The New M.E. Generation











{October 14, 2013}   Looking Back 15 – Kiss and tell

‘If you ever feel like talking, I’m here for you,’ wrote I.

‘I’m done dealing with my current relationship. I rather talk with you about the old days. I remember you being an awesome kisser,’ said he.

‘An awesome kisser?’ I do remember that one time when he took me for the ride on his car. But saying that I was ‘awesome’ is a major word.

‘Thanks for the complement, but I have a vague memory about that. My memories of you and I interacting are at the beach and at a distance in school,’ continued I.

‘You don’t remember a lot do you?’ asked he. ‘You and I go way back. Actually, I looked forward to seeing you in school.’

‘Maybe you and I had something going on since being teenagers, but we really didn’t have anything together. I don’t even know how to define it.’

I kept thinking about the kissing and what really happened between us. If it was that great, why didn’t it continue or he kept some sort of contact after graduating? It’s a mystery I still haven’t figured out.

I continued writing, giving all details that I had about that infamous car ride. While at it, I questioned myself why I was doing this and if he would care at all about what I had to say.

‘I remember that very well. I like chatting with you.’

‘Like I said; if you ever want to talk, let me know. Better yet, let’s have a talk over a drink, that is, if we ever get to see each other again.’

‘Thanks; you’re very sweet. Of course we’ll see each other. Don’t know when because of the distance and all the things going with work, kids, etc.’

Here we go again. Why is that all guys I meet are complicated? When am I ever getting a break?

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After my virtual conversation with ‘reconnect,’ I realized I should try to do the same with other people from school. There is particularly one guy that got interested on my on my junior year of college.

We were seeing each other and I liked him. But my recollection is that I messed it up. I think I let my insecurities get in the way or couldn’t appreciate him fully for what he was for some reason.

Yeah, I surely messed it up. What the hell was wrong with me back then? Why did I push him away, or, did I? I don’t remember what exactly happened that we stopped seeing each other, but this experience has never been forgotten.

It’s one of those that I feel I need to apologize for and give closure for some unknown reason I can’t quite understand.

Don’t know why, but I feel there’s a part of me that maybe is still like that Emma back then. Damn, I feel really bad and don’t like myself much right now.

The more I think about it, the more of giving closure to this situation sounds very good. Maybe it will help, even more my current healing. So, how do I go about in doing this?

 



Oh, no, the bar is the one that I’ve come across one of those past guys that resurfaced ages later when I thought I would never cross path with ever again. I don’t know why I felt somewhat nervous about going there because when I saw that guy I’m referring to, I was talking to another guy and I completely ignored him.

The other guy even waved at me and I did to him with a ‘blah’ face of ‘oh, it’s you,’ and kept talking to the guy I was with. On top of that, I was nicely dressed (which the guy let me know), and I think I handled it pretty well.

So what’s the big deal? It’s to my advantage that someone from my past sees me next to another guy. But I know I will still be somewhat nervous. I don’t want to pretend being someone I’m not or start acting as if Alex is my current significant other. I’m having a good time tonight and I just want it to continue that way.

We got to the bar and (thank goodness), there was no one there I knew (guys I mean). This made me feel at ease. We ordered drinks and toasted to a great evening (so far).

I was curious to know how I was fairing out tonight, but I was not going to make that mistake; getting somewhat lost was enough. So, instead, I asked him if he could expand on his other dating experiences.

“You wouldn’t believe the other women,” said he. “One was completely shallow. Halfway through the date I just wanted to end it. She even asked me if we could meet again and I gave her a sarcastic face of ‘yeah, I will call you.’

The worst one was this woman who was in my car. She was so wasted she opened the car window, started screaming while flashing her boobs. She didn’t lift the bra at least. But I was driving, totally freaking out, while pulling her back into the seat.

What about you? Any crazy stories?”

I couldn’t answer anything right away. Instead, I had to think really hard because all I could remember were mostly sad ones.

Crazy? Well, maybe the infamous 2:00am call from Erik (please see ‘The Swedish Massage’), or the time I drove to the fire station to find Bryan or when he came to pick me up to go the beach and had just saved his head (‘You Can Be My Hero’), or perhaps the ‘Pirate’ incident at the resort (‘A Spring Break in the Fall’).

Yeah, they were crazy in my own understanding, but not as bad as what this guy had gone through.

Some time later, the bar was getting ready to close, so we had to wrap up for the night. We looked at each other with a puzzled face of ‘are we seeing each other again?’ and ‘who is supposed to ask that question?’

Alex took the first step. “I had a great time and was wondering if you would like to meet again?”

“Yes, I would.” Finally, a second date! I don’t recall this happening before. Hopefully this will lead to something good. “Do you mind walking me to my car?” In other words, you are nice and I trust you enough to let you do that.



We were kissing and everything around me ceased to exit. The Earth stood still. The planets were perfectly aligned. Everything I had experienced with the other guys was finally compensated with him. It was great, perfect, out of this world.

It was the best feeling in the world.

When the kiss was over, we looked at each other and smiled.  Not one word was said (I mean, what are you supposed to say after a moment like this?). We simply held hands and kept walking.

Yeah, that else. What do you say after been kissed AND your hand being held? How do you follow that?

He didn’t say one word or neither did I. I guess we just wanted to keep ‘enjoying the moment.’ Saying anything might have just altered this wonderful ‘out of body’ experience.

Shortly after, the ‘last call’ of the night was received. He had to pick up his employer and take her home, which signaled that our date was over for the night. Even more, what was to happen from this point forward?

I didn’t wait to ask when he walked me to my car. “So, what happens now? Are we seeing each other again? Do you want to?”

“Of course I do,” said he. “It’s just a matter of finding another moment like tonight. My job is pretty complicated the whole week, even on weekends.”

Don’t know why, but I have a feeling this job situation of his is going to be the ‘deal breaker,’ meaning, it’s not going to happen after all.

Damn it! Everything was going so perfect.

“Would you like to come to my apartment some time and hang out?” asked I.

“Love to.”

I said good-bye to Ivan and that would call him tomorrow, thanked him for the night, and drove home.

I kept my smile, but when I was away from his view, it changed. I got sort of sad and worried of where this date was going to lead.

I decided to sleep on it and feel his reaction over the phone the following day (if I’m lucky that it happens).



et cetera