The New M.E. Generation











I placed all the letters back in the box, finished organizing the storage space, closed it and left.

I know I probably should have left with the last letter I received of him. I had no idea of his whereabouts, so perhaps doing a search with the returning address could lead to something.

But it has been so many years. Chances are he had moved, even maybe to another country. Then there was his marital status; it could be either way.

Even more, maybe he was still traveling for work and not that easily to get a hold of.

I know there are social sites to search at, but what if he shared a profile with his significant other? If he did, I can’t send him a message.

I got home and promptly got on my computer. I started my search with his first and last name, nothing. I then tried first name, middle initial and last. Again, nothing.

Tried the last option again and added the name of the country. Switched to typing his nickname with last name. I tried all data I could remember, including the ship’s name.

I wasn’t getting any results, nothing that at least could give me a clue about him. It was like trying to find someone that has never existed.

I couldn’t believe that with all the technology available, I was in the same spot as the beginning.

Now what? Smoke signals, sniffing dogs, send an SOS?

Advertisements


I logged in into the social network and searched for his profile and I quickly found it.

He appeared on his photo with a woman, which caught me by surprise. ‘He’s remarried already?’ I thought to myself. ‘When did this happen? Maybe I’m not all up to date with his whereabouts.’

Turns out he is in a relationship and from the look of his face you could tell he is quite happy with her.

I then reconsidered if it was worth sending him a message. I mean, he’s with someone so there’s no chance there of meeting him personally.

Second, will he remember me?

While analyzing what to do, I started getting nervous. Was it because of what happened at the brunch, or perhaps that I was still clinging to the ‘bigger than life’ image that lingered in my memory?

Yes, there is something related to that. I realized that the problem is that I never really got to know him as a person.

We may have gone out a few times, but I barely recall knowing much about his life, his thinking or even less emotional state.

Because of this, a connection or even a friendship was never established because the foundation for it was never there.

So, again, should I contact him? What are the possible outcomes?

He will not respond to my message because he doesn’t remember me, or he does but is not interested in having contact with me.

He will respond because he does remember me, but is not interested in reconnecting. His reply will be to be courteous and will be something to the extent of, ‘nice to hear from you; wish you good luck, etc.’

Or, he will remember me and will respond with a nice message as in, ‘great to hear from you’, with the possibility of continuing the communication.

Whatever, I’ll just give it a try. What I need to say on the message is, ‘hey, I don’t know if you remember me, but we worked on a TV commercial many years ago. I learned about your divorce and that you’re living in this city. I’m glad that you are in a relationship. Don’t know if it would be possible to speak, but I hope we can contact each other somehow.’

I wrote it as brief as possible and edited it many times before I finally hit the ‘send’ button.

It’s done. The anticipation of what happens next is as bad as waiting for next week’s episode of your favorite show.



Thank goodness for networking sites, and that he had a name that was not an average one. I did a quick search and, there he was!

I was sure he was to remember me, so I sent him a message, which basically summarized my life in the last few years and our last encounter at the deli so many years ago.

I got a response the next day and kept corresponding the following ones. When we got to the specific of that day, his revelations were quite moving to me.

“I was very happy to see you,” said he, “but when I walked over to meet your ‘x’, it just didn’t feel good.

He gave me a vibe that he thought he was better than others. He didn’t like meeting me; his face said it all. That’s why I didn’t sit down at the table, as he was unwelcoming.

Even more, he completely overshadowed you, and didn’t want you to be your true self.

He didn’t even seem to be ‘real’, more like shallow or perhaps ‘empty’. His eyes didn’t show any life or substance.

I’m sad to hear what happened to you. But I think you are better off having him out of your life.

Seems to me that you have made great strides in your recovery and if there’s still any part of you from those years I used to know you for, I am sure you will come through as yourself again.”

As I was reading this, I only wanted to cry, big time. As I have reconnected with more and more people, especially guys, I could not believe how accurate they were all of ‘that guy.’

Yes, I wanted to cry, not because of the truth, but because it was right there before me throughout so many years and I let it happen.

I let him mistreat me and control me with the same result; he left me anyway.

How did I allow it? Why wasn’t I seeing it? Maybe so much negative occurred that I shut down or blocked it. Maybe I was still hoping some day things would have gotten better, or maybe change. Maybe I was holding on to the impossible.

The problem was he didn’t want to change. Instead, he placed the blame on other people or things so he didn’t have to look at himself, and accept he was the cause of the rupture on the relationship.

That’s why he left so easily, and all occurred the way they did.

I sat there and cried for a while regretting all the wasted years and how much more I hated him every day that passed.

I have no good words for him and wish him the worst in the world.



et cetera