The New M.E. Generation











I waited 2 days to try to chat with him again. I first checked his profile again and wasn’t really impressed by what I read.

It’s not that he didn’t have any merits worth appreciating as a person. But his information wasn’t anything that was striking a cord with me. He could well be a good candidate for someone else. But I simply wasn’t feeling anything.

As much as I try to approach this with an open mind, I guess I’ve reached a point where I just know when there’s possibility or not pretty early on. I may take a humorous approach, but I’m not investing too much time around. Why would I when there’s not even a spark felt?

The guy had emailed the day before and was online when I read his message, so I initiated the chat.

‘Hello, working I suppose?’

‘Yes, on duty again, and sitting on the computer. FYI, if I suddenly disappear is because I have to leave quickly, not because I don’t want to talk to you.’

‘So how many other girls have you contacted via the site?’

‘A few, but it’s hard to meet them with my schedule.’

‘You should make the effort. You shouldn’t wait for life to pass you by and then wonder what happened with it.’

‘What about you?’

‘Also trying, but have a similar situation like yours. Long hours at work and sometimes when I get home I’m super tired. Doesn’t make you want to do much except rest.’

‘If I was there, I would give you a massage.’

All right, that’s it with this one. It’s obvious that he just wants one thing from me and he’s not getting it. This time, a guy’s behavior is not upsetting me.

After all, I wasn’t feeling it, and I knew beforehand it wasn’t going anywhere. So I guess I just let the situation ran its course until it ended, but never thought this fast.

I quickly exited the site and didn’t think about it the rest of the night.

A couple of days after, I visited the site to continue my search of candidates. There was a message from him.

‘Hey, you haven’t responded to my email.’

‘I didn’t like your last comment at all!’

‘I was joking. You need to chill out.’

‘No, you were not joking and you blew it big time with me. This conversation is over.’

I logged out the page and went back to my usual activity for the night.

I didn’t go back to the site about a few more days later. His messages were still there and there were no new one from him after I basically told him off. So, the next best thing to do was to delete all of them.

I think he tried to send me another one some days later, but I didn’t read it. I just deleted it as well.

I didn’t have any questioning towards myself. I was actually proud of myself as to how I reacted to the whole thing.

Well, hey, I’ve made progress, huge indeed. So what’s next for me? Just try, try again.

Advertisements


I made the call and about 4 rings later, got his voicemail, not with his voice, but those who are automated (‘You have reached the mailbox of…).

I’ve always hated those, so impersonal and robotic. Besides, he’s a guy and the voice is that of a woman. Why aren’t there other alternatives that might ‘personalize’ it somehow?

So, in my usual manner, I left Ivan the same message I always do. “Hi, Ivan, it’s me, Emma. Just calling to say hello and know how things are going with you. Hope all is well. Call me if you can.”

He called me back about 3 days later while I was at work. That’s what usually happened; he would either never return my call, or do so at a day and time it would be difficult for me to give him my undivided attention, forcing the call to conclude quickly.

I know he’s always busy and returning my call it’s done in-between the little free time he has. But the real reason he would do it this way is because he’s not much of a talker, especially with me. He knows I will tell him the truth about his existence and, when I do, I’m not nice.

But this time around, I was the one who needed to be listened to. It was almost the end of the year and this one had been particularly difficult.

On top of that, I was still without a guy, would have been my 20-year anniversary, as well as my late father’s birthday.

At work, things were complicated as well. My boss was giving me a hard time and the other assistant couldn’t take the heat from her either.

Every day that I would walk through the door, this person would have a long face and would immediately start bitching about the boss.

Everything just piled up and I was reaching my breaking point. I didn’t know what to do. Beyond feeling that life was unfair to me, I felt time kept going by and I was stuck in the same place as always. That moment of great change hasn’t happened and was wondering if it would ever do.

“Hey, Ivan, how are you?”

“Fine, sweetie; how are you? Sorry I’m calling you at work.”

“It’s all right; I can talk for a few.” Lucky me, my boss wasn’t in the office. “Actually, no, I’m not that well.”

“What’s going on? Talk to me.”

“Question is, what has not happened to me.”

And just like that, this need to cry out all my emotions suddenly overwhelmed me.

No turning back now. Have to let it all out.



et cetera