The New M.E. Generation

“Ross, is that you?” He acted as he didn’t hear me.

“Ross!!” said I louder while tapping him on his shoulder.

He finally turned around and pretended to give me a look that he didn’t remembered whom I was. But his body language proved him wrong.

He had seen me, remembered whom I was in an instant, and quickly turned around in an attempt that I would pass him and not notice his presence.

But, no, it was meant that, today, I would cross his path and finally get the answer of the long pending question: ‘Why didn’t you call me back?’

“Hey,” said he while still trying to conceal his true identity. “How are you?”

“Great,” said I. “How’s the bartending job at the hotel?”

“Not exactly good. That’s why I took an additional job to make ends meet,” said he.

I noticed he was wearing a nametag that had a different last name from when I met him. He now sported one of that of a wild animal.

“Why did you change your last name??” I asked him puzzled.

“Because people couldn’t pronounce it, so I decided to take one that could be easily remembered,” said he.

Translation: I’m not really happy with who I am (including sucking at love), so changing my name is like trying to create a better version of myself.

Meaning: If you don’t change yourself, that howling of yours that you’re trying to pull off will never chase your past away.

And don’t even think of growling at me either to scare me away. I’m going nowhere until I get what I want.

After lunch, Dina and I for some reason decided to separate for a while, but we agreed that sometime of what remained of the afternoon, we would meet to do water skiing.

Of all the other things I could have invested my time at (active or not), I had personal reasons for trying water skiing above anything else. I had an issue related to my marriage that I was still pending to give closure to.

I believe it was around the 5th year of my marriage. It was my ‘x’, a couple and me, in a 20’ boat. Everyone on board had done it before except me, and I could not get up on the skies. Every time the rope pulled, I quickly let go of it.

My ‘x,’ who was, and still is, highly competitive in sports, and an extreme overachiever in life and career, was someone who for the longest time I admired and hoped to emulate.

The problem is, it will never happen. In other words, being associated with someone who doesn’t understand why the rest of the world can’t be like him (‘if it worked for me, why can’t you do the same?’), leads to so-so results.

Translation: even if I had a performance worthy of a gold medal, I learned the hard way it would have never been good enough. Why? He was measuring me against his standards and not looking at me for who I really was.

There was another reason for not holding on to that rope: I had a suspicion I was pregnant.

We had been trying for some time via treatment and my cycle was delayed (somewhat). My doctor also said that if I conceived, my pregnancies were to be high-risk, including that of miscarrying.

And knowing his ‘affairs of the mind,’ as well of my doctor’s, if my suspicion was true, and later on the inevitable occurred, I knew he would take the day’s event and turn it against me.

My suspicion was wrong though. I did get pregnant, eventually, but unfortunately, also miscarried.

My ‘x’ never fully admitted it to me, but I know he blamed me in part for it. He thought I did something that contributed to it. Like? That doesn’t matter now.

What matters now is that nothing is stopping me in getting my life back. Watch me!

I walked up the stairs of the dinning hall and straight into the buffet area where the food was already served. Being the only one there made me feel like a little kid in a candy store where I could take anything I wanted.

I’m doing a walk-through of everything before digging in, when I come face to face with a guy. (Correction, I was the only one there.)

We looked at each other like, ‘whoa, where did you come from??’ We also had a face that we were both in desperate need of some food, so we quickly took separate ways and kept going.

I piled up my plate with food for my first round of eating, and then walked to find myself a table when, sure enough, ‘that guy’ was already seated and once again looking at me.

I looked around at the other empty tables and back again at him, when I figured that the obvious thing was to sit down with him (if he was up to it). In other words, it would have been totally moronic from my part not attempting this.

I mean, wasn’t one of my goals for this trip to have the chance to meet other guys in another light? Duh, as soon as I stepped into the seating area, he stared straight at me.

Translation: it’s a no-brainer that this was one of those moments.

All right, here we go.

et cetera