The New M.E. Generation











{September 25, 2017}   Looking Back 64 – Who are you?

After he left for the day, I went for my usual weekend routine of going for a walk and getting ready for the new work week. Have to admit I was still thinking about him, mostly because this encounter was different from any contact we’ve had before and recently.

I get this text sometime around 7pm: “It was nice seeing you.”

Me: “Likewise.” I believe he also made a comment of ‘you should have come to the hotel’. Oh boy. No, not happening.

Next day he sent another text while on my morning commute.

Him: “Have a good day at work!”

Me: “You too! Have a safe travel back.”

Him: “Thank you.”

I checked up on him some hours later.

Me: “Back home?”

Him: “Just landed. Can I contact you?”

Me: “Sure. Including calling me.”

Him: “Yes.”

We didn’t text the next few days. He was still present in my thoughts, but was having this feeling that there was something more to him. So I did what I do with all other guys before him, which was to look him up online.

I hadn’t finished typing his full name when I see the keywords of ‘arrest’ and ‘mug shot’ appear on the search screen.

My eyes opened wide, stayed frozen for a few minutes, all while this rush of emotions went up and down my whole being.

I opened one of the newspaper articles and there it was: basically he was involved with medical fraud and was arrested for it. There were many details to read through, including the mention of an expensive vehicle used as payback (that was eventually taken away), and that the case is set to be seen in court on January of next year.

I had no idea what to think about all this, except that everything now made sense. That the fancy car I first saw him with had to be the one mentioned. That his involvement got him the money to pay for all those toys he has. That his excuses for not getting involved with me was maybe to keep me away from this.

For about 2 days, I asked myself if he was really capable of doing this. Or how on earth he got himself in this problem when he’s supposed to be smart, when it has been proven over and over that if you get involved with something like this, the results and consequences can be really nasty.

I wanted to confront him, but didn’t know how. So I did the usual of sending a random text message and waited for him to ask me how I was doing.

Me: “Umm. Don’t know how to say this. Yesterday I found out about the big mess you got yourself into. I’m still in shock about it.”

Him: “Are you referring to the federal indictment?”

Me: “Of all the people I’ve known, I never thought you would pull a stunt like that.”

Him: “No kidding. Me neither. I got dragged into it from the people I was working with. All the counts have been dropped, but one. Still working with the authorities on this.”

Me: “The media says the case will be seen next year and that you could go to jail.”

Him: “There’s always that possibility.”

Me: “You have no idea how hard this has hit me. I would have preferred you telling me the day we saw each other, than finding out over the internet.”

Him: “It’s not worth worrying about. Worrying doesn’t change anything.”

Another few days later, as it usually happens when I have ongoing guy matters, my BF asks me to join her for dinner.

After giving her a semi high-speed summary of my history with this guy until the present, to then turn into a full-blown drama queen when describing the moment of discovery, when she says:

BF: “He’s gay?”

Me: “No!”

Another few more seconds of suspense, and…

BF: “He’s married.”

Me: “No!”

When I finally tell her, she gave me a face of ‘holy shit; that’s bad!’

BF: “He didn’t say anything because he was protecting you” (could be).

Me: “I still think he should have been open about it with me.”

BF: “Hello! You hadn’t seen him for, what, 3 years? Did you honestly expect that he was going to drop this ball on you??”

Later in the evening when trying to sleep, I reflected on what she said about this guy protecting me. There was a part that wanted to believe this, while another couldn’t fathom that in as little as 6 months from now, his whole life could go on a standstill.

Whatever his reasons might be, the hard reality that I have to face is this: neither before, today, or after, him and I are not destined to be together. Ever.

 

 

 

 

 

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Another 2 days went by before I got another reply, this time around 4am and still on a work week.

I wondered again if he was getting up or going to bed and what his whereabouts were. In other words, were you at home or, most probably, somebody else’s place?

Back in my days when I was doing my undergrad and living on campus, if you returned very late to your room, it had to be that you were either at the library (that was the main excuse everyone used) studying or writing a paper, or at the computer center.

Yes, I said the computer center. That’s where people went to type their papers before personal ones became a normal thing to have. And the place was open (I believe) until midnight or beyond.

If those 2 locations weren’t it, then it meant you were probably having some sort of relationship with someone else and managed to spend the night with that person. You either convinced the other roommate to go sleep somewhere else, or that other person slept in your bed with the roommate there as well.

Doing the second was no easy task, as having roommates was difficult per se and meant losing more of the little space and privacy you already had.

Then there was the situation if anyone called you. It was one phone paid by many and the calls were usually from parents, family, or significant others living at school or not.

The calls would mostly occur after 10pm as they knew all classes were done for the day, you already had dinner, etc.

But, that was not always the case. If you took the call, you had the misfortune of telling the caller that your roommate wasn’t there and that you didn’t know where she was, either that was true or not.

It was an uncomfortable situation because you always sounded as you were lying and hiding something.

Then there was the task of having to call them back and explain yourself. After saying ‘you were studying’, things would quiet down until the same scenario happened again.

Yes, it was a time that keeping track of others was no easy task, but is it that different now? Not really, except that all devices are personal and mobile, and you have total control in how you manage them.

In a way it’s harder as no one else knows what you’re doing, that is, if you keep it quiet to yourself.

So what am I thinking right now? That he probably had some chemistry with a girl in his biology class and decided to take it beyond the books. After all, he’s young, good looking and has goals for the future. What girl wouldn’t like that?

This got me thinking; this guy got my attention not necessarily for his merits, but because it’s making me remember my time in college.

That was a special time, as I finally got a chance to be on my own and started to discover who I really was, just like when I became single again.

The negative part is the age difference, which is making me feel old, and that feeling is not good at all.

I may have reversed the effects of what I’ve gone through, but there’s no ‘time’ capsule for the other half of the equation.

You have to swallow it no matter what.



et cetera