The New M.E. Generation











It was a weekend like any other when, out of the blue, I get a text message during my sleep. I literally jumped when I heard the phone buzz as I usually don’t get texts to start with.

I opened the text to read it (‘Hello Emma how are you?’), but my phone did not match the sender from any one of my contacts.

I couldn’t recognize the number either, but something else did get my attention; I received it at 3am.

Who is this person who included my name on the text?

I didn’t respond to it. I went back to sleep and later on during the day I checked the number against my contacts list in my computer. No match either.

I then did a search on the Internet and the number appeared for the city that Jesse told me he lived.

‘Well, look who resurfaced!’ I thought. Wow, it’s quite something to be remembered.

So, now what? Am I going to respond or not? Whatever, he is in another state and I’m here. So he’s just probably saying hello and wanting to know how I am. That’s it, nothing else.

Yes, I’ll answer…later. I have other things to do.

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Jesse did disappear from the radar. Whatever the reasons he did so were unimportant to me. I was actually relieved that most probably I wouldn’t speak to him again…sort of.

Some months later he sent me a text. It was a long weekend and he was hanging out with some friends, but still wanted to see me.

This sounded like a re-run of the previous incident. Although it was much earlier in the day and seemed like there was no pizza involved, he again mentioned he wanted to come over my place.

And when does he think he will do that, at 3am?

I wasn’t feeling it nor I thought it would be a good idea to give him a second chance, so I replied by telling him to enjoy the day with his friends.

In other words, sorry, I’m not available.

Jesse didn’t reply again or called me. I was glad it happened that way, even more that I did what I did.

After all, what’s your interest of seeing me when you’re having fun with others?

Like the younger crowd says nowadays, ‘whatever.’



Oh, it’s hurting, and it’s not my head. I sort of had a hangover, but it was more the embarrassment of my trips to the bathroom that was making me ‘sick.’

I was sitting in bed with my head on my hands thinking how much of a fool I made of myself last night. This guy probably feels the same.

I know I shouldn’t care about what he thinks of me, but for sure last night was going to be the first item of discussion with my friend.

So, what to do now? For starters, I could call him to thank him again and sometime in the conversation apologize for my ‘motion sickness’ without making such a big issue about it.

But my voice wasn’t the best it should be, so I opted for a text message, which read in the lines of, ‘Hey, thanks again for last night. Sorry I got a little bit sick. TTUL.’ I think it was good enough.

About an hour or so later he responded ‘not to worry about it.’ He also mentioned he was going to be at a bar with a few guy friends in case I wanted to join them.

More drinks? I don’t think so! But, meeting up with him when he’s with other guys it’s not a bad idea. It’s not that things are easier when there’s other people around, but because I get to meet more guys. Who knows? Maybe I’ll hook up with one of them and ditch this one.

I text him back that, yes, I would love to go, and to give me the location and time he would be there. I then waited and waited for an answer, which never came.

This is weird, or, is it? Maybe his impression of me is not great. If it is, why did he tell me to get together?

Whatever. This is probably going nowhere so the sooner it completely ends, the better.



I may have had bad luck with guys, but I’ve learned to appreciate the good things that happen to my male friends.

Maybe it is because I can see that one day I can have what enriches their life, including hopefully finding a new love for me. But how can that happen if I don’t even score a date? I haven’t had one in such a long time, I don’t even know what that is any more. Whatever, I’m not going to get annoyed by this. I’ll just throw it into the universe and see what happens, if that.

I completely forgot my need for a date when something totally new to me happened. One day I made a comment to one of my male friends posts, and, on the next day, another guy posted a comment that was directed more to me than at my friend.

‘Damn dude,’ said this other guy, ‘I didn’t know you had such a pretty friend. She and I should go out together.’

Thank you, whomever you are, for making that remark for the whole network of people to know about. Besides, that photo of yours doesn’t show much of you, so not very impressed here.

I mean, who is this guy anyway?



The school’s website of course. I visited their page and found they have a column for alumni. All I had to do was create a profile that later allowed me to search others who had done the same.

It only took me a few minutes to get it going, and quickly started my search. Oh, please, please; let this person be registered as well. (He is!)

I am so happy! I feel so lucky. You go Emma for thinking about this! But there’s a catch. The software is set to allow you to send a person an email, but you don’t know which it is. The receiver sees it was sent through the school’s website.

That sort of sucks. What guarantee do I have that he will get my message? How will the email actually look or identifies the sender?

Oh, whatever, I’ll give it a try. And I truly hope it works.

So, next step; what am I going to say?

 



Believe it or not, Ivan contacted me again. I was quite surprised when I received a call from him.

“What a surprise, again,” said I.

“I was on the area, again, but couldn’t stop by.”

“Let me take a guess, work.” (Duh!) “Tell me something new, like, are you traveling any time soon?”

“Yes, I’m taking a trip with a friend.”

(Say what?) “You mean a girl, your girlfriend.”

“No, she’s just a friend.”

“Oh c’mon, don’t start with me. I’m sure she will be very upset to hear that you are referring to her as just that. Well, I will admit I’m sort of jealous, but I’m happy for you. I hope it works out for the best.”

Ivan didn’t agree or refute what I said.

“Listen,” said he, “ I just arrived at the pharmacy to pick-up something, so I have to go.” (Like always.)

“No problem.” (Whatever.)

My phone conversations with Ivan, as usual, are probably the shortest in record. It’s amazing, though, how much was covered on this one. But, it definitely let me know that this guy is ‘off the market.’

All I can do now is continue with my life as I have done so far, and not expect anything else from him any more, phone calls included.

Instead of putting myself online, I need to put myself ‘out there’ and find a new guy.

 



“Hey, what’s up?” asked I to Ivan.

“Working, working. It’s non-stop,” said he in his usual exhausted tone of voice.

“Whatever…Hey I get it. You don’t have space in your life for me or I’m not the one for you. I’ll be fine. You’re not the first guy that has been in my life and disappeared for some reason. Online dating or not, it had the same result.”

I started talking too much and my emotions came afloat, and almost started crying while talking to him. This is exactly what I did not want to happen.

“Emma, I hear you. I’ve been in your shoes too. But you know it is not that I have no interest in you. It’s my job. I promise I will make an effort to call you.”

You promise? Yeah, right! I nodded my head side to side and sighed in frustration because I knew it was not going to happen.

“If you say so,” I concluded.

And as usual, the conversation didn’t last very long. There was a dinner being held at his employer’s residence and he was in charge of the whole event. Meaning, this day was to end very late into the night, like so many others for him.

The phone call ended and I was very sad. I had a feeling this was the last time we would speak on the phone, and probably the end of whatever we shared.

Should I give him a last chance to prove himself wrong?

Between you and me, no, I don’t think he will.



‘It’s not that,’ responded Ivan to my text, ‘I just have a lot of work.’

‘Whatever,’ I responded.

I didn’t care at that point that I never spoke, saw or had any contact of him. It has been one disappointing experience with men right after the other and just wanted to get over it.

I was trying not to get mad or anything, at him or this first online date. I just wanted to end it quickly without much thought.

Maybe if I pretended this whole meeting never happened or moved on right away, I would not get any emotional unrest.

In a certain manner that’s what happened. After knowing so many guys that, in the end, turned into nothing, it doesn’t get to hurt you anymore nor take it personally.

Is it they or me that is doing something wrong here? I’m not dwelling on it. It’s time to live and learn, and keep going forward.

And just when I was doing a mental ‘wrap up’ of Ivan, unbelievably, but yes, he called.

Wow, never thought that such a short, no-nonsense, to the point text message would have such an effect on him. And for someone who never contacted me for anything, this sure is a first.



I never called Christian again and neither did he. I didn’t see the point of doing so and I just knew he probably felt the same way about it.

I don’t know what happened; maybe it had to do with the storm or the other ‘red flags’ that got raised before the beach day. It all seems to indicate that no matter how much effort would have been invested by both sides, it was always meant to be doomed.

I felt like talking to Dina to vent my feelings, but I think what needed to be said about this situation was discussed in our last conversation.

But I still wanted to call her. I was curious to know if anything turned out with ‘the hand at the thigh guy.’

“No, he’s out of the picture,” said she. “He called me one day saying he wanted to be clear on what was happening between us. I told him that, as far as I knew, we were only friends.

That we had gone on bicycle rides or visited each other’s place to watch a movie, but that was it. There was no seriousness of anything in this.

Turns out that an old girlfriend of his was coming to town and he wanted to be sure there were no ‘ties’ here. What he really wanted was to ‘be cleared out’ so he could have all the freedom in the world to do whatever he wanted.

“So in the end he turned out to be a jerk.”

“Nah, I learned pretty quickly when I met him that he was not ‘boyfriend material’. That’s why I never got emotional with him. But, he totally blew it with the call though.”

“Can’t believe that the two guys we met at the bar are out of our lives. It’s almost like being jinxed.”

“Whatever, I’m used to it.”

“Yeah, but it’s kind of sad that we’re still alone.”

“True, but I’ve learned not to let it affect me. If there is a guy out there for us, it will happen.”

‘Yeah but when?’ I thought to myself.

I’m really, really scared that I’ll end up single for good. I’ll try to do like Dina of not letting it get to me.

But there’s as far as one can go. As much as I might be able to do like her, looks to me like it’s going to be a very lonely road ahead.

Hope not.



et cetera