The New M.E. Generation











{September 25, 2017}   Looking Back 64 – Who are you?

After he left for the day, I went for my usual weekend routine of going for a walk and getting ready for the new work week. Have to admit I was still thinking about him, mostly because this encounter was different from any contact we’ve had before and recently.

I get this text sometime around 7pm: “It was nice seeing you.”

Me: “Likewise.” I believe he also made a comment of ‘you should have come to the hotel’. Oh boy. No, not happening.

Next day he sent another text while on my morning commute.

Him: “Have a good day at work!”

Me: “You too! Have a safe travel back.”

Him: “Thank you.”

I checked up on him some hours later.

Me: “Back home?”

Him: “Just landed. Can I contact you?”

Me: “Sure. Including calling me.”

Him: “Yes.”

We didn’t text the next few days. He was still present in my thoughts, but was having this feeling that there was something more to him. So I did what I do with all other guys before him, which was to look him up online.

I hadn’t finished typing his full name when I see the keywords of ‘arrest’ and ‘mug shot’ appear on the search screen.

My eyes opened wide, stayed frozen for a few minutes, all while this rush of emotions went up and down my whole being.

I opened one of the newspaper articles and there it was: basically he was involved with medical fraud and was arrested for it. There were many details to read through, including the mention of an expensive vehicle used as payback (that was eventually taken away), and that the case is set to be seen in court on January of next year.

I had no idea what to think about all this, except that everything now made sense. That the fancy car I first saw him with had to be the one mentioned. That his involvement got him the money to pay for all those toys he has. That his excuses for not getting involved with me was maybe to keep me away from this.

For about 2 days, I asked myself if he was really capable of doing this. Or how on earth he got himself in this problem when he’s supposed to be smart, when it has been proven over and over that if you get involved with something like this, the results and consequences can be really nasty.

I wanted to confront him, but didn’t know how. So I did the usual of sending a random text message and waited for him to ask me how I was doing.

Me: “Umm. Don’t know how to say this. Yesterday I found out about the big mess you got yourself into. I’m still in shock about it.”

Him: “Are you referring to the federal indictment?”

Me: “Of all the people I’ve known, I never thought you would pull a stunt like that.”

Him: “No kidding. Me neither. I got dragged into it from the people I was working with. All the counts have been dropped, but one. Still working with the authorities on this.”

Me: “The media says the case will be seen next year and that you could go to jail.”

Him: “There’s always that possibility.”

Me: “You have no idea how hard this has hit me. I would have preferred you telling me the day we saw each other, than finding out over the internet.”

Him: “It’s not worth worrying about. Worrying doesn’t change anything.”

Another few days later, as it usually happens when I have ongoing guy matters, my BF asks me to join her for dinner.

After giving her a semi high-speed summary of my history with this guy until the present, to then turn into a full-blown drama queen when describing the moment of discovery, when she says:

BF: “He’s gay?”

Me: “No!”

Another few more seconds of suspense, and…

BF: “He’s married.”

Me: “No!”

When I finally tell her, she gave me a face of ‘holy shit; that’s bad!’

BF: “He didn’t say anything because he was protecting you” (could be).

Me: “I still think he should have been open about it with me.”

BF: “Hello! You hadn’t seen him for, what, 3 years? Did you honestly expect that he was going to drop this ball on you??”

Later in the evening when trying to sleep, I reflected on what she said about this guy protecting me. There was a part that wanted to believe this, while another couldn’t fathom that in as little as 6 months from now, his whole life could go on a standstill.

Whatever his reasons might be, the hard reality that I have to face is this: neither before, today, or after, him and I are not destined to be together. Ever.

 

 

 

 

 



I don’t remember what I said to my mom regarding the ship’s visit, but she agreed to take me on Saturday afternoon after completing our house chores.

That was the routine every weekend, cleaning the house, and I was anxious to get it done. I think I even had time to take a quick nap afterwards.

What I do remember is that I dressed up nicely with long white pants, a striped shirt and blue shoes. I don’t know what I was thinking because I could have worn something more casual.

But growing up wearing a school uniform all your years of schooling made you wanting to wear nice clothes whenever you had the opportunity.

My mom and I got to the location and my heart rushed as soon as I saw the ship. It was all white and traditionally designed like those you would see in the movies. But seeing it in real life was an experience I’ve never had before.

I stood with my mom before the ramp connecting the dock and ship. There were two guys on each side of it, who greeted us before walking up. They were surely happy to see me (guess you guys don’t get to see too many chicks?).

When I finally stepped on the ship and took a good look at it, I felt transported to another place and perhaps time. For a few seconds, I simply forgot where I was.

I don’t remember how things happened next, but I asked one of the guys where Johann was. He turned around and called to him out loud, with a tone of ‘somebody’s here looking for you, you lucky guy’.

I was so embarrassed as I was still trying to keep this situation unknown to my mom. But before I could react any further, almost coming out of thin air, Johann appeared.

He stood in front of me, I turned around to look for my mom and, to my surprise, she walked away, laughing.

I got what I wanted, getting to the ship, finding Johann and my mom allowing me to talk to him.

Now, what do I do?

I looked at him again and all I could do was say ‘hi’ and smile.

“Hey, you made it! I’m so glad you did!” said he. He probably thought he would never see me again.

Looking back I now realize what an accomplishment that was. I made a decision on doing something and went for it, but thinking it would probably fail somewhere in the attempt.

I took a risk and something greater than me made it all happen. Call it courage, the universe, or perhaps divine intervention.

What’s important is that I was there.

“Yes, I surely did. I made it.”



et cetera