The New M.E. Generation











It felt like last year all over again. We were basically talking every day for long extended periods of time.

I was again telling him about all my happenings, especially those concerning guys. I was giving him too much info, which was making him jealous because he wished it were him who I was with (me too).

All those emotions we felt last year surely came back, but there was one I really needed to take care of, the hurt he caused me when he abruptly ‘disconnected’ from me.

“Listen,” said I, “ I appreciate you contacting me again and listening to all my stories, but what you did was very hurtful to me, and I’m still not quite over it.”

“I had no idea how deep it was for you. I don’t know how much more I can apologize or make you feel better. Like I told you before, finding you again turned out totally different from what I expected.

It all happened so fast, these emotions I felt again towards you, and I just didn’t know how to handle it. I shouldn’t have proceeded the way I did and I was wrong. All I can do is promise I won’t hurt you again,” said he.

I sort of felt better, but not really. Reality was we were back to where we did before: we wished we could see each other (and be together), but it’s not possible now, probably never.

So all that there’s to it is just enjoy these brief moments we have together, even in this distance, and just hope some sort of miracle might happen for us, whatever that might be.



I started looking at the photos of the guys and some caught my attention right away, and others got a quick ‘no’ when I saw them.

I promised myself that I would keep an open mind during this process. Meaning, to not only look for a date that seemed physically attractive to me, but also to look for guys who were out of my ‘comfort zone’ (those that mentally resembled what I only knew of before, a.k.a., my ‘x’), and go for those that had potential as well as substance.

My goal was to find someone who had the physical ‘goods’, but totally the opposite personality of ‘that guy’ in my past life. And this would be the deal breaker for sure.

Honestly, what good is a guy who could I consider cute, if he’s shallow, selfish, has an entitlement complex, narcissist, controlled by his mother, lacks empathy or is dysfunctional?

Yep, I just described that person who is no longer part of my life, and maybe I will be very selective in my choices (maybe too much). But I will definitely not allow myself to fall back into the same situation as when I was married. I think I have learned my lesson quite well.

This is where profiles come into play. Dating sites encourage presenting oneself to others the best way possible. Too little information can signal you’re hiding something. Too much can backfire at you.

You run the risk of people not reading it (who has time to read anything anyways nowadays?), or it’s seen as giving out too much into the world that is not necessary at this time.

There’s no element of surprise or interest that can develop in meeting you. You already presented your entire life for everyone else to read.

For me, it became interesting reading some of the profiles. You could tell if people dedicated time to it or maybe just had too much time on their hands.

So, after basically looking at endless of them, some guys really caught my attention, and decided to join the site I was visiting. This entitles me having to create a profile as well.

Now that’s going to be a challenge. Question is, how much am I willing to ‘expose’? Also, what if I don’t get the results I want? I mean, what if any of the guys I try to contact turn out to have no interest in me?

Yes, there is the possibility that, once again, I’ll end up in the same place I am right now; alone.

No, I’m not going there. Something good has to come out of this. It has to.



Most of the people in Dina’s group started leaving before the band finished playing their last set. Dina and I were basically the only ones remaining to leave.

I wanted to go home at the same time that she would, so we would accompany one another to our cars. But Jesse asked me to stay and offered to walk me. The other guy accompanied Dina to her vehicle.

I was hesitant of doing that, staying, and placing myself in a situation I knew I was later to regret. But he insisted in such a way with his many ‘please’ that I felt I would have looked bad from my behalf to say ‘no.’

So when the band ended playing and the bar announced ‘last call,’ it was time for me to make it for the night.

I was about to ask Jesse to walk me to my car when he asked me for my number. (Here we go again…)

“You know, I am a very private person. How about if you give me yours?” (What the heck was I trying to say here??)

“Where I come from, that means you will never call me,” said he.

“And where I come from (a.k.a., my own little world in which I gravitate around), it can mean a lot of things (like me finally taking control of this type of situations). I give you my word I will.”

I handed him my phone and he entered his number. I knew he wasn’t happy, but I was. I simply wanted to do what I felt was the right thing to do.

I finally got to my car and said good-bye to Jesse. I even hugged him and thanked him for the good time I had with him. But I knew he didn’t want me to leave.

I can’t deny I felt bad. Why does it always has to be this way, that one person falls hard for another and that other one doesn’t feel the same way?

I was questioning myself if I had made the right decision of not providing ‘too much info,’ but I had to be mature and stand by on the decisions I had made.

So I finally got into my car and left.

This has been quite a night. I have to call Madelyn and tell her about it. I need her review on my moment with Jesse.

And speaking of him, will I really call him? I’ll make that decision after Madelyn ‘puts me on the stand.’



et cetera