The New M.E. Generation











It has been a few weeks since the ‘beach guy’ resurfaced, so I was curious about him. I know his last text message had ‘booty call’ written all over it and that our last chatting some 2 years ago ended badly, but that’s the way I am. For me, there’s always something underlying here that I want to find out.

I know his behavior proved he’s still the same guy I remember from school, but you always wonder if even a slight behavior modification has occurred.

So I texted him ‘So what’s up with you?’ and waited for an answer. He replied a couple of hours later, stating that he was dealing with a cardio patient in a clinic in Ohio.

After the small talk exchange from both sides was done, he then said: “Well I’m sorry I missed you last time I was there.”

Me: “Next time tell me in advance and it might happen.”

Him: “Well it was a last minute trip. That’s how they usually are.”

Yep, still the same. Felt like saying, “Whatever. You couldn’t even call or text me during your 3+ hours drive that you were headed my way?” But I was in no mood to engage in a new ‘war of words’ that would lead to the same “I’m done” as before. So I didn’t comment on that.

Him: “What might happen 🙂 See you?”

Me: “Yeah if I can meet up with you.”

Him: “Awesome.”

OMG, what’s wrong with this guy? It’s obvious that if he continues to drop by unannounced and giving me a very small window of time to react, I will continue to decline his invitation. “Más claro no canta un gallo.”

The next day in the evening, we again exchanged some more random conversation. Around 10:30pm he sends me a selfie of his face, taken while lying down on the bed. ‘Man, you look old!’ was my first thought.

His facial expression was one I couldn’t quite figure out (so typical of him). Besides showing a serious tone, it was part ‘sleepy’, to perhaps ‘want to join me?’, to ‘like what you see?’, to ‘I want to say something nice to you, but will never tell’, to ‘I was an idiot letting you go’. I know I could have asked him his thoughts, but since he’s hard to decipher, I again left it at that.

I then debated if I should do the same about the selfie. Thought ‘why not?’ and sent it, but I was smiling in it.

Him: “You are so pretty as always.”

Wow, that comment really took me back to the past, when one day he would be super nice to me at the beach, giving me the illusion that he was into me, to then ignoring me completely at school, making me feel rejected and confused. I replied only with ‘Thanks’.

Have to admit that it moved me. It has been a while since any guy have said anything nice to me (the closest is LZ1 – see the Road Less Traveled story). And with all I’ve gone through, it surely made my night.

But thought what I should have really told him was “if you like what you see, you should put a ring on it”, as in ‘here’s your chance now’.

But that’s something I will probably never get to see, unless he’s waiting for me to do that. I mean, I was the one who invited him to come my way multiple times with no success. Hmm, that’s probably because he’s seeing somebody.

Got to get an update on this before I make my next move (or not)!

 

 

 



The week after the lunch, I reached out to LZ1 as per the usual. The texting continued during the morning commute and work hours, but brief.

Believe I tried calling him during the weekend with no luck. He replied that couldn’t answer because ‘was underneath his car wrenching it with a buddy’. They were to work on it for some more hours and then go eat. Next day, same thing.

Following week I was getting off of work early because of an event that was to cause major traffic jams. Texted if he wanted to meet up with me; he said that ‘was also allowing his employees to leave early although he was staying, and had an event early evening he couldn’t get out off’.

Anyways, my car was giving me trouble and had to get it serviced, which was stressing me out. Had invested in major repairs 6 months earlier and now it had new problems.

He knew about a minor repair around the time I met him, to which he had followed up. But didn’t tell him of this one because his distancing was already happening.

For starters, he was no longer taking the initiative of texting me. Then one day when I took a selfie during my lunch break, instead of replying with the usual words of ‘gorgeous’ or ‘beautiful’ with some cute emojis, he simply said ‘nice!’. That felt like getting splashed with cold water.

The following week he finally underwent the scheduled colonoscopy on a Friday; he had said it was supposed to be on Saturday. His explanation was that ‘it was moved up a day’. His mom was to drive him home.

Tried calling him that night (thinking for sure would get a hold of him), but it went to voicemail. His excuse: ‘he was sore all over.’ As ‘so sore’ you can’t answer your phone??

Tried again next day; same situation. I got upset and left him a message: “Wow, you really meant it when you said that you don’t like talking on the phone!!! Whatever. Bye.” His response was again ‘still feeling pain’. Yeah, like you being a pain in the ass, literally.

Believe another week went by when I last attempted to call him on the weekend. This time there was no response from him in any way. I then knew it was the end of (nothing, I guess).

It was on Monday, a few minutes before midnight, when he decided to finally ‘show face’: “Hi, I’m sorry I have been avoiding you, but I can’t see you anymore. I’m in a bad place in my life right now and I can’t give you the attention you deserve, nor do I want to be in any kind of relationship. I’m sorry I strung this along for two weeks, I thought I would emerge from this one problem, but another has surfaced which is even worse. I don’t feel like talking about it either. Between work and this latest thing it would not be fair to you. You’re really nice woman, attractive and smart. You deserve a lot better than me, that’s for sure. I’m very sorry. Hope you understand.”

I was both upset and not. Was because he turned out to be another coward who didn’t have the balls to have a conversation with me. Not because this repeated facade has become the norm among the men that are crossing my life. The ‘Surprise, surprise’ sarcasm still stands here.

If this text message was to play out in a movie, it would probably go something like this.

I didn’t respond immediately. I allowed myself 2 days to really think it over. Ever heard the expression ‘the quiet before the storm’?

“First of all, that you don’t want to be in a relationship is a lie. You don’t want to be with me. I bet you the little money I have on the bank that the day you meet someone that interests you, you will move heaven and earth to make it work. That you’re going through a bad moment? So is everyone else. The ‘bad timing’ is a fallacy. It’s a cop-out.

Second, it’s an insult that you tell me I deserve better when you don’t know anything about my life to make that statement.

Third, you don’t want to talk about your problem? Fine. Remember my words that one day it will explode on you like a firecracker on a 4th of July.

Fourth, that I’m pretty, etc., is the same thing as getting a consolation prize. You’re using it to try to make me feel better. Cop-out.

Fifth, not answering calls is immature and cowardly. You’re not a millennial and neither am I. Especially sending a message almost at midnight. Face things. Don’t hide. Get updated. Grow up. Another cop-out.

I’m sure that you got disenchanted the day of the lunch. And not giving yourself the chance to see if at least a friendship could happen looks bad on you. Your loss. I’m worth a lot more than you cared to know.

Last but not least, life it’s not just about you, and you, and you. One day you’ll realize what you missed on. You’ll remember me when that happens. Good luck.”

 



After what my girlfriend said the night of the dinner, I sort of went back to being quiet and not saying much.

The texting during the commutes continued, but I kept them to the usual ‘good morning’, to asking how the day was going at the office. Because I was leaving earlier to work, I started missing seeing his car, which took away the fun of crossing paths.

At least the idea of meeting in the future prevailed, but it felt like it was taking forever. This guy always had some excuse, all seemingly legit, for not making it happen, like work-related events, having a good friend in town, and taking his sports car (and testing others) on a speedway.

He even said once that he left his phone at the office. That was probably a lie, but I wasn’t in the position of questioning him on that. (Did I mention he has his own business, a travel incentives company?…)

I even suggested taking the next step of talking on the phone (“I’m not really a person that does that”, said he.) What’s this? Another Fish clone? (see The Swipe). This gave me a bad chill on my spine.

I was getting tired of ‘no phone’ conversations, but, again, wasn’t going to insist on anything. At least the texting provided a clarification about his age when he mentioned he was at the doctor taking care of the pre-op before having a colonoscopy.

Me: “First time? So I guess you’re 50?”

Him: “I’m probably a LOT older than you. Only 50. I must look a lot older.”

Me: “How old you think I am?”

Him: “I’ll say mid to late 30’s.”

Me: “Yeah, that’s it” (not!).

Him: “Age is not a number. You’re as old as you feel.” (This is such a delusional statement! Not even you believes that.) “So I guess I’m too old for you lol.” (…and that he uses ‘lol’ in every texting?)

Me: “Nope.”

Him: “Yay!”

Hmmm, wonder how he would feel about me if he learned I’m very close to his age. Would he still be interested in me?

When he finally ‘popped the question’ (lunch, that is), I let him choose the time and place. He mentioned to meet at noon on a Saturday at a nice place I’ve been once before. I told him to please reconfirm with me the following morning.

Because I didn’t hear from him, I sent him a text message; got a reply like an hour before the due time, that his 80-something mother wasn’t feeling right, was taking her to the hospital, and was sorry about it. That maybe tomorrow could be.

This didn’t sit well with me. I know it’s his mom, he apologized, and asked for a rain check. But anything that has to do with hospitals takes time, so bailing out at the last minute always makes you look bad. It felt like he was getting ‘cold feet’ about it all, thus using the situation as a means to hide.

All I could do was tell him that ‘hope all goes well’ (he: “thanks for your understanding”) and make the best out of the day. I followed up with him early evening (“Still at hospital. Waiting for test results and else. Thanks for asking.”)

Next day, don’t remember who initiated the texting, but he cancelled again, citing that he still had to deal with his mom, plus had to go see his dad to help him with something. Another “so sorry, hope you understand”. All I did was express the same as the day before. Didn’t communicate with him the rest of the day.

As the weekend winded down, I felt like those days when I’m starting to wonder if this guy will turn out to be another repeat story.

I’ve been disappointed so many times, any minor things start ringing bells in my head. Even if you’re told the truth, it still feels suspicious.

Well, another new week, another chance that things might come my way (or not).

Monday morning memo to myself: “If a guy wants to be with you, he will make it happen no matter what” (- He’s Not That Into You). Copy that.

 

 

 

 



{February 20, 2017}   The Swipe 22 – Here fishy, fishy

The day after having the odd conversation with Kevin, I decided to send him a text message to thank him for taking the call because I thought it was the right thing to do, and added that ‘I hope to hear from you soon’.

A few days passed by and no answer. Needless to say, I started worrying and wondered if it was something I had said.

Although the conversation mostly centered on him, he did ‘wake me up’ at moments with his questions, such as why I was single (“guys pretty much disappear at the beginning of anything, so not quite sure about that answer. I honestly think they just want to bed me.”).

I believe that I also said that I didn’t exercise as much as he did, obviously, but tried to keep it up, and that if being in shape was sort of a dealbreaker for him, to please let me know. I was also serious when I said that “if you tell me you will call, then do so.”

Yes, I may have sported a strong attitude, but after experiencing the stupidities of the previous guys, I’m definitely not wasting time deciphering someone else’s secret agenda again.

Eventually I send him a message through the dating site. His profile was still active, so when no response didn’t happen either, it got me confused.

I decided to then call and solve the mystery. He once again sounded glad that I did and as monotonous as before.

When asking him ‘are you okay?’ and saying I had messaged him, he said that ‘had been busy with work’ or something like that. It was as generic as moronic.

I decided to leave it as that. About a week later, to my surprise, I get a call from him. “I told you I would call,” said he. (Hip, hip, hooray?) But he made no mention of meeting. So, yeah, nice effort. Still half-ass.

Another day I finally got a reply to my long-lost text. ‘Hi baby how you doing?’ (Baby? Since when??) I bet this was probably intended for someone else. Good luck with that.

How things unfolded afterwards went down like this: he never called again. I was the one doing it. And if we spoke, he never talked about meeting, in spite him saying he did want to.

If I threw the question at him, he always gave me the runaround of ‘need to check my work schedule’ or ‘have to find out when I will be in your area’.

The last time I called him was during Thanksgiving weekend. I thought he would have some free time, but I was wrong.

“I have to work on Friday,” said he. “Ok, but we could meet at night,” replied I.

“My kids are visiting from college and I want to be with them as much as possible,” continued he.

“No problem,” said I in an upsetting tone and ready to hang up, when…

“What are you wearing?” asked he.

“What??” said I in a ‘what the fuck dude?’ mode.

“I want to know what you’re wearing.”

“I don’t do sexting or anything in-between. You’re not the first guy that asks me that,” said I in a ‘go fuck yourself’ tone.

“Because guys want to know. Don’t you want to know what I’m wearing?”

“No,” said I in a ‘no means no’ tone. “I know how this goes. It starts with a phone call, then you want to do photos, next whatever else. It’s not happening!” I was fuming mad, but able to maintain my composure.

Realizing how deep in shit he has gotten himself into, and that I wasn’t going to bite on the bait, Kevin abruptly ended the call. Honestly, I should have been the one to do that. His triathlon experience served him very well here in running fast from the situation.

After hanging up, I figured out why I was feeling weird with this one: he’s Fish #2. What Kevin wanted all along was the same as the first, a booty call. That’s it. So much for the family history and else that I thought made him different.

I immediately blocked him and deleted anything related to him from my phone, just as the other guys before him.

I then allowed myself to feel and think whatever I needed to for 24 hours, 48 tops. I keep what’s important in my mental handbook for future reference. Last step is going back to life as if nothing has happened. This is how I do it.

But the repeated patterns from guys has burned me out and I need a break.

I’m tired of guys with a self-centered attitude; how they over-correct themselves when dealing with their daughter, only to treat other women as if they were disposable; how they will say ‘don’t take it personal’ about anything that they tell you, but ‘I don’t want to hear it’ from you; how they will never admit that they’re wrong or say ‘I’m sorry’; how they don’t see anything wrong about being arrogant, but you ‘living in the past’ is.

I’m tired of being perceived as weak because I’m nice, to then getting my respect when I act (and react) like them.

As the lady in Cuba told me when she read the cards (see ‘The Reading’ chapters in the The Ex-Friend story), “No one wants anything with anyone. Nobody wants to be responsible for you. Nobody wants to give you anything. To get something from you or be comfortable with, yes, anything else, no.”

So what do I feel like doing now? Honestly, swiping left and logging out for a while. It’s probably the best hand to play at this time. Game over.

 

 

 

 



{November 28, 2016}   The Swipe 10 – Dinner is served

I don’t recall how much time passed after my brunch with Dina and meeting with Cameron again to finally do the barbecue.

What I do remember is that it happened before my trip with Dina and that he brought all the food.

As if I haven’t had enough drama in my life already, that small BBQ that I own was actually a gift from Jay (please see the stories ‘A Spring Break in the Fall’ and ‘The Week That Was’) when he came to visit me many moons ago.

This means that every time I look at it, I always remember him. And in trying for this not to happen, I basically neglected the item by not taking care of it. I simply left it in the balcony, letting time and weather mistreat it.

When I opened it to finally clean it, it was holding some food grease for when it was used during his visit, plus dust, leaves, and whatever else managed to get inside.

‘This will be a tough one’, I thought to myself, referring to the major cleanup I had to give it. While doing that, I also remembered my past. It was a difficult time for me, as I had been divorced for a few months and the transition to my new life was challenging. Getting over Jay later on was another biggie, but eventually managed to do both.

All the grime and else felt like the collection of the emotions and memories of those years, which were now ready to be ‘cleaned away’ for good.

After I was done, I looked at it and then thought, ‘This is a nice bbq. It was nice of him to give me this. I won’t do it again of ignoring it.’ Kudos to me.

It was an even better moment seeing Cameron turning on the bbq. The soft light that the fire emitted made me feel peaceful and at ease.

What made me upset, though, was him walking barefoot to and from the balcony to inside the apartment’s white rug, especially when I had told him not to. I didn’t repeat myself, because I knew his behavior could make me say something that I could later regret.

At the same time, I really hate when some people are not considerate of other’s things, or get too comfortable thinking anything they do will be fine with you.

It made me feel he put himself first above me, which made me question his manners and common sense, which at the moment made him look as he lacked both.

Still, the bbq worked fine and his cooking turned out good. He even stayed to watch a movie with me on TV (“He’s Not That Into You”), which provided 2 awkward/defining moments of the night.

The first being a scene between the characters Beth and Neil; she questions him if he has intentions of marrying her and he replies that ‘he doesn’t believe in marriage’, to which she says: “Bullshit! Bullshit! Bullshit for every woman who’s been told by some guy that he doesn’t believe in marriage just to see him turn around 8 months later and marry some 24 year old he met at the gym.” (Notice the important detail here? Yes, the 20-something.) Cameron reacted slightly, which meant it hit a cord with him.

The second moment was towards the end of the film when Cam received a text message. He had placed his mobile facing up on my coffee table in front of the TV .

I became confused and accidentally blurted out, “who’s that?” in a semi-inquiring tone, because it was so late in the evening. Cameron quickly looked at the screen and then back to the movie; he didn’t answer me.

Of course it made me suspicious that it was another woman. For crying out loud, tell me a white lie that it’s your teenage daughter or something. Be creative for once.

What his reaction did create was an overwhelming thought in my mind of “esto no va para ningún lado; se jodío” (or ‘this (whatever it is) is going nowhere; it’s fucked up’). I don’t know what got into me; it was as if someone got inside my head and told me so. I even lost track of the movie for a few minutes.

Since Cam didn’t open the message, it reappeared, which made me feel uneasy again. I then looked away and thought, ‘definitely not happening’.

I got my attention back into the movie and ignored the text message incident. But when the movie ended and Cameron was walking out the door to leave, he then looked at his mobile and said to me something to the extent of that ‘he had received soccer games scores’.

I don’t know if I heard him well or not. He didn’t behave like he was hiding something from me either. But, who knows; at that point of the early Sunday hours, anything is possible, even a ‘wake-up call’ from the universe, that this situation between Cam and I have been served and that the ending of it all is not going to be that tasty.

Shoot! I’ve seen Cameron like 4 times, 5 tops, and now there won’t be a another round, not even dessert?

“(Kate): I wish there was a cookbook for life, you know? Recipes telling us exactly what to do. / (Therapist): You know better than anyone, it’s the recipes that you create yourself that are the best.” -No Reservations

That may be true, but I think the ones I’ve used before have not given me the results I expected. Blame it on the ingredients, blame on the timing. Whatever it is, they’re either burning, sticking, not rising, or preparing they way they should.

Sounds like this experience is not a ‘well done’ of doing the best I could (which I have), but a ‘well done’ that it has already reached its ‘boiling point’ and there’s nothing else to do. I guess it means that I need to start over from scratch yet again.

Time to use the cookbook (a.k.a., dating app) one more time? Most probably so.

 



‘Hey, doing anything for Valentine’s since you’re so good at all you do? texted I to the beach guy.

‘Nothing romantic,’ answered he. ‘Have my kids that weekend. You?’

‘No plans; no one to spend it with. At least I have Monday off.’

‘That’s good; I have to work.’

‘You should do something special for your mom and daughters. After all, they’re the real women in you life.’

‘True, but I show my love for them all the time.’

‘I know you do. Guess I was curious to see what you would do. On another note, expect to hear weird medical stories with the 50 thing going on.’

‘Like STD’s?’

‘More like people attempting kinky things and getting hurt. The news were reporting that hardware stores are expecting unusual sales on tape, chains, rope, etc.’

‘Ha! I avoid the news; they’re depressing.’

‘I don’t like reading them either, but this story made me laugh. Why should some people attempt weird things you’ve never done before?’

‘What? You’ve never done anything really outside the box?’

‘Hmm, I guess, yes, but I think I don’t think I need to go too far to feel something I’ve never felt before.’

‘Not interested in hearing some of my experiences?’

‘Nooo! I’m sure they’re plenty and amusing. Maybe you can share another time on the phone or if we see each other again. Now I have to get back to work.’

That conversation happened on a Friday. The next morning, very early, like at almost 3 a.m., I was awakened when my phone vibrated after receiving a text message.

In my half awake, half asleep mode, I thought to myself that either something bad happened or this guy had really taken it seriously about sharing his ‘close encounters of another kind’.

‘So, it’s late. I’ve been thinking about you,’ read the text.

I felt delighted by his comment, but then got nervous. What if he was to unearth a story that had to do with something I didn’t remember? Since it was so early for me (dude, don’t you sleep? Guess not.), I knew it was best to wait until waking up and reply with a clear head. So I did.

‘What about?’ asked I.

‘Just about how nice you are.’

Well, that was nice from him, again. And what a relief that it had to do with me, but in a good way. He didn’t write anything else, so I left it as was.

Throughout the day I kept wondering what if he had mentioned a story related to us that showcased a different shade of me? Would have I liked to hear it? After all, part of my process of getting back to the ‘now’ was putting the pieces together from the ‘then’. Why am I so worried about it? Besides, it’s in the past.

Maybe because all I needed to hear, or perhaps wanted to hear, from him has already been said. Maybe there’s a story about me that’s still bouncing around the outer limits of my mind, waiting to manifest itself again.

Now what, another dream?



It was around the end part of my workday on a Thursday when I got a text message from a guy I had long forgotten, including deleting from my social media profiles.

Want to guess who it is? Clues include unanswered calls, always addressing you over a text message, endless excuses for not coming over to visit you.

If you guessed the ‘beach guy’, you’re right.

“Hey, you probably have written me off by now,” read his text. I will be at a seminar on Saturday. Don’t know how far the location is from you. But would be nice if you came this way and saw you. Maybe there’s still some chemistry here.”

This is another situation that has become recurrent in my relationship with men. After they dump me for someone else and drop off the radar, they re-emerge when their current relationships sucks big time.

And, of course, the reason for why it’s happening is always placed on their counterparts. According to them guys, it’s beyond complicated. The females turn out to be psychos or the next incarnation of Godzilla.

These idiots turn me down because of some recycled excuse that they can’t even explain themselves (“I have a lot on my plate right now; my kids take a lot of my time; I’m going through an existential crisis”, etc.), to later ‘realize’ they haven’t quite forgotten me.

That’s how it is; women that are easy to deal with and control, gives you no problems, plus gives you good bedding, is what guys want, that is, until the females turn against you with nasty rampages or stalking.

This is followed by ‘I don’t know how to get out of this relationship’ and look for any reason to escape their situation.

What I want to know from all this is: what did you do that has turned these women into unrecognizable creatures?

Wait, have I turned into something I’m not aware of? What can I compare myself to? Or, what would I wished I could be in regards to the guys?

Probably a supernatural entity like a ghost, so I can appear on their dreams and scream at them, “You’re a major a-hole!!!”

This way they will never, ever forget me, and my presence will hunt them forever. Sounds like a bad horror movie that just refuses to end.



After the trip, my life went back to normal. My high school friend and I kept communicating frequently and I never mentioned the other guy to him again.

But, I did exactly what he told me not to: reaching out to the ‘beach guy’ or keeping my hopes up.

It all went back to how he has always behaved; sending only either text messages or emails. If I tried to call, even in the really early morning hours, he would not answer.

Every so often I would get upset and stopped messaging or emailing him all together. He would then re-emerge again and I would listen to what he had to say.

He went even further by sending some mobile photos of him, writing that he was attracted to me, and wanting to know how I was doing.

Instead of ignoring him, I would continue with the conversation and thinking there was still a possibility of anything happening. I kept disappointing myself over and over when I just knew better.

One day my frustration reached its peak and I made the decision to stop contacting him all together. I did this early November.

During Thanksgiving weekend I received a message that read, ‘I will try to make it there early December’.

My thought was, ‘I know it won’t happen’. But then again, maybe my silence had some effect on him.

So, in order to not show too much emotions (which was actually happening), I simply responded, ‘Great, keep me posted’.

More than a week went by and no sign of him, as usual.

Two days before the date I thought he would come, I messaged him. Finally, on Friday morning, he responded. ‘Doesn’t look good. Just sold my home and need to be out next Monday’.

Wow, here we go again. It was no surprise, yet I was pretty upset.

This is not doing me any good. I don’t need to disconnect; I need to take an indefinite leave of absence and detox from him.

My emotional health is really asking for it.



A few months went by and the communication continued either by emails or text messages.

A long weekend was coming up about a month and a half away and was planning a road trip with a guy friend of mine from high school to a location not that close to him, but way closer to where I currently live.

So I wrote him an email that read like this: ‘Don’t know what you will be doing for the long weekend, but I’m going to be upstate with a friend. I’m saying this so you don’t complain to me later that you wished I would have told you.’

He replied a few days later that he didn’t know what his plans were since basically they were governed if he had his kids or not for that week. He also mentioned that the distance between his location and mine was about a 2-hour drive, so when and where we could meet were other logistics to define.

Definition: ‘I’m so busy there’s no way I can move things around and make it happen.’ I knew this was the answer he would give me. No surprise here yet again.

He asked me where I would be staying. I said at my friend’s family home. I took the opportunity to even mention that my friend has been that since my early teens and he lived in another state. I said this because I knew he would question my relationship and didn’t want to ruin the only chance of maybe meeting.

Whichever way I explained it, it was going to be an awkward situation. My school friend has known me forever and has been at my side through all my good and bad moments.

After learning of how the ‘beach guy’ has been behaving, he felt I was having hope on something that would never happen. He knew how badly hurt I’ve gotten in the past and didn’t want me to go through that again.

Then there’s the beach guy. As much as I tell him ‘we’re just friends’, I know he won’t believe that. If I was he, I would really thought it over about driving 2 hours and seeing me with another guy.

Also, where would he sleep if he decided to stay for the night, in the couch?

No definite plans have been decided and my anxiety level is already going overboard.

What is it about me that, no matter what I do, I always have some sort of complicated matter with a guy (or guys)?

Comments? Universe? Any one?



et cetera