicely covered and taken care of. (And, no, I didn’t say anything like, ‘can we go for a ride?’, nor did he ask me if I would like to.)

Inside his residence there’s the typical you would find: 3 bedrooms, kitchen, baths, backyard, etc. There wasn’t anything at first glance that raised a red flag with me.

The walkthrough was done rather quickly, as we still had to go buy some food and beverages, get the boat, and then head to the marina.

While at the supermarket he asked me what I felt like eating, to which I said that ‘pretty much anything he went for would be fine with me.’ I know he wanted to please me, but I was raised in that you ate what was served to you, whether at home or not. And I know you don’t want to get complicated while on a boat either.

We settled for one of those value meals so in case there were leftovers, you could still take advantage of them at home later on.

We then went to get his boat at a trailer park not far from his house, which I found to be super convenient. Because he drives a truck, he’s able to tow his boat with ease.

I stayed inside the vehicle while he connected the trailer to the truck. He had told me he does this by himself all the time, but I kept looking back from my seat in case he needed my help. I thought that making myself useful was the least I could do to thank him for his invitation.

We then went to the marina where we had to make a line to put the boat on the water. Once the process started, I made myself useful again by helping him secure it with the ropes on the dock while he parked the car, putting things inside, and later pushing the boat off the dock when ready to go.

Before taking me to a channel he usually goes to, he took me around offshore. It had been a long time since I last saw reefs, the change of colors in the water, making it feel all new to me.

Upon arriving to our destination, I once again got into action by offering my help on anything he might need. The location was shallow and full of boats. It honestly looked like a trailer park or neighborhood on any given day.

As the day progressed, we hanged out on the water and had lunch. Every so often Bob would ask me if I was having fun. I gave him the honest answer, like I did before, that ‘it has been so long since I was last on a boat, that it felt like it has never happened.’ And that, yes, I was enjoying the day.

Honestly, I was. There was no reason for me to feel discontent, as he had done all he could to make this moment enjoyable.

What was circling in my mind was that if these invitations to go boating continue in the future, would I be able to have as much fun as he does?

Maybe not, but good enough for me to want to do it again. I mean, he is the one who is doing all the work to get to the water. And I was analyzing the boating situation as a new one, not based on my past experience.

I won’t deny memories of the other boat crossed my mind of how much I got to dislike it and the one behind the wheel for being so intertwined. I literally went with the flow on anything with both, to the point that Sunny Days were no more for me.

On the other hand, why am I getting so ahead of myself? I should know already how it all goes. It has happened to me before that guys have dropped off the radar without no explanation one day to the next. So why not in this case?

Let’s face it: the fact that we live in separate counties is good enough reason, for whatever is happening between us, to go straight to the bottom of the ocean and end.

His house is here. His boat is here. His children and grandkids live here. His whole life is here.

I may be renting, don’t have kids or any other attachment that holds me where I am (except my job), but I’ve created my own life the same way as he has.

If one of the two had to make the drastic change to make this work would had to be me because I’m the less complicated one, which looks very far away in the horizon.

So what am I supposed to do now?

How about jumping ship and swimming to shore while I still can?

 

 



{November 7, 2016}   The Swipe 7 – First impressions

Cameron and I agreed to meet at the bar of a family restaurant. I thought this would be the best way to do so, as if things don’t go along as you hoped for, then you can end the night early without much fuzz.

He showed up on time (which I liked), but wearing his usual work outfit, a printed t-shirt, jeans, and sneakers. This is standard dressing for guys in my company, but if you’re going out on a first date, wouldn’t you amp up your style just a little bit, in an effort to make a good impression? I did.

Obviously this is all he’s got (clothes that is) and, sorry for saying this, has no idea what’s going on with men’s fashion, as printed t-shirts are now out of style and looks like will not make a comeback any time soon. In other words, his creativity on this surely failed.

We spoke about many things, but primarily on our relationships status. I shared some of my experiences and how the dating app has resulted in 2 disappointing connections so far.

He explained to me that he was going through a divorce, because his wife had gotten involved with another man (ouch!). She claims to be really into him and has even introduced this guy to her children (2 daughters; 13 and 10 years old) (second ouch!), all the while Cameron is living in his own apartment waiting for this whole mess to get resolved.

As a result, his work performance suffered greatly, which eventually lead him to being let go. Luckily, he was able to find another job rather quickly, thanks to the help of other people who also got laid off.

“Imagine being told by your spouse that they want a divorce and that they already have someone else,” said he to me. “Of course I had no mind for work and didn’t get the support from my colleagues that I needed at the time, so I was bound to fail in the long run.”

I told him that ‘I was exactly in your shoes some 8 years ago’, and that there’s no right answers to what to do or not when going through this. ‘Take one day at a time,’ was the best advice I thought I could give him then.

But, honestly, had I been in his place, I would have asked that whore wife of mine to move out with her male bitch boyfriend (and see how much this affair really survived), as well as keeping custody of the kids during the process. I wouldn’t have allowed for a stranger to set foot on a home I purchased with my efforts, and that surely has already spent many nights on the bed I used to share with my former spouse.

And introducing your lover to my kids? F@&* that! That’s showing you don’t care about anything or anyone except yourself.

Another comment that was raising brows was that he had dated a 24-year-old woman for 4 months, when he is 48 (this is a red flag which I will comment more later).

This is so typical of people to do, of getting involved with someone right away during or after a divorce, especially when in a situation like his where there’s cheating. And it is always for the wrong reasons, which is basically trying to show the cheater that, hey, you got yourself a lover, well, I have mine now.

And the icing on the cake being that she’s way younger than the wife (more like old enough to be Cameron’s daughter). It’s like a competition of trying to outdo in a bigger scale what the other person has done to you. Call it revenge, call it getting even, it’s all a need of ‘giving you a taste of your own medicine’ for the pain that has been inflicted on you.

The reason for the break-up with the 24-year-old, according to him, was that she expressed that she would like to have kids in the future and he doesn’t want any more, so at the end of a long, extensive conversation, they decided to call it quits.

I wasn’t buying the whole thing, as I very much know there’s two sides to every story, but because it was already in the past, I felt it was better not to expand on it when I didn’t even know how this date would end.

I didn’t ask him how long ago this happened, which was a mistake from my part. Depending on this detail, it can make a difference on any future relationship, especially if recent, because that means a person is not ready for a new one just yet.

The other red flag I didn’t give much thought to was when I asked him if he has gotten himself ‘fixed’. He told me ‘no’.

Dude, if you already decided you don’t want any more kids, you should take care of that right now! If you don’t, then it means you’re not 100% on board with this.

And why weren’t you upfront on this matter when you got involved with the 24-year-old? Even more, why risk having an ‘oopsie moment’? Put your ‘mucho macho’ ego aside (you’re not that hot to begin with) and get it done!

Perhaps the biggest surprise of the night was when he asked me if I was friends with Dina. Turns out that he had met her some years back in another state when he interviewed her at ad agency he worked at.

Even more surprising was that the current ad agency that Cam works for, as well as Dina’s and mine, all belong to one main company.

Dina and Cam share the same office space (different companies), and Cam recognized Dina because he saw a post of her on my social media.

Cam then said that he ‘sees her almost every day at the kitchen during lunch, but doesn’t talk to her because he doesn’t know her personally’.

Curiously, I know them both; Dina knows me, but doesn’t ‘know’ him; Cameron knows me and ‘knows’ her. Sounds confusing? It sure does, more like a ‘who knows who’ triangle.

Instead of me thinking that Dina will probably be happy to know that I’m dating Cameron (if that was to happen), I was thinking of her more as someone who could keep an eye on him. But that wouldn’t be right of me to ask, and for her to do, especially at work.

So what plan of action will it be? Too early to say. Honestly, if I survive this night and move forward to other meetings, I’ll consider it a small victory in my never-ending dating saga.

Meanwhile, I’ll just drink to it all. Cheers!

 

 

 

 



{October 24, 2016}   The Swipe 5 – I’m the expert

In spite of the disappointment with Fish, I decided to give the app another try. It was the first experience I had using it, so I thought it was too early to give up on it just yet.

I have to admit my hopes were not that good. After having almost no worthy memories about dating (meeting online or in the real), keeping your interest going becomes a challenge. It gets to a point you basically don’t want to do it any more.

What I decided was instead to leave the app alone for a few days, until I felt I was ready to approach it with somewhat the same enthusiasm I did the first time around. Yes, I was skeptical, but I thought to myself that it’s either this or nothing.

I approached the second attempt like before of reading all information in the profiles, swiping left for those out of my area, not appealing to me at all, having no info besides a first name and age, showing no clear location, or supposedly living locally when in fact the profile states another one (don’t understand why this happens).

I knew I had to continue being open to all possibilities, but opted to being picky by listening more to my inner guts, so hopefully that would get me better results.

So as I am swiping left for the majority of the profiles, I see one of a guy who I will call Bert, which sounds like ‘burp’, because it’s one of those people you look at and you can’t decide either to go for it or not. It’s like gas stuck within you that you don’t know how to get rid of or when it will finally come out.

This guy wasn’t totally bad looking for my taste, but wasn’t cute either. It was more like average. He didn’t appear to be trashy either, but there was something about him I couldn’t figure out.

He had several photos and one showed him wearing a suit and tie, making me understand that he probably worked in a professional environment that required that, like law or accounting.

I looked at his face again and now felt he looked semi-nerd, which matched his appearance. I personally prefer corporate looking guys, since I’ve always worked in this type of environment. But my preference is for those who are creatives since I work in a related field, and this made me wonder if this was the reason why this guy wasn’t really clicking with me.

I thought to myself that his appearance might not be what I like, but maybe his intelligence could. Maybe he’s someone who could grow on you after getting to know him more. He’s one of those you just have to search beyond the surface to finally figure them out and decide if worth the effort.

Before swiping right, I believe I first used my photo identification app. If people have a professional media profile, most likely the work photos will give you a search result, which in this case it did, including a full name.

After finding his credentials, which were very impressive, I learned that he had been in the military and was experienced in special ops and high risk activities. He now owned a company specializing in something related to business data security and management.

I had never come across a profile like this. It was of those where the face doesn’t match the experience at all. He was definitely a ‘brain’ and far off to what a former army guy is supposed to look like. In fact, he seemed too well put together.

What I remember happening afterwards is that I swiped right and he had done the same, so were now connected to chat.

I don’t recall if we chatted for long (as in days), but I do remember asking him, ‘So what’s your story? Divorced? Kids? Dating anyone?, to which he replied, ‘My story? A good guy looking to meet a nice woman.’

What’s wrong with this picture? He didn’t answer my question. People, this is a huge red flag. If they’re avoiding providing some basic answers or information that confirms who they are, either they’re a fake user or are hiding something.

Also, be aware of people listing careers to which there’s no market for where you live, or list a company that doesn’t exist or has no offices in your area. And if they state they work ‘independently’, even worse. It makes no sense living at one place when the opportunities are somewhere else, even if you work in a contractual basis.

Another red flag is when you see profiles that repeat similar career fields and their college is from an institution that’s based abroad. I’m not saying that there can’t be foreigners in your city, but when the title seems too big for your location, take note of that as well.

With this guy, because I confirmed he was the real deal and told me the area he lived at, I thought there was no further ‘threats’ here to consider. I overlooked his lack of a complete response (when I should know better already to not do this) and decided to move to the next step of suggesting meeting somewhere (‘Sounds good. Maybe we could meet sometime? I live around your area.’), to which he agreed (‘We’re not too far away. It would be nice to meet you.’).

But, there was still this burp in me that wouldn’t go away, so I decided to do an extra ‘security check’. Because I had his full name, I searched for his social media profile.

And I didn’t liked what I found. Bitch Bert had a profile picture with a woman, his girlfriend. There were these photos of them very cozy together and professing their love for each other.

Not only did my burp finally come out, now I had one filled with the anger of the lie this guy was trying to pull off. He may be a security expert, but I deciphered the truth with a simple app.

So how do you strike back? Easy. I took a screen shot of the conversation where he didn’t answer my question about his status and that he agreed to meet with me, went to his girlfriend’s profile and sent it to her with the message: “I know this is none of my business, but your man has a profile in a dating site and had agreed to go out with me on a date.”

Afterwards, I texted this guy again, telling him the meeting wasn’t going forward, followed by “who is the woman in the picture?”

The next day his profile and conversation were deleted.

Boom goes the dynamite!! Who’s the military expert now?? This girl is!!



{September 21, 2015}   The Ex-Friend 2 – Not seeing it

This guy started talking about a girl he had a relationship with, that they had broken up, but somehow he ended up in her apartment, had sex with her because she managed to get that from him, and when he left the place, was so upset with himself, that he hit the hood of his car so hard it created a dent.

The woman was sitting at the balcony laughing, but not at the car, but at him for getting what she wanted.

The way he referred to the laugh was one of sarcasm, almost as if she was getting even or didn’t care anything about him.

I was listening to him quietly and still in shock, not because of this story, but for this mystery woman.

In all the years we have been friends, I only knew of one during high school. I had seen him with her once in her school. He introduced me to her; I don’t recall if they were holding hands or not, but the way they walked clearly showed they had something together.

The other time I remember her was at a career day at her school. She was alone, but we talked to each other briefly and she never asked me anything about my relationship with this guy.

Looking back I don’t know why I didn’t question him. We both had significant others, but he said that he had feelings for me.

How did this didn’t raise a red flag with me? Was as I too naive, trusted him blindly, or perhaps I was too much into myself that I simply didn’t get it?

And then during and post college years, he didn’t mention any love interests either from his side. In my mind he had never lost his feelings for me. And our conversations usually centered around me as well.

He had his issues as well, but his approach and tone of voice were one of understanding why it was or had happened, and had resolved or come to terms with it, which was the opposite of me.

We had been close friends for the longest time, sharing the good and bad, to the point that we knew the other more than we did ourselves.

So why didn’t he tell me about this, especially when it was obvious that it ended in a chaotic way?

He had always known about the guys in my life, and now with my then ex-spouse, a relationship that at that moment was stable and solid.

I kept listening to him and this guy wanted to talk at that moment. That’s how desperate he was. He was way more broken than when he told me about his grandmother. In fact, I don’t think I’ve ever seen him this way.

I didn’t wanted to let him down, but I was also on my way to see my then ‘x’. It was a delicate balancing act I never had before.

What I recall after this is that we agreed to discuss it either in person or phone. I continued to my ex’s apartment and didn’t tell him about the incident.

I don’t remember if the conversation ever happened, but I’m sure I probably felt guilty for leaving my friend all sad behind.

He had always been the main man in my life, but now things had changed for me, and certainly for him.

Yep, no matter what, things never remain the same, ever. And it’s not necessarily life that does it, mostly it’s because of us, and many times in the worst of ways.

It’s like a low blow that you didn’t see it coming.



“I think your friend will be fine,” said I. “It’s good that you care about him. What he needs, and pretty much everyone who serves, is our support. My opinion is that they give way too much for this country, but we don’t pay them back the way they deserve.

And in regards to them coming back ‘changed’, I’ve pretty much met every type of guy on the book. They all have some sort of lingering issue, so dealing with one from the military shouldn’t be that much different. I’ll give it a try if the situation presents itself.”

“It takes a lot of courage to do that,” said he.

“You can’t give up on the hope of finding a partner. What I’ve learned throughout the years is that you’ve got to look at people for what they really are from the beginning. We tend to judge them based on our reality and when they don’t turn out as expected, we reject them.

That’s the problem with us women. We’re expecting to hit it right from the start and then we’re breaking our heads questioning ourselves where did we go wrong, when we should have looked at what was standing in front of us and accept their way of being for what it is.

You can pretty much figure out someone quickly and determine of they’re worth any of your time and energy. If your gut feeling tells you no, it means it’s time to move on.

The secret is to know when to apply your intelligence and emotions accordingly in your favor.”

“So what do you think about me so far tonight?”

“I think you’ve been very transparent.”

“So nothing to be concerned about just yet?”

“No, nothing that raises a red flag. You’re also still young. You haven’t gone through some experience like I have that make you change your outlook on life. I’ve pretty much seen everything already. Nothing surprises me any more.”

“Well, I hope I don’t disappoint you,” said he.

I kept looking at him and everything seemed to start falling into place. At least he was trying to be polite.

“Hey, you want to eat something? How about a pizza? They have some on the menu.”

“Sounds good to me. Love pizza.”

He seemed glad to see that I had tastes like those of a guy. I may be older than him and may have changed on some things, but I’ll never give up on a good plate of food. Top that with remembering my college days, even a better taste to go for.



This guy returned my call around 3-4pm that Saturday. He sounded like he was running 100 miles a minute. He explained that on Saturday afternoons he works as a personal trainer on a gym and was still at that, but wanted to touch base with me before it got later in the day.

Well, that’s nice of him, I think. It was a weird feeling having so much politeness from a young guy like him. Wait, let me rethink this again. Many of the guys I’ve met started out as that, being well mannered and behaving the way I like guys to do.

But after the first encounter, their true beings slowly, and surely, emerge. Reality is they were very smart. They somehow managed to figure it out and mold their personas to make it appealing to me. It is so well crafted, I actually believe there is a possibility that I have finally met a good guy.

So, why am I fooling myself? This guy is probably trying to lure me into the sack. But I’ll give him credit that he works out and knows that if it’s such the case, he better have something worth my attention.

Hearing his voice felt fine. It was one of those occasions when you get a good vibe in the first few minutes of talking to someone.

The only thing that raised a red flag was that he had a ‘jumpy’ tone or talking perhaps a little too fast for me. But this is no surprise since his schedule is filled to the rim. He probably needs that adrenaline rush to be able to pull it all off.

He suggested meeting at 8pm at a bar of my choice. In other words, he was leaving it for me to decide.

I liked that because I was still keeping control of the situation. Meeting him up at the location is an example of that. And, of course, I was not going to put myself in a situation that I know I shouldn’t be.

But I lost control of my thoughts when he asked me what bar it would be. I couldn’t remember the last time I was in one with a guy all by myself.

And what would I talk about? What do I really have to say to him? Is this all going to end sort of bad like my other experiences?

Let’s calm down and control my anxiety level. Let me think about (or put my energy) into something else, like, what am I going to wear?

Now that’s a stressful situation!



I didn’t visit the site again until about 2 days later. It was the weekend, so I thought it was the best time to engage in this with a more relaxed approach.

I login and notice I have some messages from a guy whose name was ‘greeneyes4u’.

I opened the emails and (damn!) he certainly had green eyes, is nice looking, and on my age range.

Thank you universe!!

But, wait; before I get too excited about the planets being aligned in my favor for the first time ever, let me check out his profile.

According to what he wrote, he had been married, children are grown-up, had his own business, enjoyed the beach very much, and engaged in water sports.

He looked well for his age and was physically fit, obviously as a result of the activities he engages at.

Assuming the photos were recent, they gave me a sense that he was tranquil with his life and that he does want to meet someone, but is not in a rush to do so.

Everything passed my inspection. I wasn’t seeing or reading anything that raised a red flag to me.

I was very glad that this was happening so quickly after joining the site. I felt that I was back in the game and it should finally work out this time around.

I have learned my lesson well and do intend to deal with it the right way. I will reply to his messages (about 3 of them) with no melodrama, no desperate mode, or no negative behavior.

No, no, no. I’m not getting into that any more. It’s been quite a few years since been single and the disappointments and hurt have been too much.

No, I’m not letting this happen again. I know better.

All right, let’s start. I will read all of them and then reply. No rush, no stress; just think of what to say carefully and go for it.

And just when I was about to do that, a window opens on the screen. It was the online chat. This meant he could see that I was online and had visited his profile.

Surprise to me! Darn it! So this is how this works? You pretty much know what another person is doing (if you really do your research) and the same goes for yourself.

I started getting nervous. How much does this ‘green eyed’ person has dug up about me?

I kept staring at the chat window. He wants to talk to me, now!

So, who said again is totally in control here?



et cetera