The New M.E. Generation











About 2 weeks later, I came across LZ1 again while en route to work. I was surprised how fast it happened from the last one.

I was driving in the center lane, as usual. He quickly appeared to my right and, for a few seconds, we were almost side by side before he speeded up to change lanes, looking for open road to drive faster.

He didn’t notice me because I was in my new car, a dark blue 4-door different from the previous gray 2-door, which made me stand out in a whole other way in all the years I had the other one. Plus I was wearing my hair in a ponytail, which made me less recognizable at first sight.

Me: “Morning”. My car chase began, but he really stepped on it that day, so much it made it hard for me to catch up with him.

Incredibly, I managed to get right behind him when he switched to my lane and the car behind his moved aside.

I hit another red light. I couldn’t see if he was looking around for me like the day of the ‘I’m a ghost’ episode.

I even went as far as taking many photos of the back of his car and making gestures to see if he noticed the presence of someone behind him.

A few more lights later, he then moved to the left, and I was able to get right next to him.

He was completely oblivious to his surroundings, pretty much like everyone else. I had to wave my hand a little more than needed to wake him up from his limbo.

When he finally sees me, he waves back enthusiastically, with a face of surprise like those of ‘hey, how are you?!’. I then changed my hand gesture to one of ‘I’ll be seeing you’ and kept going.

Him (about 5 minutes later): “I see. New car. Nice one. Morning.”

Me: “Time changes everything. Was behind you for long.” I then forwarded a photo of the back of his car with the infamous “Led Zep1” plate.

Him: “I see that now. Had no idea.

Me (with a quote from the movie Ferris Bueller’s Day Off): “Life moves pretty fast. If you don’t stop and look around once in a while, you could miss it.”

Him: “Yep.”

Me: “Well, it was nice seeing you again.”

Him: “Same here.”

Me: “Still dealing with your grand problem?”

(Recap: when he sent me the text that he couldn’t see me any more, he made a mention about a big problem he has regarding work that hasn’t been resolved, plus another one that has come up which made matters worse. So much, according to him, that they would make it very difficult for him to be with me.

He also said, ‘don’t want to talk about it’, so I will never know if such situation is true, or just a mere story he came up with to look legit and let go of me without looking like an ass. I’ll settle for the second.)

Him: “Somewhat, but things have settled down quite a bit.”

Me: “Good.”

I waited for him to continue the conversation as he has done before (as in maybe him opening up somewhat about what is really happening in his life), or just say any random thing. But no; that was it.

By this time I was already at work, so I knew that the best thing to do was just end the chat in a ‘good note’ and keep on with my day.

So the question is, once more, what will I do if I come across him again, if that? Not sure. All I know is that everything has a start and finish (like a car race).

This happens because we either take action on it, or the universe does it for us when it decides that now is the time for that.

If it understands that there’s still something pending, being today or in the next millennium, it will make us ‘race’ for it and ‘cross the finish line’ until it gets resolved.

Start your engines!

 

 

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I left to my New Year’s party invitation and completely forgot about Ivan on my way to it.

The place I’ve spent this night has been pretty much the same these past few years. Even better, the usual people go there, so we all know each other and I don’t feel out of place in spite of going alone.

It was a great night. I danced, partied plenty, ate great food and even enjoyed being around other people’s kids.

I also made sure and got something to wear just for the night. I went to a secret location that I know and scored a dress from an Asian designer with a quirky pattern that had golden accents on it.

I was glad that I found what I had envisioned on my mind: different, with a metallic color and even more, at a great price.

Yep, metallics are very popular during the holidays, but for me it represented trying to end the year and start the next one with a new glow.

Some of the people complemented my dress and I was glad they did. Thinking back at my other ensembles, I realized how they have evolved as a reflection of my times and emotions.

I will say that this year’s dress is the most fashionable so far. I’ve even changed my hairstyle which I got even more complements for.

If you looked at it you will see that the shape is simple, but the colors are bright (purple, red, blue) in structured lines all over the fabric.

It correlates with my current state of mind that I like things bright as they relate to light or positive things. Metallics reflect sunshine and capture the glow of stars. It all goes back to light, enlightenment, opening your space within yourself to let it shine in new things.

Although the background of the fabrics is black, the intensity of the color was perfect to make the others stand out. So in a way it means that my darker times are moving back and new shades are stepping in.

When midnight arrived I cried as I always do, but less intense as other years. People hugged me and I thanked everyone, including the house dog, for this night which they made it special.

The family even lighted some lanterns, which flew away in the sky. It gave me a feeling that I finally let go of the negative and that the light was showing the universe that, ‘I’m still here, watch me soar’.

I left the party when everyone started leaving and still no sign of Ivan, so I went home and relaxed before going to bed.

It was still dark, but the night had been perfect. I looked at the stars from my window and instead of making a wish I closed my eyes and said to myself, ‘Thank you, thank you, thank you’, and thought nothing else.

I opened my eyes. It’s a new year of new beginnings.



A couple of weeks passed by after the ‘daughter’ incident and everything seemed to go back to normal, that is, when I stayed away from writing anything on his profile.

I was keeping it low as much as I could and was just putting posts which content was pretty plain and harmless. They pretty much reflected the sentiment of what other people would say.

I could see that there were other females posting, so I thought this all unintended attention would eventually go away. But that’s not what was happening.

I learned through an email of him that the wife and daughter were still wondering who I was. I couldn’t understand why me of all the other women.

But him saying that I was an old girlfriend, combined with my apparent good looks, I was standing out way too much.

To be honest here, I didn’t find myself being above the other women I saw on his profile.

I did make positive comments on his daughter’s photos. She has been blossoming into a beautiful lady and I was happy for him.

He had always been concerned about giving her a stable home environment and the love she really deserved, two situations he felt he didn’t have when growing up.

I know pictures may speak more than a thousand words, but can be easily deceiving, but my feeling was that his daughter was indeed growing up to be what he had worked so hard for.

But my other feeling was that his attention was more devoted to the daughter than the significant other. Mix that with my presence online and his past stories that things between them are not that well, and you have a conflict that all points to him.

It blew out of proportion in such a way that one day I got an email that I knew would inevitably happen.

‘Hey, I am going to unfriend you. My wife has been questioning much about you. Please don’t take it personal. I am still your friend and I hope we continue to be. I’m not cutting ties here completely, just for a while until things calm down. I know you will understand.’

When I read it, I was upset that I was going through this again, but now thinking that I was fed up of being looked at as if I was a bad person who is complicating other people’s lives.

I have arrived to such a point in my life personally and with guys that I really have no patience for situations like this, even when I know what the truth here is.

I mean, I still appreciate and feel for him, but my emotions towards him completely come to a halt. I have been dragging on this situation with him for far too long and it’s time to close this chapter and move on, just like he has done.

No tears, no regrets, no questioning of decisions; just keeping him as part of my past and leaving it there.



‘For a lack of a better word, you were hot!’ said he. (Could you please expand?) ‘I wasn’t the only one thinking this way. I would say that was pretty much the consensus of the guys living on my dorm floor as well.

I know they were envious of me dating you, especially my friend who encouraged me to contact you. Every time he has asked me about you, he would always say just that.’

Which dorm was this? I have no recollection of any of this. How many times was I actually there?

‘What I remember about you was that you had a beautiful face, fit body, great smile, and because you had a different cultural background than the majority of the people on campus, you were exotic and made you stand out.’

Hmm, being fit? That’s one thing I have to disagree. I do remember gaining some weight and taking it off was quite difficult, which made me insecure.

Also, I was into doing my make-up and having my hair styled. But my clothes at times weren’t the best for my body. I think I was more into the comfort part than being fashion forward. So if I was perceived as having a nice body, my efforts in looking good were indeed paying off.

In regards to standing out, I thought I was just average or blended with the rest of the girls in school. It’s true that my background made me different, but I never used it to get attention from others.

But with all my insecurities and else that I had before still impressed this guy, then there was something about me that indeed made me different.

Or, was it something else? Was it all my looks? Was there more between me and him?

I presented this question in my next email.



et cetera