The New M.E. Generation

I never called Christian again and neither did he. I didn’t see the point of doing so and I just knew he probably felt the same way about it.

I don’t know what happened; maybe it had to do with the storm or the other ‘red flags’ that got raised before the beach day. It all seems to indicate that no matter how much effort would have been invested by both sides, it was always meant to be doomed.

I felt like talking to Dina to vent my feelings, but I think what needed to be said about this situation was discussed in our last conversation.

But I still wanted to call her. I was curious to know if anything turned out with ‘the hand at the thigh guy.’

“No, he’s out of the picture,” said she. “He called me one day saying he wanted to be clear on what was happening between us. I told him that, as far as I knew, we were only friends.

That we had gone on bicycle rides or visited each other’s place to watch a movie, but that was it. There was no seriousness of anything in this.

Turns out that an old girlfriend of his was coming to town and he wanted to be sure there were no ‘ties’ here. What he really wanted was to ‘be cleared out’ so he could have all the freedom in the world to do whatever he wanted.

“So in the end he turned out to be a jerk.”

“Nah, I learned pretty quickly when I met him that he was not ‘boyfriend material’. That’s why I never got emotional with him. But, he totally blew it with the call though.”

“Can’t believe that the two guys we met at the bar are out of our lives. It’s almost like being jinxed.”

“Whatever, I’m used to it.”

“Yeah, but it’s kind of sad that we’re still alone.”

“True, but I’ve learned not to let it affect me. If there is a guy out there for us, it will happen.”

‘Yeah but when?’ I thought to myself.

I’m really, really scared that I’ll end up single for good. I’ll try to do like Dina of not letting it get to me.

But there’s as far as one can go. As much as I might be able to do like her, looks to me like it’s going to be a very lonely road ahead.

Hope not.

I wasn’t expecting for Madelyn to throw me a lifeline or anything related. But my initial encounter with Ricky does involve her.

Madelyn had invited me to an art event and, as usual, asked Dina to tag along as well.

I remember that time of my life very clearly. The dissolution had just occurred and I was an emotional wreck. I was trying to put a good face but it was just very hard for me to do that.

Madelyn and Dina were inviting me to anything even if it sounded like a crappy event. Dina would say that they would invite me because ‘I was the honey that attracted the bees.’ The real deal was that both were making endless efforts to distract me from my reality, which was very sad.

The rejection from the separation really affected my self-esteem. I had lost at least 15 pounds and my diet basically consisted of a cup of coffee and a glass of juice in the morning. That was it for the entire day.

I was avoiding looking at myself in the mirror because I didn’t found myself pretty inside or outside.

Trying to dress up to go out was even more difficult. Nothing that I wore could make me feel good.

I don’t know how, but I managed to pick something simple and safe, a white sleeveless dress. It didn’t say much, which in a manner correlated with my life at the time.

‘I’m a divorced woman,’ was all that kept popping in my head. Whatever else crossed my mind is now a blur and can’t remember any of it.

et cetera