The New M.E. Generation











The rest of my Spring Break went great. He took me everywhere, even to places that you had to drive some. But it was worth it.

Like my father would say to me many years later, ‘you never know what places you will have a chance to go to that you might not return, so take it as an adventure when you do.’ I loved all cities I visited and put it in my bucket list to return one day.

I did visit my friend one more time before he completed his studies. He really dedicated his efforts in his career; he was doing 1-2 summer sessions, and eventually some graduate courses.

I remember he telling me how some classes was done ‘in the field’ or outside the classroom with the airplanes. The summer heat and rain were memorable, so all students and classes had to start on time. By no later than 11am the weather would get very bad and everyone had to leave the area.

The second time I visited and he picked me up at the airport was as great as the first time, except I was older and almost out of school, meaning my uncertainties about the future were already looming over me.

“So, what do you want to do?” asked he when I got into the car.

“I want to buy a bathing suit. Take me to a good mall,” replied I.

My friend got surprised. He probably thought I wanted to have a drink or something. He took me to a great one and I walked in to the first bathing suit store I saw.

I was determined to buy a bikini, don’t know why because my weight wasn’t exactly how I wanted it to be. I don’t think I was that overweight, but as a woman it was an issue that always lingered.

In the store I found one with red, black and white colors. I walked outside the dressing room to show him and get his opinion. “What do you think?” asked I in a serious tone like, ‘tell me the truth.’

My friend’s eyes and mouth opened wide. I couldn’t decipher if it was good or bad. “Aaaah… I think it looks good on you…,” said he in a tone that made me believe he didn’t want me to feel bad about my body.

“Be honest with me. We’ve always been that to each other, even if we don’t want to hear it.”

“Truth is, I’ve never seen you before in a bathing suit.”

What? How is it possible to have been living in a Caribbean island and friends since our early teens, and never spent time under the sun?

“We’ve never been together at the beach?? Not even at the school’s Junior/Senior picnic?’ asked I.

“I didn’t go because of what happened during my Senior year. I wasn’t into being there.”

The more I tried to remember, the more I realized that of all things we did back home this wasn’t one of them. And during the Spring Break week, I was covering my top with a college t-shirt, so he didn’t get a full view of me.

Now thinking back on it, it was contradictory in a way that we had emotionally shared so much, and in the physical it only went as far as the kiss and sharing a bed. I even believed he saw me in my underwear, so why the reaction in the suit?

I would feel at ease at all moments with him because I trusted he would never hurt me. And even him being a guy (who tend to be more liberal), also kept his privacy (including the bathroom door closed) when I visited him.

I realized that as much ‘open’ I thought we had been, we have closely guarded the outer shell that we present to the world and each other.

So how do you then define what we have? I don’t know, but when it comes to people, for sure there’s more than meets the eye.

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It sucks being at work and then getting an email like this one later in the day when you’re ‘brain drained’ and just want your workday to be over and go home.

Knowing how I have evolved throughout the years, not that I needed to think over what I would say or would respond to it; I just didn’t want to use certain words that I don’t normally use.

If I already have decided to end for good whatever was happening because both of us, there was no need to communicate your thoughts in a way it’s not you.

I wanted to convey that I am confident in my position and feelings, not that his behavior has brought the ugly side of me. And that’s not what I want to be remembered for.

Unfortunately that’s how humans are; we remember the bad as small as it may be. We may do good for the longest time, and then we stumble and everyone takes notice. It doesn’t matter if the good outweighs the other; you’re recognized for how deep you fell.

‘Regarding you unfriending me, it came as no surprise. Truth is me being an old girlfriend is not the problem here regarding your relationship.

It has to do with the wife and her insecurities that I’m going to tear the two of you apart. I’m a threat to her and she needs to erase anything that’s considered to be that.

It happened to me when I was married. My a-hole ex made it clear that he didn’t want me having nothing to do with my male friends even when they were just that, friends.

It made me so miserable and isolated, but he didn’t care. It wasn’t about what was the right thing for the marriage; it was all about him and he alone.

I was lucky that my friends forgave and supported me because they love me as the true person I have always been to them.

I’ll tell you this, when the years go by and your daughter grows up and moves away, and you find yourself all alone with or without your spouse, then you will realize what a mistake it was to have let go of all the people that truly loved you. By that time I will have forgotten about you and not really interested in listening to what you have to say.

Let me ask you, would you have done the same if I were in a relationship? You and I know the answer very well.

And regarding this friendship proposal you always present to me, fact is, I’ve been the one who have been writing and reaching out to you.

This means that once I discontinue doing so, because I know you won’t, that’s it; it’s over. You’re not just unfriending me for a while, it’s for good.

Like with other guys I’ve met, if I’m not the one making the effort here, nothing happens.

So, good luck with your life because you will need it.’



I took a deep breath and dialed the number. Certain thoughts kept crossing my mind and taking me back in time. While the call started ringing, it was as if, for a moment, I was that young woman way back that summer.

When he answered, it was as if I quickly came back to reality. Truth is, I thought the call would go to voicemail.

“Hi!” said he very happy, “so glad we are talking.”

“Me too! Wow! Can’t believe this is actually happening.” Now I was really nervous.

“Why do you say that?”

“Because the whole commercial thing was so long ago, and I was in college, and you had your career going. I’m sure because of it you have met tons of people, so it could have gone either way about you remembering me.”

“Of course I remember you! Why wouldn’t I? You were a great person. Besides, I was always accessible to people, including you.”

I almost started crying. It was incredible how all people past and present that have been or are part of my life, agree on what he just said. All except one.

“I remember this from you,” said I. “I always felt that you were genuine, which is actually what I thought about you when I saw you on TV during the casting period.”

There was a brief pause from him. It seemed what I said also touched him.

The conversation covered many topics and took a different turn when it got to one aspect in particular.

“I left home because the entertainment industry has taken a deep downslide. There’s a lot of talent, but not enough outlets for all of them to channel,” said he. “I remember when there was this great time in TV that I was doing so much work. Now you have to leave and search for new opportunities. There is no other choice.

Look at me, at my age, starting over both professionally and personally.”

When he said ‘starting over’, something remarkable happened. For the first time ever, I finally connected with him, meaning, I saw him as the person he really is. In other words, I got him because I am on the same spot as he is.

“Of all the people I’ve known,” said I, “you are one of those that I never thought would be where you are now. I always envisioned something totally different for you.”

The conversation continued longer than I had expected. In between all said I learned that his girlfriend lives back home (that explains a lot) and that he is very faithful to her.

Having said that, should I suggest meeting up? Maybe I should leave that to him.

The conversation came to an end when he got another call he needed to answer. (‘Saved by the bell!’)

We quickly agreed to speak again. And just like that, the conversation was over.

So, what happens next?



In the weeks that followed, I continued having some communication with Jay. I avoided asking him about his new ‘love interest,’ so I just stick to trivial topics.

I was having difficulty getting over him. Some days I would wear the ring and others I wouldn’t. I guess I needed to remind myself that something good has happened in my life.

But I believe the most difficult thing was to tell friends that it was over and that the trip to Canada was not happening. They were all sad and disappointed for how things ended because they knew this was the first guy after my divorce that I genuinely had feelings for, and had given myself the opportunity to open my heart to.

Yep, it took me some time to let go of him. I put the ring away, cried late at night, and got the lessons from this experience that I believe will help me move forward.

The day I knew it was really over was when I called him for the last time. I did because there was some news he had been hoping to hear from me for some time. But I also wanted to hear his voice and reaction of listening me on the other end of the line.

Jay answered the call in his usual upbeat demeanor every time I called, and became more when he heard the news. But after this part was over and I talked about everyday things, the conversation became ‘flat.’ It felt as if he was speaking to anyone else like a friend or co-worker; someone who doesn’t have any special feelings for.

I even had the courage to ask him about his love life, and he responded by saying that he was still seeing her, and taking things very slow.

He then continued to say that he was doing some work on his home and he needed to get back to that. When he said good-bye he was cold as someone who is way over you, or not interested in you at all, even perhaps pretending nothing had happened and needed to ‘exit’ as quickly as possible in order to avoid getting into the present reality.

Meaning, it’s so easy to ‘dump’ somebody when you have someone else lined-up. Of course, you’re not empty-handed, especially if the new person is more convenient for your lifestyle.

He knew that the way he behaved was not the best, so he used the ‘baggage’ situation to let go of me easily and have a good mental excuse for leaving me.

Truth is, if she hadn’t come along, I would have made the trip and maybe still be with Jay.

It’s hard to believe that someone who greeted me with so much love at the airport has now said good-bye the opposite way.

So what am I going to make of it? Nothing. I’m not dwelling on it like I did with the others.

It is what it is and that’s it.



As soon as the lab guy left my apartment, I headed straight for the pharmacy. I was in need of some vitamins (not because of my hair raising experience), but was also on a research mode.

I get to my location and walk directly to the nutritional section. I’m looking for a female multi-vitamin and glance over all the different products before making my selection, when, one in particular, stops me on my tracks: Horny Goat Weed.

And what is this? I pick the jar and quickly read the label; “A sex herb or aphrodisiac that increases libido in men and women.”

Oh, I wonder if my ‘x’ was taking during this during my treatments. No wonder he was so ‘jumpy’ at times.

Question: Why is this herb placed so strategically on the shelf so everyone can see it, including children?

And speaking of the little ones, why are the vitamins and supplements right next to the baby section? Hint: Give this to your man and you might get pregnant.

All right, moving on to other matters, like looking for other female products, but of the adult kind. And I find them, next to the brushes and hair accessories.

Oh, I get it. You pretend you’re shopping for an accessory and when nobody’s around, you quickly shift to the other one and get what you need.

That’s exactly what I’m going to do (while wearing my sunglasses and trying to be incognito), and praying there’s a short line at the cashier. Or, even worse, running into someone you know.

What am I so nervous about? I’m not doing anything wrong. In fact, I think I’m being responsible.

Truth is, I’m faced now with a reality that in many aspects is completely new to me. I guess this is what life is as a single woman. Me against the world, with no one here to hold your hand.



et cetera