The New M.E. Generation











I have been pretty good in keeping my own promise of not contacting other guys.

Some have sent me messages once in a while just to inquiry about me.

I would read the message, analyze the content, as well as time and date received, and then reply, but not right away.

I know I don’t have to reply, but good manners never go out of style, and they reflect who I am as a person, so will keep it up.

One thing I’ve done different is that I don’t ask them ‘when are we seeing each other?’. If they were the ones to ask, then I would reply as brief as possible: ‘Don’t know. You tell me.’

Of course they would never follow-up, so at least I would ‘feel’ good that they remember me for whatever reason that may have been.

The year came and went, and when the holidays were approaching, I thought about just wishing then good things as you’re supposed to. Besides, I had no regrets or hard feelings, so, why not?

The thought circled my mind for days, but with work and projects pending before vacation started, I kept telling myself to do it for days, but wouldn’t get around to do it.

When I finally made the time to do so, I get a text no other than from Ivan. It was like my thoughts had text him instead.

He was one of those that were on my mental list to contact.
In spite of his many failed relationships and tons of dispensed advice to him, plus all those times he said ‘we will definitely meet’, which he never got to, there has always been something about this guy that brings me back to him. Trying to decipher what that is as complex for me as trying to understand what really happened that we’re not together.

“Happy holidays”, text he.

“Thanks! Likewise. How’s life treating you?” (meaning as if you’re involved with someone). Last time I spoke with him he had recently ended the relationship ‘for good’ after endless attempts.

The breakup and comebacks were so bad, I told him at one point that I didn’t know what was worse, his tumultuous relationships or me not having found a boyfriend since becoming single.

“What are your plans?” asked he then.

“Staying around. Got some invitations. You?”

“Leaving town, but will be back before the new year. We definitely need to do something when I return.”

“Sounds good. Call me. Have fun.”

I know he won’t call, not even if Santa appeared to him. It’s one of those things you stopped believing in when you learn the truth about it, but just don’t want to let go off.

It was a great feeling when you got what you once wished for and one just wants to feel it again.

After all, isn’t that’s what the season about, believing?

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“I think your friend will be fine,” said I. “It’s good that you care about him. What he needs, and pretty much everyone who serves, is our support. My opinion is that they give way too much for this country, but we don’t pay them back the way they deserve.

And in regards to them coming back ‘changed’, I’ve pretty much met every type of guy on the book. They all have some sort of lingering issue, so dealing with one from the military shouldn’t be that much different. I’ll give it a try if the situation presents itself.”

“It takes a lot of courage to do that,” said he.

“You can’t give up on the hope of finding a partner. What I’ve learned throughout the years is that you’ve got to look at people for what they really are from the beginning. We tend to judge them based on our reality and when they don’t turn out as expected, we reject them.

That’s the problem with us women. We’re expecting to hit it right from the start and then we’re breaking our heads questioning ourselves where did we go wrong, when we should have looked at what was standing in front of us and accept their way of being for what it is.

You can pretty much figure out someone quickly and determine of they’re worth any of your time and energy. If your gut feeling tells you no, it means it’s time to move on.

The secret is to know when to apply your intelligence and emotions accordingly in your favor.”

“So what do you think about me so far tonight?”

“I think you’ve been very transparent.”

“So nothing to be concerned about just yet?”

“No, nothing that raises a red flag. You’re also still young. You haven’t gone through some experience like I have that make you change your outlook on life. I’ve pretty much seen everything already. Nothing surprises me any more.”

“Well, I hope I don’t disappoint you,” said he.

I kept looking at him and everything seemed to start falling into place. At least he was trying to be polite.

“Hey, you want to eat something? How about a pizza? They have some on the menu.”

“Sounds good to me. Love pizza.”

He seemed glad to see that I had tastes like those of a guy. I may be older than him and may have changed on some things, but I’ll never give up on a good plate of food. Top that with remembering my college days, even a better taste to go for.



After meeting him on the beach and eventually developing a crush on him, I would always look forward to seeing him in school somehow like in between classes switching rooms, at recess or at a distance during daytime school events.

At the beach he was sociable with me, but at school he was very much into his studies as he was focusing entering college the following year. He was a very good student with high grades, interested on medicine, law or engineering for a career. For me he was one of those people who already knew what they wanted out of life and how to get to it.

Me, I was an average student in spite of my efforts to improve my grades and had no clue what I wanted to do with my life, which made me dislike myself very much. I kept wondering why I couldn’t be like him.

Still, I would look for a way to cross paths with him without much success as I felt he was pretty much ignoring me. After a while I took a hard look at myself and decided I wouldn’t pursue him and more into leaving things to chance whenever they happened, if that.

And it did. One night my mom and I were visiting her friend from the beach at her apartment building. The kids from her other guests and me were hanging out in the parking lot when I see him pull up in a Fiat convertible. (I think I first saw it when he drove it to school one day.)

I stared at him from a distance and debated whether to go over to say hello to him or not. After all, chances were he would ignore me and I would regret it. Or, I would let him drive away and regret not having the courage to approach him. I gave it a try.

“Hey, how are you?” said I.

“Hey, nice to see you. What you’re up to?”

“My mom is with some girlfriends upstairs. We’re all hanging out here. What you’re up to?”

“I have to take my mom somewhere.”

“Well, good, nice seeing you. I should be around this coming Sunday.”

As I was walking away, he asked, “What are you doing later?”

(What?? Did I hear right??) “Aah, I’m going home when my mom is done here.”

“OK, I’ll call you later,” said he.

“Sounds good.” (Yeah, like, you’re actually going to do that.)

I went back to hanging out with the other kids and watched as he later drove away.

I wished it was I driving in that car, but I gave myself credit for what I did.

Hey, that was a big step for me back then. Kudos to me!



My guess was correct. About a week later, he sent me an email asking if we could meet. “Hey, if you’re friends with my friend,” said he, “you’re definitely someone of a good caliber. I’m traveling this week, but will contact you once I’m back.”

Great! He sounds he’s comparing me with a guy, or maybe he’s still hooked on that chick, who’s caliber to me is quite questionable.

So I aligned my ammunition and responded the following day. ‘Sounds good, we will talk upon your return. Have a good trip.’ And after the story I heard about him, even if he’s just on business, I bet you he will make the best of it, even if a chick in included (or not).

There were some more brief emails during the week following keeping in touch about our pending meeting or date, or whatever it was to be defined. As the days passed, I grew increasingly concerned about meeting him. Perhaps the chick story has had a bigger impact on me towards how I perceived him without even having a phone conversation.

I think the other part of the issue here is that I haven’t been on a date with a guy or socialized with one alone for some time. And the discomfort of the story, combined with my close friendship with the person who suggested me being friends with him, is making me insecure because there are expectations to behave in a certain way (like being a crazy someone willing to do anything that this guy wants).

Oh, my; why can’t things be easier for me? Hopefully the business trip will take a long time, enough for me to get myself together and hopefully make something good out of whatever might happen.



et cetera