The New M.E. Generation











This is what basically has been happening. Every so often I write him an email when I get reminded of him because I hear his first name.

The subject line always reads like, ‘Can I get you off my mind?’ or ‘You became present again’.

The content of the mail describes the incident of how I remembered him, that all I want is to really forget him, and don’t understand why the universe is playing games with me on this.

He sometimes replies that he’s sort of a force that refuses to go away from my life and it‘s interesting how his presence is remembered.

He always mentions that he’s my friend and he hopes our friendship continues, and that life will gift me with a worthy relationship.

Other times he doesn’t reply at all. Maybe it’s an overkill that I write about the same thing every time. Most probably is that he’s telling me nicely that we need to move on.

If you look at the replies closely, he never talks about us. It’s about me thinking about him, and he finding an explanation of why they occur.

He replies because he has to, especially to back-up his friendship argument. But it’s clear I’ve been stretching this situation for far too long.

The same goes for his social media profile. I was devastated when he closed it. I thought it all had to do with me.

It was months later when he reactivated it. I felt as if I had reconnected with him. But then, instead of me ‘staying away’, I continued writing posts in his profile.

I recently got a request from his daughter. I got nervous because I felt exposed as if the world knew who I was.

I told him about it, and his wife and daughter were questioning him who I was. He told them that I was and old college girlfriend.

Regardless of what the truth is or not, I created a huge problem for him and it’s not going away unless a change is made.

So what did I do? Of course I declined the request and stood back for a while. But as soon as I go online and read his posts, I get the impulse of writing something.

Sadly, all that I’m doing is looking for some acknowledgement from him that he still thinks about me.

I’m surprised he hasn’t cut me off all together. Whatever the reason for him doing that, both the universe and him are sending out this message from afar of what I should do.

And if I’m always reaching out to the outer limits for guidance and advice, why am I ignoring the huge, visible crater that’s in front of me?

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I made the call and about 4 rings later, got his voicemail, not with his voice, but those who are automated (‘You have reached the mailbox of…).

I’ve always hated those, so impersonal and robotic. Besides, he’s a guy and the voice is that of a woman. Why aren’t there other alternatives that might ‘personalize’ it somehow?

So, in my usual manner, I left Ivan the same message I always do. “Hi, Ivan, it’s me, Emma. Just calling to say hello and know how things are going with you. Hope all is well. Call me if you can.”

He called me back about 3 days later while I was at work. That’s what usually happened; he would either never return my call, or do so at a day and time it would be difficult for me to give him my undivided attention, forcing the call to conclude quickly.

I know he’s always busy and returning my call it’s done in-between the little free time he has. But the real reason he would do it this way is because he’s not much of a talker, especially with me. He knows I will tell him the truth about his existence and, when I do, I’m not nice.

But this time around, I was the one who needed to be listened to. It was almost the end of the year and this one had been particularly difficult.

On top of that, I was still without a guy, would have been my 20-year anniversary, as well as my late father’s birthday.

At work, things were complicated as well. My boss was giving me a hard time and the other assistant couldn’t take the heat from her either.

Every day that I would walk through the door, this person would have a long face and would immediately start bitching about the boss.

Everything just piled up and I was reaching my breaking point. I didn’t know what to do. Beyond feeling that life was unfair to me, I felt time kept going by and I was stuck in the same place as always. That moment of great change hasn’t happened and was wondering if it would ever do.

“Hey, Ivan, how are you?”

“Fine, sweetie; how are you? Sorry I’m calling you at work.”

“It’s all right; I can talk for a few.” Lucky me, my boss wasn’t in the office. “Actually, no, I’m not that well.”

“What’s going on? Talk to me.”

“Question is, what has not happened to me.”

And just like that, this need to cry out all my emotions suddenly overwhelmed me.

No turning back now. Have to let it all out.



I logged in into the social network and searched for his profile and I quickly found it.

He appeared on his photo with a woman, which caught me by surprise. ‘He’s remarried already?’ I thought to myself. ‘When did this happen? Maybe I’m not all up to date with his whereabouts.’

Turns out he is in a relationship and from the look of his face you could tell he is quite happy with her.

I then reconsidered if it was worth sending him a message. I mean, he’s with someone so there’s no chance there of meeting him personally.

Second, will he remember me?

While analyzing what to do, I started getting nervous. Was it because of what happened at the brunch, or perhaps that I was still clinging to the ‘bigger than life’ image that lingered in my memory?

Yes, there is something related to that. I realized that the problem is that I never really got to know him as a person.

We may have gone out a few times, but I barely recall knowing much about his life, his thinking or even less emotional state.

Because of this, a connection or even a friendship was never established because the foundation for it was never there.

So, again, should I contact him? What are the possible outcomes?

He will not respond to my message because he doesn’t remember me, or he does but is not interested in having contact with me.

He will respond because he does remember me, but is not interested in reconnecting. His reply will be to be courteous and will be something to the extent of, ‘nice to hear from you; wish you good luck, etc.’

Or, he will remember me and will respond with a nice message as in, ‘great to hear from you’, with the possibility of continuing the communication.

Whatever, I’ll just give it a try. What I need to say on the message is, ‘hey, I don’t know if you remember me, but we worked on a TV commercial many years ago. I learned about your divorce and that you’re living in this city. I’m glad that you are in a relationship. Don’t know if it would be possible to speak, but I hope we can contact each other somehow.’

I wrote it as brief as possible and edited it many times before I finally hit the ‘send’ button.

It’s done. The anticipation of what happens next is as bad as waiting for next week’s episode of your favorite show.



After much back and forth on what to do, it was agreed to do an early dinner and, depending how the night went, continue on to something else.

When my day at work finished, I literally ran home to get ready. First thing in order was to wash my hair and give it a blow dry. After that was time for make-up. Then the first panic attack hit me. What am I wearing?

I stopped the make-up and opened my closet to figure out what to wear. I knew a dress was the way to go, and started looking over one by one, but nothing was doing it for me.

Then I got the second panic attack. He called me. ‘Oh, no; hopefully he’s not calling to tell me he’s on his way.’

“Hey, I’m running behind schedule. I’ll pick you up at 9pm,” said he.

That is good for me in the getting ready part, bad in that I’m already hungry and need to put something in my stomach. Otherwise, food is not going to sit well with me. And don’t even think about drinks; it will make matters worse.

Aargh! This date is bound to be a disaster!



et cetera