The New M.E. Generation











The next day we exchanged texts again about other random things. Don’t recall what we were chatting about when he says: “I’m sure you’re still as beautiful as ever”.

I was one of those ‘ahhh’ moments that shook me to my core. One of those when you had completely forgotten how good it feels like when reading such a thought like that. And, how are you supposed to respond to such a message?

Honestly, my mind went blank about what to say other than thanking him. Since I’ve never been able to ‘go below the surface’ and find out what he’s really made of, I felt me opening about my feelings now was not the right thing to do.

Another few days later, again talking nonsense, I finally braved up to say: “I was meaning to ask you. Are you seeing anyone?”

He: “Nah.”

Me: “No nurses?” (Recap: he once got involved with another, probably one of many. When I saw on social media that he sent roses to her for Valentine’s and she posted the photo of the arrangement along with all this romantic text thanking him, I unfriended him immediately. I learned later on that when he tried to break-up with her, she threatened to kill herself. This may sound like a General Hospital episode, but no surprise here.

One word: Karma. It’s not the first time that guys say they’re not interested in me, to then hook up with some chick that later turned out to be a psycho bitch, to then reappear as if nothing has happened.’)

Him: “No nurses. Had a GF nurse. Broke up about 4-5 weeks ago.”

(So that’s why he came back… I told you so that there was something more here!)

Him: “I don’t do liars or cheaters.”

Me: “She cheated on you?”

Him: “Yup.”

Me: “Ouch! How did you find out?” (Karma. Again. And I didn’t say I was sorry for what happened to him because I’m not.)

Him: “I went to leave a love note in her wallet and there was someone else’s love note in there.” (Dude, you can’t go into other people’s things! Did you check her phone too while you were at it?)

And, what? He revealed his feelings? He expressed them on paper? Whoa!

But, Karma, again, of course. You never really wanted me and now life is getting back at you. Hurts doesn’t it? Wouldn’t be surprised it was that extremely bleached blond from your photo in the boat.

I don’t remember him being romantic with me, ever. I, on the other hand, was the one who once did write a note to him.

When my school held the annual Farewell Assembly for his graduating class, the custom was that you could send, and had delivered, cards and else from other students.

I decided to send him a card; I debated first whether it was worth doing it or not. After deciding to do so, I then had difficulty deciding what to say beyond the expected congratulations and well wishes.

I probably wrote something to the extent that ‘I will never forget you’, ‘Will miss you’, or ‘You’ll always have a friend here’. Thoughts that we tell others, but not always follow through later on.

Thoughts that in the heat of the moment touch our hearts greatly, to later maybe get forgotten once the day is over and the cards are put away, and we walk out the door towards the next chapter of our life.

I remember the event being held in the auditorium with people from the 7-11 grades. His class was sitting on the stage in about 4 rows of chairs. He happened to be on the first row towards stage left. He was wearing like a light brown suit with the darkest of tans.

My class was also sitting to that side, so I had a good view of him. When someone stood in front of him to give him the envelopes, he first had a look of ‘oh, for me?’. He held his hand open to accept them. 1-2-3-4. By the third one, his eyes opened wide and the face changed to a surprised one.

He read one by one. At one point he looked my way with teary eyes (yes I’m sure!), but don’t know if they were intended for me.

As the activity came to an end, many students jumped on stage to dance to “Come Sail Away“, the chosen theme song. I, of course, took the opportunity to be next to him. He did break out in some dance (yes he did!), and I shed some tears to which he didn’t react to much.

As the years go by, no matter what I do, I always go back to that day when I hear that song.

“I look to the sea; reflections in the waves spark my memory. / Some happy, some sad. / I think of childhood friends and the dreams we had.”

Yep, if only life could be as easy as a day at the beach.

 

 

 

 



It was around 7pm on a Friday after getting home that I looked at my mobile while watching TV and trying to cook something. I tend to put the phone down in my room and ignore it until later. But I had been texting with someone that day and wanted to conclude with the chatting.

I notice I hadn’t read a text, which I thought was from the other person, but didn’t hear the alert sound, which was odd to me. Looking again, I noticed it came from the Unknown tab.

I see a number and 2 texts delivered around an hour and a half earlier: “Emma!!” “Emma Marques”.

I searched the area code and it gave me the town where ‘the beach guy’ lives. Oh, no! ‘Just when I thought it was safe to go back into the water’…

It had to be him. I don’t know anyone else who lives in his area. And when someone spells my last name correctly, they definitely know me.

To be honest, it wasn’t thrilled about him resurfacing, especially after how he behaved when we reconnected. I thought about ignoring it all together, but decided to test him out.

I waited about a half hour and then replied: “Who’s this?”

“Frank. Wow. You are on a ‘delay’.”

What’s that supposed to mean? That I didn’t fulfill your expectations of not responding right away? Memo to you: I will treat you the same way you have before – indifferent.

“This is Emma from school?” (he gave the correct name). Yep, still not making it easy to him.

“Frank who? Yes.”

“Frank Antonetti” / “I’m in town and I thought of you” /  “So I’m reaching out to see how you are” / “Still divorced and Single? Boyfriend? Girlfriend? Married again?” / “I’m going out to get some dinner.” / “I’m in Bal Harbor.”

Surprise, surprise (not). Here we go again of him never telling me in advance that he’s going to be around, even less using the phone to do so.

I clearly remember once when he was flown by private jet to meet with a patient (he’s a personal doctor) on a weekday. He texted me while on the air around 10pm or so, saying to join him at the hotel. I told him I had to go to work the next day. He said: “too bad. we could have snuggled together.”

Really? I know how this goes, you’re in town taking care of other people’s needs, but looking to resolve yours with a “quickie fix”?

The last time he did the same ‘unannounced’ thing and I gave him a very solid ‘no’, he tried to play the ‘guilty feelings’ card by saying that ‘I remember you being more adventurous’ (no kiddo, I’m not bungee jumping to prove you wrong or let you manipulate me so you can get what you want). Or that ‘I bet my hotel room is more comfortable than your apartment’ and ‘you’re probably bored watching a movie on TV’.

I didn’t kept quiet and fired back at him in such a way, that he last said “I’m done”. So was I, big time.

And WTF with the ‘girlfriend’ question? What makes you think that, because I’ve been unlucky finding a guy, now I’m trying other measures to be with someone?

I didn’t felt like saying anything else, but wanted to get back at him somehow, so I waited some more and decided on just this: “Hey! Nice of you to think of me. Life is good.”

It was a combination of telling a lie, leaving it ambiguous, and that whatever I’m doing at this exact moment, is way better than being with you.

“Good”, said he. “How far are you from where I am?”

I didn’t say a word. Half hour later he says: “Well, I’m sure you’re busy.”

Exactly, you didn’t appreciate any of my time before, so now I’m ‘busy’ for you.

The next day I realized that I also had a Messenger and Friend request. We used to be connected on social media, but I unfriended him during the ‘done’ episode (and I never looked back).

Still, I took a peak at his profile out of curiosity. It was normal, except this photo from almost a year ago, where he’s on his boat taking a selfie (using both hands) with a very blonde chick (like those that probably bleach their hair with a household cleaner). She had an exaggerated smile and held him like an octopus; his body language read he was only with her for whatever reason that benefitted him.

I then told my bestie about it (see The Ex-Friend): “I hope my non-reply gives him the message.”

Bestie: “Hopefully, because it seems he’s a moron. Otherwise you don’t deal with booty calls or booty FB requests.”

Me: “Haven’t heard from him in like 2 years and now reappears parachute-style?”

Bestie: “One word for you: Next!!!”

You got that right, as always.

Interestingly enough, I was as calm as I’ve ever been. Amazing what time and distance can do for you.

As for him, I hope he enjoyed his meal, whatever kind it was.

“Revenge is a meal best served cold.” Buono appetito!

 

 

 



It’s Thanksgiving weekend, so I usually take this time to call people I haven’t heard of during the year. Top of list, Ivan, of course. In spite him never calling me, every so often I get this feeling that I need to check upon him.

I know the moment of us having anything is way gone, but I still contact him as an indirect sounding board (or ‘a person you run things by’ – Your Dictionary.com) to prove to myself that, yes, I’m doing fine, and better than other people I know (especially him).

I recently had also seen that he had opened a separate social media profile. There was a photo of him in what seemed a hotel room, which was odd to me. So it got me curious.

I dialed the number and was waiting to get his voicemail, which is what always happens, when he answers.

“Hey Ivan, it’s Emma, how are you?” asked I.

“Hi…!” said he with a tone that he didn’t immediately recognize who I was (am I in your contacts list by any chance??), plus that the top of the world fell on him.

“I thought you wouldn’t take my call, so, this is a first,” said I.

“I’m sorry Emma,” replied he. “I lost my phone once before. And my employer passed away about 2 weeks ago, so I’m out of work. She got really sick.” His tone now was one of being very nervous.

I never asked much about what he did, but my understanding was that he was the personal assistant to a wealthy elderly woman. He lived in a room in the big mansion she had and was allowed to drive the fancy cars she had. He even escorted her to trips.

I always felt there was something awkward here, but, hey, we all got to pay the bills.

Personally, he was always stressed. He had lived in another state before, his family is on the other side of the world, has no relatives here in the U.S., all which gave me a sense that he was very much alone and had no idea how to make his life less complicated.

“I’m sorry to hear that,” said I (referring to the old woman). Him without work? Not so much. He knew this day would come. If he didn’t planned his next move, then he dug his own crave.

“So what happens now?” asked I.

“I don’t know… the family wants me to leave the house immediately… I need to get myself a place to live, a car…” said he like someone who’s still on panic mode.

“Ivan, stop, you’re making me anxious!!!” I got so out of focus, I had to breath slowly to get my mojo back.

Ivan apologized and the conversation continued normal. Among his other comments was that he was planning to go into the financial real estate sector (good luck with that).

I let him do the talking, the reason being that I wondered if he would ask if I was dating anyone. If he does, it means he’s on the same boat as me.

“Well, you read my mind,” said I. “No relationship yet. And that site you told me about, lots of fake users. Very disappointing.”

“I don’t understand. You’re such a pretty woman,” said he.

“Thanks. It’s nice to be told that, but after you move beyond it, there’s not much to look for in guys, unless sleeping with them is fine with you,” replied I. “How about you?”

“I’m going out with a girl from my country. We’re sort of together, but nothing serious. She has helped me a lot with some things,” said he in a tone that he doesn’t even know where he’s standing.

“Sounds to me that you’re with her more for what she’s giving you than your feelings for her,” said I. (And the 5-seconds delay starts now!) He was speechless.

“Like I’ve said before, I don’t know who’s having it worse, you and your bad relationships, or me being alone because guys have turned out substandard,” continued I.

He gave me the usual disappointment sigh and changed the subject by saying, “we should get together and have coffee or something.” (You don’t have a car, remember?)

“You know how long you’ve been telling me that? 4 years. That’s the same time I’ve been living in my present apartment,” continued I. “I haven’t seen you since I moved.”

“Really?? Sorry, I’m not a good person sometimes,” said he.

“That’s not true! I wouldn’t have called have I thought that. You just need to get a grip on your life. Maybe now’s your chance to do that.”

The conversation lasted close to an hour. The next day I called again; he was riding his bicycle (and the wind background noise sounded like that scene in ‘The Wizard of Oz’ where the twister blows the house away) and said that ‘he needed to leave town for a day or so’.

Kudos to him for ‘blowing off some steam’. And like the Wicked Witch of the East, riding fast to Neverland (oops, wrong story) and staying there for a while might be the start of his ‘happily ever after’.

Will I ever call him again? You bet your sweet B I won’t. It’s time to close the book on this one. The End.

 



I’m not quite sure how much time passed after finishing my Kevin research, but we exchanged a few more messages over the dating site before I asked him to give me his number and what would be a good time to call him (“any time is fine with me”, answered he).

Once I got his mobile, I checked it against the one posted on his social media and the white pages to make sure it wasn’t a VoIP number or had a bad history of any kind. All checked fine accordingly.

So I gave him a call that very same night around 9pm. First impressions were that his voice sounded enclosed and nerdy, speaking with such low speed that it made my eyes close after the first few minutes of listening to him.

I would make questions to confirm the information I read online about his family to keep myself connected to the conversation. But when he would start talking again, I had difficulty staying awake, just like it happens in the morning time.

Still, I was able to learn more about him, including that he competed in triathlons and volunteers once a week at the hospital wing his mother helped create.

What didn’t coincide with what I read was that the family’s company was sold as a result of his father’s passing. I didn’t find the specifics of what really happened that prompted for this to happen.

I mean, I know there’s the possibility that the stores were not doing that well. And there has been cases where the family has not been able to keep businesses afloat once the ‘face of the company’ is gone, or simply because the children have been unsuccessful in running it accordingly. Times also change businesses and with that the people managing them.

But the stores still exist and have kept the name. I haven’t seen any of them being closed or read that they’re financially bad. Maybe the family got “an offer they couldn’t refuse” and decided it was best for everyone to part from them?

But instead, Kevin made it sound like that after his father’s passing, and having worked hard in the company for so many years, it was time for him to go another way.

At no time did he mention his brother in all this, which was also odd to me. If this is another example of sibling rivalry in which the main guy told you to go, then go ahead and tell me.

In other words, I’m not a business expert, but if the numbers don’t add up, then that uneasy feeling that you’re not telling me the truth will point straight at you.

The conversation lasted a little over a half hour. Kevin decided to end it because it was almost time for him to go to sleep. Guess what? I’ve basically been there since the beginning of this phone call.

The usual comments of ‘nice talking to you’, ‘looking forward to meeting you’, ‘will call you again’ were exchanged.

But regarding the second one, when he said that ‘I have to see when I will be in your area’, it made him sound like that he had no intentions of making an effort in getting together with me.

He did react positively when I called, but his personality turned dull and boring afterwards. Coming from someone with a family of so much history, I expected a guy with a lot more energy than the one he presented.

And why am I feeling that I’m having a “Groundhog Day” movie-like moment here?

“Life has a funny way of repeating itself.” True, but in my case, it sucks every time it does.

 

 

 



{February 6, 2017}   The Swipe 20 – The basics

I will be honest with you. This swipe thing has not turned out as I had expected. Quite frankly, I think the experience has been worse than in other years.

Before there used to be a level of intrigue as to what would happen next. Now I seem to be waiting (or expecting) for the punch to happen at any moment. It’s not that I’m being negative or setting myself for failure, but it feels as if guys have ran out of ideas and are recycling their old tricks that once worked for them.

Or it can be that women in general, including myself, have smarten up with experience and years, and now catch almost immediately what motives are behind the guy you’re dealing with. In other words, the element of surprise is way gone in more ways than one.

Take for example the next guy I met online. I was just browsing on the other dating site that have been using, when I notice a message received (the generic ‘you’re pretty; how are you?’).

(Note: if a guy gives you his email or phone number right from the start, because they claim that ‘they’re barely on the site’ and will make it easier for both parts to get acquainted, “run, Forrest, run!” The person is either a cheater or a catfish.)

Yes, it’s generic because all guys will tell you this line to lure you in. But once I go past this part and want to get down to the ugly truth, that’s when their facade falls apart.

The main profile photo of this guy wasn’t bad. He seemed tall and lean, mentioned that was in his late 50’s, and physically didn’t look that intimidating, nor someone I would not consider right from the start. The other images were taken from group photos.

Overall the information seemed to be in place, but there was something off with this person that I couldn’t figure out. Even using my photo ID app didn’t give me any results.

I didn’t reply to his message right away. I wanted to be sure if I was to reply or not, so after much analysis, I instead wrote: ‘How do I know you’re the actual person in the photo?’

The guy, which I will call Kevin, replied: ‘Search this name and you’ll see who I am.’ He gave me the full one and I did that while having lunch.

Because I thought my search would be over rather quickly (meaning I wouldn’t like what I found, to eventually deleting his message), I did so during my lunch break. In other words, I was to dedicate the same amount of time that my food needed to be cooked in the microwave, as finding out who this guy was.

Turns out he was more than the real deal. I came across an article about his father’s passing which talked about the elder’s humble beginnings in the community after relocating from NY.

The father had also opened a spirits store that eventually grew into other locations. Although currently still existing, the company was sold after his death. Even more, the guy’s mother founded a charity that raises funds to support a neonatal intensive care unit at a major local hospital.

Although I did find some personal information about Kevin, like the names and ages of his children, and that he had a brother who is (or was) the CEO in the business, I couldn’t find much about him in the present, so I did another search for his professional and social media profiles.

What I found was that there was no main photo on the work one and it stated that he was no longer involved with the father’s company. It seems that he went from a high-level position, to now being on sales for the competition. This doesn’t sound right.

On his personal profile, there were almost no posts or photos of him throughout the years. His amount of friends wasn’t that big either, which also caught my attention. It looked as bare and boring as the work one.

Worst part was that he kept it public and even went as far as posting his mobile number in response to someone else’s post. I may be tech-challenged at times, but this is internet security basics 101.

I mean, how stupid can you be regarding privacy, especially when you’re probably a public figure?

And like I’ve said before, why bother having profiles if you are not going to keep them up-to-date?

The more I thought about it, the less it made sense. For starters, if you’re part of a well-known and respected family that has allowed you to meet many people, why are you using a dating site? You mean to tell me there’s not a single woman that others could introduce to you or you can meet among your many circle of friends, which I assume you do?

Wouldn’t you be interested in having a relationship with someone that has a similar upbringing, values, religion, and social connections? The norm is that you go for what’s familiar to you, not venture into something that’s totally outside the box, unless that’s what you want.

Why would you want to go for the unknown, when the opportunities to meet someone are most likely to be right in front of you?

And why are things always so complicated with me when it has to do with a guy? Is the universe warning me again way ahead that this will be another failure?

Here comes that old feeling again. It ain’t happening.

 

 

 



As I continue on my online quest to meet a guy, I did the swipe thing again shortly before my trip with Dina.

This time I connected with one that caught my attention, not because of his looks, but because he worked in the same company as the husband of a girlfriend of mine.

This meant that, one, he should be as good as a person as my GF’s man and, two, I can get any information I want to know about him through my friends, hopefully eliminating all the mysteries surrounding someone you don’t know.

This person, which I will refer to as Bob, looked respectable from his photos. He’s about 5 years older than me and although he has no hair (as in bald, which I never done before of meeting someone like that), I reminded myself to keep my options open, like my bestie always says.

Because I had his first name and that of his employer, I did a search, and found his profiles. The work one had no photo of him, plus the information didn’t seem current, and his social one was very plain. It basically had no content other than the photos he posted of himself in the app.

This is what happens with social media. Either people post too much, or are so closed to the world that you wonder if they’re hiding something. Again, I will try not to jump ahead of myself.

At the same time, if you’re not one who will dedicate time in engaging with your profiles (either personal or professional), then why bother having one?

I think Bob gave me his email before my trip, but did let him know that I was traveling and would touch base with him upon my return, which I did.

He gave me his number and I made the first call on a weekday sometime after work. He picked the call about in the third ring and his voice sounded as one that matched his physical.

We were on the phone for at least an hour and we shared small talk about my trip, work, family, etc., without going to further details, but he seemed to enjoy and interested in what I had to say.

If we did get into a more serious topic, like divorce, it was discussed mildly as in ‘how many years ago it happened’ or other basics.

One thing I didn’t ask him, which probably I should have, was if he was seeing anyone else. He didn’t ask me either and, from what I heard from him, he didn’t sound like he was.

The one detail that was really disappointing was that he lives about an hour or so away from me, which is not what the app showed. I guess the software displays the location of the person of where they are at the moment when one is using the app.

My bad luck with that ‘there’s always something with the guys’ I meet happened yet again. Is this the universe giving me a heads up early on that it won’t happen with this one either? If so, why then did he had to come into my life?

After the first conversation, I called him a couple of more times until I felt that, if he was interested in continuing talking, he should be the one now making the call.

He did a few days later and said on the phone something like, ‘you have been the one calling me, so I thought it was my turn to do so now’. Ok, he seems to be interested.

We eventually spoke a few more times (I believe taking turns) and I think I was the one to ask him if we should meet, to which he accepted.

Since his work is located at a reasonable distance from where I live, I recommended meeting at a bar at a mall near my home on a Friday after work. Although I’ve never been there, the location was one of those with an open design concept that seemed the best one for meeting someone for the first time.

I will admit I was nervous, so much so that I couldn’t decide what to wear. I searched among my clothes some days before looking for something that would click. I put a few ideas aside, but ended up wearing something I decided upon last minute.

Not only did I wanted to make a good impression, I wanted something that I felt represented my personality at that moment. Call me a diva or fashion exaggerated, but my vision was realized.

I remember driving to the mall and walking with these high heels I haven’t worn for a while, so I was trying to establish a flow in the walk as graceful as I could from the parking to the bar, which was all the way to the end of the restaurants wing.

I kept my sunglasses on (trying to pull an Audrey Hepburn) and as I was about to make my entrance to the establishment, I saw how much nicer it was from the internet photos.

And then I see Bob sitting right across the entrance, staring at everyone going in, waiting for me.

What was my reaction when I first saw him? Quite frankly, I don’t remember.

I do remember managing to walk with those heels without a hitch and my dual-tone sunglasses.

Yep, as fashionistas say where I come from: “La moda aunque me joda” (Fashion or bust).

So what happens next? The greeting and sitting down. And everything else, hopefully.

And I’ll need a drink for all that. Cheers!



The next day I woke up feeling confused. The bbq of the night before had been nice, but the event had extended far too long. It was one of those feelings that you overdid it and now your body was showing it.

I debated during the morning whether to call Cameron or not. I wasn’t sure if to apologize for my comment of who had texted him, or simply take the opportunity to thank him again, and then discuss this matter. I also wondered if it was necessary for me to say anything to him, even thanks, when I think I did that before he left (honestly, I don’t remember).

I believe I went about my Sunday like any other. If I did make the attempt of calling him, it was in the early evening. And when I did, the call went straight to his voicemail, which didn’t sit well with me.

‘WTF?’ I thought to myself. ‘Has this guy blocked me or something?’

Monday, Tuesday, and Wednesday came and went. Still no sign of him. Not sure if I made the attempt of calling him again those days, but if I did, it went to voicemail. At this point I didn’t know what to do, but it was clear to me he was avoiding me.

I checked his social media and we were still friends. His profile was as boring and uninteresting as usual, with no clues of his whereabouts or anything else. I wondered if he was checking my posts.

I don’t know what got into me, but I made a drastic move and deleted him as my friend. I probably thought that after 4 days of silence he had moved on with his life, so it was time for me to do the same.

Came Thursday, and when I was getting off the car and walking into the office, I get a call from him. I was juggling my purse and else, and missed answering his call. I returned it when I settled down at my desk.

He quickly tells me that ‘he was about to walk in into the office and only had a few minutes to talk’. Of course you do.

How predictable of a guy to use this false facade as a way to break up with you. They don’t want to deal with a woman ‘going postal’ in person, so they cowardly do this over the phone, taking even more advantage that you’re working, thinking they can make it ‘short and sweet’ to their liking.

Guys, let me tell you something: get on with the times. Just because we’re supposed to be ladylike and behave professionally at work, doesn’t mean it will stop us of telling you to ‘go fuck yourself’.

Because I knew what was coming, I got myself in an empty office, closed the door, and let him say what he had to say.

“It was good for me to go out with you because it helped me,” said he. “Good for you, bad for me,” answered I.

“I still have some issues with my wife to deal with,” continued he. “And you used me to leverage your emotions. Once you got what you needed, you went ahead and disappeared,” said I.

“I didn’t disappear,” said he. “Yes you did,” said I.

“I’m sorry you feel this way and I can only apologize… (blah, blah, blah).” “No you’re not; you’re not the one getting the boot. Question, did you tell the 24-year-old you had issues?”, continued I.

He kept trying to make his case, to which I had a winning argument to everything he was saying.

He then mentioned that he noticed I had ‘unfriended’ him on social media, which he was surprised at and not understanding why I did it. “You took me out of your life, so I did the same,” said I.

I was beyond mad with him. He then said that ‘he was outside the office door about to walk in’ to end the conversation. I know he was running away from me and the situation, but I wasn’t done.

So I went ahead and wrote him through his profile: “I’ll tell you why I’m upset. You disappeared after the bbq. I call you, no answer.

Now you say it was good for you to go out with me because it helped you. That you still need to resolve issues with your divorce.

You told me that when we met. And it may be so, but it’s not for me that others use you. And you came to such a quick decision not to see me any more? You gave that chick 4 months and me less than one?? Really?

What will happen is that you will meet another girl, and that’s it. That thing that you have issues will disappear the minute it happens. I’ve lived that before of guys dumping me, to then quickly learn that they found someone new.

If ever you want to know anything about me, you make the effort. And I took you out of social media because we stopped being friends the minute you decided to walk out of my existence.”

I don’t know if he read it, but I don’t care. This is my version of his ‘short and sweet’, and I like every word of it.

And, you’re a coward. I said it again. A way shorter and sweeter truth.

How do you like the ‘unsweetened’ version of me now?

 

 

 

 

 



{November 21, 2016}   The Swipe 9 – The great divide

The dinner at Cameron’s place ended in a good note in spite of the traffic jam setback. We continued talking on the phone whenever possible, and he even came twice to my apartment for dinner on the only free day he had of those 2 weeks he was busy with his daughters. He was even nice enough to bring some food for both.

Ironically, when these weeks were up, a long weekend came along (meaning he would be totally available for me), but I already had previous plans to go on vacation during this time, making me feel again that the universe was trying to tell me something.

“I can’t believe it,” said he, “I’m getting 2 weeks off from my daughters and you’re going to be traveling.”

This may sound very movie-like, where the female character decides to ditch the trip last minute and, along with the significant other, turns the time into the most romantic one ever, all ending with the most cliche scene you could ever conceive.

But I know better than that. It’s not worth giving up your plans in this day and age for any guy, even less in the very beginning of anything. It’s true that you definitely need to ‘make the effort’, as he very well said. But all at its right time (like after my vacation).

Hey, maybe the universe is warning me not to give away too much, too soon, with him.

Still, I tried to add some positiveness to the situation by telling him that, “I will miss you”, to which he replied, “no… you will have so much fun, you won’t think about anything else”.

‘Ok, if you say so,’ I thought to myself. ‘I’ll just wipe you out completely from my thoughts’, which didn’t happen entirely.

I wasn’t planning to mention him to the people I stayed with, but when asked if anything romantically was happening with me, I decided to share a photo of him and say how well things have gone so far.

They weren’t that impressed with him. Maybe they decided to hold off on the comments since it was so early in the game. Or maybe they saw that this didn’t have much of a chance, like pretty much what has happened before with so many other guys. Whatever the reasons, it wasn’t a warm welcoming.

Actually, it wasn’t even lukewarm, but more like cold. So much that I didn’t even text or called Cameron during the 4 days I was away.

I don’t recall talking to him or meeting with him upon my return. What I do remember is that I met up with Dina for Sunday brunch. Turns out we had a trip planned for the following month, and I had some documents I needed to personally hand to her.

I was unsure about commenting her about Cameron, but knowing her well, her usual remark of ‘tell me about your boyfriends’ would be part of the order of the day, as sure as the side of bacon I always get.

“Actually, I’ve being seeing a guy called Cameron,” said I to her. I explained my connection to him and how he learned about our friendship after seeing her photos in my social media.

Dina was surprised at my revelation, confirming the interview story (“I met with him and he said he should have been the one doing the interview. Apparently he was brought to the U.S. with that job he had, but it wasn’t long before he realized that all that was promised and/or offered to him wasn’t happening”), the encounters at the kitchen (“it’s funny how he always brings this huge bowl of salad for lunch; that’s basically what he eats every day, ha ha ha”), and that they don’t really speak to each other.

Dina was more excited than I was; I have been keeping a low profile all along, knowing this could all end one day to the next. She is the first to tell me not to take things so seriously, but she’d have had some relationships in the past (no marriages or kids yet). I haven’t had one that I could account for.

She says she takes things in stride and not so personal when her love affairs end, and that I should do the same. She may be right, but I’m at least 7 years older than her, and at my stage when I’ve started the big 5-0 decade and menopause, you don’t take things so lightly any more.

“It will happen this year”, have said she in other occasions regarding finding love and having a family. I used to think this way before reaching the 2 previously mentioned milestones. Now I know that the older you get, the more difficult things get to be.

Worst part is that they change you (for better or for worse), which has made me become somewhat distant from Dina, as I believe I no longer feel and think the way we used to. Now I relate more to other women who share the same experiences as I do.

And speaking of change and Cameron, I wonder how this applies to him. Is he willing to make the necessary ones for his own wellbeing, and that of his daughters, to overcome the divorce, or is he thinking he doesn’t need to because the cause of the failure of the marriage supposedly falls entirely on the wife?

Is he in denial that the divorce will actually happen? And after the affair with the 24 year old, what adjustments will he do for future relationships, if that? How will all these affect me?

Oh Lord, I need another vacation! So happy that it’s happening very soon!

 



{August 15, 2016}   The Ex-Friend 48 – Thank God!

My vacation continued without a hitch, that is until my bestie, a former high school classmate of mine (that’s friend of my friend and also lives there), and I received a weird friend request through social media.

The woman in the picture looked underage, with short shorts and shirt in a pose that made her look like those photos prostitutes use to post their ads on Craigslist. The city listed was our hometown.

Bitch, really??? How more obvious can you be? All three of us get the same fake profile, at the exact same time, and you’re so stupid to include the city that my bestie and I are from? You know this information because this guy told you. And, once again, you reaffirmed that you have nothing better to do than spying on our lives 24/7.

You may have said that my bestie doesn’t leave this guy alone, but you clearly are doing the same with us. If you were really sure of ‘your man’ and whatever thing you think you two have, why all this drama? Why are you so obsessed about knowing anything and everything about us?

Why are all those couple photos in your profile? Why do you need to continuously post them (especially old ones) where you are embracing this guy like an octopus does when it has captured its prey (as in ‘this is mine, mine, mine’) to try to make everyone believe that you’ve got the biggest catch of the sea?

Because not everything that glitters its gold. Because when you’re constantly an attention whore and need to get validation from others, there’s a crack somewhere that’s slowly chipping away the surface and revealing the true nature of what’s happening: your relationship (or lack of thereof) is not picture perfect.

My bestie quickly took a screen shot and forwarded it to this guy with a lengthy message that conveyed this bitch has no business sticking her nose on our affairs, that our friendship is our problem, that she has no right insulting us, that he’s been an ass for allowing her to do whatever she wants and not doing anything about it, etc.

As usual, ‘se lo pasó por donde el sol no le brilla’ (he let it pass by where the sun doesn’t shine on him). But my bestie, being the ultra smart woman that she is, documents and saves everything, so if indeed one day this guy decides to show his sorry fat ass and tries to build a whole case against her (and most probably to me as well), my bestie will shut him down even before he starts his opening arguments.

“I will tell you this again: that bitch will never let go of that guy. If you and I hadn’t been part of his life, this story would have probably ended by now. In her mind she won and posts all that garbage on her profile to get back at us. It’s her way of reminding everyone that in the end she’s the one who got the man, that she’s supposedly better than us for achieving that,” said I to my bestie.

“She may say that she forgave him, but she doesn’t trust him,” continued I. “He dumped her once and was playing both of us at the same time (even her), and can do it again. That is, the part of leaving her. And she knows it.

If she dumps him, it means she lost to you and me. It’s open season from there on for either one of us, or both, to get back into the game again. Except I’m not interested.

And her displaying him like a trophy, that’s typical mentality of people like her who are low-class. They think they hit the lottery jackpot by ‘winning’ a guy who is more than her: educated, with a better upbringing, better job. Because she basically grew up with nothing and has nothing else going on for her (and is not making the effort to change that), or ‘owns’ anything, than this guy, they take their ‘property’ very seriously. It’s normal for them to ‘defend’ what’s ‘theirs’ in every way possible.

She thinks she improved her social status, that she’s a success because she made it better than her friends and family. Unfortunately, what has happened here is that when you get involved with someone whose social class is below yours, you end up becoming the same trailer park trash as they are,” continued I.

“Had he stayed with me, none of this would have happened,” said my bestie. “But, that’s what he chose. And everything he has done will end up biting him back.”

“Mark my words, he’s going to die alone,” said I. “Better yet, let that bitch stay with him through his golden years when he can’t work any more, becomes an ever crazier fanatical guy, when his mom is gone, when he gets sick, when all the things that he thought were important are no longer there.

She will be next to him still doing the same show, controlling him, and spying on us on social media like a psycho. She will never stop hating or letting us go. I’m fine with that. She will end up as deranged as him.

That you and I remain friends? Only time will tell. But we’ll definitely have a life way better than theirs. God took this guy away from us because we deserve good, and he knew this person would hold us back to reaching our happiness. That, my friend, is a blessing and we should always be grateful for that,” concluded I.

Thank you!

 

 

 

 



et cetera