The New M.E. Generation











I couldn’t get to sleep that night. All that had to do with he and I kept going around my mind over and over with no resolution.

When I finally fell asleep, I had a dream. In it, he and I were standing face to face. I looked at him straight to his eyes and repeatedly asked him, ‘Why did you leave me? Why?’ while trying to push him away.

He didn’t answer me. He held my hands and I lowered my head with tears coming out of my eyes. He then hugged me and I placed my head on his shoulder and closed my eyes. I felt an immense sense of peace.

I then woke up and stared at the ceiling in the dark, and it all came back to me. We never concluded what we had the last time we saw each other. We simply turned around and walked away from each other and our feelings. We let go of everything that joined us, but not of what we felt towards each other.

So what happens next? Nothing. What we shared belongs to that time and there’s nothing else for me to do other than learn from it and finally close that chapter of my life.

Maybe we needed to part ways and find each other again so we could get it right the second time around. And I think we finally did that, even in the distance. It is now up to us to decide if the connection remains or we part ways again.

Whatever the outcome, he will always remain in my thoughts and can only wish the best for him.

So I guess it will be good-bye, for now.

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Whatever Jeffrey and I shared, it kept going for a few months (on and off, of course).

I wasn’t thinking about what to expect or even hope for it. I took it as it came because other situations had taken priority.

The divorce was about to be finalized and one of the agreements was that I would move out of the residence. That meant I would loose the home I worked so hard to build, and downsize my existence into a smaller place.

On top of that, the lease on my vehicle was about to expire and my job was on the line.

The time was coming close for me to face the world on my own, and I was utterly scared.

And, like it happens in life, may it be good or bad things, when they come, they do in multiples.

I was working on the computer when Jeffrey sent me a text message: ‘I can’t keep doing this any longer. It’s not fair for anyone.’  I felt as if someone had just stabbed me on my heart.

The thing I had dreaded the most happened. He was walking out of my life. And the thing I shouldn’t have done, also happened. I had fallen for him.

I knew his departure would eventually happen, but did it have to be now?

All I thought I could do was to call him. He had mentioned he was going home for a couple of weeks, so at least I wanted to give closure to this.

“So I guess she found out about it, right?” asked I.

“Yes, which have made matters worse.”

“Is she going with you?”

“No way! I need to take care of some family matters and need to be alone to figure things out.”

I took a quick pause before continuing. “I never expected anything from you, you know that.”

“I know,” said he. His tone of voice lowered and I could tell he was looking for a way to end the conversation. “Hmm, I’m leaving tomorrow and need to get everything ready.”

“I understand… I know you get uncomfortable when I’ve said that I care about you and wish only the best for you. Please take care of yourself, and don’t do anything I wouldn’t do.”

I believe Jeff got emotional when he said good-bye. I surely did. I sat there with my face sunk between my hands crying miserably.

I was crying, alone, with no one to give me comfort. I had lost so much already, and now this?

What’s next in line for me?



et cetera