The New M.E. Generation











{February 9, 2015}   Looking Back 39 – What the…

Don’t know what’s happening lately. But it’s been more than 5 years since I became single again, which means I’ve worked very hard to get over my ‘past life’ and ‘X’, and bring the new me into the world.

Those people close to me have told me how much I have evolved for the better, that I look good, and present myself as being at peace with myself, and managing well my current work and personal situations.

Given all that, why am I now having dreams with people I know will never, ever, become anything else than what they are now, like ‘the beach guy’?

One night I had this dream where he and I were together out on the town somewhere. I have these quick images of standing in front of a tree he had decorated with these pretty lights for me.

I did comment how pretyy his action had been and I was happy. There was other surprises he pulled off which made me feel very flattered and special.

Then we were inside a nice car (probably his) and then, he proposed!

But, no ring! I was even happier and probably said ‘yes’ because we both kissed. But it was a simple one like in the movies, nothing that would be too overdone.

When I woke up in the morning, it was a heavy mix of emotions. Don’t get me wrong; I do want to get married again, but with him??

And as romantic as any woman can be, of course I would like the proposal to be as beautiful as can be, even more so than the first time.

I started overanalyzing the dream and realized I should be laughing about it, even feeling good about it.

I’m over this guy and shouldn’t give up my real dream of finding true love. Got to think in the positive, always.

Hmm, wonder what he has to say about it.

‘OMG had a dream last night with you that we got engaged. I woke up with a feeling of WTF. My hormones are probably out of whack,’ text I.

‘LOL,’ replied he. ‘Sorry, I don’t think I’ll ever marry again.’

‘I’m not interested in marrying you to start with. But it was interesting the way you did the whole thing.’

‘Ahh. When I do something I usually do it right, whether it be a good or bad thing.’

‘I do want to get married again someday. So I guess I was just visualizing how it would happen. Why your face was in my dream is a mystery. Probably it was as you’re saying; you’re the only guy I know who would do it in a way that would be memorable. But, no ring!’

‘No ring? That’s strange.’

‘Yes, but overall was a colorful dream and there was even a kiss.’

‘That’s good. You really are a good person and attractive.’

‘So humbling of you to think that way of me after all these years considering I can be complicated at times.’

‘You’re not complicated, just looking for love and companionship. That’s what everyone wants.’

‘I guess, although some people don’t want to have a commitment, just party and have fun.’

‘Correct.’

Well, how about that? I wasn’t expecting him to say that about me. It actually made me feel very good.

I will say it was sort of a dream of mine to clear out all that happened between us to get some peace of mind, and I think that has been manifested in a nice subconscious way.

But the proposal part? Spare me! I propose to leave the situation as it is, give it a kiss of approval and keep dreaming on.



‘I’m really sorry for what’s happening to you,’ wrote I. ‘I’ve been through it and it’s a difficult process. Is there any chance for the two of you of turning things around with some professional help or something?’

‘No, we’ve tried everything. A divorce is definite. My kids are taking it well. She has moved on with her life already,’ responded he.

Ouch! That’s the same thing my ‘x’ said when he left me. He stated that he had restarted his life and was already dating. He said it with such confidence it made me very upset because he probably was in this ‘singlehood’ thing way before he made his decision.

Reading my friend’s message didn’t open old wounds, but shocked me again how easy it is for other people to end relationships and live ‘la vida loca’ without any remorse. They don’t care about others or the consequences that will bring to them or close ones.

They only think about themselves because they don’t put their emotions into this. It’s not about love; it’s about winning, getting what they want, even if it means running people over.

I may sound judgmental towards a person I’ve never met, but with my experience, I bet you that I’m so right.

So, what am I thinking (or feeling) about his whole situation? I hate to say it, but I’m sort of ‘happy’ that he may become single.

I know it’s not right to feel this way towards others’ misfortune. But after what the ‘beach guy’ and I shared in the past it’s still lingering within me, as there’s something there that needs to be resolved.

What I’m thinking (not feeling) is that perhaps the universe is shuffling things around for this to happen.

If it does, what would I feel then?



I kept waiting for this guy to emerge to the point I got really upset with him and just wanted him not to show up at all. And just when I was thinking this, sure enough, he appeared, with some ‘baggage’.

“Hey girl, what’s happening?” said he.

He was sort of loud, still very hyper, and sporting a very awkward looking jacket. No, this is not the ‘baggage’ I was referring to.

He made a stop somewhere and bought a bottle of white wine, which was placed in a bag. ‘Taking care of something’ was taken care of.

“Fine, you finally made it. Thanks for the gift.” (Not really, especially when you don’t need more of it.) I placed it on the fridge while he checked out my apartment until he ended standing on my balcony.

“Well, hey, yeah, what’s up with this place? Why did you moved so far out here? How much are you paying?”

(Here we go again.) “I’m not getting into that now,” said I in serious tone. (In other words, it’s none of your business.)

We eventually sat down and I served myself some wine. He didn’t which allowed him to mellow somewhat and me keep my cool knowing anything could come out of him.

While trying to have a conversation, I kept a close eye on him, especially on that jacket. What was he thinking when he bought it? I don’t think it was a ‘hand me down’, but if he wears it all the time, now I know why he’s not a hit with the women (beside his personality).

So, what happens next now that he finally landed?



{December 3, 2012}   Looking back 4 – All geared up

I don’t remember if it was on the same night or another, but he did call me.

I somehow managed to contain my nervousness over the phone to make it sound like my life hadn’t been altered.

And, best of all, he came to pick me up to go for a ride on the convertible.

I think it was the first time I experienced being in such a vehicle and next to someone you liked, even better.

I pretended this was normal for me. But it was such a novelty to see that it was a stick shift car and how well he drove it. This is probably why they’re still my vehicle of choice and even have one.

We drove for a while and stopped somewhere I don’t recall. I was sitting with my legs crossed and hands on my lap. I was holding down my emotions.

He then started talking. I don’t recall all his words but he expressed something to the extent that he liked me. I was hearing what I wished for, but I had to analyze it several times to actually comprehend it. I wasn’t even looking at him because it was so surreal.

And while I was trying to digest what was happening, he pulled my face to his and gave me a kiss. (I think it was the only one of the night but it was great!)

We drove away and he took my hand and placed it on the gear so he could hold it while driving. It was beyond a great feeling.

I don’t think this moment repeated again, but up to this day I still drive my car with my hand always resting on the gear. At times I look at it and remember that special night which has never left me.

Who knows, maybe one day I’ll have a guy sitting in my car and we both hold hands on the gear.

What a great shift of life that would be.



et cetera