The New M.E. Generation











Later on that day, I did get to rest a little by taking a nap. While my thoughts wandered into an unknown place in my mind, I started remembering certain moments from the past I had somewhat forgotten. Tears came down as I thought about them and tried to push them away.

I debated yet again if I should share them with him. A part of me felt I would look desperate if I did, while the other reminded me that, as he recently told me, “it doesn’t change anything.”

Me: “I don’t know why I’m remembering this, but there was a time when I was walking to school. You came down the street in your 2-door Fiat with the top off as always. You offered me a ride for the remainder of the trip. Was so nervous I didn’t say a word.” (And that I sat properly with my hands resting on my lap. Didn’t want the ride to end so quickly, but was more concerned about what other people would think when they saw us.)

“There was another occasion in the same car when you grabbed my hand and placed it in the shift stick. I took my hand away after some time. You then grabbed it again and placed it back. This time you held it with your hand so it would stay” (which means we were holding hands while taking a drive).

“I’m not sure if this last was the same day when you looked at me closely, made a hand gesture of moving your index finger towards you and saying ‘come here’ to me. I did with a face off ‘what?’ and then you gave me a big kiss.

The truth is that after all these years that I’ve had my own 2-door vehicle, have never been able to keep my hand off entirely when shifting gears and thinking of you when driving.

Who would have said that I would see you again. And that I would forget about you. And now you appeared again. And knowing that no matter what I feel, like you said correctly, nothing will change. Such is life.”

He made no comments to any of this. And I wasn’t expecting any, because that’s how he is. He’s one of those people that react to something by not reacting at all.

Hate to admit that the last day I saw him caused my inner-self to become unbalanced. And that’s because he’s always kept a distance much like a wall between us.

When at the apartment, when he kneeled in front of me and looked straight into my eyes, and I said that I was at peace with us (or that I’m over you), that wall came down upon him placing his hands on my knee.

He realized he was about to lose me and decided to enter my world for the first time. But that didn’t last long. When he said ‘I don’t know what to do with you’, he essentially regressed to his old self of distancing and leaving things in a limbo.

He had the chance of changing everything and didn’t take it. He made the choice of staying with the blonde.

As the weeks progressed, I kept some communication with him. I remembered out of the blue that his birth date was basically mine in reverse with a month difference.

The last time I contacted him was for the long summer weekend. Then the hurricane warnings and my birthday occurred. Nothing happened from his part considering we live on the same state.

As the storm battled my city and I survived many days without power, I took the time to allow the winds of change to set in and find my balance once more. And just like everything that got washed away, so did him and everything he represents.

He might have said things don’t change, but I did. With myself. And him. I took him out of my life with the same strength I did before. It’s the calm after the storm. It surely is.

Update: A week after the hurricane hit, on a Saturday, around 7:30 pm, I get the following text.

Him: “Hope you weathered the storm ok. Just got power and have been working on the property all day.”

I replied with a first text of summarizing that I was unable to celebrate my birthday because it was the day before the storm reached my area; that didn’t stay in my apartment during the event; that neither my home or car suffered damages; that my employer reopened the office mid-week, and I was presently getting up-to-date.

The second one read: “I’m glad you’re fine and hope your things get back to normal soon.”

Him: “Thanks. You too.”

So there it is. No surprise here, as usual.

He didn’t reach out when Maria hit, asking me how my mom was in the island, considering that because of me going to the beach with her, is how I met him, and it’s the place we both grew up and went to school together.

I know he’s not obliged to do anything. But it’s not right either. Simply said: he doesn’t care. And that’s the last memory I’ll have of him before I sign off from him for good.

“Although there’s pain in my chest, I still wish you the best, with a ‘forget you’.” – Cee Lo Green – Forget You

 

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The memories I have of this vacation start at getting to the apartment. It was clean and organized, with a living room, kitchen and half bath on the first floor, second floor had the 2 bedrooms and 1 full bath.

His room faced the front of the building and had what one needed when being in college: a bed, desk and TV. I believe he hand a nightstand and the closet had good space.

I took my suitcase to his room and set it on the floor. To keep the space organized, I decided to leave my things inside of it and take them out when needed. I think he provided me with some hangers and made space in the closet in case I wanted to use it.

Next memory that I have was that he had to go to school. I stayed behind and was taking a rest when the home phone rang. I rushed to answer it thinking it was he.

“Hello,” said I. There was a pause from the caller.

“Is (roommate name) there?” said the female voice with an unpleasant tone.

“No, may I take a message?”

“And who are you?” asked her.

“Me? I’m just visiting.” (Click.) What the hell? I looked at the phone puzzled, but put it down. The phone rang again just a few minutes later. This time I answered with a serious voice.

The same scenario repeated, except being asked who I was and I left out the message part. Second hung up of the day. I wasn’t happy, but didn’t let it affect me and went back to my nap.

That’s how I was then. I was so naive I didn’t see it that when the caller heard my voice, she wasn’t content at all that I was there. For me, it had to do with her being totally rude and disturbing my beauty sleep.

In spite of already being away from home and exposed to a new environment, I still believed and trusted those people that were part of my life. What had occurred gave me no worries. I was confident nothing bad was to happen to me. I was there to have fun and nothing else mattered.

When my friend got back and I told him about it, he started laughing. It had been a while since I saw him like this and it was refreshing.

“That’s someone my roommate is seeing,” said he.

“Oh, his girlfriend.”

“Not exactly. There’s more than one. Well, that’s what he’s told me.”

“Whoever it is, she hung up on me twice.”

“Of course, the person was expecting a male voice. Besides, she obviously thought you’re with him.”

“Why? There’s also you here.”

“Yes, but she’s clearly insecure about herself and him. She’s now in a panic mode.”

“That’s stupid jumping into conclusions when she doesn’t even know me.”

“I think it’s incredible how he’s seeing many at once and haven’t been caught yet. You being here might change the chain of events.”

I was looking at him with a somewhat concerning look. I just got here and the wave hit me before getting to the beach. Universe, give me a break, not this one, please.



et cetera