The New M.E. Generation











After dinner I let my friend drive back. It definitely had been a long, productive day, and never short of drama.

After this weekend, what I believe happened was that on my actual birthday date, I didn’t get a call or message from his, which was strange. He had always been the first for those outside my family.

It got to a point late in the day that I text him, saying, “Hey, you totally forgot my birthday!” After no response, also not the norm, I called him.

“What happened? You totally forgot about me!” said I.

“I was waiting until I was unoccupied so I could talk to you without rushing it,” replied he.

What he meant was that after finishing work, he went straight to church, then home. He took care of his things first and he basically communicated to me that I wasn’t that important any more.

He was definitely getting even weirder by the day, especially when his job was about 2 months away from ending and had nothing lined up next.

The church thing was happening every day, spending to at least 4 hours either praying or meeting with some church group he had become part of. Every time I called him, he wouldn’t answer the call and would quickly reply with a text that read “Church” with an emoticon of two hands together in prayer.

If I were lucky to talk to him late at night, he would say, “I go to church because I have nothing else to do after work.”

Really? He used to take long walks to exercise and we would talk on the phone while at that. Or he would cook himself dinner. He was available to me and we always had something to talk about.

All I was hearing now was, “I’m praying so much on my knees, they’re starting to peel,” or “the only people that I have in this life is God, my mom and you,” or “I know God will lead me into the right path.”

I supported his ‘faithfulness’, but the repetition of actions and words started feeling monotonous, as if he was stuck in a place he really didn’t wanted to move away from.

He needed to find a new job, but wanted to stay with the current employer so not to lose his seniority. Fine, but if that option doesn’t work, you have to have other options, which I don’t think he wasn’t pursuing much.

He going to church made him a person that only socialized with other who shared his mentality, thus isolating himself from the ‘real world’. His attitude that ‘God is on my side’ was becoming arrogant and that ‘the one above’ was he towards others.

He started criticizing my way of being, claiming I didn’t had a man in my life because I hadn’t forgiven my ex and if I disapproved, he would retaliate very nasty. His response towards me was, “pues te veo mal” (things won’t go well with you).

As time progressed, the arguments increased. I kept telling him that my whole life had been about pleasing others or doing what was expected of me, and when I yelled out my frustration, people would say I had an attitude problem and label me a bitch. Others would be happy, but didn’t care I wasn’t. My friend became one of those persons.

And regarding forgiveness, I told him that was my prerogative to do or not, that I did that so many times and my ex was so unappreciated about it that I stopped doing it because he didn’t deserve it.

I was now standing for myself, something my friend had always told me I needed to do, and now he was mad I was applying what he taught me to him.

My friend became bitter and non-negotiable on anything, displaying lots of anger in his nasty voice. You could feel this heavy, negative energy on the phone. He may have been praying plenty, but he was now the embodiment of a true devil.

I think what became the problem was that for the first time in his life, he had lost control. Nothing was happening as he wanted, even if he worked on it. He didn’t have job offers, he never got over his breakup, and I wasn’t doing what he told me to do.

Even with the help of a professional, he now struggled with depression and was still obsessed that his ex had to change.

He was acting towards me like the ‘big brother’ character instead of the older brother figure he had always been. His religious fanatic tactic of spreading fear wasn’t affecting me and he resented that.

He was hiding behind his beliefs and blaming others for his outcome. He may have thought he was set to go when the end of the world happened, but instead it was ‘highway to hell’ with him.

You see my then friend, you forgot that you gave me the wings to fly, and I’m soaring high to my own happy place and more. And I’m at peace with that. About time already.

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Despite the huge disappointment I had with Edward in the brief time we were together (if I can define it as that), I did what I used to do with other guys, I kept communicating with him. In other words, I was the one who continued putting the effort of having anything, if that, going.

The difference was I wasn’t pursuing him continuously. I would call him once in a while to find out how he and his children were doing. I would even ask him how things with the chick from the party were doing.

Turns out they were still dating, but he wouldn’t talk much about it. His divorce was still ongoing and was taking longer than it needed to be, so he just wanted to get that resolved first and then worry about what happened later.

Interesting part was I wasn’t feeling much when we discussed his love life. I think the circumstances of all that happened simply closed by emotions to him.

I was content with the relationship we were having, even if it was only through a phone. Sometimes he would invite me to the dog park to hang out with him, kids and pet on any given Sunday afternoon.

They were pleasant, stress-free moments. Still, I would look at all that and wondered if I had let a good opportunity pass me by. After all, he had all that I wanted from a man, all except feelings for him that would motivate me to try to pursue a relationship.

I would try to imagine myself as his companion and being part of his kids’ life, but there was something that wasn’t connecting it all together.

There was no spark or something that pushed me towards him. Yes, it was all weird. How was it possible that of all the guys I met I would feel something, but not towards him?

Was it that I tried so hard to make it right that I actually made it all wrong? Did I become my own worst enemy, literally?

And before I could actually answer my own questions, it all came down to an end in an instant.

It was another day at the dog park. I don’t remember if I called him (probably did) and when I got there, the chick from the party was also there. We both looked at each other as if we were having an out of body experience.

Edward didn’t seem to understand how uncomfortable the situation was, especially me who had no business being there. Even more, the way they behaved clearly showed they were already an item. He literally took me to the dogs and it was time for me to talk a walk far away from there.

After that day I believe I stopped communicating with him all together. From time to time I would see his posts and she would always be at his side.

They were always traveling somewhere (kids included) and the locations were ones any woman would love to go to.

I would again wonder if I had made a mistake with him. Damn, that could have been me in all those photos.

I was feeling envious, but more of the relationship they were having (which I didn’t have) and the allure of traveling the world.

Reality is, all that may sound very romantic, but if you don’t feel anything for the other person, you will not enjoy any of it. That has happened to me before, so, believe me, I know what I’m saying.

Let’s just say this flight has landed and will not take this route (with him) ever again.



I then decided to reply to him and see where this conversation would lead.

‘Hey, are you also a firefighter?’ asked I.

‘No, just a paramedic’, answered he.

‘So you work every other day.’

‘Yes and at my job right now.’

‘So if there’s no calls you sit by the computer.’

‘Yes, how do you know?’

‘I was once friend’s with a firefighter and had the opportunity to visit the station where he worked. His colleagues were studying, watching TV, or surfing the net. It was a nice experience.’

‘The guy or the station?’

‘Both.’

‘So what happened that you two are not together?’

‘It just didn’t work out. Listen, I had a long day, so maybe we’ll chat some more tomorrow’, concluded I.

It was true that I had a stressful day, but wasn’t in the mood in getting into details about an experience that happened a long time ago (see ‘You Can Be My Hero’).

That particular guy was like the second I met right out of what I’ve always referred to as ‘my past life’. Right now I don’t need to dwell on the reasons of why we stopped even having a conversation.

There was a time when I was upset about the whole incident, but now it just feels like a blur, or perhaps something lived out of a movie or something.

I have no regrets about it or feel any more anger towards him or the moment. In simple words, it wasn’t meant to be and wouldn’t have worked out in the present either.

If I take a humorous approach to it, all I can say is, ‘what was I thinking?’ That maybe something extraordinary could happen, that I was meant to be rescued by someone I barely knew, when in fact I started rescuing everything that I represented and the new life I had barely started to live.

I sometimes think about Bryan and how we met, and the brief moments we shared. He wasn’t really a bad person. He was just someone who was different from me in so many ways in personality, life experiences, upbringing, and else that I’m certain now it never stood a chance of becoming anything.

And then there’s me. I always strive for in having achieving something as minimal as a friendship. That’s the semi-romantic side of me that wants to say, ‘something positive came out of this’.

If I look at that, then I can say that this guy came into my life because he was the type of person I needed to meet when I had just re-started this whole dating craziness.

He came, he gave, and then he left when the alarm went off and was time to go, that’s all. I have no regrets and that’s the way it should be.



To my surprise, this guy replied a few hours later.

‘Hey, there. It’s great to hear from you. I’m glad to know that you’re living in the area. It’s surprising where life takes you.

I’m sorry about what happened to you. I never thought I would be dealing with the same situation as you. But I’ve been blessed to have a wonderful person and extraordinary woman with me.

Would love to chat with you and share our current state of affairs. Although many years have passed, the memories are always good.’

Wow, he must really have some good ones for responding so quickly, which I wonder what specifically he’s referring to.

I got curious to find out, but, at the same time, if they are positive, why do I need to go there? Why do I feel there’s something unresolved or that I perhaps need to discuss with him to give closure to?

The circumstances at the time just worked against keeping a connection (like the age difference, our individual lives, distance, no social media, etc.), so why not take this opportunity now to just re-establish something and keeping it?

Whatever it is that it’s still spinning around my emotions, I’m just really glad as to what had just happened.

Next step, getting on the phone.



Another week went by and I was pretty much over my short-lived experience with Christian. I had taken Dina’s approach of not letting if affect me emotionally.

But there was a part of me that stayed wondering what finally happened with him. I wanted to give him a call and find out. But, what if he is really not interested in me?

What the hell? I’ll just do it. If he answers and shows no interest in me, I’ll hang up and keep going on with my life.

I’ll just take it as another mindless incident that occurred in my life.

I thought the call would be unanswered and go to voicemail. Instead, it did get answered.

Christian was very surprised and relieved that I had called again. He started talking very fast like his minutes were about to expire.

“You are probably thinking I am the worst guy ever. But I lost my phone, and I know you were going to call me again, and I wish I could have another chance to proof you wrong…”

He just kept going non-stop. I didn’t have to do the talking. He said everything I was hoping to hear and then some. Now I was the one who didn’t know what to say.

“I’m sorry you lost your phone. Yeah, I was wondering what might have happened to you when we agreed to keep in touch,” said I.

“I know, I know. You probably thought I was being rude to you.” (I think you made that clear.)

“I’m not really thinking anything.” (Liar!)

“So, can I make it up to you? Please?”

“Ah, sure.”

“I’m going to be with my buddy on his boat on Sunday. I can pick you up at the marina in the afternoon and go for a cruise around the bay.”

“Sounds like a plan.”

“Great! I’ll see you then.”



et cetera