The New M.E. Generation











The last incident left me very upset, but again, I wasn’t letting this ruin my days for long. I instead was taking everything as a lesson, as to how to take control of situations, and not allowing any guys play games with me.

So, once my emotions had come down to normal, I started the third round of looking and swiping. But this time I was also using another website, hoping it would increase my chances of connecting with someone.

Nothing happened the first few days, until I spot a profile on the second site of a former colleague of mine, which I will refer to as Cameron. The username displayed was created combining his first and last name, so I knew this person was legit.

This guy was already working at my current employer when I started, but although we were on the same floor, and sometimes collaborated on projects, I barely knew him professionally, even less personally.

I hadn’t even turn my first work anniversary when the company announced they were ‘making changes’ (or laying off people), and he unfortunately was among those that were let go.

From the time that happened to seeing his profile now, I would say no more than a year had passed, if I wasn’t wrong. So seeing him gave me the impression that he had bounced back at work and life, and was now ready to give love a try.

In spite of all these considerations, I analyzed if it was worth approaching him or not. He wasn’t exactly my type, but felt there could be potential to at least become friends. Maybe someone just to go out and have fun with every so often, or perhaps be a sympathetic ear.

So I went ahead and sent him a message, which read: “Hey Cam, is that you??”

The next day he replied: “I’m sorry, but I don’t remember where I met you.”

To which I then said: “What do you mean you don’t know?? It’s Emma from work!”

“Emma, of course!!”, said he then.

I don’t recall how long we texted before he gave me his phone number, or if it was me the first one that suggested meeting for a drink , but I do recall his comment of, “there is no other way; we have to get married.”

I guess he was trying to find humor in this semi-awkward situation of basically having no relationship at work, to accidentally coming together again, and still being in the dark about each other.

This was the first time that a guy had made such a comment, which really caught me off guard, and made me react with a ‘WTF?’. So instead of freaking out as I usually do when I sense this might be a mistake, I only responded that, “I don’t know about that, but a beer will do for me”.

The next event was that we got to talk on the phone first before meeting (don’t know who called first, but most probably me), as I had to wait for the next free weekend he had without his kids. And he sent me a friend request on social media, to which I accepted.

I took a look at his profile and it was very plain, which stroke me as being very odd. It had only one photo of him with his daughters, a few of himself in other stages in his life, plus other stock images that had nothing to do with him. His online friends were also few.

This made me confused because he worked as a copywriter, meaning he’s a creative person who has good imagination for writing compelling copy for ad campaigns. And when you consider social media, which is the perfect vehicle for people to really speak their mind and express themselves in endless ways, this profile represented a contradiction of what I thought a profile like a person like him would look like.

I even went as far as checking his professional profile and it was equally lacking depth and substance. It only stated the job title, companies worked for, the amount of years at each one, and awards earned. His profile photo was a selfie at a sports game.

There were no recommendations from other colleagues, or bullet points detailing what he did at each position worked. It made me wonder if this is how his resume would look like, and if so, how he has been able to get any job in the first place.

There’s also the possibility that there’s not much activity in his social profile because he might be going through a difficult situation, like a breakup.

I’ve seen it before of others literally stripping their page almost bare of anything related to their past relationship and ‘disconnecting’ for a while, until they felt emotionally ready to go back to the digital world.

Still, I made the effort of not overanalyzing or coming to conclusions too early when we haven’t even gone out together. Unfortunately, from past experience, something have always happened, sometimes even early in the game, that clearly proves to me the whole thing is destined to be doomed.

I know I’m being negative, but I rather be prepared and not have high expectations, than getting hit with a low ball.

The strategy will be this: we will meet for a drink and see how it all goes. Game on!

 

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The second half of my workday was hectic. A project came in that kept me busy until at least 7:30 p.m. I had the day off the next day, so I had to finish it.

I got home exhausted, ate something and went to sleep earlier than usual. I really needed a rest and wished there had been someone at home to greet me, share dinner with and helped me feel better after the day I had.

These were the days I missed not having a boyfriend, but I didn’t miss this one in particular. He was, of course, very far off of what I wanted in a man, so much that I didn’t even thought about him all night.

I woke up rested and took care of errands, did laundry, cooked, etc. I know it was Friday, but I just needed to have a stress-free day, putting my attention away from the day I had before.

All was calm around 7 p.m. when I get a text from him that read, ‘come over so we can be together’. Again, nothing of a greeting, asking how I am or even if I ‘would like’ to spend some time with him. The feeling that I was now having was one when you have food on your mouth that tastes so bad you want to spit it out.

Two things came to mind: pet dog and call girl. And they have things in common. Both are sitting around for you to come home or contact you, and react immediately when the fingers get snapped at them, without thinking about it.

And that’s how it has been with him, and other guys, that have crossed my life, to which I had allowed to happen. Whenever I reach out to them, either they don’t respond or do so many days later.

But if they contact me, I respond rather quickly. I don’t think I’ve ever not replied to anyone. If I don’t, it would mean something big has happened to me or had a legitimate reason.

I got upset and felt like a second-class person. But this was nothing new. I’ve never felt good with him. So I asked myself why have I allowed myself to feel this way over and over for so long, when it’s clear his way of being is unhealthy for me?

I know he could be ‘someone that I know’ or label him in some other way like, ‘a guy I went to school with’. Because, honestly, having he as a friend is something that has never happened. He may have been at times a ‘sympathetic ear’, but ultimately he has been him and all about him.

I held my mobile and decided I would not reply. I put it down and walked away.

A short while later he text again, ‘No response?’ I smiled sarcastically; interesting how people react when you change your behavior or ignore them completely.

Knowing if I turned down his invitation would get me ‘the guy speech’, i.e., he will turn the situation around to make it look as I’m the unhappy person who prefers to be alone than have fun, I replied another way.

‘I’m just done with my hectic day and I’m going home,’ said I. It was short and to the point as he does.

‘That sucks,’ said he.

And that was it. No ‘I wished could make you feel better in some way’ or anything else. But why should I be surprised? I should be the one surprising him by snapping my fingers at him and say, ‘walk away.’

And I need to ‘snap out of this’ and instead of acting like the girl that everyone expects of me, show everyone the woman I have become. Snap!



{September 19, 2011}   The Undateables 13 – No show

I never got a hold of him. I tried to forget about it, but I was getting upset. Pretty much all the guys I’ve met had been ‘no-shows’ after an initial contact or first date.

Although I know that this guy gravitates towards certain types of women, my situation has become somewhat ridiculous.

I need another ‘friendly intervention’, and this time I’m calling Dina.

“If you don’t impress them right away,” said she, “they don’t want you for anything.”

“What? Not even for a friendship?”

“Maybe as a sex friend. But, no, nothing, not even for moral support, a sympathetic ear, to hang out with, nothing!”

“Well, that sucks!”

“Oh, don’t take it personal. Besides, with his history and your behavior during the date, do you honestly believe anything could have come out of this?” asked she.

My facial expression was at first one of analysis and then of ‘no, not really.’ My silence spoke for itself.

“I thought so. You don’t have to answer. Let it rest.”

She’s right. My girlfriends always are.

After this telephone call, I made a few more attempts to contact the guy with no luck. So, I did that, I forgot about it.

And what do I feel about it now? Nothing.



Unfortunately, the reconnection was short lived.

Shortly after our last conversation, I noticed that he basically discontinued any sort of communication.

If he responded to any email, he would write that he was busy with work, or would give some other cheap excuse for his lack or delay to respond.

Even at times when I’ve had a tough day or needed a sympathetic ear to listen to me, the emails reflected a lack of support and understanding, which were very different from the ones I received when we first reconnected.

From one day to the next, I was not important to him any longer and had a feeling he had taken me out of his life, again. But not the way I thought it did.

One day, out of nowhere, all I got was a brief email stating that ‘my wife saw your pictures at the social site and asked me a lot of questions about you. It was a very intense conversation. I need some time to figure out things, but I hope that we keep being friends.’

I was shocked at what I read and all confused as to what it meant, until it quickly hit me.

I went online to the site and the blow was even worse; he deleted me as his friend. And, his profile was created in a way that it could not be located by others searching for it.

‘He deleted me, Why, why?’ is all that crossed my mind as I stared at the screen.

Sadness engulfed me pretty much the same way it did when I tried to remember the last time I saw him.

I don’t know how much time passed when I started to cry and did so for some more time until I couldn’t any more.

He’s gone, again. Life repeated itself, again. No closure on this situation, again. All I could do then was close the website and computer, and try to go to sleep.



et cetera