The New M.E. Generation











{September 18, 2017}   Looking Back 63 – Turning point

It was inevitable to revert back to the past. I mentioned again (don’t know what number this was) that I didn’t understand his behavior towards me of being super nice at the beach, to then ignore me at school.

Him: “I’ve always done things my way outside the box, you know that. Always low key, especially now with work. That’s why I hate social media. No need for people to know what I do” (there wasn’t anything low key about all those photos you showed me before of the many toys you have, including several cars, an RV, boat, etc.).

Me: “Yes, at school you were in your zone (more like having a wall in front of you), always studying (that you used to have people afar). You only took part in minimal activities. When it had to do with an effort that involved everyone in your class, like a sketch for the Pep Rally, you cooperated. If not, no.”

I was wondering if he at least would say ‘sorry for that’, but no. Still the same on that.

We returned home and continued the conversation. We were sitting on my sofa, when he suddenly got down on both knees, putting his arms on top of my legs, looking at me with his face very close to mine. I was as calm as I’ve ever been.

Him: “I don’t know what to do about you” (if you like what you see, you should put a ring on it).

Me: “Well, since you said the distance is an issue and don’t want me putting too many miles on my leased car, I guess nothing will happen. You keep saying all these nice things about me, but don’t do anything afterwards.”

Him: “Distance is a problem” (wrong answer buzzer sound effect). I gave him a look of ‘you know that’s not it.’

“I have a problem with being committed” (buzzer again. You were married for over 15 years; what do you call that?).

“Truth is, I need someone that wants to be with me for what I am and can put up with my schedule, not be attracted by this supposed lifestyle that I have. They hear about the fancy things my clients have and think I will tag them along when working, but that’s not how it goes” (‘ding ding ding’ sound effect).

Me: “You need a woman that can hold her own, is independent, and comfortable with her life and space when she’s not with you” (which is pretty much me, don’t you think?).

We kept looking at each other like those movie scenes where you wonder when the decisive moment will occur.

Me: “I’m at peace, Frank. That’s all you need to know. I’m fine with my life, past, you and me, the blonde you’re seeing. Like I said before, if that’s what you want, go for it.”

Him (while now looking away): “Her?? I sort of feel guilty being here. She’s a nice girl… (and other complements).”

Me: “But you’re not that into her. (He gave me a look that I was right on this one. Of course I am. If he was serious about her, he wouldn’t be texting or sending selfies every time we communicate, saying how beautiful I am, even less trying to see me every time he’s in town.)

If you and I tried being together, we would have to start from scratch. Put the past behind and deal with the now. Correction, I need to do that. That would be the only way if there was ever a chance.

You have to figure out what you want for yourself. Including her. And I’m not upset with you. Not any more. If you can’t be with me, or don’t want to, that’s up to you.”

Sometime later, I walked him to my apartment complex gate. The limo was parked outside waiting for him. I hugged and kissed him good-bye, much like that day at the school’s assembly when I wondered if I would ever see him again.

So what do I think the ending to all this will be? My forecast is this: he’ll stay with the blonde. When he realizes that it’s me that he really wants, he will come back, only to find me with someone else.

Because that’s how the universe works. It gives you a number of chances to make things right. But if you base your decisions on anything except love, then it will take away what you took for granted.

He will get his boat, that’s for sure. And will sail away wondering what his life would have been if he hadn’t let me go.

It’s “certain as the sun, rising in the east. Song as old as rhyme. Tale as old as time. Ever just as sure, as the sun will rise.” – Beauty and the Beast

 

 

 

 

 

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Me: “You’re welcome to come my way if you want.”

Him: “I am? How far are you?” (Please don’t start with this again. And, wow, he really took my previous words seriously!)

Me: “I meant during the weekend. Where you are is not exactly close to work (gave him my location) and is farther out to home. The traffic makes the driving more complicated than what it really is even when taking the highway.”

Him: “Send me a pic, all conservative at work. LOL.” (Lord, I should have seen this one coming as well. Some things never change. Lucky for me I had taken a selfie at the office a week earlier that I posted on social media.) “Ahh, nice hair color.”

Me: “It’s supposed to be a violet brown. Needs retouching.”

Him: “I see how it can be that. Nah.”

Okay, enough with the chit-chat. Let’s get to more serious matters.

Me: “What’s brings you to town?”

Him: “My client is vacationing here with his family and friends, and wanted me to come along in case there are any medical issues.”

Me: “So what do you in the meantime?”

Him: “Right now I’m chilling in my room. Sometimes I join them in activities. Our relationship has evolved into a friendship. So I am almost family. I usually stand by and await the call.”

Me: “Interesting.”

Him: “How so?”

I didn’t respond because I was at work. What I would have said was that it gets my attention how he became a personal doctor to a high-end market, gets all these fabulous perks that your client covers for, meanwhile making a great salary yourself. It’s a life many people would trade for in a heartbeat.

Speaking about medicine, I took off the next day (Friday) to get a physical exam. I hadn’t been feeling my best recently and someone suggested getting one, since it had been way too long since I last had one.

The appointment was early in the morning. I knew I would probably finish with enough time to be able to meet with this guy, but decided not to tell him. And that’s because if I really want to move away from my past with him, then it means I have to stick to what I said. Plus, I wanted to dedicate the day to myself and enjoy it.

He texts me around 3pm that day.

Him: “Hope your Friday is going well.”

Me: “At home. Took the day to go to the doctor.”

Him: “Oh. You should have come to the beach. What doctor? You ok?”

Me: “Went to a family one. I had recovered from a bad cold which relapsed recently. Haven’t had a general checkup for years. Now that I’m a person of a certain age, have to be more careful of what happens healthwise. I knew the appointment would take a few hours, so decided to ask the day off and go to it with no rush.”

Him: “Good. It can save your life. You old lady.”

Me: “¡Más viejo eres tú!” (you’re the old one!)

Him: “Me… very old. LOL.”

Me: “You should come my way. Maybe have a drink?”

Him: “To your apartment? Hmmm. Have to be with this guy. There’s an agenda for the day, which can go until late. I know there’s a couple of limos and an SUV that they use. Maybe I can get one of them after they’re done and go to you. Will let you know.”

Dude, ever heard of the latest taxi services? In other words, just uber yourself. As simple as that. Any questions?

 

 

 

 

 



Just when I thought I had it all figured out with the beach guy, even of going as far as accepting his friend request once again on social media, he comes back to prove me wrong.

Case in point: I was checking my feed on a Sunday afternoon, when I come across a notification that such person had changed its profile picture.

It was a selfie he took using one hand while looking at the phone, while the other is placed in a woman’s forehead, specifically the one with the ultra-bleached hair I made a mention before. Their heads are touching together. She’s smiling and her eyes are closed. The caption reads: “Your head hurts?”

I was disappointed, but more calm than normally would, because I finally find out the real reason why he doesn’t want me going there. So him being entirely single is not as true as he said he was.

As I’m seeing it, he was keeping me ‘on the side’ because of the distance. I was a like a second option in case this chick, or anyone else there, didn’t work out. That’s why he kept the conversation and ‘pretty’ comments going so he wouldn’t lose me.

Perhaps he wanted to ‘go bi-coastal’ and be with 2 people at once. Like the saying goes: “The left hand doesn’t know what the right hand is doing.” Think about it. He could have pulled that off had it played it well. But him posting the photo was his downfall.

Me: “So who’s the blonde in your profile picture?”

Him: “Ah, she’s a girl that I just started hanging out with. Likely will turn into a GF. I’ve known her for a long time. And we hung out before.” (This is how one of those ‘gotcha’ moments look like when the person can’t get their story straight. And don’t try to downgrade the situation. You knew her before; said it yourself. She’s been floating in your gravity for a while.)

“She’s a lot of fun.” (Oouu! Did you notice the detail in this sentence? He said ‘fun’. That’s the exact thing the Cuban lady warned me about men during the cards reading [see ‘The Reading’ chapters under The Ex-Friend story]. She basically said guys don’t want any commitments with you, but for anything else, including going out and have good times, they’re in.

Analyzing this further, if this is the only positive thing he can say about her, “Run, Forrest, Run”.)

Me: “That’s why you don’t want me visiting you.”

Him: “Well that’s not the reason, although if she and I are exclusive, I’m sure she wouldn’t like that.”

Me: “And me saying I wanted to see you.”

Him: “OMG. You and I go back a long time. But you live so far, which makes a relationship hard. And I will never lie to you.”

Me: “Sounds like you did.”

Him: “Seriously?”

Me: “I asked you before if you were seeing anyone. How do you think I felt when I saw your photo? Whatever, I made a fool of myself.”

Him: “I wasn’t. You didn’t make a fool of yourself.”

Yes, I did that because, once again, I put my emotions out in the open, and thought maybe there was a possibility of something happening between us.

Reality is, he was clear in his position and I interpreted it differently. That’s what happens when we allow the past to influence us into thinking one can rewrite history and get the romantic ending you were hoping for.

Me (about 2 days later): “The fact that you reappeared after some years left me restless. From my part I always felt there was something that remained unfinished between us. But now I know it’s not. Regardless the reasons you have for us not seeing each other only shows there’s not enough interest. I’m not upset. I have learned things don’t always result like one wants. We may have a long history, but I’m the one who needs to move on and close chapter with you, which you always did.”

In other words, hadn’t I pursued him again, none of this would have happened.

Incredibly, he didn’t reply back. I also unfriended him. Copy that. Talking about ‘being on delay’ as he once said.

I sent another text sometime later to complete answering his last remarks.

Me: “I made a fool of myself because I thought you had some feelings for me. And forget the distance excuse. If you were interested in me, you would go the extra mile to make it happen. That’s how it goes.”

Still waiting.

 

 

 

 

 

 



The next day we exchanged texts again about other random things. Don’t recall what we were chatting about when he says: “I’m sure you’re still as beautiful as ever”.

I was one of those ‘ahhh’ moments that shook me to my core. One of those when you had completely forgotten how good it feels like when reading such a thought like that. And, how are you supposed to respond to such a message?

Honestly, my mind went blank about what to say other than thanking him. Since I’ve never been able to ‘go below the surface’ and find out what he’s really made of, I felt me opening about my feelings now was not the right thing to do.

Another few days later, again talking nonsense, I finally braved up to say: “I was meaning to ask you. Are you seeing anyone?”

He: “Nah.”

Me: “No nurses?” (Recap: he once got involved with another, probably one of many. When I saw on social media that he sent roses to her for Valentine’s and she posted the photo of the arrangement along with all this romantic text thanking him, I unfriended him immediately. I learned later on that when he tried to break-up with her, she threatened to kill herself. This may sound like a General Hospital episode, but no surprise here.

One word: Karma. It’s not the first time that guys say they’re not interested in me, to then hook up with some chick that later turned out to be a psycho bitch, to then reappear as if nothing has happened.’)

Him: “No nurses. Had a GF nurse. Broke up about 4-5 weeks ago.”

(So that’s why he came back… I told you so that there was something more here!)

Him: “I don’t do liars or cheaters.”

Me: “She cheated on you?”

Him: “Yup.”

Me: “Ouch! How did you find out?” (Karma. Again. And I didn’t say I was sorry for what happened to him because I’m not.)

Him: “I went to leave a love note in her wallet and there was someone else’s love note in there.” (Dude, you can’t go into other people’s things! Did you check her phone too while you were at it?)

And, what? He revealed his feelings? He expressed them on paper? Whoa!

But, Karma, again, of course. You never really wanted me and now life is getting back at you. Hurts doesn’t it? Wouldn’t be surprised it was that extremely bleached blond from your photo in the boat.

I don’t remember him being romantic with me, ever. I, on the other hand, was the one who once did write a note to him.

When my school held the annual Farewell Assembly for his graduating class, the custom was that you could send, and had delivered, cards and else from other students.

I decided to send him a card; I debated first whether it was worth doing it or not. After deciding to do so, I then had difficulty deciding what to say beyond the expected congratulations and well wishes.

I probably wrote something to the extent that ‘I will never forget you’, ‘Will miss you’, or ‘You’ll always have a friend here’. Thoughts that we tell others, but not always follow through later on.

Thoughts that in the heat of the moment touch our hearts greatly, to later maybe get forgotten once the day is over and the cards are put away, and we walk out the door towards the next chapter of our life.

I remember the event being held in the auditorium with people from the 7-11 grades. His class was sitting on the stage in about 4 rows of chairs. He happened to be on the first row towards stage left. He was wearing like a light brown suit with the darkest of tans.

My class was also sitting to that side, so I had a good view of him. When someone stood in front of him to give him the envelopes, he first had a look of ‘oh, for me?’. He held his hand open to accept them. 1-2-3-4. By the third one, his eyes opened wide and the face changed to a surprised one.

He read one by one. At one point he looked my way with teary eyes (yes I’m sure!), but don’t know if they were intended for me.

As the activity came to an end, many students jumped on stage to dance to “Come Sail Away“, the chosen theme song. I, of course, took the opportunity to be next to him. He did break out in some dance (yes he did!), and I shed some tears to which he didn’t react to much.

As the years go by, no matter what I do, I always go back to that day when I hear that song.

“I look to the sea; reflections in the waves spark my memory. / Some happy, some sad. / I think of childhood friends and the dreams we had.”

Yep, if only life could be as easy as a day at the beach.

 

 

 

 



It was around 7pm on a Friday after getting home that I looked at my mobile while watching TV and trying to cook something. I tend to put the phone down in my room and ignore it until later. But I had been texting with someone that day and wanted to conclude with the chatting.

I notice I hadn’t read a text, which I thought was from the other person, but didn’t hear the alert sound, which was odd to me. Looking again, I noticed it came from the Unknown tab.

I see a number and 2 texts delivered around an hour and a half earlier: “Emma!!” “Emma Marques”.

I searched the area code and it gave me the town where ‘the beach guy’ lives. Oh, no! ‘Just when I thought it was safe to go back into the water’…

It had to be him. I don’t know anyone else who lives in his area. And when someone spells my last name correctly, they definitely know me.

To be honest, it wasn’t thrilled about him resurfacing, especially after how he behaved when we reconnected. I thought about ignoring it all together, but decided to test him out.

I waited about a half hour and then replied: “Who’s this?”

“Frank. Wow. You are on a ‘delay’.”

What’s that supposed to mean? That I didn’t fulfill your expectations of not responding right away? Memo to you: I will treat you the same way you have before – indifferent.

“This is Emma from school?” (he gave the correct name). Yep, still not making it easy to him.

“Frank who? Yes.”

“Frank Antonetti” / “I’m in town and I thought of you” /  “So I’m reaching out to see how you are” / “Still divorced and Single? Boyfriend? Girlfriend? Married again?” / “I’m going out to get some dinner.” / “I’m in Bal Harbor.”

Surprise, surprise (not). Here we go again of him never telling me in advance that he’s going to be around, even less using the phone to do so.

I clearly remember once when he was flown by private jet to meet with a patient (he’s a personal doctor) on a weekday. He texted me while on the air around 10pm or so, saying to join him at the hotel. I told him I had to go to work the next day. He said: “too bad. we could have snuggled together.”

Really? I know how this goes, you’re in town taking care of other people’s needs, but looking to resolve yours with a “quickie fix”?

The last time he did the same ‘unannounced’ thing and I gave him a very solid ‘no’, he tried to play the ‘guilty feelings’ card by saying that ‘I remember you being more adventurous’ (no kiddo, I’m not bungee jumping to prove you wrong or let you manipulate me so you can get what you want). Or that ‘I bet my hotel room is more comfortable than your apartment’ and ‘you’re probably bored watching a movie on TV’.

I didn’t kept quiet and fired back at him in such a way, that he last said “I’m done”. So was I, big time.

And WTF with the ‘girlfriend’ question? What makes you think that, because I’ve been unlucky finding a guy, now I’m trying other measures to be with someone?

I didn’t felt like saying anything else, but wanted to get back at him somehow, so I waited some more and decided on just this: “Hey! Nice of you to think of me. Life is good.”

It was a combination of telling a lie, leaving it ambiguous, and that whatever I’m doing at this exact moment, is way better than being with you.

“Good”, said he. “How far are you from where I am?”

I didn’t say a word. Half hour later he says: “Well, I’m sure you’re busy.”

Exactly, you didn’t appreciate any of my time before, so now I’m ‘busy’ for you.

The next day I realized that I also had a Messenger and Friend request. We used to be connected on social media, but I unfriended him during the ‘done’ episode (and I never looked back).

Still, I took a peak at his profile out of curiosity. It was normal, except this photo from almost a year ago, where he’s on his boat taking a selfie (using both hands) with a very blonde chick (like those that probably bleach their hair with a household cleaner). She had an exaggerated smile and held him like an octopus; his body language read he was only with her for whatever reason that benefitted him.

I then told my bestie about it (see The Ex-Friend): “I hope my non-reply gives him the message.”

Bestie: “Hopefully, because it seems he’s a moron. Otherwise you don’t deal with booty calls or booty FB requests.”

Me: “Haven’t heard from him in like 2 years and now reappears parachute-style?”

Bestie: “One word for you: Next!!!”

You got that right, as always.

Interestingly enough, I was as calm as I’ve ever been. Amazing what time and distance can do for you.

As for him, I hope he enjoyed his meal, whatever kind it was.

“Revenge is a meal best served cold.” Buono appetito!

 

 

 



It’s Thanksgiving weekend, so I usually take this time to call people I haven’t heard of during the year. Top of list, Ivan, of course. In spite him never calling me, every so often I get this feeling that I need to check upon him.

I know the moment of us having anything is way gone, but I still contact him as an indirect sounding board (or ‘a person you run things by’ – Your Dictionary.com) to prove to myself that, yes, I’m doing fine, and better than other people I know (especially him).

I recently had also seen that he had opened a separate social media profile. There was a photo of him in what seemed a hotel room, which was odd to me. So it got me curious.

I dialed the number and was waiting to get his voicemail, which is what always happens, when he answers.

“Hey Ivan, it’s Emma, how are you?” asked I.

“Hi…!” said he with a tone that he didn’t immediately recognize who I was (am I in your contacts list by any chance??), plus that the top of the world fell on him.

“I thought you wouldn’t take my call, so, this is a first,” said I.

“I’m sorry Emma,” replied he. “I lost my phone once before. And my employer passed away about 2 weeks ago, so I’m out of work. She got really sick.” His tone now was one of being very nervous.

I never asked much about what he did, but my understanding was that he was the personal assistant to a wealthy elderly woman. He lived in a room in the big mansion she had and was allowed to drive the fancy cars she had. He even escorted her to trips.

I always felt there was something awkward here, but, hey, we all got to pay the bills.

Personally, he was always stressed. He had lived in another state before, his family is on the other side of the world, has no relatives here in the U.S., all which gave me a sense that he was very much alone and had no idea how to make his life less complicated.

“I’m sorry to hear that,” said I (referring to the old woman). Him without work? Not so much. He knew this day would come. If he didn’t planned his next move, then he dug his own crave.

“So what happens now?” asked I.

“I don’t know… the family wants me to leave the house immediately… I need to get myself a place to live, a car…” said he like someone who’s still on panic mode.

“Ivan, stop, you’re making me anxious!!!” I got so out of focus, I had to breath slowly to get my mojo back.

Ivan apologized and the conversation continued normal. Among his other comments was that he was planning to go into the financial real estate sector (good luck with that).

I let him do the talking, the reason being that I wondered if he would ask if I was dating anyone. If he does, it means he’s on the same boat as me.

“Well, you read my mind,” said I. “No relationship yet. And that site you told me about, lots of fake users. Very disappointing.”

“I don’t understand. You’re such a pretty woman,” said he.

“Thanks. It’s nice to be told that, but after you move beyond it, there’s not much to look for in guys, unless sleeping with them is fine with you,” replied I. “How about you?”

“I’m going out with a girl from my country. We’re sort of together, but nothing serious. She has helped me a lot with some things,” said he in a tone that he doesn’t even know where he’s standing.

“Sounds to me that you’re with her more for what she’s giving you than your feelings for her,” said I. (And the 5-seconds delay starts now!) He was speechless.

“Like I’ve said before, I don’t know who’s having it worse, you and your bad relationships, or me being alone because guys have turned out substandard,” continued I.

He gave me the usual disappointment sigh and changed the subject by saying, “we should get together and have coffee or something.” (You don’t have a car, remember?)

“You know how long you’ve been telling me that? 4 years. That’s the same time I’ve been living in my present apartment,” continued I. “I haven’t seen you since I moved.”

“Really?? Sorry, I’m not a good person sometimes,” said he.

“That’s not true! I wouldn’t have called have I thought that. You just need to get a grip on your life. Maybe now’s your chance to do that.”

The conversation lasted close to an hour. The next day I called again; he was riding his bicycle (and the wind background noise sounded like that scene in ‘The Wizard of Oz’ where the twister blows the house away) and said that ‘he needed to leave town for a day or so’.

Kudos to him for ‘blowing off some steam’. And like the Wicked Witch of the East, riding fast to Neverland (oops, wrong story) and staying there for a while might be the start of his ‘happily ever after’.

Will I ever call him again? You bet your sweet B I won’t. It’s time to close the book on this one. The End.

 



I’m not quite sure how much time passed after finishing my Kevin research, but we exchanged a few more messages over the dating site before I asked him to give me his number and what would be a good time to call him (“any time is fine with me”, answered he).

Once I got his mobile, I checked it against the one posted on his social media and the white pages to make sure it wasn’t a VoIP number or had a bad history of any kind. All checked fine accordingly.

So I gave him a call that very same night around 9pm. First impressions were that his voice sounded enclosed and nerdy, speaking with such low speed that it made my eyes close after the first few minutes of listening to him.

I would make questions to confirm the information I read online about his family to keep myself connected to the conversation. But when he would start talking again, I had difficulty staying awake, just like it happens in the morning time.

Still, I was able to learn more about him, including that he competed in triathlons and volunteers once a week at the hospital wing his mother helped create.

What didn’t coincide with what I read was that the family’s company was sold as a result of his father’s passing. I didn’t find the specifics of what really happened that prompted for this to happen.

I mean, I know there’s the possibility that the stores were not doing that well. And there has been cases where the family has not been able to keep businesses afloat once the ‘face of the company’ is gone, or simply because the children have been unsuccessful in running it accordingly. Times also change businesses and with that the people managing them.

But the stores still exist and have kept the name. I haven’t seen any of them being closed or read that they’re financially bad. Maybe the family got “an offer they couldn’t refuse” and decided it was best for everyone to part from them?

But instead, Kevin made it sound like that after his father’s passing, and having worked hard in the company for so many years, it was time for him to go another way.

At no time did he mention his brother in all this, which was also odd to me. If this is another example of sibling rivalry in which the main guy told you to go, then go ahead and tell me.

In other words, I’m not a business expert, but if the numbers don’t add up, then that uneasy feeling that you’re not telling me the truth will point straight at you.

The conversation lasted a little over a half hour. Kevin decided to end it because it was almost time for him to go to sleep. Guess what? I’ve basically been there since the beginning of this phone call.

The usual comments of ‘nice talking to you’, ‘looking forward to meeting you’, ‘will call you again’ were exchanged.

But regarding the second one, when he said that ‘I have to see when I will be in your area’, it made him sound like that he had no intentions of making an effort in getting together with me.

He did react positively when I called, but his personality turned dull and boring afterwards. Coming from someone with a family of so much history, I expected a guy with a lot more energy than the one he presented.

And why am I feeling that I’m having a “Groundhog Day” movie-like moment here?

“Life has a funny way of repeating itself.” True, but in my case, it sucks every time it does.

 

 

 



{February 6, 2017}   The Swipe 20 – The basics

I will be honest with you. This swipe thing has not turned out as I had expected. Quite frankly, I think the experience has been worse than in other years.

Before there used to be a level of intrigue as to what would happen next. Now I seem to be waiting (or expecting) for the punch to happen at any moment. It’s not that I’m being negative or setting myself for failure, but it feels as if guys have ran out of ideas and are recycling their old tricks that once worked for them.

Or it can be that women in general, including myself, have smarten up with experience and years, and now catch almost immediately what motives are behind the guy you’re dealing with. In other words, the element of surprise is way gone in more ways than one.

Take for example the next guy I met online. I was just browsing on the other dating site that have been using, when I notice a message received (the generic ‘you’re pretty; how are you?’).

(Note: if a guy gives you his email or phone number right from the start, because they claim that ‘they’re barely on the site’ and will make it easier for both parts to get acquainted, “run, Forrest, run!” The person is either a cheater or a catfish.)

Yes, it’s generic because all guys will tell you this line to lure you in. But once I go past this part and want to get down to the ugly truth, that’s when their facade falls apart.

The main profile photo of this guy wasn’t bad. He seemed tall and lean, mentioned that was in his late 50’s, and physically didn’t look that intimidating, nor someone I would not consider right from the start. The other images were taken from group photos.

Overall the information seemed to be in place, but there was something off with this person that I couldn’t figure out. Even using my photo ID app didn’t give me any results.

I didn’t reply to his message right away. I wanted to be sure if I was to reply or not, so after much analysis, I instead wrote: ‘How do I know you’re the actual person in the photo?’

The guy, which I will call Kevin, replied: ‘Search this name and you’ll see who I am.’ He gave me the full one and I did that while having lunch.

Because I thought my search would be over rather quickly (meaning I wouldn’t like what I found, to eventually deleting his message), I did so during my lunch break. In other words, I was to dedicate the same amount of time that my food needed to be cooked in the microwave, as finding out who this guy was.

Turns out he was more than the real deal. I came across an article about his father’s passing which talked about the elder’s humble beginnings in the community after relocating from NY.

The father had also opened a spirits store that eventually grew into other locations. Although currently still existing, the company was sold after his death. Even more, the guy’s mother founded a charity that raises funds to support a neonatal intensive care unit at a major local hospital.

Although I did find some personal information about Kevin, like the names and ages of his children, and that he had a brother who is (or was) the CEO in the business, I couldn’t find much about him in the present, so I did another search for his professional and social media profiles.

What I found was that there was no main photo on the work one and it stated that he was no longer involved with the father’s company. It seems that he went from a high-level position, to now being on sales for the competition. This doesn’t sound right.

On his personal profile, there were almost no posts or photos of him throughout the years. His amount of friends wasn’t that big either, which also caught my attention. It looked as bare and boring as the work one.

Worst part was that he kept it public and even went as far as posting his mobile number in response to someone else’s post. I may be tech-challenged at times, but this is internet security basics 101.

I mean, how stupid can you be regarding privacy, especially when you’re probably a public figure?

And like I’ve said before, why bother having profiles if you are not going to keep them up-to-date?

The more I thought about it, the less it made sense. For starters, if you’re part of a well-known and respected family that has allowed you to meet many people, why are you using a dating site? You mean to tell me there’s not a single woman that others could introduce to you or you can meet among your many circle of friends, which I assume you do?

Wouldn’t you be interested in having a relationship with someone that has a similar upbringing, values, religion, and social connections? The norm is that you go for what’s familiar to you, not venture into something that’s totally outside the box, unless that’s what you want.

Why would you want to go for the unknown, when the opportunities to meet someone are most likely to be right in front of you?

And why are things always so complicated with me when it has to do with a guy? Is the universe warning me again way ahead that this will be another failure?

Here comes that old feeling again. It ain’t happening.

 

 

 



As I continue on my online quest to meet a guy, I did the swipe thing again shortly before my trip with Dina.

This time I connected with one that caught my attention, not because of his looks, but because he worked in the same company as the husband of a girlfriend of mine.

This meant that, one, he should be as good as a person as my GF’s man and, two, I can get any information I want to know about him through my friends, hopefully eliminating all the mysteries surrounding someone you don’t know.

This person, which I will refer to as Bob, looked respectable from his photos. He’s about 5 years older than me and although he has no hair (as in bald, which I never done before of meeting someone like that), I reminded myself to keep my options open, like my bestie always says.

Because I had his first name and that of his employer, I did a search, and found his profiles. The work one had no photo of him, plus the information didn’t seem current, and his social one was very plain. It basically had no content other than the photos he posted of himself in the app.

This is what happens with social media. Either people post too much, or are so closed to the world that you wonder if they’re hiding something. Again, I will try not to jump ahead of myself.

At the same time, if you’re not one who will dedicate time in engaging with your profiles (either personal or professional), then why bother having one?

I think Bob gave me his email before my trip, but did let him know that I was traveling and would touch base with him upon my return, which I did.

He gave me his number and I made the first call on a weekday sometime after work. He picked the call about in the third ring and his voice sounded as one that matched his physical.

We were on the phone for at least an hour and we shared small talk about my trip, work, family, etc., without going to further details, but he seemed to enjoy and interested in what I had to say.

If we did get into a more serious topic, like divorce, it was discussed mildly as in ‘how many years ago it happened’ or other basics.

One thing I didn’t ask him, which probably I should have, was if he was seeing anyone else. He didn’t ask me either and, from what I heard from him, he didn’t sound like he was.

The one detail that was really disappointing was that he lives about an hour or so away from me, which is not what the app showed. I guess the software displays the location of the person of where they are at the moment when one is using the app.

My bad luck with that ‘there’s always something with the guys’ I meet happened yet again. Is this the universe giving me a heads up early on that it won’t happen with this one either? If so, why then did he had to come into my life?

After the first conversation, I called him a couple of more times until I felt that, if he was interested in continuing talking, he should be the one now making the call.

He did a few days later and said on the phone something like, ‘you have been the one calling me, so I thought it was my turn to do so now’. Ok, he seems to be interested.

We eventually spoke a few more times (I believe taking turns) and I think I was the one to ask him if we should meet, to which he accepted.

Since his work is located at a reasonable distance from where I live, I recommended meeting at a bar at a mall near my home on a Friday after work. Although I’ve never been there, the location was one of those with an open design concept that seemed the best one for meeting someone for the first time.

I will admit I was nervous, so much so that I couldn’t decide what to wear. I searched among my clothes some days before looking for something that would click. I put a few ideas aside, but ended up wearing something I decided upon last minute.

Not only did I wanted to make a good impression, I wanted something that I felt represented my personality at that moment. Call me a diva or fashion exaggerated, but my vision was realized.

I remember driving to the mall and walking with these high heels I haven’t worn for a while, so I was trying to establish a flow in the walk as graceful as I could from the parking to the bar, which was all the way to the end of the restaurants wing.

I kept my sunglasses on (trying to pull an Audrey Hepburn) and as I was about to make my entrance to the establishment, I saw how much nicer it was from the internet photos.

And then I see Bob sitting right across the entrance, staring at everyone going in, waiting for me.

What was my reaction when I first saw him? Quite frankly, I don’t remember.

I do remember managing to walk with those heels without a hitch and my dual-tone sunglasses.

Yep, as fashionistas say where I come from: “La moda aunque me joda” (Fashion or bust).

So what happens next? The greeting and sitting down. And everything else, hopefully.

And I’ll need a drink for all that. Cheers!



et cetera