The New M.E. Generation











After dinner I let my friend drive back. It definitely had been a long, productive day, and never short of drama.

After this weekend, what I believe happened was that on my actual birthday date, I didn’t get a call or message from his, which was strange. He had always been the first for those outside my family.

It got to a point late in the day that I text him, saying, “Hey, you totally forgot my birthday!” After no response, also not the norm, I called him.

“What happened? You totally forgot about me!” said I.

“I was waiting until I was unoccupied so I could talk to you without rushing it,” replied he.

What he meant was that after finishing work, he went straight to church, then home. He took care of his things first and he basically communicated to me that I wasn’t that important any more.

He was definitely getting even weirder by the day, especially when his job was about 2 months away from ending and had nothing lined up next.

The church thing was happening every day, spending to at least 4 hours either praying or meeting with some church group he had become part of. Every time I called him, he wouldn’t answer the call and would quickly reply with a text that read “Church” with an emoticon of two hands together in prayer.

If I were lucky to talk to him late at night, he would say, “I go to church because I have nothing else to do after work.”

Really? He used to take long walks to exercise and we would talk on the phone while at that. Or he would cook himself dinner. He was available to me and we always had something to talk about.

All I was hearing now was, “I’m praying so much on my knees, they’re starting to peel,” or “the only people that I have in this life is God, my mom and you,” or “I know God will lead me into the right path.”

I supported his ‘faithfulness’, but the repetition of actions and words started feeling monotonous, as if he was stuck in a place he really didn’t wanted to move away from.

He needed to find a new job, but wanted to stay with the current employer so not to lose his seniority. Fine, but if that option doesn’t work, you have to have other options, which I don’t think he wasn’t pursuing much.

He going to church made him a person that only socialized with other who shared his mentality, thus isolating himself from the ‘real world’. His attitude that ‘God is on my side’ was becoming arrogant and that ‘the one above’ was he towards others.

He started criticizing my way of being, claiming I didn’t had a man in my life because I hadn’t forgiven my ex and if I disapproved, he would retaliate very nasty. His response towards me was, “pues te veo mal” (things won’t go well with you).

As time progressed, the arguments increased. I kept telling him that my whole life had been about pleasing others or doing what was expected of me, and when I yelled out my frustration, people would say I had an attitude problem and label me a bitch. Others would be happy, but didn’t care I wasn’t. My friend became one of those persons.

And regarding forgiveness, I told him that was my prerogative to do or not, that I did that so many times and my ex was so unappreciated about it that I stopped doing it because he didn’t deserve it.

I was now standing for myself, something my friend had always told me I needed to do, and now he was mad I was applying what he taught me to him.

My friend became bitter and non-negotiable on anything, displaying lots of anger in his nasty voice. You could feel this heavy, negative energy on the phone. He may have been praying plenty, but he was now the embodiment of a true devil.

I think what became the problem was that for the first time in his life, he had lost control. Nothing was happening as he wanted, even if he worked on it. He didn’t have job offers, he never got over his breakup, and I wasn’t doing what he told me to do.

Even with the help of a professional, he now struggled with depression and was still obsessed that his ex had to change.

He was acting towards me like the ‘big brother’ character instead of the older brother figure he had always been. His religious fanatic tactic of spreading fear wasn’t affecting me and he resented that.

He was hiding behind his beliefs and blaming others for his outcome. He may have thought he was set to go when the end of the world happened, but instead it was ‘highway to hell’ with him.

You see my then friend, you forgot that you gave me the wings to fly, and I’m soaring high to my own happy place and more. And I’m at peace with that. About time already.

Advertisements


{September 8, 2011}   The Undateables 8 – Q & A

I turned off the TV and else needed before leaving a home. I closed my door and walked fast to the elevators and the wait seemed endless.

As I got into the hallway leading to the building exit, my walk got kind of clumsy. It was a mixture of nervousness and not wearing these high funky shoes often. The only thing left to happen to me was to fall ‘head over heels’, and it was not for fashion.

I got outside and (damn!), that is some nice car. I’m not an expert, but I can tell these wheels cost quite some bling!

He stepped out of the car and we greeted each other. Finally! I mean, how more complicated getting together can be?

He opened the door for me and, once inside, he asked me where I wanted to go. I told him I had no clue.

He then asked where I tend to go with my girlfriends. I answered that they were low-key places (meaning: very casual places that in this car I’m at this moment, I’m sure they’re not of your interest).

There was a brief pause and we looked at each other like, ‘Next question please!’ or ‘Can someone please speak up?’

“So, what do you like to eat?” asked he.

“Hmm, sushi, BBQ, Italian, Latino…” That didn’t help either.

Another moment of silence. Maybe I should say something.

“My friends always joke that I eat like a guy.” Or, maybe not.

He gave me a face of ‘WTF?’ Still more waiting inside the car.

I had no idea what else to say. I tried to deviate my nervousness by mentally doing a checklist. Sitting properly, check! Dress in the right place and not showing any excess cleavage, check!…

“Do you like seafood,” asked he yet again. (Shoot! You scared me!)

“I love seafood!” (Why didn’t I think about this choice??)

“Great. I know the place to go.”

All right, we’re moving, or should I say, sail away?



A long weekend was soon approaching and Madelyn wanted to meet with me somewhere in the states. I quickly started researching ideas that were affordable and not that far away.

But because of the date, costs were obviously up from what they normally are, and the only way to make it more manageable was to try to add people to the trip.

Dina has already made other plans, and Alex was the only other option I could think about. I know I’m talking about sharing a room with a guy. But he and I have already known each other for some time, and felt confident Alex would behave accordingly. And, I know Madelyn trusted my judgment, and would be fine with her.

Of course, I spoke with her first and then to Alex who I knew had no plans for that weekend and was without his kids as well. He greatly appreciated my invitation and felt I cared about him being alone during those days.

I kept with the planning, but the more I tried to find a viable alternative, the more complicated it got for various reasons. Things really went from bad to worse when Madelyn expressed that the options available were too expensive and was going to ‘bail out.’ Then Alex ‘dropped the bomb’ on me, and I mean a really big one.

“If I go on this trip with or without your friend, I will only do so as your boyfriend.”

Holy! What? Say again? Where did that come from? What’s happening here? Did I hear right? Something inside of me hit the ‘mute’ button while my mind was trying to decode the message received.

“Remember that night at the pizza place?” asked he. “Something happened there that made me look at you differently. Right now I see you more than a friend, but as someone whom I would like to have a romantic relationship with. So, like I said, I will go on this trip only as your boyfriend.”

(Emma, say something!) “I don’t know what to tell you. I really had no sense that you had other feelings for me. You have to give me a chance to internalize this situation.”

Translation: I need to speak to Madelyn, now!



About 20 minutes later the storm was over. The sky remained gray, but the wind went away and the water calmed down. The heat came back, though, making the atmosphere feel as if almost no storm had occurred.

We all walked to the boat, which, thankfully, did not suffer any damage. The afternoon was getting late and the guys wanted to get back before sundown (or any other unexpected weather change). So I grabbed my belongings, thanked them both and told Christian we would be ‘in touch’ as a way to keeping the communication open, and gracefully end the day (in case nothing else happened afterwards).

Yes, it has been a strange day and the first of its kind for me. I didn’t know what to make of it. When night arrived I called Dina to share with her the day’s events.

“So, did you two agree on anything?” asked Dina.

“No, it’s just that with the storm, the moment was not actually right to say something. I only told him that I would ‘stay in touch.’”

“Which means…?”

“I don’t know, that I will call him soon, like in a few days or no later than a week, so that he sees that I still have an interest in him?”

“My advice to you, just do what you feel is right to do. If after the few days or week you lost the interest, just don’t call him. At least you got to see him.”

“Yeah, but I don’t know if to call again or not. It was a weird day the way it developed. I can’t really define anything of it.”

“Then maybe you should wait for him to call you. That way you will really know that he still has some interest. I think you are always the one making the effort. How about if, for once, let the other person be the one to follow-up?”

“I know, you’re right. You’re always right.”

“I know,” said Dina in a comical tone. I had to laugh too. Yep, no matter what approach I take with the guys, it always ends in nothing. And maybe it has to do with me always going after the guys.

What would happen if I ignored them for a while? Would it work?



Dina and Madelyn give me a look of ‘say something!!’

“Hi, nice to meet you. I’m Ricky, what’s your name?” asked he.

“I’m Emma, and these are Dina and Madeline,” said I while introducing them to him. “Pleasure to meet you as well.”

I don’t remember what was said beyond the usual small talk when meeting someone new, but I did make the effort of including my girlfriends in the conversation.

Ricky was very nice and polite, but I felt totally awkward. This whole dating game was all new to me, and had no idea how to behave.

I had dated and married in my homeland, which was an entirely different country and culture. And now all I could do was look around and feel totally inadequate of how to even hold up a conversation with any guy.

Looking back I thought my life would go on a stable flow, with no complications and not that many changes. I knew it was not going to be easy. But I never thought, not even in my wildest dreams, that I would end up where I was right then: alone, scared, facing the world on my own, without someone next to me holding my hand while leading the way.

Yep, right now it’s me against the world, including this guy sitting next to me.

So, what do I do now?

Some divine intervention please…



et cetera