The New M.E. Generation











{January 23, 2017}   The Swipe 18 – Having E.D.

I kept seeing Bob after the boating (and bad comment) day. Surprisingly, I managed to put the incident aside, which is a first for me.

Fact is, Bob was a contradiction within himself. Up until then he had been respectful and well-mannered, always asking me how I would feel about doing anything, including holding my hand one night when we went out to eat. And then the incident happened.

It was like a dual personality in which the second gets quickly triggered by something, to then going back to your original one in an instance.

Regarding holding hands, it wasn’t exactly smooth sailing for me either. It was another thing I hadn’t done in quite some time, but decided to do it to find out how it now felt.

Honestly, it was a mid-point reaction for me; it didn’t felt as great as I hoped for, nor something I wouldn’t do again with him.

There was an obvious six degrees of separation within me towards Bob when we took a stroll together one night. I even sat across from him at a restaurant table, not side by side. I was close to him, but not that close in reality.

Heck, maybe my mind still had his awful comment on high alert, making me pull away as a subconscious self-defense mechanism.

All the while neither Bob and I had commented to anyone that we were dating, not even the couple friend of mine.

Eventually Bob showed the husband the selfie of our first night out. Bob said the guy reacted with surprise that there was a female in the picture. Bob then told him to look closer at the photo and when realizing who it was, he then reacted with more surprise.

But what was surprising to me was that I was sure my GF would call me immediately upon learning about it, which didn’t happen. There was no mention of it, even on one time she and I went to dinner by ourselves.

Bob even said that he had suggested to my GF’s husband that we should all go out to eat together, to which he agreed, but a tentative date was not set.

From this point forward, this is how I remember the next sequence of events. I met with Bob for dinner on a Thursday because he had plans the following evening to meet with his children.

It had been a long work week for me and after getting a slight buzz from a very cold beer, I blurt out to him, “do you have any hair left on your head?” (Hey, he had the nerve of saying something out of line and now it’s my turn, don’t you think?)

He gave me a puzzled look and responded that he still had some, but that he preferred to just shave it off every day.

I kept staring at him and felt like asking, “why?? don’t you miss having a full set?” Oops, talking about having a bad hair day.

Saturday came and I was watching the Olympics, as a female athlete from home was to compete for the Gold medal, the first one for us.

I spoke with Bob sometime before it and his tone of voice sounded very disconnected. At no point did he invited me to his home or showed any enthusiasm when I told him about the match. It was like his alter ego had showed up again.

The game happened; we won. I cheered and cried like a baby, even took a video of the medal ceremony. I called Bob shortly after.

“Did you see it??? We won!!! OMG, this is so awesome…” I kept on and on. He listened to me, but was totally emotionless. There was never an instance of him saying something like “congrats” or “great” that would equal the immense joy of the moment. He didn’t give a shit about it.

He had disappointed me a second time, but I let it pass again because of how great I was feeling.

I believe I called him the next day just to say hello. I even asked him if he wanted some company, to which he replied, “I’m doing laundry”.

Damn dude, you probably wash your clothes in cold water because I just felt getting soaked with that right now. Do you know what a ‘fabric softener’ is by any chance?

I didn’t say anything again, but it was the third time that he was a dick.

I was so upset I even consulted with my bestie (please see The Ex-Friend story) to get her opinion.

“Guys nowadays have no fucking idea of what they want,” said she. “That being said, how can they have a relationship with anyone? I know this situation sucks, but like I have told you before, better now than later. I think this guy’s problem is that he has E.D.”

“Make it more emotional dysfunction,” replied I. “It happens all the time. It all starts well and one day to the next they disappear without warning. I know the distance is a big issue for me and most probably would have become a decisive factor in the long run, but if you don’t want to keep going forward, just say it and we’ll part ways.”

“That’s why they’re dysfunctional. They’re using the wrong head to do anything,” continued she.

Whatever the reason, I wrapped around my own head the thought that this had come to an end. Even if this was bound to fail, it’s still upsetting that it’s a repeated pattern with the guys that have become present in my life.

I’m being flexible, open, letting things go with the flow, not take things so personal as my GF’s have told me, but there’s still these ‘spots’ with my connections that won’t go away even with the best bleach.

So what I’m supposed to do now? Switch detergents? Could be, but one thing I will do for sure is this: Read the label before using.

 

 

 

 

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I’m not sure how the sequence of events occurred after his return and I started my new job. I believe I finally paid him a quick visit about 3 months after, when I drove there on a Saturday, returning the next day.

On that occasion he wanted to go visit the elderly couple friend of him and his mom, to which I declined. I let him know softly that I wasn’t interested in making a 4-hour visit to them, especially with the limited time I had.

I could tell he wasn’t happy about it, but, honestly, they’re his friends, not mine. I know that they’re also old and living in an elderly apartment building, but I wanted to go out and have fun.

He repeated again that “I don’t know if this will be the last time I see them alive”, which I felt was a total exaggeration. They were old, but were not sick or had a condition to worry about. Their health was good and were taken care of.

Besides, I went there to be with him and his mom because, in a similar fashion, I didn’t know where life would take him or “I would see him again” after he founded a job.

Even more, I wasn’t going to fall on the trap of pleasing him or fulfilling his expectations towards me, which was another change in him that was sitting badly with me.

I spent the day instead with his best male friend, who in the past had been his colleague. He was very nice and took me to a flea market, lunch and dinner.

At the market I met a Kenyan man who was an artisan that worked on wood and stone. I ended buying a small bust of a woman that he carved by hand. His work was impressive and really spoke to me.

Before I left, the guy says to me, “if you have a chance to come back, please do so, as I want to tell you something.”

I’ve know that people from African countries had psychic abilities, so I was intrigued as to what he had to say.

When I got back to the house and told my friend about it, he wasn’t surprised or happy about my experience. He didn’t even say much about what I bought.

He had more of a sour face. Ever since he became an extreme religious fanatic, he rejects anything that doesn’t fit with his ideals.

That was another change in him I disliked. He used to respect other people’s view and beliefs. Now, if any one deviated from his mentality, even slightly, he would totally dislike them.

It was the attitude of “my way or the highway”. He was only socializing with people from church or other extremists. It was clear why he was alone or things were not happening to him (like finding a job). He is the one doing it all wrong.

Before I left the next day, my friend took me back to the flea market. I wanted to buy something else, plus speak to the Kenyan man and learn what he had to tell me.

I got to the place and my friend stood not too far away from me, but far enough not to hear the conversation.

“Something good happened to you recently,” said the man, which I knew it had to do with my new job. “And there’s someone interested in you, but…” He shook his head slightly from side to side in a ‘no’ gesture, with a facial expression of ‘I wouldn’t be with him if I were you’.

I think I quickly looked at my friend, as I knew it had to do with him, the one who was just a few steps away. I wasn’t surprised, more of another confirmation that getting involved with him would be a total mistake.

“I see you meeting a guy that will be good for you,” continued the man, this time with a very positive look on his face. “I think when you two see each other, you’re going to eat each other alive.”

Wow, that’s intense. It made me feel it was going to be like when two stars collide and create an explosion. Yeah, it sounded it would be that great.

When I was back in the car, I limited myself to what I shared with my friend. I said something to the extent of, “the man was right on point about something good happening to me recently.” I obviously refrained from the ‘other guy’ topic, and instead said that my life was headed the right way, that was overcoming my obstacles, and so forth, something more of a generic content.

As I drove home, I kept thinking about the guy, not the new one, but the one at hand. I kept wondering if there was more about my friend that the man didn’t tell me because he was close by. Did he saw something bad coming from my friend and tried to tell to me to ‘be careful’?

He may have not said much, but his face sure said it all. Maybe the underlying message was this: ‘you see that guy not far from you? Take a good look at him, ‘cause soon he’s walking away and out of your life. And it’s going to hit you as hard as these stones that I work with.’

Was the Kenyan man right? Stay tuned.



{February 8, 2016}   The Ex-Friend 22 – Cold plate

In spite of all my friend’s oddities, I still believed in him and that he would eventually find a way to get his life back on track as he has always proven to do so.

That’s how I was back then, I loved people so much, I overlooked those red flags that were alerting me I needed to handle situations differently.

I gave people endless opportunities because I believed in them, but this same goodness I gave others would be the same one others abused of and eventually lead getting betrayed by them, a hard lesson that I got many times over from those I thought were my friends .

After the birthday incident, he had remaining about 1 more month on his job. From there he had no solid offers, even though he was in conversations with his employers about the possibility of an opening 2 states away from his current location.

I don’t remember the order of the next sequence of events, but the end of the year was coming soon. I do remember that he was with his mom celebrating Christmas and his birthday, which is also in December.

He had told me originally that if I didn’t had plans for New Year’s Eve, to drive to his mom’s and spent it with them. I had told him yes, but he backed down at the last minute, citing that he was still dealing with issues with his ex, and that there could a possibility of working things out, and my presence would dampen that.

I was really upset and had to call on a couple friend of mine that I would always spend this date with, to ask them if they could accommodate me and they did as always.

My then friend showed no emotion to what he did. “If you don’t have where to go, you can come here,” said he when I was still scrambling to find an outfit and a gift for my hosts.

Really? You’re telling me this when this event is happening tonight? You expect me to drive 4 hours if all else fails for me? And you’re trying to do what? Feeling sorry for me for screwing such an important time of the year? Trying to modify your heartless act? What are you taking me for?

After so many times you had told me you tried to fix thing with your ex and she didn’t wanted to and treated you like trash, that she’s a person who is ‘on the devil’s side’ and would talk to you with her fists up in her face ‘ready to strike back’, of whom you have never, ever, mentioned anything positive about, and you’re still hanging on to a ‘possibility’?

You, the one who always said to get rid of people (especially guys) who are worthless or useless, still want something with someone who has proven to be exactly that?

You may be totally immersed in your faith, but you have clearly turned your back to those who really love you. If there were a poster child for love-hate relationships, it would be you.

And I thought I had it bad. With friends like that, who needs enemies?

What an a-hole he was becoming. I don’t think I wished him a happy birthday or new year. But why should I?

“Tú no eres plato de segunda mesa” (you’re not a second plate from a side table) is another quote he would always say.

Fine, I’ll serve it to you straight up: go f— yourself (and that low quality creature). Cheers!



{December 7, 2015}   The Ex-Friend 13 – Talked out

My memory of the next sequence of events is that my friend rented a truck and moved by himself to another state to start a new job with the same company he was working with.

We were now back talking more frequently, but more whenever he could, as he was working 24/7 to make up for the expenses of the move.

He sounded under control as usual, but wasn’t telling much about the status of his relationship. I was curious to know, but I knew he would tell me when he felt it was right to do so.

It was shortly after my birthday that he shared that before his move, things got really bad between him and the bitch, and even the son had to do with it.

He said to her that if she wanted to be with him, she had to make major changes in her attitude and actions, especially those coming from the son. Because she didn’t comply, he told both of them to ‘go f— themselves’. So when the new job came available, he quickly got the truck and left like a bat out of hell.

As the weeks went by, he shared every detail of all 3 years of relationship. From his point of view, there wasn’t anything positive about her, other than he liked when he would go home from work and ‘find a horny woman’ waiting for him.

Regarding the son, he said that he was a bum who watched heavy porn all day in the computer, and was totally disrespectful to him. One time they got into such a heavy argument, he just wanted to beat the crap out of that kid.

The more stories I heard, the more angry and hateful emotions came out of him. It was like a creature hidden inside that would erupt every time he remembered a bad moment.

I couldn’t believe he put up with it all those years. He went as far as saying that he was lied, used, cheated, and taken advantage of by those two low-level people.

It sounded so bad that at times my own marriage and divorce sounded diddle next to him. Even his emotional state was shattered way worse than me. He was refusing to accept this relationship was a total failure and coming to terms with that was damaging him in a way I never seen before in him.

I know all too well about overcoming adversity, but as he kept on and on with his stories, the more I wanted to tell him to stop talking about his relationship, and it wasn’t because it relived bad memories, it just got annoying.

Don’t get me wrong; I did the same thing until someone told me to shut up. Even when I told him nicely, he turned himself into such a victim, I wasn’t feeling sorry for him any more.

With time he sort of got control of his issues, enough for our friendship to go back to what it used to be. It was a feeling that life was finally giving back something I had to forcedly give up when married.

In a way, it was. And that was soon to be put to the test for my next birthday. Let’s just say, be careful what you wish for.



During the drive back to his apartment there was no mention of the incidents that had unfolded earlier.

I do remember that he requested that if I went to the beach and back to the apartment with his car, to please hose down the undercarriage around the tires so the sand wouldn’t build up and affect the transmission. He showed me how to do it before entering the apartment.

I don’t remember well the sequence of events from that moment forward, but I did go back to the beach on my own another day, went back to the apartment, then picked him up at school.

Upon returning home, he knew I didn’t do the what he told me to just by looking at the car. “You didn’t wash it, right?” said he with a face off ‘I can tell.’

“Yes, I did”, said I with a tone that wasn’t even convincing to myself.

He rolled his eyes and shook his head as you do when you know your child is not telling the truth. So he grabbed the hose and took care of it.

I was so embarrassed and ashamed of myself. All that he has asked of me was to do this simple task considering the hospitality he had extended to me.

I had a mild rebellious side of not doing what others told me, but I knew better than that. Besides, neither of us was raised that way. We were taught to respect and take care of other people’s things, especially when they were borrowed.

My friend’s reaction was not knew to me, because at times my behavior was what he referred to as ‘a little cold’. This meant I would stay stuck on you like one that refused to end. I wasn’t behaving bad, but at times dealing with me was like that.

I was someone that regardless you loved me or not, I would always leave some residue on people that would make them remember me.

The next event I recall was that both were taking naps, as we were to go out that evening. I was in his bed and he downstairs in the sofa. I don’t know how long I rested for, but when I woke up the home was very quiet.

I then walked to the staircase and sat mid-way to look at him while he joyfully slept. I didn’t want to wake him up, so I just sat there, looking.

I don’t know what made me do this, but it was as if something told me to. It was a weird moment as if life was asking me to define what was I to do with him.

But because of my insecurities of the time, I instead thought about how great his life looked in comparison to mine: he had overcome the past and knew exactly how to take hold of the future. He was living the way I wished I could do, but didn’t know how to get there.

I was so into thinking about myself that I didn’t consider if he could become part of that change or my life as a whole as he had been for so long.

It was one of those moments that you’re ‘looking down’ at things and you’re just sitting there wondering what to do next.

In other words, there’s this opportunity a few steps away that could alter your existence all together and you’re not reacting to it? Am I stepping forward or backwards?

The answer coming up next…



A couple of weeks went by (I think) before we contacted each other again. I don’t know who did first and for what reason.

I have usually remembered the sequence of events related to previous dates. But, this time, there are just empty blanks on my mind.

If my memory serves me well, I would bet I text this guy the next day thanking him once again for the previous evening.

Overall, the date wasn’t extraordinary or bad, but good enough to apply my manners. I believe his are not the same as mine, but hopefully they will communicate how I would like to be treated.

I believe I text him on a Saturday just inquiring how he and his studies were doing. He replied that he had a friend in town that he was to take out with other friends. I told him that I was glad to hear and for him to enjoy the night.

The next time he resurfaced, he offered to come home and cook. When I read the text, I got surprised and anxious. I think it has been no more than 2 times that a guy has come over and done that in all these past years.

Even though I’m used to my space and doing all by myself, I know my social life should improve and doesn’t hurt someone else doing something for me once in a while. But allowing others in my home is like opening a door to my mind and emotions. And people taking control of the situation, including using my kitchen utensils, is something hard for me to let go off as silly as it may sound.

Also, I am a simple person. I don’t need expensive things to be comfortable. I own what I think I need, take care of it until it’s time to part of them, and like my surroundings to be clean and organized.

Because I consider myself a minimalist, I think once you step in and look around my residence you can define who I am as a person rather quickly. Of course, it all relies in what the other person’s frame of mind is, but hopefully their analysis of me should be a general positive one.

This guy proposed to bring all the food and cook. I only had to supply the drinks and kitchen. I don’t know who will be doing the cleaning afterwards, but the arrangement sounded fair.

The whole thing was to be happening that night, so I hurried to put my whole place together (as I always do, visitors or not) and go out to buy the drinks.

Then off to choose the clothes that completed the ‘look’ of the day.

Question is: will the universe serve me justice tonight?



et cetera