The New M.E. Generation











I was still trying to get over the cancelled event and annoying ‘no-phone’ situation, so I made a move I thought would probably backfire at me: I called him.

I did it because I wanted to see how he would react and determine if this was another guy I just needed to shelf away sooner than later.

I called, went to voicemail. Don’t recall if I left a message or not. Incredibly, he called back. It was a quick conversation; he sounded rushed and not into exchanging much conversation. Can’t recall the content of it, but I did mention that ‘if I call you is because it’s something important’.

I know I’ve respected his position, but this was totally unnecessary for me to say. I should be able to call and speak to anyone I want. He’s the one with the problem.

If he understands that because of my age (he thinks I’m no older than 35 [a.k.a., a millennial]; which I’m not on both) and a woman that engages in mindless conversation representative of my supposed generation and gender, then he’s really someone who needs to get updated, as the person acting like one is him.

I put the incident aside and continued limiting my morning commute texting. As Friday was winding out, I got his message about meeting for lunch the next day. I accepted again.

Next morning I followed up. He reconfirmed, mentioned he had been working out, and if I would mind him wearing a shirt and bermudas. “That would be fine with me,” said I. I’ll give him credit that at least he asked.

The location is inside a mall in their restaurant floor, so when I entered the area from the opposite side of the door to the eatery, I could see LZ1 outside waiting for me.

When we finally came face to face and heard him say, “so glad we finally meet!” with a laugh (or a live lol), I said to myself, ‘what’s with his tone of voice? sounds squeaky’. It was one of those ‘now I know why’ moments (remember the ‘no phone calls’ thing?).

But after we sat down and the nervousness went away, the conversation flowed quite well. So much that I wondered why this wouldn’t carry over the phone.

From my side, he was courteous, well-behaved and mannered, and didn’t say anything that was concerning to me just yet. Like those comments that makes you realize that there’s nothing in common, or having a particular way of being so different from yours it will always be an issue (like smoking, being a veggie, for example).

We both stayed away from getting into details about our personal life, including marital status, children, and dating experiences.

Overall I was happy with the outcome of the day. I know it will take a lot more to get a better overview, but so far it was a good start.

LZ1 walked me to my car. Before I took off, I stood in front of him, smiled, and thanked him for such a nice time. I then let him do the talking.

He sort of got nervous again and asked ‘if I would be interested in seeing him again, maybe spent time together during the summer’, to which I said ‘yes’ in a cordial way. He then gave me a quick kiss on my lips and left. That was it.

His car was parked in another lot; I know I could have suggested taking him to it, to finally see it up close and personal, but I’ve learned my lesson: if a guy is interested, he will let you know.

Coincidentally, that night I also met up with my BFF (the one that scolded me about the gas station incident). I wore the same thing I did for the lunch, to which she complemented me.

When I shared that I had lunch with this guy a few hours earlier, she showed some surprise and interest. I spoke about it in a neutral tone of ‘let’s see what happens’. She still wasn’t that much impressed and reiterated again that she hoped all ended favorably.

As the day finally came to an end and went to sleep, my mind was again spinning a million thoughts like the first time I encountered LZ1. Instead of being happy and excited, I was staring at the ceiling. And that’s a scary place to be at, because when it does, it can only mean one thing: here’s comes those bad feelings again.

 

 

 

 

 



This guy returned my call around 3-4pm that Saturday. He sounded like he was running 100 miles a minute. He explained that on Saturday afternoons he works as a personal trainer on a gym and was still at that, but wanted to touch base with me before it got later in the day.

Well, that’s nice of him, I think. It was a weird feeling having so much politeness from a young guy like him. Wait, let me rethink this again. Many of the guys I’ve met started out as that, being well mannered and behaving the way I like guys to do.

But after the first encounter, their true beings slowly, and surely, emerge. Reality is they were very smart. They somehow managed to figure it out and mold their personas to make it appealing to me. It is so well crafted, I actually believe there is a possibility that I have finally met a good guy.

So, why am I fooling myself? This guy is probably trying to lure me into the sack. But I’ll give him credit that he works out and knows that if it’s such the case, he better have something worth my attention.

Hearing his voice felt fine. It was one of those occasions when you get a good vibe in the first few minutes of talking to someone.

The only thing that raised a red flag was that he had a ‘jumpy’ tone or talking perhaps a little too fast for me. But this is no surprise since his schedule is filled to the rim. He probably needs that adrenaline rush to be able to pull it all off.

He suggested meeting at 8pm at a bar of my choice. In other words, he was leaving it for me to decide.

I liked that because I was still keeping control of the situation. Meeting him up at the location is an example of that. And, of course, I was not going to put myself in a situation that I know I shouldn’t be.

But I lost control of my thoughts when he asked me what bar it would be. I couldn’t remember the last time I was in one with a guy all by myself.

And what would I talk about? What do I really have to say to him? Is this all going to end sort of bad like my other experiences?

Let’s calm down and control my anxiety level. Let me think about (or put my energy) into something else, like, what am I going to wear?

Now that’s a stressful situation!



I didn’t visit the site again until about 2 days later. It was the weekend, so I thought it was the best time to engage in this with a more relaxed approach.

I login and notice I have some messages from a guy whose name was ‘greeneyes4u’.

I opened the emails and (damn!) he certainly had green eyes, is nice looking, and on my age range.

Thank you universe!!

But, wait; before I get too excited about the planets being aligned in my favor for the first time ever, let me check out his profile.

According to what he wrote, he had been married, children are grown-up, had his own business, enjoyed the beach very much, and engaged in water sports.

He looked well for his age and was physically fit, obviously as a result of the activities he engages at.

Assuming the photos were recent, they gave me a sense that he was tranquil with his life and that he does want to meet someone, but is not in a rush to do so.

Everything passed my inspection. I wasn’t seeing or reading anything that raised a red flag to me.

I was very glad that this was happening so quickly after joining the site. I felt that I was back in the game and it should finally work out this time around.

I have learned my lesson well and do intend to deal with it the right way. I will reply to his messages (about 3 of them) with no melodrama, no desperate mode, or no negative behavior.

No, no, no. I’m not getting into that any more. It’s been quite a few years since been single and the disappointments and hurt have been too much.

No, I’m not letting this happen again. I know better.

All right, let’s start. I will read all of them and then reply. No rush, no stress; just think of what to say carefully and go for it.

And just when I was about to do that, a window opens on the screen. It was the online chat. This meant he could see that I was online and had visited his profile.

Surprise to me! Darn it! So this is how this works? You pretty much know what another person is doing (if you really do your research) and the same goes for yourself.

I started getting nervous. How much does this ‘green eyed’ person has dug up about me?

I kept staring at the chat window. He wants to talk to me, now!

So, who said again is totally in control here?



I think I managed to get to the 50 questions that last day I was on the site. I sat down to work on the remaining questions a few days later.

When I logged in, I noticed I already had visitors to my profile and even a few messages.

I started with the visitors and they were pretty bad. The men were within the age range I am considering, but they physically looked much older than what they actually are.

Even more, if they were physically fit (as in a good weight and working out), their bodies looked somewhat worn out. As much as they’re making the effort to take care of themselves, it seems their lives have taken the best of them.

Then I moved to the messages. Again, some of them were from the visitors I just looked at. But, there were others from guys in their early 20’s.

The other thing that struck me was what written in the messages. The older ones would write a few lines with a polite approach: ‘Hello. I came across your profile. I was very impressed by your beauty. You probably get that comment all the time. Hope you reply.’

The younger ones, though, were short and to the point: ‘Damn girl, you’re a hottie! Want to meet for a drink?’

Shoot! This experience has not started well at all!

The guys my age are not what I’m looking for and the young ones are that, too young. The second may have the youth, maybe the goods, a career, and the best things happening for them. But it’s not what I’m interested in.

Besides, I already dealt with that before (please see ‘The Accidental Cougar’ and ‘Another Cougar Moment’ stories).

So, now what? Either way is not good options.

Why does everything that I try to do have to be so difficult?



{December 2, 2013}   Looking Back 22 – Knowing me

The rest of the day and evening turned out great.

We visited a city I had gotten to know two times before with my friend. I was glad I was again for a third with the person who introduced it to me and helped me create such fond memories.

The location has a colonial architecture and it’s famous for its old style streets, restaurants, and businesses. It’s a tourist location worth discovering.

It was yet another travel back in time filled with nostalgia and mixed emotions.

The situation repeated itself. I was just out of college and had no idea what direction to take. Now I felt old, but still as scared as I did before.

The streets were beautiful and as we walked them, I looked at other couples and families together. I looked at them as if I had never experienced this myself.

I envied them and started fantasizing how it would feel walking with a loved one holding hands under all those lights. He and I would be together for some time and were spending the weekend there. And before it was over, he would propose. I can’t think of another place for that to happen but there.

My friend and I had dinner at the same restaurant we did the last time and it was an unforgettable experience. My trip was going better and better with each day, and it was a true blessing.

On the way back ‘home’, which was pretty late, I asked my friend to drive. It had been a long day and I was tired.

I called the ‘beach guy’ as agreed. He didn’t answer so I left a message stating that I was driving back and I knew it was late, but did so as discussed. I also said that ‘you will probably not head my way tonight’, but hope we could still see each other before my trip ended.

I don’t know why I felt such a detailed message. He had told me he was complicated tomorrow. So it was irrelevant to say again that I hoped to see him. It’s going to sound that I’m desperate and it’s not good.

I keep doing these minor things that scare guys away. I should have just said, ‘Hey, I’m heading back. Call me if you can.’ This way it shows I’m interested in him, but if it doesn’t work out, I’ll be fine with it.

But knowing me, I will always wonder if I did the right thing. Seriously, who cares? This weekend is all about me, not him or any other guy (except the one on the driver’s seat).

Cheers to that!



et cetera