The New M.E. Generation











This is what basically has been happening. Every so often I write him an email when I get reminded of him because I hear his first name.

The subject line always reads like, ‘Can I get you off my mind?’ or ‘You became present again’.

The content of the mail describes the incident of how I remembered him, that all I want is to really forget him, and don’t understand why the universe is playing games with me on this.

He sometimes replies that he’s sort of a force that refuses to go away from my life and it‘s interesting how his presence is remembered.

He always mentions that he’s my friend and he hopes our friendship continues, and that life will gift me with a worthy relationship.

Other times he doesn’t reply at all. Maybe it’s an overkill that I write about the same thing every time. Most probably is that he’s telling me nicely that we need to move on.

If you look at the replies closely, he never talks about us. It’s about me thinking about him, and he finding an explanation of why they occur.

He replies because he has to, especially to back-up his friendship argument. But it’s clear I’ve been stretching this situation for far too long.

The same goes for his social media profile. I was devastated when he closed it. I thought it all had to do with me.

It was months later when he reactivated it. I felt as if I had reconnected with him. But then, instead of me ‘staying away’, I continued writing posts in his profile.

I recently got a request from his daughter. I got nervous because I felt exposed as if the world knew who I was.

I told him about it, and his wife and daughter were questioning him who I was. He told them that I was and old college girlfriend.

Regardless of what the truth is or not, I created a huge problem for him and it’s not going away unless a change is made.

So what did I do? Of course I declined the request and stood back for a while. But as soon as I go online and read his posts, I get the impulse of writing something.

Sadly, all that I’m doing is looking for some acknowledgement from him that he still thinks about me.

I’m surprised he hasn’t cut me off all together. Whatever the reason for him doing that, both the universe and him are sending out this message from afar of what I should do.

And if I’m always reaching out to the outer limits for guidance and advice, why am I ignoring the huge, visible crater that’s in front of me?

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The ‘beach guy’ told me the location of the seminar, which is about at least a 3-hour drive. And if I was to drive on a Friday after work, who knows what the ETA would be.

Then there was the situation that I would get there late on Friday evening and then he would be at the seminar the whole next day. What the hell was I to do? Lounge at the pool?

And what about Sunday? Was he staying all weekend or driving back home right after the event was over?

So, in other words, his plan is to go through all that effort, including a nasty traffic on the highway, plus a good chunk of gas, in exchange of a few hours meeting to learn if ‘there’s still some chemistry here?’

Even more, there was another issue that was going around my mind. ‘Where you will be is not that close to me,’ wrote I on my text. ‘Even with no traffic it would be at least 3-hours drive. And, yes, I had basically written you off.’

That’s what it meant, literally, since our last ‘conversation’ was through texts because he never answered my calls.

‘Another thing,’ continued I, ‘what’s the deal with your girlfriend?’

‘We’re still together,’ said he, ‘but things are not doing well at all.’

No kidding. So I am now like a generic medication. You want to try this, plus the real thing, and see which gives you the best results for your problem.

I wasn’t surprised at what he told me, but still managed to get me somewhat upset. I think it had to do more with getting flashbacks to the past than getting dumped for someone else.

It was more of a realization that it wasn’t all that about what I felt about him in high school, but that then and now, the guy was just playing games with me and used me for his convenience, him knowing well how I felt about him.

‘I don’t like when guys dump me and then reappear,’ wrote I. ‘I’m not here for people to use me as leverage to compare their feelings.’

‘You’re right. I need to figure out or resolve my relationship. Maybe another time will be better.’

Yeah, like, when? When the ocean drags you in and washes you out?

Not even the strongest medication can alter the side effects of what I’m feeling inside towards you.

The best prescription for all these guys doing the same thing: take a daily of dose of patience, mixed with good self-esteem and love of oneself. Swallow slowly and wait for all to go away (men included).



‘I’m really sorry for what’s happening to you,’ wrote I. ‘I’ve been through it and it’s a difficult process. Is there any chance for the two of you of turning things around with some professional help or something?’

‘No, we’ve tried everything. A divorce is definite. My kids are taking it well. She has moved on with her life already,’ responded he.

Ouch! That’s the same thing my ‘x’ said when he left me. He stated that he had restarted his life and was already dating. He said it with such confidence it made me very upset because he probably was in this ‘singlehood’ thing way before he made his decision.

Reading my friend’s message didn’t open old wounds, but shocked me again how easy it is for other people to end relationships and live ‘la vida loca’ without any remorse. They don’t care about others or the consequences that will bring to them or close ones.

They only think about themselves because they don’t put their emotions into this. It’s not about love; it’s about winning, getting what they want, even if it means running people over.

I may sound judgmental towards a person I’ve never met, but with my experience, I bet you that I’m so right.

So, what am I thinking (or feeling) about his whole situation? I hate to say it, but I’m sort of ‘happy’ that he may become single.

I know it’s not right to feel this way towards others’ misfortune. But after what the ‘beach guy’ and I shared in the past it’s still lingering within me, as there’s something there that needs to be resolved.

What I’m thinking (not feeling) is that perhaps the universe is shuffling things around for this to happen.

If it does, what would I feel then?



et cetera