The New M.E. Generation











{October 12, 2015}   The Ex-Friend 5 – Making a move

My time abroad was short lived. Six months into being there, things changed on the project my then husband was working, so it was best to leave, but this time we were to go to the U.S., to the state he was born and raised.

It was a move I always wanted to do, but the transition wasn’t easy. We didn’t have a job, were living with family and me adjusting wasn’t easy.

I didn’t have anything in common with family and friends; had no credit to show for myself, so getting even a store card wasn’t happening. My job experience was in another country and was even questioned if my studies were done at an accredited school.

We were starting from zero when other couples were already settled down. There was a lot going on that would eventually burst the bubble years later.

Eventually all would level down, including moving into a home and reconnecting with my friend. I have no recollection how I learned he had also moved to the states to work with the same company, or how I got his personal and work phone numbers.

I would communicate with him the same way as before, leaving a message and waiting for him to call back. When we spoke, the topics were always the usual and discussed in the same order: how we were, how was work, family, and any news that was important to share.

But this time I was doing the calls from a home office when my ‘x’ wasn’t around. He had expressed to me that he didn’t liked me speaking with my male friends, even though he knew nothing ever happened between us. I resented my ‘x’ deeply for this, but tried to manage it the best way possible.

As time progressed, my then friend switched jobs about 3 times. I think he lost the job with the airline, went back home, then worked with a cargo company, and came back to the states yet again.

One occasion he was here in town for work and all 3 of us had dinner together. It was great seeing him. My ‘x’ didn’t spoke a word the whole night.

There was a second time my friend was in town, but it was during the first period that my ‘x’ left home. I was so confused and scared, I declined having dinner with him, fearing it would make matters worth with my situation. That’s how overwhelmed I was. This was probably the first time I said ‘no’ to my friend.

I don’t recall how much I told him about what was happening or if he commented anything about it, but I would imagine he made himself available for anything he could do for me.

Maybe he didn’t say much because of how delicate the situation was. One thing’s for sure and that was that he would always be on my side, no matter how bad things turned out for me.

He was my friend, period, in the good and bad, for better or worse, in sickness and health, until another kind of ‘death’ did us part.

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I opened the email and the impression I got from the photo was that he looked way younger than his actual age.

I then viewed his profile and it showed that he was 35. His face had a boyish look, which made me feel that I was dealing instead with a 20-something.

His profession was as a paramedic and that he was currently pursuing a graduate degree in a field related to healthcare.

It was good to read that he had other ambitions in life. To me, that translates that you’re a non-conformist and willing to take a new challenge.

Working full-time and then going to school is not easy task. I did that and made me feel proud of myself that I completed a self-established goal.

The unfortunate part of having a relationship with someone who’s a paramedic (that at times are also firefighters) is their schedule. They work every other day and, depending on your seniority, usually the night shift.

Add other activities into your schedule means no time for anything else. And if you’re in a relationship and/or have children, your agenda is totally booked.

This guy has no kids, but I just knew that he wasn’t really for me. After having guys dropping off the radar pretty much right from the start, I’m going to be very cautious of how I do anything from now on.

But, like I did before, I will try to take these experiences with a humorous approach. This way it won’t affect me and the recovery is almost instant.

It may sound contradictory that I’m allowing myself to experience certain moments when they’re bound to be short-lived.

But if I change my approach into looking what I would gain (like building my character) instead of losing (like getting mad), isn’t it worth it?

Everything that one does has a risk attached to it and if you’re not willing to take them, you’ll never take off the ground to reach where you want to go.



Unfortunately, the reconnection was short lived.

Shortly after our last conversation, I noticed that he basically discontinued any sort of communication.

If he responded to any email, he would write that he was busy with work, or would give some other cheap excuse for his lack or delay to respond.

Even at times when I’ve had a tough day or needed a sympathetic ear to listen to me, the emails reflected a lack of support and understanding, which were very different from the ones I received when we first reconnected.

From one day to the next, I was not important to him any longer and had a feeling he had taken me out of his life, again. But not the way I thought it did.

One day, out of nowhere, all I got was a brief email stating that ‘my wife saw your pictures at the social site and asked me a lot of questions about you. It was a very intense conversation. I need some time to figure out things, but I hope that we keep being friends.’

I was shocked at what I read and all confused as to what it meant, until it quickly hit me.

I went online to the site and the blow was even worse; he deleted me as his friend. And, his profile was created in a way that it could not be located by others searching for it.

‘He deleted me, Why, why?’ is all that crossed my mind as I stared at the screen.

Sadness engulfed me pretty much the same way it did when I tried to remember the last time I saw him.

I don’t know how much time passed when I started to cry and did so for some more time until I couldn’t any more.

He’s gone, again. Life repeated itself, again. No closure on this situation, again. All I could do then was close the website and computer, and try to go to sleep.



I got a text message from Ivan the next day. It read that he had a lot of fun last night and ‘ttul’ or ‘talk to you later.’

I was ecstatic. I didn’t even have to call him. I responded that ‘me too. Hope we see each other again.’

But the funky feeling was short lived. It became very hard to speak with him over the phone. If I did, it would be sometime after 11pm or so when he ‘was done for the day.’ Or, he would return my calls a few days later or not at all.

That applied equally to texting; a late response with not much to read or none at all.

The visits to my apartment did occur, but after endless attempts from my behalf to come over and late at night after, once again, he was done with work.

Another detail was that he never really opened up to me. I could see that he was stressed out and had things he probably needed to talk out. But as much as I tried to offer him help and support, he chose to remain silent.

After a while I became disenchanted. It was obvious that he was not interested in me. The job excuse was acceptable at the beginning. But when you text someone and, for example, he responds saying he’s ‘out with the guys’ and close to where you live and doesn’t even make the effort to see you or invite you over, yeah, it is loud and clear.

There’s no need to read between the lines.

So what did I do after a while? I decided to end this (for myself) the new fashionable way; with a text message.

‘It is quite clear that you are not interested in me at all. I will not contact you any longer. Good-bye.’ (Or better yet, ‘ttul’ not!)



Another week went by and I was pretty much over my short-lived experience with Christian. I had taken Dina’s approach of not letting if affect me emotionally.

But there was a part of me that stayed wondering what finally happened with him. I wanted to give him a call and find out. But, what if he is really not interested in me?

What the hell? I’ll just do it. If he answers and shows no interest in me, I’ll hang up and keep going on with my life.

I’ll just take it as another mindless incident that occurred in my life.

I thought the call would be unanswered and go to voicemail. Instead, it did get answered.

Christian was very surprised and relieved that I had called again. He started talking very fast like his minutes were about to expire.

“You are probably thinking I am the worst guy ever. But I lost my phone, and I know you were going to call me again, and I wish I could have another chance to proof you wrong…”

He just kept going non-stop. I didn’t have to do the talking. He said everything I was hoping to hear and then some. Now I was the one who didn’t know what to say.

“I’m sorry you lost your phone. Yeah, I was wondering what might have happened to you when we agreed to keep in touch,” said I.

“I know, I know. You probably thought I was being rude to you.” (I think you made that clear.)

“I’m not really thinking anything.” (Liar!)

“So, can I make it up to you? Please?”

“Ah, sure.”

“I’m going to be with my buddy on his boat on Sunday. I can pick you up at the marina in the afternoon and go for a cruise around the bay.”

“Sounds like a plan.”

“Great! I’ll see you then.”



et cetera