The New M.E. Generation

“Hello” and” Hello, you!” was what we said to each other while hugging at the top of the stairs.

I got slightly nervous and didn’t know what else to say besides, “sorry about the wet floor. It always happens when it’s windy and pouring rain”.

I welcomed him into my apartment; he noticed I usually leave my shoes at the entrance, so he did the same. His were very beach shoes. I didn’t like them; thought he would wear something dressier, besides a polo shirt and jeans, to see me.

The other thing that struck me was the big belly that he had. Couldn’t believe this was a guy whose physique was the envy of anyone back in the day. And now seeing him like this, as someone who ‘gave up’ on this aspect of his life, doesn’t correlate with a person I always saw as successful in anything they would set out to do.

But the most shocking thing of all occurred when I looked at him from head to toe and asked myself, ‘has he always been this short?’

I’ve never considered myself that small, more of an average height, but had always wanted a few more inches. In comparison to me, he had less the inches that I wanted to gain. Standing face to face, the disparity was obviously visible, and for the first time ever, I felt tall.

He sat down at my sofa and I on my chair. I had no idea where to start the topics of conversation, so I started with his divorce. It was still ongoing and as messy as I remembered him telling me about it.

He believes that all that really happened is that she had a mid-life crisis and now she’s doing all that she never did until today, like having a younger boyfriend, traveling, give him a hard time.

Yep, sounds sort of my story. Instead of my ‘x’ having menopause, he had ‘peckerpause’, as in thinking life was leaving him behind like a train and needed to reproduce right away. He kept the one who immediately opened her legs and gave him what he wanted.

I have made some travels and dated more than one younger man. It hasn’t been exactly great, but quite an experience indeed.

This guy also told me about his kids and how close he is to them, his parents and sibling, and how, in the future, once his kids are all grown up, would like to work abroad.

Wow, some things never change. His family was always close to each other and now he’s the same with his kids. And him planning going international, no surprise either. What he envisions, he always gets.

And while I was listening to him, that same insecure feeling I felt back then slowly resurfaced to the top. Here I am with no significant other or kids, and not exactly close or distant with my scattered family. But, worst of all, I have no idea or plans of what my future will or should be.

I’m just living life day by day and don’t give much thought about what will, or should, happen next.

I know there’s nothing wrong with that or should feel bad about it. But with this guy, as I said before, some things will always remain the same, no matter what.

Not even a historical moment like this one can fix it.

‘So I guess you wouldn’t be interested in meeting me? Seems that your previous experiences weren’t good’, read his message.

For being written at such an early morning time, the depth of the content surprised me. I think any other guy would have already suspended communication.

But, above all, it was what he questioned that hit me. I know he meant the younger men, but has there been someone really worth remembering?

My mind went blank right away thinking on this.

Yes, that’s how bad these relationships have been. There may have been positives on them, but it’s not really something that I would share with others, not even for gossip or as a learning lesson.

I also know each person deserves a break and be treated differently, without using other people as comparison to decipher them.

And he approached me, which is totally different from me chasing others in the past.

But, again, is this worth engaging at, even via emails?

‘It is not if I want to meet you or not, but whether it’s worth doing it. I guess we will never know until we go out’, replied I.

I sent the message and sometime later I regretted what I said. I checked my message and he hadn’t responded to it.

‘Disregard what I said before. It sounds as if I was imposing on you. Seeing each other depends if we both feel comfortable in doing so. I’m totally fine if it doesn’t happen’.

I hate to admit that I have a curiosity to meet him, but it’s probably more for the ‘thrill of the adventure’, which in my world has always led to crash and burn.

So, am I taking the jump or not?

So that’s what I did. I replied by email a week later thinking he would feel upset for my late response and forget about going out. But, no, he replied rather quickly saying to call him.

I didn’t do it right away. I just didn’t want to come across as desperate. Besides, I wasn’t that excited of going out again. I know many months have passed, but I still had an uneasy feeling about him.

So when I thought it was time, I called and he answered right away (maybe he’s the one who’s desperate). He was also driving and coming back from some event.

“Well, hey, you, what’s up? What have you got to tell me?” asked he.

What is he saying? He doesn’t sound ‘normal’. Definitely not the voice I remember from before.

“Fine,” said I, “just moved south to a new place last weekend.”

“What?? Why the heck did you do that for? Your previous location was great and closer to me.”

“Changes.” (Seriously, it’s not your freaking problem.)

“But, look, man, what, why all the way there?”

“What are you complaining about? It’s done!” (What’s his problem? That this area is not up to his standards?)

He kept rambling on about questioning my move. It sounded to me he had a few too many drinks.

“So, yeah, girl, when are we meeting up?”

“You tell me, you’re the one who contacted me.” (And I’m not into it as we speak.)

“Let’s do a drink or something.”

(More than what you probably have had?) “Sounds fine with me, but now if you want to see me, you have to come this way.”

“Girl, damn, shoot, whoa, you’re making it difficult for me.”

(Why does he have to use so much wording?) “That’s how it goes. Why don’t you come over and then figure out what to do next?” (Like getting yourself together.)

“Yeah, chica, hey, great, what’s your address?”

Maybe this is not such a good idea. Letting him into my space is a risk, but if he gets annoying, out you go!

Yeah, dude, well, this girl rules!

et cetera