The New M.E. Generation











“A good fortune awaits you at the end of this year or the beginning of the next. A good development,” said the spiritual woman. “What type of development?” asked I. “That you will have a job, health, will travel,” replied she.  “That’s having good luck. Some people don’t have a job or might be sick in a hospital. There’s people in this town that just want to run you over.”

“You’re a woman with luck. You didn’t have children because destiny didn’t want you to,” continued she. “We drag with us the last stage we had on earth. There’s people that did bad things in their last one. Now you pay for what you did before. We come to reap what we sow.”

“I see a very good end and start of the new year, said she. “You will remember that I told you so. A good year primarily with health, work, developments, activities.”

“I also see that you’re going to meet a short guy,” continued she. Dammit! She’s referring to a rebound guy I briefly dated that dumped me about a month before this trip. Won’t get into details (that’s for the next story), but will say I did get to tell him how I felt about it all.

“Right now you think about love,” said she. “Yes, because I wish I had someone,” replied I. “There’s one you know that has a light tanned skin. And there’s the older man. I don’t know if this one is blonde or gray haired. They will come to help you ‘trotar en el caballo’ (ride the horse) as some would say,”continued she in a laughing tone. (Ride in what sense? Sound so politically incorrect.)

“I’ve met many men, but none lasts,” said I. “In here nobody cares about anyone. Nobody wants anything with anyone; nobody gives anything to anyone,” said she. (Sad, but true.)

“Like I said, favorable changes come your way towards the end and start of the year,” continued she. “Lots of men.” “Oh, okay…” said I unsure as to whether to feel joy or scared. “That’s good, isn’t it?” asked she laughing again. (I guess so…) “But ‘the one’ won’t happen yet, right?” asked I.

“What I want is to have a home with someone…,” continued I. “Not be alone when you get to be old age. That won’t happen,” said she. “You will have much success, many developments in your life; that’s what the cards are showing. This is how the end of your life will look like. You will achieve what you want,” continued she.

“Instead of lacking one, you will have two,” said she. “What, kids?” asked I. “No, friends. They’re interested in you, but just want to have fun, drink, conversation. (She holds up the two cards with male figures that represents them.) They will give you some distraction and you won’t be alone. There’s one that’s a liar, tells lots of lies,” continued she. (Are we back to my ex-friend who definitely is?)

“All the guys I meet, they tell you lots of stories. They’re with you and then disappear. They end up giving you all these excuses. No one wants to be in a committed relationship,” said I. “No one wants anything with anyone. Nobody wants to be responsible for you. Nobody wants to give you anything. To get something from you or get confortable with, yes, anything else, no,” said she.

“You will be better off next year. It will be an adventurous one,” continued she. “That man with the grey hair, he’s waiting for you. You know his mom who’s from another country.” (Wait, are we talking about my ex-friend and his mother? He’s not old, but the grey hair, excess weight, and else makes him look way older beyond his actual age.)

“That older man, he’s from abroad. This is the one. He has a tanned skin, but not so dark. Has good hair. He’s the one whose got your back. You know him.” continued she. (I do? Does she mean American?) “There’s some older men who want to get comfy with a younger woman. We get to a point in our lives that we open up ‘las tendederas’ (the clothes line; that we put ourselves out there). There will be two guys with you at the same time, the young and the older one.” (Hip hip hooray?)

“And you mentioned that I have a friend who is isolated who will come back. Isolated means that he’s in a bad environment?”, asked I.

“Being isolated is one thing. It means that he’s in a location far from you,” replied she. (That may be so, but truth is he has chosen to isolate and distance himself from those who cared about him and only associates with people that only share his views. And that bitch is in part responsible for it. He’s not in a healthy environment at all.)

“You have thoughts about love. Which one do you love? That one you don’t see? The old one?” asked she.

So confused about who’s who here. I’m not seeing anyone and not interested in seeing my ex-friend again. If it’s someone new, then I will have to wait and ‘see’ what the fuzz is all about.

My bestie believes this guy will one day reappear. She’s willing to listen to him, but I’m not, especially if he comes back looking for us after he breaks up with the bitch. That’s the only way it will happen because he now knows my bestie and I are friends. So that game of lies and playing around with us like he did before is over. Everything now will be under our rules.

The reason why I’m not interested in listening to him is because he always told me that ‘uno no es plato de segunda mesa’ (one is not a second serving table), meaning, no rebound guys, or guys that date and dump you, later wanting to come back with you after they had been with someone else.

My feeling is that if I allow him to talk to me, he might say he was wrong, etc., but will quickly turn things around to blame me for ending the relationship, preach his religious fanaticism and all else, to which I will abruptly end the conversation and block him again.

On the other hand, I might let him. I want him to see that him not wishing me well (or ‘te veo mal’) for not doing what he demanded I should do, including forgiving my ex-husband, has turned out the opposite way: my life became better without you.

I may still be missing a significant other, but have lived life on my own terms, forgiving only myself, and with no regrets. My inner peace has increased and find joy in doing things that challenge me, like traveling to Cuba.

I will tell him, “you’re the one who’s wrong. All that negativity and bad wishes didn’t affect me a bit. I don’t care what you have to say now or later. I don’t need you. Please go away.” I will close the door on him and whatever else that represented this long gone friendship. I will apply to him exactly what he taught me.

I’ve learned my lesson well and will only hope that he does as well.

 

 

 

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As much as my bestie and I were making fun of things the bitch or this guy were posting, more than often we would stay away from looking, because we knew we just had to for our own emotional benefit.

Plus, my bestie knew that bitch was constantly checking out our profiles, and that the bitch would write posts that indirectly had to do with some of my bestie’s ones.

“She does that all the time. Worst part is this guy knows that she does. He tells her not to, but doesn’t do anything to stop it. I’ve texted him with evidence before and he does nothing about it,” said she. “She even grabs his personal mobile and starting looking over his social media, texts and emails when he’s away from the phone. Sometimes I just don’t write anything; that way she breaks her head wondering what I’m up to or if this guy and I are communicating.”

“Sounds to me he gets a hard on from watching 2 women ‘fight’ over him,” said I. “He’s enjoying that because it inflates his ego. If he really respected himself and us, he would have total control over his device. Those relationships where you know even when the other person farted are really sickening.”

It was also hard to see how this guy’s religious fanaticism has changed him into a creature that was deeply sinking in this distorted, out-of-touch mentality that was really creepy at times.

The people he was socializing with, either through the bitch or church, looked like those who have a ‘one-track mind’ or ‘my way or the highway’ thinking about anything, that if you don’t share their feelings, they consider you ‘the enemy’ or ‘someone who is on the wrong side of the tracks and should be avoided at all costs’.

The bitch’s friends looked totally ‘white trash’. Don’t get me wrong, I don’t come from a wealthy family, but tried to associate myself with people who share my same upbringing, values, and manners. I worked hard to earn my school degrees and always strive to achieve more than what’s in front of me.

This guy was brought up the same way; he would be very picky who he made friends or associated with, just like his mom taught him. So now seeing him with people who may be very kind and everything, but that you can tell that if they earned a high school degree is a lot, didn’t made sense at all. It’s the kind his mom would have never, ever, allow to come through the door in her home, even if her life depending on it.

But like all things in this terrain, all good and bad must come to an end, and in many case, abruptly.

I was looking over this guy’s profile while chatting with my bestie when suddenly, his profile went dark with a message that read, ‘there’s a problem with this account…’

When I told my bestie and she quickly checked, turns out this guy had deleted our friendship and blocked me as well. “OMG, I can’t believe he did that to you,” said she.

It was the worst feeling realizing that whatever was left of this thing between us was now officially over. But I didn’t stay quiet.

“I can see you gave our friendship the final blow. Thanks!’ texted I to him.

“You were the one who gave it the final blow. Thanks!” replied he.

“That’s why you blocked me from social media? What did I do to you that you hate me so much for? You didn’t forgive your sister or father, and now me, but you do with her, who you once said was on the side of the devil?? You’re a fake Christian. The real ones forgives everyone, no matter what. Jesus made no exceptions. You preach a lot, but your words are just lies,” replied I.

“No hate here and nothing to forgive. It’s for your own good, and if you’re free of sin, you may cast the first stone. In my (praying hands emoticon),” said he.

Praying for what? So I become what you want me to be? Oh wait, that’s what the bitch is doing: kissing your ass big time, praying to the devil (and sleeping with him), which you clearly stated to me many, many times before, pretending that she’s a totally changed person, when in reality she’s a big fat fake.

You’re hiding behind the fanaticism thinking it makes you so great of a person, when in reality you’re a frustrated, insecure, hypocritical, big mouthed, old fart, who will end very much alone when everyone around you leaves, including that bitch.

Even more, you hate homosexuals in such a way that I wouldn’t be surprised one day you just snap and you end up on the news after doing something horrific. I’m sure that with the recent worldwide incidents, you feel happy that it happened to them because, in your mind, ‘they got what they deserved for going against the bible and church’.

I will tell you this, you’re as evil as any extremist, because you’re one yourself. Loving that bitch and all those weird church people you’re with, while hating everyone else (especially those who in the past you said would never let go off, which included my bestie and me) is so wrong, and a clear sign of someone that has been brainwashed and has lost all sense of reality.

And history has proven that those who claim to be the most religious end up being the most evil. You’re just a ticking time bomb that when it explodes, that bitch and all your supposed ‘supporters’ will run away from you as fast as they can and will deny ever knowing you, just like in the bible. That bitch may get on her knees to go down on you, but she will never go down with you.

I feel sorry how sad your latter years will play out for you. In other words, all that you did to others will hit you back with a vengeance. Like you always said, “Dios siempre lleva cuenta de lo que uno hace” (God is always keeping track of what we do). And you my dear, is no exception nor immune to that.

What will you do when there’s no one around to blame for your life and so called misfortunes?

When the end of the world comes (as you say has started already), you’ll be the first in line to join that bitch in hell. You may be in church 24/7 and think you have already earned you place in heaven when you die, but you’re dead wrong. And today was the best example of them all.

I may be hurting now, but someday you’ll just be a grain of salt in my memories to which I will not care to remember, other than using you as reference as to what not to do when another man appears in my life with the same lies as yours.

And, no, I’m not interested in you coming back and tell me anything, like asking for forgiveness. You made your choice and so did I: you’re dead to me.

You may have said that ‘things will not go well for me’. Actually, they have been well, way before today, when I decided that any man ‘que no sirve’ (is useless), including you, only deserves to be thrown into the trash. And I will continue to do so. Just wait and see.

‘I don’t go to sleep with no whore and I don’t wake up with no whore. That’s how I deal with myself. I don’t know how you do it.’ -Wall Street

I rest my case.

 

 



Continuing with the laughable posts, then there were those when this guy and the bitch would go out to a bar or restaurant. The photos were pretty much the same: them two sitting side by side on the table or standing up, she putting her arms on his shoulders, he with his arms crossed or palms closed on the table without making contact, looking away from her, sometimes with a funny look on his face.

“Look how glassy his eyes are. He’s had more than a few drinks and has a buzz. So typical of him,” said my bestie. “Worst of all, all those locations he appears at, he took me there when I visited him. He probably did it on purpose hoping to come across with that bitch and make her jealous. ”

“Really?? He probably did the same with me when I was at his mom’s. What an asshole!” said I. “It always puzzled me, and made me uncomfortable, the times we would see each other that either we had to go out for drinks, or would be drinking one glass after the other like water at his mom’s house. They would be too loaded for my taste and could only take a few sips.

Even after telling him that I didn’t want to drink, he would offer it again over and over. I don’t remember him being that way before. He liked to have a few beers with me and that was it.

He even told me that when he was living with the bitch, they wouldn’t go out much because they lived in an expensive city. But that once in a while they forced themselves to go out and have just one drink.”

“If I was in his shoes I would be much the same,” said she. “He might be pretending all that he wants, even liking anything that bitch posts, but he’s not that happy as he’s portraying to be.”

“I agree, said I. “Look at his body posture. When someone is with their arms or hands closed, it means they’re hiding something, that are not being honest. His shoulders are down because of her arms holding him like if he was some property of her. And there’s always a gap in their bodies; they’re not touching completely, which means distancing.

And that photo of him standing up, he looks like an old man about to fall down and his caretaker is holding him to avoid that. Those glassy eyes makes him look like his mind is totally gone or has no idea where he is. The hands look bloated like somebody that has some medical condition. But, he’s still with her. Unbelievable.”

“Because it’s easier to go back to what’s familiar to you,” said she. “He couldn’t score anything with you. Me, I did want to be with him, but not on his terms. I wasn’t willing to let him control the relationship. I told him that if it happened, he had to change a lot of things about himself. He got upset about that and tried to turn the situation around against me, but I quickly put him on the spot.

He kept saying that, ‘this is the way I’ve been and will always be’, that ‘my OCD doesn’t let me do things differently’, that ‘the way I am has worked for me’. But he knows I don’t buy any of that, and was not going to feel sorry for him and let him manipulate me.

Being with the bitch works for him because he thinks he’s in charge. Because she behaves ‘como foca de circo’ (like a seal in the circus), that applauds him on whatever he says and does, that’s why it ‘works’.

Also, he always said that ‘él es un enfermito’ (he’s a kinky guy). It’s better to just reach for her and get what you need, instead of having to start from scratch with a stranger. I mean, look at him, who wants to be with him, especially with that religious fanaticism and unstable life?”, continued she.

“When he visited me and wondered if he could share my bed with me, it didn’t make me feel good. He had always told me to be choosy about the guys I would be with at any level. I may know him since being an adolescent, but his proposal gave me the same uneasy feeling as with any other man. It was like he was violating my trust for him. Besides, just thinking that he had sex with that bitch disgusts me. No way will I do it with him,” continued I.

“I really wish their relationship explodes big time, especially from her side. He kept telling me that she wanted to live in a way that was beyond their means. She likes getting her nails done weekly, buy nice jewelry, go out to restaurants. I hope when things financially get really bad and she realizes that her dream lifestyle will never be, she ends up leaving him,” said my BFF.

“She won’t leave him as long as you and I are on the loop,” said I. “If she does, in her mind it means she lost and it’s an open field for you to come back into play. And I’m 4 hours away from his mom’s house, which is also a threat to her. Plus she’s an attention whore; she has to keep up the drama in front of her peeps.

But when you’re in a toxic relationship, this is what happens. They’ll go down one day like you’ve said before. It will not end well.”

“You know what I thought about one time? Asking him to meet me in a hotel and when he opens the door, then both of us are there. I can just imagine his face when he sees us,” said she.

“Don’t worry. There will come a time that you and I will get the chance to get back at him, either in person or online. We’ll just know,” continued I. “A plan will be made and executed, guaranteed to give them both a big slap on the face. But as he always said, ‘calladita te ves más bonita’ (being quiet makes you look prettier),” concluded I.

Yep, pretty as in smart, intelligent, well-mannered, classy, and soon-t0-be, smart-ass.

‘I feel pretty, oh so pretty…’

 



After this confusing weekend, this guy and I continued communicating, but in a limited way. He was either working all the time, and whatever free time he had was basically to run errands or go to church, where he was again in prayer groups or activities until late hours of the night.

The next incident that we had together some time after was that I copied him a text message that another guy I’ve been having an ‘on and off’ relationship had sent me. The situation with this other guy was that he would get upset with me either because of something I said, or as a result of my actions or behavior towards him. Whenever I said ‘no’ to him (like going out), this second guy would get really mad and would vent out everything that he hated about me via texting.

Even worse, the guy would write that he didn’t want me in his life any more, to later look for me again. Instead of me cutting ties with him, I would get into this very bad vibe of questioning myself that really took me to a negative place, and agreed to see him again, to try to make things better, to which encounters would fail over and over.

On this particular occasion, I got his text during a work day and had to hide my face so people would not see me cry. I was so sad and confused I tried calling my friend for support, to which he didn’t answer, and even ask him for his opinion to the text, to which he completely ignored the whole day, in spite me telling him I was emotionally not doing good.

When my then friend finally called me back, I was driving home from work, and he had this very, very, angry tone of voice. It felt like some diabolic spirit had taken over him.

“The reason why this is happening to you of having problems with guys, or not having a boyfriend, is because you haven’t forgiven you ex spouse,” said he.

Now I was the one who became really angry and demonic. “WTF??? You know what? I don’t have to, because I forgave him so many times, and he still cheated on me, disrespected me, gave him a second chance when he separated from me the first time, put up with things that you have no idea about.

He doesn’t deserve being forgiven because I did it so much, he got used to it as an entitlement and he didn’t appreciate my gestures. He doesn’t know what forgiveness really means and how valuable that is when someone gives it to you. He needs to remember how much pain he caused me, so hopefully that sticks in his head and maybe create some change in him.

I have lived all my life pleasing other people or doing what they expect of me. They are happy when I do, but don’t care if I’m not. If I say ‘no’ to others, then I’m the one with the attitude problem or the bitch. If I do as they comply, everything seems to run well; there’s no arguments, confrontations, fights, but reality is all is not good.

And did that help me with my marriage? No! My ex still divorced and remarried within a few months. Besides, who are you to tell me this when you have never forgiven your father or sister??” concluded I.

When he heard the last part, he got stuck on his words because he knew what I said backfired at him. Here he was trying to preach me his religious fanaticism to make me look bad and he be the ‘omnipotent’.

He kept arguing with me trying to win, only to find I wasn’t keeping quiet, or backing down, and snapping at him any argument he said.

The sad part about this is that he never apologized with me. He used to give me advice, listen, comfort me. Now he was just a bitter, angry, stubborn, closed minded, hypocritical, manipulative man.

Me, it has taken me a lot of effort and tears to get to a better emotional state, and wasn’t going to allow anyone to ruin it, even if it was at the expense of our friendship. Besides, he was the one to blame for all this mess.

And forgive for what I’m about to say: have you ever thought that maybe the reason why everything is not working out for you is because you are doing things the wrong way? Doing what the church or bible says is no guarantee that place in heaven you think so much you have earned will happen for you.

To forgive someone else is a privilege. In reality, one has to do the forgiveness to oneself and ‘disconnect’ from the other person as much as possible. This is what I did in my case; I came to terms that in spite all that I did to save my marriage, my ‘x’did everything to destroy it.

I don’t want to forgive him because I want those emotions inside of me to be a reminder that I will never again allow any other guy to do to me what my ‘x’ did. I know it’s not the Catholic way, but my way, the one that will give me the peace and strength to move on, which is what the One above want us to have.

Does this all mean I won’t forgive this guy? Let’s put it this way: “eso no sirve” (not worth it) is another quote of his that he used to use when he gave me his opinion about guys I’ve known. So, then, if I ‘practice what he preaches’, then you know what the answer is.

 



Just when I thought that things with this guy seemed to be leveling down, I get a phone call from him in the middle of the day, about 2 months after his arrival to the place ‘he hated so much, he felt like tearing the license plate off the car once he crossed the state’s city limits”, just like he did one month after being in the Pacific, to inform me of the following: “I’m just calling you quickly to let you know that I’m getting out of here!!!”

‘Say what??’ I thought to myself. It was like Groundhog Day, when the same incident and words from a few months back had repeated again. “Getting out of where??” asked I.

“The place that I’m living,” said he very angry. “Today is my last day here. This guy told me I couldn’t be here any more, so I made a few calls to people I know, and thank God who never fails me, I was able to find a place to move in right away. I will call you at another time when I’m settled down.”

I didn’t really pay attention to the details of what caused him to go; when I heard the religious part I got nauseated and lost focus on the conversation. Plus, here was again another situation of him having a disagreement with other people, either personal or work related, that ended in a nasty dispute. See the pattern here? His bitchy ex-girlfriend, sister, father, friends, co-workers. And, of course, it was the other person’s fault, not his.

In this case, from what I understood, my then friend was living at a room at the residence of a friend and/or former colleague, who was letting him live in the space for free until he had enough money to find a place of his own.

According to his version, the ‘landlord’ asked him to pay or got upset with this guy for something, and told him he had to go by the end of the month. This guy got so upset at his treatment that he told him, “don’t worry about me leaving this month; as a matter of fact, I’m leaving today, right now!!”

I think this happened sometime in the middle of the work week, so the conversation ended rather quickly and me not having much of a chance to say or ask anything else. He didn’t have much possessions with him, so I don’t think he sacrificed much work time to complete his move.

If we did have a chance to speak about this again, I’m sure he would have been still very angry for the fact that ‘he thought this person was his friend, but proved him wrong’, that ‘he was clearly stabbed on the back’, and that ‘for some reason God wanted me out of there, so that’s why this happened’.

After all this was over, I was again sort of distant from him as I living too many familiar emotions: his behavior change, angry outbursts, being unreachable, secrecy, religious fanaticism. The excuse of ‘been busy with my new job’ was the best into keeping a distance.

I think a few months went by when he informed me that he was again going to visit his mom over the weekend (to pick up one of his cars he had left at her house, or something like that), and that I was invited to go there from Saturday to Sunday, if possible.

He told me ‘very last minute’ and I wasn’t all sure about it, but decided to go ahead. With so much happening from him, I was feeling that there wouldn’t be that many chances in the future of getting together.

In other words, it was a ‘now or never’ situation. I didn’t see it then, but reality was that the end of an era was slowly approaching and it would happen with a ‘bang’ in the worst of ways possible.

 



“Hey, there’s a possibility of a job opening back in the state I swore I would never go back to,” said he in a call I received out of the blue.

“What? Are you serious?” asked I, more concerned about him going back to that place than the job actually happening.

“I contacted a guy I’ve worked with before that helped me get the position there the last time, as it seems he might be able to do it again. I filled out all the paperwork and waiting to get it all approved, etc.,” continued he. “I’ve been praying over this for many days and if this is where God wants me to go, then that it will be. Don’t know the reason why, but sooner or later I will.”

“Listen to me well; if you go back to there and get involved with that woman, I don’t want to hear it,” said I in an upsetting tone. In spite of all his complaints and bad remarks regarding his ex-girlfriend, to which I have listening to for about 2 years, I’ve seen before how people go back to toxic relationships, and with his behavior shifting so abruptly, combined with the denial that his time with the bitch was a total disaster, plus his religious fanaticism that had him in a delusional state that made him believe he could fix anything broken by just faith, making it a sure bet it would all repeat again.

It took a few months for all to get completed and off he went. He was again in a one-year contract, so considering the location and bad association with it, plus the failure in his one-month stint in the Pacific, I was holding my breath that at least he would find a way to stay there for the duration of the job.

His argument again was religious, which was still making me puke. I was sick of hearing about the endless hours praying at church, or that ‘someone else’ had made the decision for him or told him what to do. Oh, and he was strapping for money, of course.

Because he was financially bad, he went to live in a room at a buddy’s house of his to save some money until he could get a place of his own (“the Lord is good with me; everything is falling into place). Barf bag, please.

I sort of distanced from him shortly after he started working, not because I wanted him to concentrate all his efforts in what he was doing, but because I couldn’t stand any more how a ‘higher power’ was granting him all that he wanted and making all that he did seem so smooth and effortless; that he had achieved everything because of his faith and non-stop praying.

All that I wanted from him was to just shut up, work, and take a break from worrying again what the next step would be when the job ended.

Bonus if he comes back to visit his mom, invites me, and he is back to his old self.

Will ‘the power above’ work on my favor? Well, like he always said, “I’ll leave it in his hands.”



et cetera