The New M.E. Generation

The ‘beach guy’ told me the location of the seminar, which is about at least a 3-hour drive. And if I was to drive on a Friday after work, who knows what the ETA would be.

Then there was the situation that I would get there late on Friday evening and then he would be at the seminar the whole next day. What the hell was I to do? Lounge at the pool?

And what about Sunday? Was he staying all weekend or driving back home right after the event was over?

So, in other words, his plan is to go through all that effort, including a nasty traffic on the highway, plus a good chunk of gas, in exchange of a few hours meeting to learn if ‘there’s still some chemistry here?’

Even more, there was another issue that was going around my mind. ‘Where you will be is not that close to me,’ wrote I on my text. ‘Even with no traffic it would be at least 3-hours drive. And, yes, I had basically written you off.’

That’s what it meant, literally, since our last ‘conversation’ was through texts because he never answered my calls.

‘Another thing,’ continued I, ‘what’s the deal with your girlfriend?’

‘We’re still together,’ said he, ‘but things are not doing well at all.’

No kidding. So I am now like a generic medication. You want to try this, plus the real thing, and see which gives you the best results for your problem.

I wasn’t surprised at what he told me, but still managed to get me somewhat upset. I think it had to do more with getting flashbacks to the past than getting dumped for someone else.

It was more of a realization that it wasn’t all that about what I felt about him in high school, but that then and now, the guy was just playing games with me and used me for his convenience, him knowing well how I felt about him.

‘I don’t like when guys dump me and then reappear,’ wrote I. ‘I’m not here for people to use me as leverage to compare their feelings.’

‘You’re right. I need to figure out or resolve my relationship. Maybe another time will be better.’

Yeah, like, when? When the ocean drags you in and washes you out?

Not even the strongest medication can alter the side effects of what I’m feeling inside towards you.

The best prescription for all these guys doing the same thing: take a daily of dose of patience, mixed with good self-esteem and love of oneself. Swallow slowly and wait for all to go away (men included).

{November 19, 2012}   Looking Back 2 – What a beach

That’s exactly where we met: the beach.

There was a time during my early adolescence when I used to spend every Sunday with my mom at the beach. She had these friends she would meet up weekly and this guy lived on the same building as one of them.

I don’t remember how and when he and I met, but I’m sure he made quite an impression on me, pretty much like most of the guys I’ve met up throughout my life.

To start with, I’m sure I thought he was cute, was most probably sporting a great tan, an amazing body, and I was captivated by his intelligence and self-confidence. We also attended the same school.

He had all that I thought I lacked. And I would gravitate towards all of them guys for some unknown reason I still can’t figure out.

What was I thinking, that somehow their skills would get transferred to me in some magical way and make me the version of myself that I thought should be?

Why was I getting attracted to people whom I thought I had nothing good to offer to?

Yep, that was I back then and, now?

I think my self-confidence and thinking skills are pretty good right now, but instantly attaching to guys I like?

Unfortunately, that’s still happening.

et cetera