The New M.E. Generation











{February 20, 2017}   The Swipe 22 – Here fishy, fishy

The day after having the odd conversation with Kevin, I decided to send him a text message to thank him for taking the call because I thought it was the right thing to do, and added that ‘I hope to hear from you soon’.

A few days passed by and no answer. Needless to say, I started worrying and wondered if it was something I had said.

Although the conversation mostly centered on him, he did ‘wake me up’ at moments with his questions, such as why I was single (“guys pretty much disappear at the beginning of anything, so not quite sure about that answer. I honestly think they just want to bed me.”).

I believe that I also said that I didn’t exercise as much as he did, obviously, but tried to keep it up, and that if being in shape was sort of a dealbreaker for him, to please let me know. I was also serious when I said that “if you tell me you will call, then do so.”

Yes, I may have sported a strong attitude, but after experiencing the stupidities of the previous guys, I’m definitely not wasting time deciphering someone else’s secret agenda again.

Eventually I send him a message through the dating site. His profile was still active, so when no response didn’t happen either, it got me confused.

I decided to then call and solve the mystery. He once again sounded glad that I did and as monotonous as before.

When asking him ‘are you okay?’ and saying I had messaged him, he said that ‘had been busy with work’ or something like that. It was as generic as moronic.

I decided to leave it as that. About a week later, to my surprise, I get a call from him. “I told you I would call,” said he. (Hip, hip, hooray?) But he made no mention of meeting. So, yeah, nice effort. Still half-ass.

Another day I finally got a reply to my long-lost text. ‘Hi baby how you doing?’ (Baby? Since when??) I bet this was probably intended for someone else. Good luck with that.

How things unfolded afterwards went down like this: he never called again. I was the one doing it. And if we spoke, he never talked about meeting, in spite him saying he did want to.

If I threw the question at him, he always gave me the runaround of ‘need to check my work schedule’ or ‘have to find out when I will be in your area’.

The last time I called him was during Thanksgiving weekend. I thought he would have some free time, but I was wrong.

“I have to work on Friday,” said he. “Ok, but we could meet at night,” replied I.

“My kids are visiting from college and I want to be with them as much as possible,” continued he.

“No problem,” said I in an upsetting tone and ready to hang up, when…

“What are you wearing?” asked he.

“What??” said I in a ‘what the fuck dude?’ mode.

“I want to know what you’re wearing.”

“I don’t do sexting or anything in-between. You’re not the first guy that asks me that,” said I in a ‘go fuck yourself’ tone.

“Because guys want to know. Don’t you want to know what I’m wearing?”

“No,” said I in a ‘no means no’ tone. “I know how this goes. It starts with a phone call, then you want to do photos, next whatever else. It’s not happening!” I was fuming mad, but able to maintain my composure.

Realizing how deep in shit he has gotten himself into, and that I wasn’t going to bite on the bait, Kevin abruptly ended the call. Honestly, I should have been the one to do that. His triathlon experience served him very well here in running fast from the situation.

After hanging up, I figured out why I was feeling weird with this one: he’s Fish #2. What Kevin wanted all along was the same as the first, a booty call. That’s it. So much for the family history and else that I thought made him different.

I immediately blocked him and deleted anything related to him from my phone, just as the other guys before him.

I then allowed myself to feel and think whatever I needed to for 24 hours, 48 tops. I keep what’s important in my mental handbook for future reference. Last step is going back to life as if nothing has happened. This is how I do it.

But the repeated patterns from guys has burned me out and I need a break.

I’m tired of guys with a self-centered attitude; how they over-correct themselves when dealing with their daughter, only to treat other women as if they were disposable; how they will say ‘don’t take it personal’ about anything that they tell you, but ‘I don’t want to hear it’ from you; how they will never admit that they’re wrong or say ‘I’m sorry’; how they don’t see anything wrong about being arrogant, but you ‘living in the past’ is.

I’m tired of being perceived as weak because I’m nice, to then getting my respect when I act (and react) like them.

As the lady in Cuba told me when she read the cards (see ‘The Reading’ chapters in the The Ex-Friend story), “No one wants anything with anyone. Nobody wants to be responsible for you. Nobody wants to give you anything. To get something from you or be comfortable with, yes, anything else, no.”

So what do I feel like doing now? Honestly, swiping left and logging out for a while. It’s probably the best hand to play at this time. Game over.

 

 

 

 

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I didn’t give up on my quest of finding a man after this minor incident. It was ironic to think that I wanted to meet a guy contemporary with my age and I was getting messages from 20-somethings as young as 21.

Looking at the ‘Visitors’, some were even as young as 18 and living abroad. Where’s the adult supervision here? For crying out loud, this is a child! Find someone your own age. You have no business in this dating site to begin with.

Let me see what the others look like or have to stay. I know it’s a waste of time even reading the messages. But since I’ve been unlucky with my search, at least feeling flattered for a few minutes it’s worth it.

‘What do you think about dating older men?’ read a message from a 23-year old. Oh, no, here we go again (that’s if I want to).

I checked out his profile and it read that he was doing his post-grad with the goal of becoming a doctor. What, another ‘beach guy’ headed my way? Please universe, not again!

In his main photo he was wearing this huge sunglasses and had very blond hair; bet he’s probably in a fabulous beach. In the second he was abroad. In the third he was shirtless with a beer in his hand, his tongue sticking out, and next to a guy. He was also in great shape and quite tall.

Let me guess, Spring Break with a ‘frat brother’ in Mexico. He definitely knows how to have fun.

I looked at all of them and started remembering my time in college and got mixed feelings. It was good in the sense that I away from home and finally had the opportunity of being myself.

But I didn’t know what I was to do afterwards, mainly because I was in the process of discovering who I was as a person, and had no sense of direction.

It took me a lot of years to get to a place that I was somewhat comfortable with myself and thought I had it all defined when I got married.

The result was that I ended up loosing all that I represented, to the point I was totally clueless about anything when my ‘past life’ ended.

I’ve been regaining my sense of self, esteem, and all that I am about, but have been a long and painful process.

I looked at the photos again and became sad. If I had the chance to go back in time and do it again, would I?

If I could go back to college with the present knowledge I have, yes. Doing it with the ‘blank canvas’ I was, not too sure.

I know that in going back you have your whole life ahead of you, but presently I still have that as well.

So, what am I doing with this one? Am I answering a message of a guy who seems to be the poster child of ‘party central’ or perhaps ‘globe trotter’?

Maybe I should do the same and stick my tongue out at him and this situation.



It’s been a while since I last spoke with Ivan, so I decided to give him a call.

I know it’s basically a waste of time with him. He’s another one of those whom I call and never answers it, no matter what time I do.

Most of the time he eventually calls back, but when he does, he’s either in a relationship or out of it, swearing to me he doesn’t want to be with anyone, period.

He always says he will call me to have a drink, just as friends, which he has been telling me since forever.
Reality is he stays single for a while, but when he starts feeling alone, he gets involved with someone, even when knowing he’s not ready for it.

Then the relationship gets really complicated, like cheating, nasty break-ups, reconciliations, more break-ups, and so on until it finally ends worst than the sinking of the Titanic.

Yep, he’s one of those people that are attracted to melodrama and disfunctionality. Hey, I may have been full of that at another time in my life, but if we had gotten involved romantically, I’m sure it would have progressed in a more civilized manner.

The other sad part about him is that I’ve offered my friendship to him repeatedly, but he doesn’t take it.

He’s the type of person that surrounds itself with bad vibe that doesn’t allow him to get beyond that negative funk he’s stuck at. It’s like he actually enjoys being in that mode.

Again, my life is not any better than many, but it sure is way more than his, that is, emotionally. And I bet you I’m one of the few, maybe the only, who is willing to be a true companion to him with no expectations.

Even sadder, I think he’s genuinely a good person and deserves better. But this is how he’s handling his romances when he knows damn well they’re a disaster and needs to correct this behavior.

I won’t deny feeling sorry for him, but when I compare his relationships to my current state of affairs (or lack of thereof), I actually feel good about myself.

I do get frustrated for not having a relationship all these past years and that most guys met have been almost not worth my efforts, but I’ve certainly evolved (a lot!), and feel closer every day of reaching that much needed maturity that will allow me to have a successful relationship.

It has been a crazy ride, but the final destination doesn’t feel that distant away any longer.



I don’t know how long had passed when I remembered about Ivan and his trip. I think I did about a month or so after he told me he intended to travel.

To be honest, I had forgotten about him all together when, one day, he came to mind.

What made me remember him is still a mystery. I had been quite busy with my life, was in the middle of something and (‘ding!’), there he was.

I stopped what I was doing and thought about him. But I wasn’t feeling much other than that I hoped he made the trip and had fun. That’s it.

It hadn’t been that long since I last saw him, but it felt eternal. It was like a blur, like someone who I met a long time ago and had no idea presently of their whereabouts.

The memory of them is sparked by some association or by ‘divine intervention,’ or no explanation of how the recall came to occur. And when you remember them you ask yourself, ‘whatever happened to that person?’

I thought about texting Ivan, but decided not to. He didn’t call me before or after his trip, so I felt there was no worth reason to do so.

After this ‘short-term memory,’ I forgot about Ivan all together until a long weekend came around. I did not have much of a plan and he came again into my mind. (Wonder if he finally got a few days off?)

I texted him. ‘Hey, you’re around this weekend?’

‘Yes, but I have friends visiting,’ answered he, some time later, as usual.

‘Have fun. Take care.’ (Another waste of my time.)

And that was it (one more time). I never contacted him again and, you know what? I’m fine with it. Actually, I feel pretty good.

Come to think about it, he’s probably the first guy that didn’t shake my existence out of whack.

Sad part is that Ivan had someone who was willing to love him endlessly, more than any girl that he contacts online hands down. I bet you anything on that.

But, he chose not to be with me. No, he chose not to give himself that chance to feel loved.

Unfortunately, it’s his loss, not mine.

Logging out.



et cetera