The New M.E. Generation











{September 18, 2017}   Looking Back 63 – Turning point

It was inevitable to revert back to the past. I mentioned again (don’t know what number this was) that I didn’t understand his behavior towards me of being super nice at the beach, to then ignore me at school.

Him: “I’ve always done things my way outside the box, you know that. Always low key, especially now with work. That’s why I hate social media. No need for people to know what I do” (there wasn’t anything low key about all those photos you showed me before of the many toys you have, including several cars, an RV, boat, etc.).

Me: “Yes, at school you were in your zone (more like having a wall in front of you), always studying (that you used to have people afar). You only took part in minimal activities. When it had to do with an effort that involved everyone in your class, like a sketch for the Pep Rally, you cooperated. If not, no.”

I was wondering if he at least would say ‘sorry for that’, but no. Still the same on that.

We returned home and continued the conversation. We were sitting on my sofa, when he suddenly got down on both knees, putting his arms on top of my legs, looking at me with his face very close to mine. I was as calm as I’ve ever been.

Him: “I don’t know what to do about you” (if you like what you see, you should put a ring on it).

Me: “Well, since you said the distance is an issue and don’t want me putting too many miles on my leased car, I guess nothing will happen. You keep saying all these nice things about me, but don’t do anything afterwards.”

Him: “Distance is a problem” (wrong answer buzzer sound effect). I gave him a look of ‘you know that’s not it.’

“I have a problem with being committed” (buzzer again. You were married for over 15 years; what do you call that?).

“Truth is, I need someone that wants to be with me for what I am and can put up with my schedule, not be attracted by this supposed lifestyle that I have. They hear about the fancy things my clients have and think I will tag them along when working, but that’s not how it goes” (‘ding ding ding’ sound effect).

Me: “You need a woman that can hold her own, is independent, and comfortable with her life and space when she’s not with you” (which is pretty much me, don’t you think?).

We kept looking at each other like those movie scenes where you wonder when the decisive moment will occur.

Me: “I’m at peace, Frank. That’s all you need to know. I’m fine with my life, past, you and me, the blonde you’re seeing. Like I said before, if that’s what you want, go for it.”

Him (while now looking away): “Her?? I sort of feel guilty being here. She’s a nice girl… (and other complements).”

Me: “But you’re not that into her. (He gave me a look that I was right on this one. Of course I am. If he was serious about her, he wouldn’t be texting or sending selfies every time we communicate, saying how beautiful I am, even less trying to see me every time he’s in town.)

If you and I tried being together, we would have to start from scratch. Put the past behind and deal with the now. Correction, I need to do that. That would be the only way if there was ever a chance.

You have to figure out what you want for yourself. Including her. And I’m not upset with you. Not any more. If you can’t be with me, or don’t want to, that’s up to you.”

Sometime later, I walked him to my apartment complex gate. The limo was parked outside waiting for him. I hugged and kissed him good-bye, much like that day at the school’s assembly when I wondered if I would ever see him again.

So what do I think the ending to all this will be? My forecast is this: he’ll stay with the blonde. When he realizes that it’s me that he really wants, he will come back, only to find me with someone else.

Because that’s how the universe works. It gives you a number of chances to make things right. But if you base your decisions on anything except love, then it will take away what you took for granted.

He will get his boat, that’s for sure. And will sail away wondering what his life would have been if he hadn’t let me go.

It’s “certain as the sun, rising in the east. Song as old as rhyme. Tale as old as time. Ever just as sure, as the sun will rise.” – Beauty and the Beast

 

 

 

 

 

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It has been a few weeks since the ‘beach guy’ resurfaced, so I was curious about him. I know his last text message had ‘booty call’ written all over it and that our last chatting some 2 years ago ended badly, but that’s the way I am. For me, there’s always something underlying here that I want to find out.

I know his behavior proved he’s still the same guy I remember from school, but you always wonder if even a slight behavior modification has occurred.

So I texted him ‘So what’s up with you?’ and waited for an answer. He replied a couple of hours later, stating that he was dealing with a cardio patient in a clinic in Ohio.

After the small talk exchange from both sides was done, he then said: “Well I’m sorry I missed you last time I was there.”

Me: “Next time tell me in advance and it might happen.”

Him: “Well it was a last minute trip. That’s how they usually are.”

Yep, still the same. Felt like saying, “Whatever. You couldn’t even call or text me during your 3+ hours drive that you were headed my way?” But I was in no mood to engage in a new ‘war of words’ that would lead to the same “I’m done” as before. So I didn’t comment on that.

Him: “What might happen 🙂 See you?”

Me: “Yeah if I can meet up with you.”

Him: “Awesome.”

OMG, what’s wrong with this guy? It’s obvious that if he continues to drop by unannounced and giving me a very small window of time to react, I will continue to decline his invitation. “Más claro no canta un gallo.”

The next day in the evening, we again exchanged some more random conversation. Around 10:30pm he sends me a selfie of his face, taken while lying down on the bed. ‘Man, you look old!’ was my first thought.

His facial expression was one I couldn’t quite figure out (so typical of him). Besides showing a serious tone, it was part ‘sleepy’, to perhaps ‘want to join me?’, to ‘like what you see?’, to ‘I want to say something nice to you, but will never tell’, to ‘I was an idiot letting you go’. I know I could have asked him his thoughts, but since he’s hard to decipher, I again left it at that.

I then debated if I should do the same about the selfie. Thought ‘why not?’ and sent it, but I was smiling in it.

Him: “You are so pretty as always.”

Wow, that comment really took me back to the past, when one day he would be super nice to me at the beach, giving me the illusion that he was into me, to then ignoring me completely at school, making me feel rejected and confused. I replied only with ‘Thanks’.

Have to admit that it moved me. It has been a while since any guy have said anything nice to me (the closest is LZ1 – see the Road Less Traveled story). And with all I’ve gone through, it surely made my night.

But thought what I should have really told him was “if you like what you see, you should put a ring on it”, as in ‘here’s your chance now’.

But that’s something I will probably never get to see, unless he’s waiting for me to do that. I mean, I was the one who invited him to come my way multiple times with no success. Hmm, that’s probably because he’s seeing somebody.

Got to get an update on this before I make my next move (or not)!

 

 

 



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